Breaking Through
by Kit-Kat Punk-lover
Summary: What happens when an abused girl enters Whammy house? How will Matt, Mello, and Near save her before she falls down into the pit of despair where she won't be able to escape? What happens when they each fall in love with her? Chapters 1-23 REWRITTEN
1. The beginning

_**This chapter has been edited. Any mistakes that were once in it are now fixed. Sentences have been added and removed for the story's sake.**_

_OMG!! My First ever story on Fanfiction!! I'm so excited! This actually isn't my first story. I've written stories for a while but I was too lazy to post them :D!_

_I will definitely stay committed to this story! I have the whole thing planned out in my head! I just gotta write it down!! Please review! I will answer any questions you have here. And don't even ignore the review button because you don't have an account. I made it so everyone can review. I accept flames as well just go easy on me._

_This story is about a girl whose family was killed. I'm not going into detail about that. You'll find out later in the story. L, who she has been living with for 2 months, brings her to the Whammy Orphanage where she meets the beloved characters Matt, Near, and Mello. They will face obstacles as she attempts to heal from her troubling past. But sometimes the past comes back to haunt you. The 3 boys will try to befriend and save her from herself…_

_Please enjoy my story I worked hard on it. Now with out further ado I present you "Breaking Through"…_

* * *

I looked out the window of the long black car. I gazed out as we passed through the busily streets of Winchester, as people walked to their jobs or carried the bags of groceries that held all sorts of food that they wood eat, wandering freely, doing their day-to-day tasks. As we headed under a tunnel, I saw my reflection, my ghastly, horrifying reflection.

My red eyes…

They look exactly like his…

My name is Kaley Hotoku. Recently, I was...orphaned and now I'm being taken to my new home. For two months, however, I was living under the protection of the World's Greatest Detective, L. I lived with him while he was working on my family's case, the murder case that left me homeless and alone. He believed that I needed full protection, though I don't know why. I don't know why anyone would want to protect me.

I'm not saying I'm not grateful. He has been extremely kind. Actually, I'm a bit sad to leave the young man. I've gotten quite used to his strange quirks; the way he eats sugar 24 hours a day and never seems to sleep. The way he sits with his legs brought up so he's sitting in a crouched position. It's odd I'll admit but then again so am I.

It took a while for me to open up to him. L needed my insight, since I was there. There when that man… when he….

Anyway, L was persistent-and stubborn as hell-but I did open up to him. He even made me smile a little, just a little, but seeing how I thought that I would never do such a thing again, it was a miracle.

He assures me that this "Whammy Orphanage" is a safe place to be where HE won't find me. Although I wasn't to enthusiastic about going at first…

_Flashback:_

_"Kaley I assure you you'll be very safe there," The dark haired detective said. They were currently a hotel that both were staying at, along with L's faithful assistant Watari. His eyes watched her, studied her intently, making her feel restless under his stare._

_"I already feel safe," She replied in barley a whisper. Her dark hair hung down over her blood-red eyes and she curled up on the soft blue chair._

_"Kaley," He said with a kinder tone, "I might not be able to protect you forever if I'm working on other cases. This place is the safest for you." His wide almost black eyes stared at her as she fumbled with her jacket string. _

_"I'll go if you really want me to," She said with a slight hint of sadness in her tone. She continued to stare out through the window. The outside seemed alien to her after being cooped up for so long. The sun shone brightly against her pale, sickly skin._

_"Its not that I want you to leave, quite frankly it has been very...interesting with you around," He said with a hint of a smile, "But I'm afraid for your safety. Please understand." Her reply was a slight nod as she turned to gaze out at the clear sunny day._

_End of Flashback._

I understood.

He didn't want me to leave, but he was worried.

It's understandable...and yet....I feel a pain building up inside me. I'm nervous and queasy about being stuck in a new environment, one where I never seen before.

The pain only electrified as I realized it drawled closer. We were arriving steadily. I rather not go to be honest. I'm only doing this for L. He has taken good care of me and I don't want to worry. But being around other children…

It makes me sick just thinking about it.

I have never gotten along with kids my age. They were always turned off by my outlandish looks and my eyes; yes they were afraid of my eyes. My ruby eyes, they said, belonged to a demon's. They run in fright before I even had the chance to speak.

The only people who accepted me were my family....

The door is now opening letting light escape into the abyss of the vehicle. L has already gotten out, encouraging me to quickly follow him. I groaned at the prospect of a long day looming ahead.

* * *

_Third P.O.V_

Kaley stepped out of the black car. Her facial expression changed when she saw the house. It was giant, much bigger than she anticipated. Watari grabbed one of her boxes that had a few books she owned and other trinkets inside. She grabbed the other as L led her through the big oak doors. she took in a breath of air, letting it settle in the pit of her stomach before she went through the doors.

Right away they were swarmed with children, all wanting to catch a glimpse of their idol. They were like puppies waiting to be fed by their mother. As Kaley watched them she gave a slight chuckle. L was a lot more popular then he led on.

They climbed the long, spiral staircase. The house appeared to be much larger on the inside. Children hung around every corner, watching their arrival, but more importantly calculating her. She felt almost like a science experiment waiting to be tested, a mouse in a lab that has yet to be explored.

She felt small, diminutive compared to this vast place.

'Well it makes sense,' she thought, 'this place has a school too so it has to be huge.' Her thoughts drifted and before she knew it, she was seated down in a cushioned char in front of a wooden desk. Seated at the smooth desk was a man who had to be at least in his late 50's. He was beginning to bald and had a kind old face, a face a grandmother would bare when she see her grandkids come for a visit.

"Welcome young lady and L is a pleasure seeing you and Watari again." The old man said in a cheerful tone. "Now what might be your name?" Kaley wouldn't answer, she refused too. She did not want to talk. Nope not one bit, she just wanted to go to her new room lay on the bed and maybe draw for a bit. She did not want to speak.

_She refused._

L caught her silent refusal and answered for her, "Her name is Kaley and her age is 12," He answered. The old man who was called Rodger nodded. Kaley shifted uncomfortably under their stares, feeling more and more out of place as the seconds ticked by.

"I see. Kaley here you will use a allies or a fake name to protect your identity. Now we could pick a name for you or would you like to make a name up?" He said with that same cheerful smile plastered to his face. It made her want to vomit.

"She told me earlier that she would like to be called Kiko," L, yet again, answered for her.

"Very well, Your alias is Kiko. You are not to tell anyone your real name, understand?" Her reply was a slight nod as she continued to stare at the floor, counting all the small dots that were in the carpet. She was up to a thousand and three and would not lift her stare even when she heard Roger huff under his breath.

"Yes, yes good. Now L how long will you be staying? I heard you are still working on a case," Rodger asked as he looked at the slouched detective.

"Indeed I am, I will be leaving early in the morning," L brought his thumb to his mouth and began to chew on it, almost completely knawing off his nail.

They were interrupted by a loud knock on the door. "Yo, Rodger, you wanted to see me!" said a male voice on the other side of the door. As the door creaked open, a head that had lively red hair on it popped in. A teenage boy of around thirteen strolled in, carrying what looked like a gameboy.

"Aw, Matt yes. I like you to meet Kiko, you will be showing Kiko her new room, the empty one right across from yours and Mello's," Rodger told him, a glare hinting at his brow.

The red head boy who had goggles wrapped around his neck just shrugged and motioned Kiko to follow, ignoring Roger's stern stare as he left the room. He grabbed the box from Watari on his way out and he began leading Kiko down the narrow hall.

"So, your new here huh?" He said trying to make small talk. He took a good look at the girl and was a bit surprised as he watched her look away and towards her feet. Her black hair covered every inch of her face like a veil.

Most girls in the orphanage were snobby and annoying, chattering away at a thousand miles an hour.. They were loud, obnoxious, and could care less about the world around them, but this girl seemed quite the opposite. She wore dark skinny jeans that bunched up at the ends and an oversized black sweater, showing that she cared not at all how she looked. Her aura gave off that she was uncomfortable around other people, even Matt who usually could make people feel relaxed within minutes.

She refused to look up to meet his soft green eyes. "You'll get used to it around here," he said, "Dinner is at 7pm and breakfast is at 7am. Classes start at 8am so make sure you're not tardy," He looked at her again this time noticing the white piece of paper in her hand.

"Is that your schedule?" he asked. Again all he got was a slight nod. He was starting to get frustrated, which was quite a shock to him. He never got worked up over anything, and yet, he was desperate to know what this girl sounded like.

He never got the chance to get her to speak for they had soon reached their rooms, "If you need me I'm across the hall. The girl's restrooms and showers are on the right if you go straight down that hall." He pointed to the long hallway, "See ya!" he said before closing the door loudly behind him.

She stood their, perplexed by all the new information she had just taken in. Why did she need to change her name? She couldn't understand the deluded reasoning behind this. But this was her new home; she might as well get used to these strange antics.

She approached her bed and flew onto it's sheets. They were soft and silky, soaking her in their comforting world. She turned her head and began to observe this strange new environment that was now her room.

There was a bed, a desk, a bookshelf, and now an occupant. It was pretty average, nothing special. She could even see the paint wearying at the edges of the dim walls.

With exhausted sigh, she pulled out her sketchpad from one of the boxes that lay on there floor. Her hand began to move on it's own, tracing lines and shapes, shading in spaces where it thought was necessary.

_'Welcome to my new life...'_ She thought, preparing for another sleepless night.

* * *

_YAAA! I'm done did ya like! Please review and you will get invisible muffins!! YAAA MUFFINS!_


	2. The pain inside

___**This chapter has been edited. Any mistakes that were once in it are now fixed. Sentences have been added and removed for the story's sake.**_

_I'm so HAPPY!! I actually got reviews! I was shocked I thought my story was horrible. I don't think I nailed the characters just right. I'm a perfectionist. Can ya tell? For example I have an 99 in English and I still think I can do better o.O_

_Thank you too all of my FANTASTIC Reviewers:  
_**RedWhiteandBLACK  
AkabaneLover  
Hangin'Low  
the reason you miss me  
OMFGMyBffJessica  
BrokenLullaby.  
gracey kurosaki**

_You all get Cake!!  
L: Cake?  
Me: Not You!  
And to the people who faved me:_

**the reason you miss  
Amy122**

_Disclaimer__: I don't own Deathnote, I forgot to mention that last chapter. If I did lightbulb would be dead and L, Mello, Matt, and Near would live Happily ever after. I also don't own the song When Angels fly away it belongs to cold._

* * *

_Kiko's P.O.V_

It was late, probably around 3 a.m. I had been sketching for hours now without a break. My hand ached, but refused to even pause for a second as if it was possessed. My stomach involuntarily gave a grumble. I hadn't eaten anything in two days and it protested against me with every whim it had. I ignored it, I have gone longer with out food before but for some reason my stomach ached in agony.

Sadly I had no idea where the kitchen was so I could not go down and sneak a snack. I read a book once that said a human can go two weeks without eating.

Two weeks huh.

It showed pictures of people who hadn't eaten; their stomachs had devoured their very flesh. It gave me an inspiration for my next drawing.

So I finished sketching my current one, the one that I had been working on for nearly five hours now. It was a picture of a girl, a child perhaps. She was standing in a crowd screaming at the top of her lungs, but not one person looked.

Not one.

Her eyes are filled with such sorrow and her hands are squeezed into tiny fists. Her hair was like a mop, drenched from the rain that showered upon viciously. Even as she stood out amongst the crowd, begging for help, she received no reply.

She was alone...just like how I felt.

* * *

_Blood…_

_Everywhere…_

_Blood everywhere, on the bed, on the wall, on the…_

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"MELLO! Wake up! You're having a Nightmare!"

The blond frantically woke up. He was panting heavily, his chest rising up and down. Beads of sweat dripped from his forehead as he sat up. He pushed his blond hair away from his eyes so he could clearly see Matt, who, because of the blonde's screams, had jumped out of bed and was now sitting with the breathless blond.

"Matt…was it another fuckin' nightmare…" asked the shaking blond.

His best friend nodded as they sat for awhile. Both were completely still as the night time animals lurked and prowled outside. They chirped, they growled, some made no noise at all. An owl made a hoot before it took off, searching for its next meal.

_'Why won't it go away'_ Mello thought as he removed the bed sheets from his half-naked form. The annoyance that he usually held came back like fist punching him in the gut. A scowl settled back to his face, claiming it's throne where it always belonged.

"Where are you going?" asked the gamer as he watched Mello head towards the door.

"I'm going to go take a damn shower, you know. I'll be back in a bit." He closed the door behind him and stepped out into the hallway.

'Mello…' Matt signed and decided it was no use. He went back to his own bed and let his thoughts drift away, but never straying far from Mello's shaking, exhausted form. His eyelids slipped closed and a heavy sleep fell upon him.

Mello, infuriated by the fact that he would go without sleep again, started walking off, but was surprised, however, when he saw red peeking out the other door…

* * *

Kiko heard a scream from across the hall. _'What in the....'_ she thought, puzzled by who made the noise. Curious, she decided to take a peek out into the hall, just to see where the source came from.

Her heart skipped a beat as she studied the sight before her…

A boy of thirteen, or at least roughly around the same age as the redhead, was standing there in his black boxers panting and full of sweat.

He looked like he had just had a horrid nightmare as he closed the door behind him.

He was shaking.

Blue eyes met red as his gaze caught hers for what seemed like an eternity. She couldn't breath. She didn't know what to do. She was stunned into the spot where she stood, amazed by the those eyes that seemed to have as much depth as the ocean.

Finally her brain registered the fact that he was staring intensely at her and she quickly shut the door tight. The door made a clicking noise as she locked it. She slid down, her heart still racing from such an unusual encounter.

_'What the hell was that'_ she thought,_ 'what was that, why did my heart…'_

She shook her thoughts aside. '_No, I refuse to get close to anyone_' she told herself angrily. Because closeness leads to love and love leads to pain and pain leads to suffering.

_'I don't want to suffer anymore'_

Mello stood there for a while staring at the door. '_Is THAT the new girl'_ he thought to himself. '_Her eyes, their_….' He pushed his thoughts aside and headed to his original goal. _'I definitely need a shower now'_

The next morning Kiko was still in bed, working intently on a new drawing, a drawing of the boy. She hadn't yet registered it though that she was drawing him, until the pencil broke from the pressure she had forced upon it.

_'Why am I doing this..._' she thought bitterly. She crumpled the paper and threw at the wall. That was when she noticed the yellow streak of light that danced through her room, free fully taking in the pleasure that it got from the startled look upon Kiko's face.

_'It's morning already!?_' She jumped out of bed and began ripping her clothes off. She replaced them with black baggy jeans and another oversized hoodie. She grabbed the piece of paper that was her schedule and rushed out of the room._ 'I rather not get on the teachers bad side first off by being late'_ she thought as she dashed through the halls glancing at each passing room number.

She had a plan set out. Go to school, do your work, and stay out of trouble and no one will bother you. She thought it was stupid but it was the best she could come up with. She didn't want anyone to mess with her; she wanted to be left alone.

Alone…

She finally found the right room number. She entered the classroom as the bells made it ringing noises. She looked over the classroom. There many strange faces throughout the room, she saw the familiar redhead, there was a boy who looked to be albino dressed in nothing but white, and the boy…

'_It's him..._' she frantically thought. A strange fidgeting feeling erupted in her chest. She immediately glued her eyes the floor, preventing the upwelling to grow even further along.

"Oh, hello. You're the new student?" The teacher asked. She turned to the teacher hiding her shock very well and gave him a shrug in response. She wanted to quickly get in her seat so that all those eyes would stop staring at her. It felt as though each eye was burning into her body, leaving marks where the scars weren't eating at her skin.

"Yes, class, this is Kiko. She's new and you are to be polite and help her around today," The class gave some nods; some mumbled yes and some completely ignored the teacher and continued to stare down the thin girl.

She felt like she was in an interrogation room, being stared down by police officers determined to make her confess to her crime. '_My crime'_ she thought. Was it a crime? Was it her fault…?

She was shook out of her thoughts when the teacher tapped her shoulder. She quickly flinched away. "I said please sit in that seat over there." He looked a bit frustrated. Some of the students sniggered as she went over to sit down.

Was it…

* * *

'_It's the girl from last night!_' Mello thought. He recognize those eyes anywhere, those red , gleaming eyes that stuck out through her shaggy bangs. She looked rather uncomfortable as she took a seat behind his rival.

'Near' he thought angrily, his hands clenched into fists just looking at him.

But this girl she seemed a bit odd. She refused to even look up at the teacher when he told her to sit. She seemed…lost in her thoughts.

_'Whatever her problem is its not my issue'_ he only had one goal and that was to beat Near, the boy always seems so perfect. Every test perfect, every essay perfect, and every assignment he got perfect!

It made him want to gag. He focused his attention on the teacher as he began teaching.

_'I Will Beat Him!'_

* * *

_'What a strange girl,_' Thought the albino boy called Near. He reached up to twirl a lock of his hair subconsciously as he thought and calculated the girl who was sitting behind him.

_'She obviously is shy but maybe something happened to her, something to make her afraid of people'_ he analyzed the girl in his head. He was rather curious. Not many girls act like that when they came here. Most were loud and demanded attention. But this one wanted to avoid the spotlight.

'_Or so it seems,' _he thought as he began to work on the problems the teacher assigned.

But of course, because of his nature, Near always found himself analyzing, calculating, and unraveling the thoughts of every person his eyes would land on, a habit pushed onto him by Roger. Sometimes when he let his eyes drift from person to person, he would catch himself lingering too long, making him seem like he was staring into nothingness.

Because all he can do is calculate, stare, and analyze.

And that's all it would ever be.

* * *

Matt continued to tap at the buttons of his gameboy, completely ignoring the teacher and his blabbing on about numbers._ 'Math sucks'_ he thought as he slashed through an enemy with his mega sword. He was so obsessed about beating this level that he missed Kiko's entire introduction.

_'Damn'_ he thought as his character fell into a volcano pit. He decided to look up to see what the heck the teacher was even talking about when he noticed the dark hair of a familiar girl.

_'It's that shy girl from yesterday'_ he watched her and realized he was following almost every students lead.

_'The poor girl,'_ he thought '_She's the center of attention today'_ She seemed rather nervous as she stared straight down at the floor, almost as if something were to magically pop out and save her from the eyes of her peers.

_'But she is interesting...'_ he thought as he pressed the reset button on his game to start over.

* * *

She felt trapped. Almost every eye in the room was staring at her as if she were an alien from another planet. She was a neon sign that said "Look at me I'm right Here!" to the eyes of the students.

Even though they were staring at her, even though she was in a room full of people she felt more alone than ever.

_'Because I am'_

The day passed in a blur and before she knew it lunch was starting. Her stomach growled eager to finally be filled at last. She stepped through the large doors of the cafeteria. The cafeteria was large with over a dozen tables each filled with children of a variety of age and looks. Every head turned to her. By now she was used to this and slumped over to serving area. She didn't even know what she got until she sat down.

She sat a table to herself in the far corner of the cafeteria. '_Maybe if I'm here they'll ignore me instead_.' But it didn't seem to help because eyes were still on her as she nibbled her bread. Whispers of "Look at her" and "That's the new girl" could be heard from every table.

She chose to ignore it and continued eating. She soon got lost in her world of thoughts.

'_Maybe if I runaway, people will stop caring. Run far away… where no one can hurt me_…' her train of thought was broken, however, when a boy sat at the round table with her. She immediately tailed her eyes down towards her food and began picking at the contents.

"Hello" said the white haired boy who she remembered was named Near. She didn't answer and continued munching on her food, trying to swallow the feeling of nausea that seemed to grow over the morning.

They both remained silent, but she was happy that he did not force a conversation at her. Relief splashed down on her and swam circles at the realization that she could enjoy her meal in peace without having to worry about this boy.

Time flew again and she was now sitting in her last class, the one class that she actually looked forward to: Art.

She listened intently as the teacher, who had the body that resembled a grasshopper, spoke about Picasso's work. Kiko was familiar with Picasso of course as well as many other famous artists. When the last bell rang she hurried out of the classroom eager to get away from the onlookers.

After evading a group of girls, who seemed to want to corner her and attack her with mountains of questions, she made it to her room.

Her head was still filled with questions from earlier: _'Why...' _It struck her odd that the question would fly out of nowhere and hit her square in the head, followed by the crude memories that came with it.

A sudden image flew through her head

_Dark penetrating eyes…_

"No No No!" she said to herself. She got out the piece of mirror that she snuck in with her belongings. She looked at the broken piece of a forgotten mirror. She saw red…horrifying red, disgusting red...

_Slash!_

She didn't know why she felt the need to do this to herself. It was like an overwhelming sensation that took over. It made her thoughts be consumed by the pain and not of herself, her family, those eyes.

Red dripped from her arm. Blood formed into tears and slid there way over her scars. She had so many scars that she didn't even bother to count anymore. They crawled over each other, fought for dominance, but none succeeded for her attention could only remain on that one scar that traced her belly..

_Slash! Slash! Slash!_

She let the blood flow as she closed her eyes. She reached for her old ipod that she found some years ago and filled with songs from L's laptop, since she was never able to before because she had no computer. She let the music flow through her ears as the blood seeped down…

_I'll make a soldiers decision to fly away  
Load my gun, paint my face, call me misery_

_'Why Can't I Forget..._' she felt tears coming but she refused to let them fall. _'No more tears..._'

_I can see the sky light up and the ground explode  
Got my sights locked in i can see you breathe_

No more pain...

_Then i watched you fall and somebody scream  
Its the saddest thing when angels fly away_

She closed her eyes and let the music flow through her veins.

_I can't be home tonight, I'll make it back it's all right  
No one could ever love me half as good as you_

_'Why can't I disappear... ?'_

* * *

_That last part was especially hard to write! Did I do okay? Review Please!! More invisible muffins are waiting! Review before L eats them all!_


	3. Running

___**This chapter has been edited. Any mistakes that were once in it are now fixed. Sentences have been added and removed for the story's sake.**_

_I'm so happy!! This story is really becoming popular!! Everyone seems to think Kiko is emo. I was leaning on depressed but o.k.! Anyway all of your reviews have made me bounce for joy!! My friends had to strap me to a chair to calm me down (Totally True!)_

_  
No questions from you guys yet which makes me surprised! I expected all of you to be asking who HIM is! Oh well! Now for my disclaimer with the help from…. GIR! (From Invader Zim if you're really clueless!)_

Gir: KaTeLyn doesn't own Anything!! I want CAKEEEEE!!  
Me: No cake!  
Gir: Whaaaaa! I'm a pretty poodle!! Hahahahahahaha!  
Me:….o.O  
Zim: You!! You kidnapped Gir! I will rip your eyeballs out!!  
Me: Agggg! Come on Gir! -Grabs Gir-  
Gir: Whoo Hoo Tacos!! Hahaha!! Pretty Colors! CAKE!  
Zim: Damn! Puny earthlings Katelyn owns nothing and never will because she is going DOWN!! -Runs after me and Gir-

* * *

Kiko woke in a daze as her headphones pounded through her ears. "Damn I fell asleep" she muttered as she pulled herself up. Luckily the music allowed no dreams to pass through her head and she was extremely grateful for that. She wouldn't have been able to handle one of THOSE dreams again.

She looked over at the clock that was lying on her bedside table. It blinked 2:00 every other second or so.

Realizing that she was covered in her own blood she decided to venture out to the showers. Everyone was fast asleep, drifting in their own dreams, so she assumed she had a pretty safe chance of not getting caught.

The last thing she wanted was for someone to see the hundreds of scars that were imbedded in her skin. They would think she needed "Professional Help' which she thought she probably did, but she preferred living free over living in a small white room.

She proceeded to carefully walk out her room, making sure she didn't even make a peep of a noise. What she didn't notice was a pair of dark almost black eyes watching her.

"She's bleeding..." whispered the albino under his breath. He watched her as she toddled over to the girl's showers, she was careful with each step she took making sure that no one would catch her in such a state.

'She's in more pain than I thought...'

* * *

The next week passed by in a blur. She was barely even aware of the tests she took or the assignments she done. It all went by dully, through a haze of fog and mist; her eyes felt groggy just thinking about it.

Who knew school was so positively_ dreadful._

When Kiko was a child she did not go to school. She worked small jobs for her mother, to earn as much money she could for her small poor family. In her free time, however, she often visited the local library. The first time she entered she was in awe of the thousands of books that were neatly stacked on each shelf, each waiting to picked up by an anxious reader.

She had gone through each and every one of those books through the course of 2 years. She was fascinated by the many adventures each one held. Every single book she read held something knowledgeable that she held dear in her heart. She remembered every word of every book she had ever read.

Remembering these things down to the very word remained a mystery to her. She never knew how or why she could, but she suspected maybe it was just photographic memory or something.

Still, the feeling of knowing every sentence out of a book gave her the shivers and the slight disappointment that she wouldn't be able to read it again for pleasure.

When her little sister was born she took her to the library with her and often read her stories of princesses and dragons and all sorts of wonderful things that a child should know. Her sister would clap her hands and giggle uncontrollably through each puzzling book that her sister took her through.

It was an adventure.

_'Those were good times'_ she thought. But there were no castles or dragons or knghts in shining armor in this cold-hearted world. There were only people and people were far from "Magical".

Because she had the knowledge a collage graduate would have, she zipped through every question her teachers presented her. Her eyes could only widen as each teacher gave her a doubtful look and announced it was correct.

She was...right?

Such a feeling was abnormal for the girl, but she pushed it aside like all the rest, locked it away, and let her fingers keep her occupied as they danced with the pencil on a blank sheet of paper.

When the ranks were posted the following evening everyone was in complete and utter shock. Near, stoic, smart, genius Near, wasted with the new girl, tied for number one in the house, tied for first.

Matt's eyes widened as he looked at the ranks. 'Mello will most certainly not be happy' he thought, looking at the number next to Mello's name, the number that read 3. He shivered at what might the blond do to him, since he was usually his outlet.

Yes, every time the ranks came up Mello was always second. And after each one of those times Mello found out he was enraged taking it out on the poor red-head. Matt didn't bother fighting back though, the blond needed to express his anger in some way and he felt as though he should be the sacrifice.

They were just bruises, scars, pain... it always goes away.

So as the blond approached the board, Matt prepared for the worst.

But he was completely shocked by Mello's reaction.

He laughed! Mello the temperamental, angry, uncontrollable fire of a temper Mello laughed!

"Well, this just proves that he's not perfect after all," snickered the blue-eyed boy. Matt was confused. Mello was happy? Happy that he was now third? _'Oh well'_ thought the gamer, letting the thought trail from his mind as he pulled out his gameboy and opened his last saved game.

It's not important anyway.

* * *

Kiko did not know of the rankings till a group of snotty, vicious vultures cornered her after she finished her dinner. "So you think you special huh!" spat the rather crude leader of the pack. "You think you can just march on in here and be 'The Best'" they then proceeded to slam her against the wall. "You need to learn that your place around here" spat another one who was over-weight and had matted curly hair.

She didn't care about being "The Best" all she wanted was to be left alone.

"What? Cat got your tongue? You're such a freak! You haven't said one word since you got here! Why don't you just disappear?" She shoved her knee into Kiko's gut as she said this.

Yes that's what she wanted most in the world! To disappear would be a dream come true! And what did she mean by "don't speak" maybe she didn't have anything to say, not that they would listen. Kiko kept her eyes on the floor, refusing to gain those same stares she received from the first day.

Why would she waste her words on the pathetic people in this place who didn't even know her. Why can't they just mind their own business...why couldn't she be left alone...

They pounded their fists into her frail body. Blood dripped from her head, like a red tear. Her body was numb to pain so she didn't care but she did wonder why people would resort to such methods.

Why did humans feel it necessary to harm each other, what made people believe that this was right? Were people really that blind?

As her mind swirled through these thoughts she slowly began to lose consciousness. _'No! Must stay awake'_ she thought panicking. No more dreams! No more pain...

"Hey!" yelled a boy in the distance. The group of bullies stopped their fists to turn to the approaching boys. Kiko raised her head a little. She was extremely dizzy, but her red eyes made out two familiar faces: Mello and Matt if she remembered right.

"What the hell are you doing to her!" snarled the blond, his eyes gleaming with rage.

"Nothing, we're just teachin' her a lesson. Wanna join?" asked one of the girls, laughing cruelly, "We're the welcome committee after all."

"No we don't want to join! Why in the hell would you beat her to a bloody pulp, you sick bastards!?" screamed the redhead.

Kiko, annoyed by the noise, slowly rose to her feet. As dizzy as she was she still managed to get up. Luckily nothing was broken. Her ribs were bruised and she had few bruises and cuts, but they would heal. They always healed.

She looked the leader straight in the eye. Her red eyes bore holes in the larger girls flesh. "Your sick..." she muttered in a hoarse whisper as she staggered away.

The group of girls were in utter shock. Her eyes... they were none like anything they have ever seen before. Mello was indeed surprised that the injured girl could stand, let alone walk. He watched as the girl stumbled and turned a corner.

She needed to go to the nurse! She probably had a broken rib or something! Taking one last glance at the girls, who were still frozen in fear, he grabbed Matt and ran after Kiko.

But as he and Matt rounded the corner they were shocked to find that she was gone...

* * *

She ran...

Ran as fast as her injured body would let her...

_'Why had those boys helped me, why had those girls... Why does everyone look at me like that?_' these were the thoughts that swam through her bleeding head as she raced to her room. Those same looks she received were like distant memories from her childhood.

One of the main reasons she didn't go to school: they were frightened of her.

But these were two totally different situations. Before she had her mother, her caretaker, someone to go to for a hug, to be loved, but now....

She didn't.

She felt like vomiting but she still ran, she was determined to reach to her room before collapsing.

However, her body protested with it every will. She stumbled and fell down to the cold tile floor. Blood dripped from her mouth as she spat it out. She felt dizzy, the world was spinning at hundred miles an hour. She then saw a blur of white before she lost complete consciousness.

* * *

_Whoo hoo chapter 3 is done! O.k. go easy on the flames cause I know i'm gonna get some for this chapter! Review! The invisible muffins are waiting and as a bonus you get to hug GIR!_

Gir: Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!


	4. emotionless

_____**This chapter has been edited. Any mistakes that were once in it are now fixed. Sentences have been added and removed for the story's sake.**_

_The awsome people who reveiwed:_

**Aveira: **Thanks! Yes I didn't want to make him hate her. Besides I feel that would honestly been his reaction.

**the reason you miss me**: Thanks you so much! Yes "quadrelateral"! It may very well happen! I'm considering it along with other possible endings. Maybe I should do a poll... Anyway I have to update fast! I feel bad if I leave you all hanging!

**Mooncry: **Yes Kiko doesn't have a very nice life right now. It might get better, Who knows! I will certainly continue this! All the way to the end! In fact I should tell you guys that there will be at least 20 chapters! And I'm thinking about a sequal.

**puddingcup:** Yup Near to the rescue! :D You may certainly have cheescake Hands over cheesecake You haven't seen Invader Zim!? Go check it out on youtube! Its awsome! Thank you!

**Oradon: **I know huh! She is totally bad ass! Thanks!

_Yes thanks to all my wonderful reveiwers! __People are really liking this! It brings tears of joy to my eyes! __Also you guys aren't even wondering a little bit who HIM is! I'm am surprised!_ And now for the disclaimer with...The Best characters in the world!! Envy and Wrath!! (Fullmetal Alchemist if you don't know, the Anime!)

Me: Envy! -crushes envy in giant hug-  
Envy: Get off of me! Humans Tch ...  
Me: You know you love hugs!! Besides I ain't human I'm a ninja!!-Continues hugging-  
Wrath: Envy-sama! Katelyn! -joins group hug-  
Envy: Both of you get off me! -Jumps out of hug-  
Me: Fine me and wrath will hug each other -Continues hugging Wrath-  
Envy: Whatever. Katelyn doesn't own shit now go away...  
Me: Don't tell them to go away! Read on faithful veiwers!

* * *

_Everything was a blur. _

_What happened?_

_Who is that girl, that happy girl without a care in the world?_

_She stared at the girl across from her._

_'That was me before...'_

_Hands, hot as iron, Eyes the color of..._

Her eyes shot open as she pushed her bruised self up. She was in a room filled with toys. And when she meant filled with toys she meant everywhere possible. Every possible corner had a transformer or a stuff animal. Puzzles covered every inch of the floor, some completed others almost done. The walls were a plain white and the room was dim as she adjusted her eyes.

But what she noticed right away was the pale boy sitting in the chair next to the bed she was laying in. His knee was brought up to his chest as he twirled a peice of his pure white hair. When he noticed that Kiko had sat up, he said, "You should rest. You passed out in front of my door only hours ago." Near explained. Kiko was confused, had she really passed out like that...

All she remembered was running away, far away. Trying to escape life itself. Then that god awful dream. Near's calm monotone voice lifted her out of her thoughts, "I would have taken you to the nurse, but I don't think you would want the adults to find out about those..." he gestured toward her arm.

Every possible inch of her skin was scarred. Scarred with marks that she inflicted and HE inflicted. She didn't hurt herself because she wanted to die. No, she wanted to feel the exact opposite. She wanted to feel alive, to make sure that this twisted up life wasn't a fucked up nightmare. She had inflicted pain upon herself to escape the dream...

She quickly realized that he had taken off her sweatshirt. She grabbed off the edge of the bed and pulled in over herself. He had bandaged her wounds for her.

Why? Why would he, why would anyone do anything for her? "Why?" she asked, her voice cracking. Her voice hadn't been used in quite a long time. Her throat was dry, her mouth cracked, her teeth were practically glued together. Kiko's etched throat gave a sense of releif that it was finally able to spill out a sound.

Near looked at the dark haired girl for a long time. _'Why did I..._' he didn't know why he done it. Maybe it was the sense of being kind to another, maybe it was because he felt sorry for her, but he knew deep in his heart that the true reason was because he was memorized by her shockingly red eyes the first moment he looked into them. They were full of sadness, hate, emotions swirled like tornados gone wild.

Her eyes held millions of questions all desperately wanting to be answered. Near wanted to answer them. Her pale emotionless face looked at him expectantly. He couldn't tell her that though. She would possibly freak out and run away. He decided with a simpler choice, "Because you were hurt and I felt as though I had to help. I wasn't just going to leave outside my door, passed out from pain."

Kiko headed toward the door, staggering with each step she took. Her thoughts raced through her head. Could she believe this boy? What if he was planning something? Her old self would leap into the boy's arms saying thank you over and over for helping her. But her new self, her broken self, distrusted the boy. She was overly cautious of everyone and anything. Even though she truly felt frightened of human society she hid it, showing this new emotionless face to every eye that stared at her.

But her old self raged on arguing that she at least owed him a sense of gratitude. He could have let the nurse find her then what would happen. So as she stepped out the door she turned her head to look at him and said in the softest voice, "Thank you." and she left.

Near smiled to himself, "Your welcome."

* * *

Days turned to weeks and weeks turned to a full month. It all passed by quickly in her eyes. She remained emotionless, stoic, presenting a plain self to anyone who was watching, hoping they grow tried of her act. Never speaking, glancing at no one. She completely withdrew herself from everyone else. She was the lone wolf in the house.

Kids continued to pick on her, but not as bad as before. Usually a shove or pushing her books down. Kids resented the fact that she wouldn't speak to them or even look at them. They believed she thought she was too good for the rest of them and thus, their anger gained control over them.

As hurtful as the shoves were, she could be bother at all. Pain was her anti drug; it made her feel somewhat alive. Knowing your alive is better than walking day in and day out believing you were in some kind of illusive dream, wanting to wake from it.

She didn't even bother going down to dinner anymore, seeing as the albino and her were forced to share a table. Instead she went the whole day without eating and at night when everyone was snuggled in their beds in faraway lands of dreams, she would sneak down into the kitchen and sneak a snack or two. She was getting incredibly skinny so she forced as much food down into her stomach as possible. She held it in determined not to puke. Her ribs started to fade away as she gained more and more weight.

Her throat was getting drier by the day and it became insufferable to the point where she sang along to music just to give her voice a break. She missed L terribly. With him they would have long debates over topics that ranged from politics to some thing as goofy as cake. Neither of them liked to lose so their debates would go on for hours at a time. She would always smile slightly at the distant memory.

Her life went on like this for a full month until one atypical day. The scores had been posted again and she ranked top along with Near for the fifth week in a row. Kids glared at her as she walked past them, but her eyes were always on the floor to avoid such looks.

As Kiko was walking along a deserted hallway, looking for a good window where she could sit and draw outside scenery, a group of rough-looking boys cornered her. She ignored them as they made jokes and hooted at her. She just clenched her sketching pad and evaded her stare to the floor like always. But, seeing as they weren't getting a good enough reaction out of her, tried something else, something worse.

"So you think you're better than us? How's this for ya'?"

The leader of the group stepped up and roughly forced Kiko's chin upward. She grimaced in pain as he stared at her with eyes of amusement. He shoved his lips to hers and her eyes grew wide, wide with hate...

_"You know you love this..." he sneered as he brought his lips to hers. _

_He drew another line of blood along her arm with the knife he held in his vicous hands._

_She struggled to get away._

_Away...Anywhere...Far away..._

A voice exploded from her mouth, "Nooooooooooo!" she shoved the boy off her and he was surprised.

She kicked upwards, a move L showed her, and sent him flying. He landed with a thud as blood dripped from his mouth. She heard voices in the distance but she didn't care. The other boys backed away, afraid of the girl's mighty fury. She shoved her foot into the boys face again, "Don't touch me ever again!"

Matt strolled the halls as he fumbled with the buttons of his Gameboy. He was on the last level stabbing a knife at the boss in order to defeat him when he heard a noise in the distance: a girl's voice...screaming?

He rushed to the scene and what he saw was the least expected. Kiko's had brutally kicked a boy who was lying on the floor, struggling to get away. When she said those words, Matt's mid went blank except with one lone thought, _'Huh?_'

He had never seen Kiko, the monotone red-eyed girl, in such a state. The only time that came even a little close was a month ago with those girls. Now she was talking loudly with venom in her voice like snake ready to kill its prey.

"What's going on here!?" Everyone turned there heads except Kiko who backed away from the disoriented boy who was in fear of getting up. Rodger came booming down the halls with a frightful look on his face. "What the bloody hell is going on down here!" he turned to Kiko whose face was a mixture of pain and despair.

She looked as though something was haunting her. She then ran, like those weeks ago. Everyone was shocked. The group of thugs attempted to say she attacked them but Matt countered it and explained with his best ability to Rodger what had gone on...

Tears threatened to spill down her face as she rushed to her room. Her memories came back as the flashbacks roared through her aching head. Why couldn't she just forget!!

She climbed out of her window once she slammed the door to her room shut.

She had to get away, it didn't matter where she just wanted to run from those horrible memories and leave them far behind. She jumped from the two-story window and raced across the field to the fence. She wasn't running away from the orphanage, she would eventually come back. She needed a breather though, she felt stuffed inside her cold room.

She ran across the yard, her feet causing the grass to streak with every step. The nighttime air ran chill down her back, tickling her with it's serene touch, leaving her shivering before she realized it. The crickets seemed to hop out of her storming path as she raced for the metal fence that was soon within her grasp.

When she had finally reached the tall metal fence a voice behind her startled her out of her wits, "What are you doing?..."

* * *

_Kiko totally beat the shit out of that kid! lol Who is the mysterious voice! You'll find out next time! Please reveiw you will get a array of invisible deserts plus hugs from me, Wrath and Envy!!_

_Envy: I ain't hugging anyone!  
Me: Yes you are! Reveiw! You all have a nice day now!_


	5. Escaping

_**This chapter has been edited. Any mistakes that were once in it are now fixed. Sentences have been added and removed for the story's sake.**_

_I got inspiration from the new book Deathnote Another note (LOVED IT! GO B.B.) and the fact that my friend just lost her father ;( so I was able to see what greiving and longing was truly like. I hope that doesn't sound mean, I kept giving her hugs all day long and telling her it's okay. I've never lost anyone important to me so I really don't know how to act. o.O Sorry for my rambeling!_

**Thank you to my Awsome Reveiwers: **

**puddingcup**: Yes Kiko kicks ass! lol!Near is cute! Can you tell that he's slowly falling for her? Yes and YES! How did you know! Maybe I have been giving out to many hints...

**Mooncry: **Yes he did! I was laughing when I wrote that! She is scarred in many ways but you'll find out about that later.

**melloXtristan: **You win! Here's your cookie! -Hands over cookie-. Thanks!

**the reason you miss me:** Yes I'm a fast writer! Plus it's already in my head! Thanks! I'm guessing you love Envy and Wrath! Yaaa I'm not the only one! My sister says it's weird that I love them o.O Guess!! You'll find out just scroll down! I know I had so much fun writing Near! He's CUTE! Thank you!!

**emina: **Thank you that means alot!! Of course I'll finish it! I'm so excited about what you guys are goonna think about the later chapters ;)

And now the disclaimer with...GAARA! (From Naruto you fools :D)  
Gaara:...  
Me: :D  
Gaara: ...What?  
Me: I LOVE YOU!! -Glomps Gaara-  
Gaara: ? ummmmmmmm o.k...  
Me: You Fickin' rock!!  
Gaara: Thank you? Katelyn does not own anything. Now please get off before I use my sand on you...

* * *

_"What are you doing..?"_

Kiko zipped her head around and saw the familiar blond, the boy who she had seen sweating and distressed over a dream, the boy who stopped those group of thug girls from beating her to a bloody pulp, this boy...

Why did he keep popping up in her life. It wasn't annoying, it was just...uncomfortable.

She chose to simply ignore him and continued her task of scaling the ten foot tall fence. "You know you can't get up there." said Mello as he broke a piece of chocolate with his mouth. Kiko could faintly smell the sweet or it could be just him. He does eat chocolate every day in class, maybe he now naturally smells like chocolate...

_'What am I thinking?_' she thought frantically. She was supposed to be climbing a fence, not thinking of this boy and his peculiar scent. She fell on her bottom after a failed attempt. She used the fence to pull her self up and tried again.

She suddenly felt her self lift up as if she were floating. She glanced down and saw the blond blue-eyed boy pushing her up by the foot, "Well you can't expect to climb this damn fence by yourself, do you?" with one powerful push she was on the other side of the fence. She had escaped. Escape...this word made her laugh. All anyone wants to do is escape, run, run away from the troubles in their lives. She wanted to run from herself.

As she turned towards the city she heard a thump behind her and turned her head. Her blood red eyes caught the blond pulling himself up... on her side of the fence!

"What are you doing?" her voice cracked, surprised at what he was doing. She nervously fidgeted with the end of her oversized sweater.

"I'm not going to let you go into the city by yourself! You'll get kidnapped or something!" he obviously didn't see how she dealt with the group of boys from earlier. The night air blew her bangs away from her face, gaining her attention and making her realize what she was supposed to be doing.

"I don't need any protection." she mumbled and began to trot off. The city's light twinkled like that stars in the sky and lit her path for her. It wasn't as big as her hometown, or dirtier for that matter, but it was nice, pleasant even.

But she was too distracted by the blond tailing her to notice these things.

She walked as fast as she could without breaking into a run, but Mello was persistent, keeping up with her pace. "Go away!" she insisted slightly annoyed. The blond thought of her weak, that was his reasoning, was it? She was too weak to handle the big city by herself and needed a body guard.

She caught her breath, wondering for a slight moment if he was right.

"No way! I'm going with you! You can argue all you want but I frankly don't give a damn! That come on!" he stormed off signaling for her to follow.

She had inner wars inside of her head, wondering should she just give in and go with him. She was half-tempted too, but the other side of her said not to trust him, he could hurt her, cause her torment...like HIM. She didn't know what to do. She wanted to be careful, but she didn't want to be afraid for the rest of her life, she didn't want to be weak....

Signing, she gave in and followed Mello through the dirty streets of Winchester.

What she didn't know was that she had just taken a huge step in her life...

Kiko and Mello walked together in silence. She was too busy taking in all the breath-taking sights. The buildings were old, ad wearying, but held such an odd marvel to them that they seemed to capture her eyes.

She had lived in California, so she was not used to such old structures. They stood, monuments on the ground, prideful of the fact they were and always beautiful. Kiko saw allot of inspiration for her future sketches.

Mello however was busy watching her. He was amused by the slight facial expressions she held as they passed a statue or a park. She was quite amusing. He bit a piece off of his sugary drug and began to chew, _'Wait did I just think she was amusing?' _He looked at the girl again. She looked rather fragile to say the least; she was quite few inches shorter than him to the point where she looked like a meager child with her older brother. Her dark sweater hung on her body like her hair hung in her face. Her red eyes scanned all the extraordinary sights and she had a bit of glee in them.

For some reason that Mello could only phantom, Mello thought of her as adorable. She had so many strange quirks about her: the way she fumbled with her sweater if she was nervous, or the way she would scan anything in sight. The way she skipped a bit when she got excited or dragged her feet if she was bored. How she would bite her lip if she was frightened or glare at the passing people who hooted at them. Also, how she would stand on the tip toes of her beaten up vans if she was slightly happy. She was indeed amusing.

_'Wait! Why do I notice all those things!? Am I like some weirdo stalker or something!?_' he thought angrily to himself. He blushed slightly as he turned his face away from Kiko. Kiko was completely oblivious to Mello's dismantled state. She actually was having fun.

But as Mello continued to observe her he also couldn't help but see the flaws she had. She was skittish and with every sound came a slight convulse that ran through her body. She hid from everything around her when she could, hiding her eyes behind her bangs, ashamed of herself.

Except now, as she studied the buildings and sights around them, she seemed to have let him peek through the wall she had around herself. Peering through a window, staring at her harshly, Mello briefly wondered how long has this wall been up.

When they saw a trolley pull over for a stop a few feet in front of them, she trembled slightly with anticipation. She had never riding on before, but she had an uneasy feeling f doubt that Mello would go on it with her. So, she was ready to walk past the red two-story bus, however, Mello had different plans.

He grabbed her thin wrist and pulled her towards the entrance. She allowed herself to be pulled, her sprits high at the prospect of riding this strange vehicle. A blissful feeling seemed to float in the atmosphere as they climbed the trolley.

They went straight to the top of the bus and sat in the far back. She had her back facing Mello as she watched the bus move through the bright streets. She loved the feel of the wind blowing her hair past her ears revealing her piercing. She had done it herself and, though as painful as it was, thought she did a good job.

She remembered her mom laughing when she showed them to her. She showed her purely white teeth and ruffled Kiko's hair. She could remember feeling relived; she thought her mom would be angry at the fact that she pierced her ears but she laughed! Her mom was always a joyful person hardly ever getting angry. It was one of her fond memories. She missed her greatly...

If only it had been her to go instead of her mom or Bella...

If only...

But at least they didn't have to go through the same torture she had to...

They were in heaven watching over her and for some reason this was comforting for her. They were still with her in her heart. As damaged as it was...

"Hey!" she was shook from her memories as she turned to Mello. "We should start heading back you know. It's almost 11:00." She nodded and gave him a small smile. His eyes widened at this.

She was smiling? He actually got her to smile! For some inexplicable reason, he felt like he achieved a huge accomplishment, maybe he did. He would never know for sure but he knew seeing that girl smile was like the snow melting revealing spring. He liked it.

About twenty or so minutes later they arrived at the gates of Whammy's. Again, Mello helped the girl up and he hopped over afterwards. They stared at each other for the longest time. Mello didn't know what to say. When he snuck out, usually with Matt, they would talk nonstop and get into trouble. They be dead tired afterwards, but it was worth it. When he went with the dark haired girl however, they hardly spoke and rode on the double decker all night. Completely opposite from Matt, and yet he had the same amount of pleasure.

She was starting to grow on him, little by little. Maybe he would end up pushing her away like he did with Matt. Or maybe he should avoid her completely in order to evade that from happening.

He should have done that with Matt but he was selfish and now... He hurt him, he could never forgive himself for that. Still the redhead followed him like some kind of pet! Why? Mello inwardly screamed in frustration. Matt was his one true friend and he takes all his anger, all his hurt, all of his emotions out on the poor boy. Mello thought of himself as a monster.

He and Kiko walked back towards the large orphanage. Kiko had no idea how they were going to get back up, but she trusted Mello enough to follow him. Trust... did she really trust him? He did protect her all night and he didn't touch her in any sort of foul way. _'For now_,' she thought, _'I can trust him.'_

Mello began climbing the gutter that led up next to his window. He motioned Kiko to follow him and not make any noise. He pulled her through his window. Matt, thank god, was fast asleep, lying face down in his bed, snoring every other second.

He opened the door for her and motioned towards the hallway. Kiko could still feel the energy she had gained that night from such an....bizarre break from Whammy's. It vibrated off her chest and longed to be free, wanting to out and run around some more, have fun, do something exhilarating.

She silenced it's pleas.

She utter, "Thank you." as she left the room.

As the door closed she heard him mutter, "Your welcome."

* * *

The sun stretched its arms and yawned as it let daylight poured over the elderly orphanage as it slumbered on. The light reached all the windows and forced it's way in like a burglar, prowling through the night.

Kiko watched the sunrise from her bed with little interest. Her thoughts kept going through the previous night like a movie set to repeat. She abandoned her sketchpad after she drew several pictures of the remarkable buildings she saw.

She felt tired, tired from the sleepless nights that began to pile up on her. It was forced upon, these sleepless nights; she refused to let her eyes drift away even once. But the sickly circles that grew under her eyes were only a sign that she couldn't starve off the snooze that waited for her.

A knock on her door awakened her from the sleep that tried to snake her away. She got up and answered, wondering who would be up at such early hours of the morning. She got her answer, though not surprised by who it was.

Roger, looking grimly tired as though he just woke up, "Can you come with me, Kiko?"

"Why?" She asked, puzzlement masking her tone.

"L would like to speak with you."

---

She walked into Rodgers square office and immediately noticed the laptop sitting on his desk. She looked at Rodger with expecting eyes. He got the picture and said, "I'll leave you two alone to talk." and with that he left.

"L? It's good to hear from you again." she said, hiding the excitement in her voice. She rushed to the screen and sat in Rodger's chair criss-crossing her legs.

"It's good to hear from you as well. How are things there?" Kiko huffed, knowing that question was to be asked, "Things are going...fine, just fine. I really like it here." she lied through her teeth.

He saw right through it though, "Your lying, Kiko what's wrong?" Same old L, straight to the point.

"Well people are a bit...scared of me. They show it in amusing ways though."

"Like what?" L asked.

"Pushing, shouting, basically they try in futile ways to intimidate me." she answered.

"Kiko please try to do well there. Ignore them to your best ability and they will stop. The same happened to Near when he was first was top of the orphanage."

"How do you know I'm tied?" she asked in a surprised voice.

"I'm L. I know everything."

She snorted at this, "Ah yes, almighty L, we bow down to you." She heard a chuckle come from the speaker on the laptop.

"Very amusing, Kiko, now is it?" he asked.

"Yes I'm quite used to it already, surprisingly. How is the case going?" she asked quickly turning the conversation.

"It's going...well to say. I'm coming close to catching him, Kiko. I'm doing my best. I will solve it and put him behind bars." L said in an attempt to raise her spirits. "I know, L." she smiled a sad smile. "When you solve it can i go back with you?" she asked, hoping for the best. "...We will see. I want you to remain there for at least a year though, whether I solve it before then or not. I want to see how smart you truly are. So far you are truly a genius, one who I love to have by my side, but stay there for a year. You need more time to...heal."

"Deal." she said happily.

A year wasn't so bad! She would love to work with him. But she didn't know what he meant by "Heal".

"Good. I'm glad to hear you agree. I must go now. I don't know when I can talk again so until then farewell."

"Bye L." she said and the screen went blank. She smiled one last time before putting on her emotionless mask. She would have to work hard but in the end it will be worth it.

L signed as he clicked his computer off. He stuck his thumb on his partially between his lips. _'They will need to help her heal..._'

* * *

_Did you like! Yaaa Kiko is finally happy! A bit of a change! so you know her and L are JUST friends. More like L is a new fatherly figure for her. Anyway reveiw and you'll get hugs from me and gaara!_

_Gaara: ..._

_Plus Invisible cake!! REVEIW!!_


	6. Breaking The Habit

**______****This chapter has been edited. Any mistakes that were once in it are now fixed. Sentences have been added and removed for the story's sake.**

**To my awsome Reveiwers who kept this story going: Thank you!**

**Mooncry: **Yes whoo hoo to Mello! I agree, sugar makes L Sweet!

**the reason you miss me: **A fellow Gaara follower! You make me proud! Just go on an invisible diet :D. Thank you that makes me happy. Exactly I have to write or in this case type it down or my brain hurts! B.B. Rocks and so does the book. Yes it is very sad to lose someone. Thank you and I know I'm dumb when it comes to proof reading... and Math! lol! I read it! It's awsome! I have one too! It's called Questions with Near! Oh and for those who are confused I have kidnapped Near and am forcing him to answer my questions! :D

**xXMIKANXx**: Thank you very much -

**Aveira:** Thank you! I was worried if they came out too fake! Yes she's taking big steps! Mello might win judging from the poll! Who knows! The book was awsome 5/5!

**puddingcup:** Thank you! You are a very good guesser! lol! I like your "Matt Chats" Lol Matt likes "Breaking Through"! Yaaa that's a huge accomplishment! Near thinks my story is too emo...o.O. Oh and for those who are confused I have kidnapped Near and am forcing him to answer my questions! Check it out it's caled "Questions With Near". Also check out "Matt Responds" :D

**just a passerby: **Omg i love your name!! Thank you and WOOT back! It is possible though it's extremly rare. Light's eyes are just plain creepy! i hate him! Down With Kira!

_Yes you are all wonderful! Now for the disclaimer with...Lelouch! (From Code Geass)  
_Me:...  
Lelouch: What?  
Me: Hahahaha! I just saw the frickin' episode where you told her to "Kill all the Japanesse!" hahahaha! Your blond!  
Lelouch: That was an accident! Don't laugh about people dying!  
Me: But it's sooo funny! Everything was fine then...hahahaha! Why didn't you tell her, "If I told you to eat a taco you have to." No you had to pick the worse thing! hahahaha  
Lelouch: Katelyn doesn't own anything. Now excuse me while I force her to shove a "Taco" Down her Throat!

* * *

She had to try...

L wanted her to do her best, so she would.

She would try...

As she looked down at the broken shard of mirror in her small slender hand a grin surpassed her lips. _'I won't need this anymore..'_ She put it in her dresser drawer, hiding it far away fro m her eyes and thoughts. She couldn't turn back to that.

She couldn't.

She had a goal to live for; to work with L. She would focus on it and it alone and make it through.

She had to.

What else was there to live for? This one shred of life that pushed it's way through the enclosed walls made it; she had to accept it. Because if she didn't, if she refused this offer, this one chance at freedom, then where would she be? What would she do?

Would there be any hope?

She might need her shard for artwork-she liked adding her own blood to some of her pictures to give it more depth-but that was all. Though the dreams ate her away like parasites, the feeling of dread or hopelessness would appear out of blue, and the ominous thought that would crawl it's way around her skull, blocking out everything she had ever wished for, she couldn't go back to it.

She had a substitute family now. Fake and phony, but still a family. They couldn't replace....them, but they still had a small place in her heart. L and Watari......she would be going them soon.

_'Just got push through.'_

She decided to go out and draw something, get her mind away from things, clear her thoughts. So, grabbing her trustworthy sketchbook and beaten up Ipod, she headed out, hoping to get away from the depression that had set in her room.

She walked aimlessly down the halls, a few kids bumped her, but none caused her any problems like the boy from a few days ago. A ghost of a smile lurked at the edge of her cheeks as she thought to herself about the nice purple bruise that formed on his pig-like face.

Then again, she shouldn't have lost her emotions like that.

It was as if she replaced the boy's face with...._his_.

An idea popped in her head much like that old child's game "Pop goes the Weasel". She headed down and after a few turns she arrived at the door of an empty classroom. School had ended hours ago and most kids were either doing their homework or doing something with their friends. She figured it was okay to use the empty space as she turned the rusty knob and stepped into the empty classroom.

This room had exactly what she wanted.

There were a row of battered desks and a whiteboard that had been cleared for the day. The teacher's desk lay far in the corner to over see any mischief that went on in the classroom. There was also a back counter for storing things like paper, notebooks, and abandoned pencils found on the floor after the children stampeded out of the classroom. She headed to one of the empty desks in the middle and sat down.

She had a brilliant idea of what she was going to draw.

An eerie idea, an idea she believed that would be able to express the way she felt without the glass shredding her skin.

It's what L wanted.

She had to obey.

* * *

Matt walked around with a gameboy in his hands, beeping away as the start screen flickered, waiting to begin. He needed a quiet place to play his beloved game without any interruptions so he could be absorbed in the fantastic graphics and stellar sounds that emitted of the electronic. His room was noisy for the obvious reason: Mello.

Mello always wanted to talk and such, blabbing away about grades or Near or both. When the redhead ignored Mello the blond would throw a temper tantrum which usually resulted with Matt on the floor in pain and possibly another bruise, forming in the center of his back.

Something he did not desire at the moment for obvious reasons.

Matt shook his head as he continued to walk down the dim hallways. The walls gave Matt a slightly eerie feeling as he marched through the corridors, whispering and shuddering as the gamer walked on. He shivered slightly and decided on heading into an empty classroom to escape this portentous feeling growing steadily in the halls.

Besides, it's not like the teachers would catch him, he was Matt, third in the house and most certainly superior of hiding in tight spots to avoid detention. And it's not like a kid would walk in on him; they were in their rooms or heading down to dinner, to busy with their own affairs to go searching in empty classrooms.

It wouldn't hurt to find some silence.

Not one bit.

As he stepped into the abandoned classroom, he saw a tuff of dark hair. For a moment he lost cool and was about to slam the door and run away, but he realized quickly it was Kiko, who seemed to be absorbed in whatever she was drawing.

'_Hmmmm'_ he thought to himself, _'I bet she won't mind if I hang back here for a while_.' He sat himself on the back counter and turned on his trusty sidekick, his beloved gameboy.

He wasn't worried about whether or not she could hear him; her headphones were taking care of that. Matt mildly wondered if someone could grow deaf with such loud, blasting music skyrocketing into their eardrums.

It must certainly hurt, right?

But seeing how this had nothing to do with Matt of video games, he dropped the thought and pressed the start button. Skipping through the introduction bit, he opened his last saved game and went into serious mode, a mode in which no one would not want to tamper with him.

They'd regret it terrifically.

He bean pounding on his buttons, determined to destroy his enemy's body. He barely missed his enemy's sword and could almost feel the blade scratching his hero's arm. Suddenly, a soft voice rang through his ears, lifting him away from his hero and to the world around him.. This voice sounded soothing, like soft church bells or the wind as it swayed through the streets of Winchester, breezing past the cars and people, causing leaves to sway in the wind.

He looked up and found the source, her: Kiko.

As she sang the words to the song he realized that it much fitted her...

_Memories consume like opening the wound  
I'm picking me apart again  
You all assume, I'm safe here in my room  
Unless I try to start again_

Her voice sounded...so sad. Matt's eyes widened wondering if he should be there or not....

_I don't want to be the one the battles always choose  
'Cause inside I realize that I'm the one confused_

This was...her life, expressed in...such a beautiful but sad way. Kiko let the rhythm flow through her mouth as she raised her voice...

_I don't know what's worth fighting for  
Or why I have to scream  
I don't know why I instigate  
And say what I don't mean  
I don't know how I got this way  
I know it's not alright  
So I'm breaking the habit  
I'm breaking the habit  
Tonight..._

Kiko loved the way music poured out of her mouth like trees shedding their leaves in fall...beautiful.

_Clutching my cure, I tightly lock the door  
I try to catch my breath again  
I hurt much more, than any time before  
I have no options left again_

This song much fitted her, she thought. It was almost like her life story, her....and the cutting, the addiction, the escape. But there were other ways to feel livly and hurting yourself is not one of them. She knew this but couldn't stop. She felt like her hurself was a for of punishment, punishment for what happened that dreaded night mere months ago...

_I don't want to be the one the battles always choose  
'Cause inside I realize that I'm the one confused_

Matt didn't know why but a sad ache pounded in his heart as he listened to the words she sang...

_I don't know what's worth fighting for  
Or why I have to scream  
I don't know why I instigate  
And say what I don't mean  
I don't know how I got this way  
I'll never be alright  
So I'm breaking the habit  
I'm breaking the habit  
Tonight…_

She dealt with it all by herself too. As Kiko raised her pencil her sleeve dropped a bit revealing her cuts, her scars. Matt looked away, behind his goggled eyes he realized that that girl needed help.

_I'll paint it on the walls  
'Cause I'm the one at fault  
I'll never fight again  
And this is how it ends_

Kiko knew deep in her heart that her old self screamed from it's cell, clawing at the bars to be let out. Kiko desperately wanted to let her old self out, to be free, but she was afraid.

Afraid of getting hurt again.

_I don't know what's worth fighting for  
Or why I have to scream  
But now I have some clarity  
To show you what I mean  
I don't know how I got this way  
I'll never be alright  
So I'm breaking the habit  
I'm breaking the habit  
I'm breaking the habit  
Tonight..._

Fear, everyone lived with it, so why couldn't she? She was weak she thought. "Heal" the words L said to her. She knew she had to heal before she could go and help him with the numerous cases he received. But how was she to heal?

As she got up she took a look at her finished drawing. It was the classroom, but torn and demented. It was filled with faces of students who looked to be demons and the teacher was the devil. It was not exactly as detailed as the image in her head, something she hoped she would be able to master on paper, but it would do.

She grabbed her drawing and turned around, only to yelp in surprise at the boy sitting in the back counters.

* * *

Matt felt queasy, sick to his stomach, and everything else one would feel after hearing her voice. It was a horrible feeling knowing someone was hurt, even if you don't know him...or her.

Why on earth Matt would actually feel this way was beyond him. He usually didn't give a shit about people, except Mello. He pushed past them, ignored their ruthless act, burrowed himself deep within this void that held only he and Mello.

He was trapped....

"Wh-What ar-are you d-doing." she stuttered out, completely surprised that she had an audience the whole time.

Matt looked at her through his tinted goggles and smiled, "You have a beautiful voice. " he said managing not to show in his voice that he felt her deep pain, her sorrow. She looked at him for a minute before continuing to walk.

She turned the knob to the door and turned around and said, "Thank you, I-I guess."

"Your welcome." he replied a toothy smile spread across his face. She nodded and stepped out only to step back in and say, "Don't t-tell, please." she begged eyes full of mercy.

"I promise. Cross my heart." Matt said as he watch the young girl smile a small smile in return and head out.

'Whoa' he thought. _'That girl...is......that was weird...'_ he blushed. Did he......did he honestly....no.....but maybe....

"Uh Oh..."

* * *

_Whoohoo! Matt this time! I don't own "Breaking the Habit" It belongs to the awsome band Linkin Park! Whoo hoo! Go listen to it! Reveiw and give Lelouch the Douch a hug!_

_Lelouch: Hey!_

_The invisible sweets are waiting :D_


	7. The Vampire

******______****This chapter has been edited. Any mistakes that were once in it are now fixed. Sentences have been added and removed for the story's sake**

**_To my wonderful reviewers who ROCK MY SOCKS!_**

**luna: **Thanks! Yes lelouch is are douch XD! Mello huh. Intresting...

**Mooncry: **Exactly! Lol it's a race to the finish for them! It could be anyone! Heck I might even be mean and make her go with light o.O I swear i would never do that! I was joking! It will definetly end somewhat happy ;)!

**Aveira: **Yes Matt isn't very smart when it comes to love! You can agree with either :D! I love the book! If they make an anime shorty about it I will be forever happy! Beyond owns all! I'm giving you all a hint my costume has something to do with Beyond XD! Thank you!!

**XxremembermexX: **I like your name! Thank you! Linkin Park OWNZ!

**puddingcup: **Yes he does! Matt you got short screen time you deserve all the attention! I will! He is! Omg I'm sorry! "Matt Responds" people! that's the name! I'm sorry I get all these ask charater things confused! I feel bad now :( SORRY!

**the reason you miss me: **They do!! I'm jealous of your shirt man! Nice! They do! All of them are morons! Ya it's really interesting XD! Coolio! Matt kinda is but that's why we love him! My favorite too! Love all those songs! I have all of LP's songs on my Ipod! Thank you -High Fives Back- YAAA! I'm getting better! Thank you!!

_Now for the disclaimer with...Chi! (How Cute! She's from Chobits!)  
_Chi: ...Chi?  
Me: XD  
Chi: -starts inspecting invisible tray of muffins-  
Me: Hey! Those aren't for you! They're for the reveiwers!  
Chi: Chi?  
Me: Do the disclaimer!  
Chi: Ohh! Katelyn does not own um anything!

* * *

A few days had passed after the classroom incident, yet, Kiko still found herself pondering over it.

"Why did he...look at me like that?" she thought of herself as going insane. Speaking to no one but yourself was a sure sign she was losing her senses. This was the first sign of being insane, that and hurting yourself of course. But she couldn't stop. This redhead forced new thoughts, new questions into her messed up mind.

Questions that she wanted answers to, as she said them out loud hoping for a voice, any voice to give her a clue. There weren't voices though. No one was going to help her. No one has ever helped her and never will...

She forced herself to get up from her messy bed. The school week was over and the weekend made an unexpected visit. Her sketchbook lay on the cold floor a few feet from her bed. She couldn't find any inspiration in her bland room. It was dark and had a sinister feel to it, but she was sick of drawing sinister drawings.

She wanted something new, something fresh something that would pop out of the page if you touched it. Something she could breathe life into, sucking in all the air, a real moving image. She wanted her pictures to come to life.

But she couldn't shake the curious thoughts that loitered on her shoulders, poking her head annoyingly, focusing her thoughts on them. Thoughts of Matt clouded her head as well as thoughts of the blond boy, Mello. What were these boys doing to her? Even her music couldn't uncloud her frenzy mind.

She decided to leave her room, which was cramped with thoughts of the two boys.

She headed out unaware of the strange looks she was getting. "She's actually out of her room!" were one of the many whispers that were passed around the halls. Locking herself in her room to try and escape the new sensations that plagued her wasn't the best idea she ever had.

She rolled her red eyes, 'Honestly....'

Kiko didn't know where to go. Everywhere she went it was bustling and loud. She did not want to work in a room where the volume was up to max. She needed somewhere calm, peaceful, and relaxing, but it had to be vivid and interesting, filled with things that caught the eye and made everything around them seem more alive. Just when she thought all hope was lost, she passed by a room with an motivating aura about it.

She stepped in and realized that it was some sort of common room except it was empty. Inside the circular room was a grand piano that was white as a snowy day. There were a few couches and such, but that's not what struck her. The fact that there seemed to be a body of white making some sort of complex castle was what struck her odd.

The boy looked strangely familiar to her as he stuck another block onto his growing castle. The blocks were an array of colors like a rainbow, but with shapes and corners instead of swirls and fading light. His face was blank as he stacked block after block, looking as though he wasn't even thinking about the building he was creating.

She quickly recognized the boy. _'Near'_ she thought. Near, the one who was tied with her, the one who used to sit with her at dinner, and the one who bandaged her wounds and never told a soul about them. Near...

An idea appeared out of the clouds in her head like a ray of sunshine. She sighed in relief, _'I found my room_.'

She went over and slid down the wall onto the floor, quietly so, careful not to catch the boy's attention. As she pulled her knees to her chest and turned to a blank page in her sketchbook, she began visualizing the image, contemplating it, trying to bring it to life.

Kiko eagerly began sketching an outline, forcing the image to pause itself and not leave her mind. Though it struggled against the bars she has surrounded it in, the image remained, posing for her as a model.

Near didn't seem to notice Kiko at all. He continued building as though she wasn't there. He brought his finger up to his shocking white hair and began to twirl.

Kiko observed the boy, eyes full of excitement. She drew the room first, giving it a darkly feel. She made the piano, which in real life look polished and new, look old and dusty. She gave it a few broken keys as though someone was angry and banged some sort of object into the poor piano.

Next came the structure that surrounded the boy. It was extremely complex, made up of dice and blocks. There were many towers all in different shape and sizes. Kiko drew it exactly the same except she made it look as though blood had splattered over the buildings.

Finally came the boy himself, she held a small smirk as she drew him. As he lifted his finger up to twirl she drew it quickly. She made his white clothes appear to be blood-stained. His normally white perfect hair was shaggy and has a bit of darkness to it. But the most vivid, the most spectacular thing about this sketch was Near's face.

His face held a slight eerie feeling to it as it was turned slightly. You could see his dark eyes that held sinister ideas, sinister things behind them. His mouth was opened slightly to show his gleaming sharp teeth. She had made him out to be a vampire, a scary vampire.

She was actually quite proud once she finished, though she didn't know why she had gone back to drawing creepy things. But the picture gave her a strange sense of satisfaction, and thus, she stuck her pencil behind her ear and began getting off the hardwood floor.

"May I see?" she yelped as she adverted her gaze to the albino boy that sat across the room. His black eyes were on her as she fumbled to stand.

"W-What?" she stuttered completely shocked that he had known she was their all along.

"May I see it?" he gestured at the sketchbook in her shaking hands.

"O-oh." she had never shown any her drawings, not even L. They were private, her secrets laid in the sketch marks on the pages. All her thoughts, hopes, nightmares were in the book that she held in a tight grip. She couldn't show him...could she?

Her posture softened as she looked into the trusting eyes of the albino. He hadn't told anyone about the scars on her arms. Not one soul. She could trust him with this right?

Nervously, she began to walk over to the sitting boy. She crouched down and showed him the drawing of him. She bit her lip, but not enough to draw blood, as he looked at the sketch with questioning eyes.

After thirty seconds or so that felt like forever, a small smile appeared on his ghost-like face.

"I like it. It's interesting, very interesting and dark too." he said as he gave her sketch back. A wave of relief flooded over her as he said those words. She thought he would be utterly freaked out if he saw himself as a bloody vampire but he seemed to like it.

What she couldn't get at though was why she even cared what this boy though about her. She never cared about what people thought of her so why now. She seemed to care about what this boy thought of her.

"Would you like to join me?" asked Near holding out a block to her. She stood there stunned not really knowing what to do.

"Alright." she said and sat besides the albino and began helping build his structure.

* * *

_Sorry if this was short! Anyway Please review invisible candy corn! And hugs from Chi!_


	8. Confusion

******______****This chapter has been edited. Any mistakes that were once in it are now fixed. Sentences have been added and removed for the story's sake**

**_To the awsomeness that is my reveiwers:_**

**Dark McCloudy:** Near huh? I know! I noticed that too! I hate myself for writing that! The worst paragraph ever! Thank you though, and I see you favored me as an author. XD Thanks!

**Mooncry: **Thank you! Ummmmm...I can draw but... not that good. If my writing were an A then my drawing be a B-. I know a few people but they probably hit me if I asked them to draw something that complex. I'll try though, I won't give up!

**emina: **Chi is super cute! I love Chi! Thanks! Near and Kiko would have a very intresting story then XD! Yaaaa Power!

**Aveira: **Yes B.B. ownz! I don't know about that ;)! Aw poor Near! I love him! Even if he is a little creepy! Thank you and yes it was short and i'm sorry for that! Here is a wild suggestion: be Cat in the Hat!! He rocks!

**the reason you miss me:** Thanks! Lol! Me Too lalala! hahaha! I just got my hair done thats why! CrAzY ColoRs! She is! I wish I could draw like her! :D You are!? Who you gonna be?! Lightbulb I am certainly NOT going to be a chicken :P! I HATE her! Orphan-killing Bitch! Lol!

**puddingcup: **Near is adorable! Near: No I'm not! Me: Yes You are!! lol of course you, matty would think that XD But it's hard writing a NearxMatt pairing! I'll try!

_And now the disclaimer with...Sauske and Itachi! (From Naruto ya fools XD)  
_Itachi: Why are we here?  
Me: Because I frickin' love you! -Glomps Itachi-  
Sauske: Itachi! I will Kill you! -Shoots flames at Itachi-  
Itachi: -Dodges Flames- Why can't we be brotherly, Sauske?  
Me: Ya Stop picking fights Sausgay! I hate you :P!  
Sauske: Don't call me that!!  
Itachi and Me: Sausgay, Sausgay, Sausy Sausy SAUSGAY! XD  
Sauske: Katelyn doesn't own anything. I'll Kill You!!

* * *

He couldn't tell him!

But he was bound to find out sooner or later...

How could he tell Mello about...her.

Her red gleaming eyes haunted Matt's memories and sent chills up and down his spine when her angel-like face popped up in his mind. Her hair looked like sharp daggers that would make you bleed if you ran your hands through it. Her eyes though...her eyes...

Those two blood red orbs were what fascinated him the most. Pools of blood swirled on her pale face every time he gazed at her. But the blood in her eyes was shaking, trembling with fear and Matt didn't know why. He didn't know what the reason was for her skittish behavior or her nervous attitude.

But Matt could let the thoughts of her leave his mind. They were tormenting him, showing him image after image of her pale white skin, full of scars, nasty little scratches, but some looked fresh.

No matter what he did, whether it be actually doing his homework or playing video games, the girl wouldn't leave. She was a ghost, waiting for the right moment to scare him out of his seat, to drag him away from whatever he was doing, to focus all his thoughts, fears, and delights on her...

There was no doubt about it, Matt was infatuated with Kiko, the lonely soul in the Whammy house.

He didn't know why either. Usually Matt could care less about girls. He thought of them as dumb, stupid, and incapable of doing anything useful with themselves except goggle over pointless things and cause unnecessary issues that were just as fake as their makeup or clothes.

He's stay far away from them as if they were venom, snakes slithering around, waiting to bite his hand. He stuck with Mello, though even the blond can act a bit like a girl sometimes, ranting on and on about competitions and Near. But the old Mello was what Matt clung onto, so he stuck by his side, hoping for a sudden reappearance.

Girls irked him in such ways that he couldn't even formulate a list of reasons why and how.

But she....was strange, different, unusual in every shape and form.

Maybe it was because she was totally different from the rest of the girls. Maybe it was because she was quiet and kept to herself for the most part. Maybe it was the fact that she avoided all life like it was a disease, afraid of the causes and affects it would bring.

Or maybe it was those vamperic eyes that held a dark past behind them.

Matt shook his head, causing his red hair to fall over his goggled eyes. He tried focusing on the flashing light on the screen of his gameboy but he just couldn't shake her out of his thoughts.

Kiko... she was the fallen angel of his abyss world. An angel of darkness, an angel of death. An angel who he wanted to save.

Her sad, soothing voice still rang like a tape recorder in his head.

_"I don't know what's worth fighting for  
Or why I have to scream  
I don't know why I instigate  
And say what I don't mean  
I don't know how I got this way  
I'll never be alright  
So I'm breaking the habit  
I'm breaking the habit  
Tonight…"_

He didn't know why these words followed him everyday. Maybe it was the meaning behind them.

Meaning...What did she mean. He saw those cuts, those ghastly scars on her thin wrist. Is that what she meant? Cutting herself was her disastrous habit. No, that seemed too simple.

It meant something deeper, much deeper.

Matt analyzed the words she sung through his head again. His eyes widened with shock as he figured out the underlying theme behind the caged words.

Pain... She wanted to stop the pain. Escape from it.

Escape from herself.

To escape from her world, that was an impossible dream. No one, not one soul can ever escape from reality. She had to face it, whatever IT was. She had to come to terms with whatever it is and who she is. She had to come to terms with herself. But the real question was...could she?

Why was he thinking so into this?

Why was he wondering these things, thinking these thoughts, trying to find a hidden solution that was masked by all the bruises and cuts?

What was he doing....getting involved...

"Matt! Stop spacing out damn it! I got something to tell you!"

Matt opened his green eyes to find the blonde's face inches from his own. "What the hell are you doing?!"

"N-None of you business Mello." the red-head sat up from his disordered bed and turned to the blond. "What do you have to tell me?" asked Matt, scratching his muddled hair that was tangled in knots. "W-Well..."

Mello sat beside him and put his face in the palms of his hands. "Matt, I need...s-some advice." the blonde's blues looked up at him, pleading for mercy.

"Advice on what?" asked the extremely confused gamer. Normally Mello didn't stutter or blush. What was wrong?

"W-well... I like this girl..." Matt bit back a chuckle as he nodded for the blond to continue. "And I w-well...how do I like get her to fucking like me back?"

Matt was stunned. This was the last thing he expected to come out of Mello's mouth. Mello fumbled his hand, reaching into his jean pocket to pull out a chocolate bar. He unwrapped the slightly melted goodness and took a large bite of it. "Well?"

Matt shakily grabbed the back of his head and smiled, "Well... you could do nice things for her. First, become her friend and then work your way from there. I'm really bad at this like-girl stuff so I wouldn't know for sure." he smiled at his friend, "But if you do your best I'm sure she'll like you! I mean come on Mello! Who wouldn't like an adorable blond like you!"

Mello chuckled as he gave Matt a playful push for the adorable comment, "You think so?"

"I know so!" he said as he saw Mello get up and head for their bedroom door. "Cool. I'm going to practice this 'Nice" stuff."

"Hey, Mello?" The chocolate-lover turned to Matt, "Yea What is it?"

"Who's the lucky girl?" he asked beaming at the flushed look that appeared on Mello's face. "W-well...The girl I like is..."

Matt felt his heart smash into billions of smithereens as the name poured out of Mello's mouth...

"..Kiko."

* * *

_Oh No! Drama! :O! Sorry for the shortness! I promise my chapters will be much longer from now on! I just wanted to leave you all on a cliff hanger XD What will become of the two friends! Review and you get hugs from Itachi and get to throw tomatoes at Sausgay!_

_Sasuke: It's Sauske!_

_Me: Whatever Sausgay! XD!_


	9. Confession

_**This chapter has been edited. Any mistakes that were once in it are now fixed. Sentences have been added and removed for the story's sake.**_

**_I love you all my wonderful reviewers!_**

**Mooncry: **Yes it would XD! What will happen to them!?

**Aveira:** Lol Yes! Matt gets a vote! Hahaha! In ths story he is the same age as Kiko. Mello and Matt are only a year older than them. Thanks! Yes very intresting...I will try. Hahaha! see good costume huh!

**emina: **Sometimes a little drama is a good thing XD! I know! Poor them! Lol yes I was laughing while writing that! You are exactly right! Sausgay is his true name XD! You will ;D

**Dark McCloudy: **I know... he went a bit OCC! XD! Oh well anyway you will soon! I promise!

**the reason you miss me: **It's all good! I like it when people critic me hard! XD! It makes me want to do better! I thought i got them all o.O Yes burn in hell Takada! Mello & Matt: Hell Ya! XD! They will be longer! Promise! Sausgay is a dumbass. Be L! Omg that would be sooooooo awsome! It's fun to be different once in a while! I got a lot of blood for my costume XD! I'm gonna look sooooo bloody1 I had a lot of fun shopping at PartyCity XD!

**puddingcup: **Sorry Matt! You know I love you! Also that one-shot will be up in a few weeks o.O It takes me forever to write lemons! May I go to therapy with you guyz!? I got fangirl/emo/obsessive compulsive disorders XD! lol!

_Now the disclaimer wth...Kudo and Himura! (From Legal drug so ya know!)_  
Kudo: Where are we?  
Me: The wonderful world of Deathnote!!  
Kudo: Death-Note?  
Himura: This is stupid like you.  
Kudo: Shut up you fag!  
Himura: Your one to talk.  
Kudo: I'm gonna beat you -raises fist-  
Himura: Awww your so cute when your angry.  
Me: BOYS! Do the frikin' disclaimer!  
Both: She don't own anything. -continues fighting-  
Me: :D

* * *

The stars twinkled in the night sky. Each one of them glowing brightly as a lamppost in a abandoned street. They danced across the sky, ignoring everything else except the music that came from the crickets and the swishing wind. They danced to it, letting it take over them, swishing and rotating across their dance floor. It was peaceful.

Kiko watched them twinkle from the rooftop. The sun had long since run away. leaving nothing but darkness in it's place. The moon did a poor job of trying to compete with the sun's brightness, and only achieved a sliver of what daylight down in a year.

She subconsciously fiddled with the sleeves of her jacket, tearing the stray strands of black away from it's home, kidnapping them from their shelter. Deep though was the only way to describe her unsettling mindset. It was racing like the wind races down the mountain towards the dew-filled grass.

Her red eyes were locked straight upwards, fixated on the sky, but not at all looking at it. Words and images jumbled through the orbs of her eyes, showing picture and things that have and couldn't be done.

The reason for her laying on the rooftop in the first place is an interesting story:

_Flashback_

_Kiko paced in circles in her room. No, No, NO!_

_She promised herself not to get close to anyone and now...she was in deep, too deep, she could drown. She had to focus on her goal of working beside L. She didn't have time for these petty problems!_

_Those boys...she was getting way to close for comfort with them. Why though? Why did she choose to continuously respond to their actions, to their words. _

_She was setting herself up to be hurt again. If she got close to them it would only lead to pain. Pain..._

_Visions of blood flashed through her mind as she clenched her forehead in agony. _

_She needed some fresh air, that may help clear her thoughts. She climbed at her window and used the pole to climb up to the rooftop._

_She ned to stop thinking of them..._

_End of Flashback_

She was beyond baffled, she was stranded in perplexity land with no ways of escape. Those boys, L's words, what did they all mean?

Was she supposed to let Near, Mello, and Matt run themselves into her life? Was she supposed to open up and let them in? Is this what L wanted? Did he want, no, did he plan for this to happen? Somehow, did he know that they would fall into her life and entwine themselves in her fate?

Maybe it was true. Maybe this was all really a plan set up by L so that she could...heal.

What a foreign word to her: heal. What does it mean? Heal of the body; heal of the sprit; heal of the mind? which one of these things needed to be done. It seemed like a mystery had set itself down upon her diminished life, laughing as she scrambled around, searching for clues to solve it.

But how could they heal her? She was damaged beyond repair. She was the busted up 1950's car that was crushed by a truck then set on fire, bursting in flames as the sweet, old car paint was scratched off by the flames smoke. But the flames aren't what destroyed her, the bulldozer that came roaring through her life, crushing all aspects, ripping it's flesh; that's what had her in rubbish.

No one could fix her. She would never heal. She was meant to live in her delusional-self forever. She was broken.

She shook her head out of her thoughts, _'N-no....I can't be....I won't be this way forever...I want to..._' her eyes glistened with tears that she refused to let fall, '_...change.'_

But change was only brought upon from changes in the season; winter to spring; snow to the soft flowing petals of a newly bud rose. Change was unavoidable for some, but impossible for others. It's the driving force behind the secrets of our lives. It mends us, breaks us, turns us into things we never were. It plays with us like we our broken china dolls with glassy eyes and pitchfork arms. It toys with s till we are dead, crying our eyes out, bleeding within.

Change....was scary.

But it healed......didn't it?

She sat up suddenly and let her messy layered bangs fall into her face. She had to try...she had to.

* * *

Mello ran through the halls, eager to find what he was searching for. That something was Kiko. Three chocolate bars had sacrificed it's lives to fuel Mello's growing impatience. His feet collided with the ground in soft stomps, pulling farther and farther, searching harder and longer.

'WHERE IS SHE? OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD! WHAT AM I GOING TO SAY TO HER! SHIT!!' Mello's mind was buzzing with excitement, ripping his skull apart in a frenzy of words, screams, and questions. Those three bars of chocolate were not a very good idea.

He slid as he turned the corners in a some-what slow-motion feel. He was in such a rush that as he turned another corner, not wasting any time as he searched for his goal, he ran head first into someone, knocking him and the unexpected person to the hard floor.

He groaned as he rubbed his head, "Watch where your-" his eyes widened as he realized who it was that he stupidly ran into. The person rubbed her head slowly, confused by what it her. Her red eyes blinked at him, curious, questioning.

_'Kiko..._' he gulped.

Mello's face turn a shade of crimson as he got up quickly and helped Kiko off the floor.

Kiko grabbed Mello's hand as he pulled her up. Her head ached a bit as she pulled her blaring headphones out of her ear. The boy's blue eye's were frantic it seemed and his face looked a bit flushed, 'Maybe from the running?' she thought to herself.

"Umm I'm s-sorry I d-didn't see you there." he said worriedly. He silently hoped that his chances were lowered by this unexpected meeting.

"I-it's alright. I-I wasn't looking where I w-was going either." she said her voice sounding a bit uneasy. She brushed her knees a bit and stood up tall and met Mello's eyes.

Mello felt his throat go dry 'Great....what now?!" he thought. His mind searched through topic starters, kicking away stupid, pointless ones and reeling the ones that had a better chance of working. As he finally got one worth telling, she turned and began walking away.

_'Oh No! You aren't getting away that easily!_' he bitterly thought. "Hey! Wait up a sec!" she turned to look at him, her ruby eyes showing signs of confusion.

"Umm..." his hand nervously scratched the back of his head, "What were you doing anyway?"

She looked at him questionly before answering, "I was taking a night stroll." she answered in a monotonous voice, hiding whatever she was feeling from his wavering eyes. He felt himself sweat under her blood red eyes. Those eyes stared him down; he felt naked.

"Oh I see..." he looked hysterically around for something that might strike a good conversation starter. Finally, his eyes landed on what was gold to him, "You like music?" he asked, gesturing to her Ipod that stuck out of her battered jean's pocket.

"Oh...y-yes." she said tapping her beaten up shoes together. They looked to be five years old and had all sorts of tears and scribbles on them. The worn and tear in them showed the signs of stress she had been through. Running and panting, from searching for her baby sister when she wandered off at the park to racing to a neighbor's house to earn a few extra dollars.

"May I see?" he asked, trying not to scare her off, but the sweat and worry in his tone only made her more uneasy.

She handed him her Ipod, her soft hand grazed over his causing red to pour into his cheeks. He scrolled through the list, noticing familiar songs here and there. The dryness in his throat turned into a desert as he tried to come up with a good way to make this work for him.

"Nice songs." He smiled, trying his best to let his friendliness.

She nodded and muttered a quick thank you before turning away. He signed, realizing failure was inevitable.

"You know..." her gentle voice shocked him as he raised his head to meet her eyes, "W-we should talk sometime, I-I mean about music...you know." she stammered out hiding a well-concealed blush.

He smiled, "Yea, that would be cool." he watched her as she gave him another one of her rare, hidden smiles and walked off.

He smiled in triumphant, _'Yes...Yes...YES!'_

While Mello was gloating in his silent victory, Matt was in room, lying on his bed, guilt painted his face, splattered across it with no escape. His temples were numb from where had had rubbed his fingers to hard. While his confusion only doubled with the passing seconds, his throbbing head grew more and more unbearable, screaming out for him to find an answer.

How was he do this?

How was he to break his friend's heart?

He couldn't bear to see Mello's face contort with pain at the fact that Matt...liked her, perhaps.

He couldn't...

"Matt!" he was startled as his door swung open and slammed shut and Mello rushed to his bed jumping up and down excitedly. "I did it! Matt, I talked to her! I didn't scared her away either!" he said, smiling at the fact that another little fight within himself was won.

"Who?" the red-head dumbly asked, knowing full-well the answer he was to receive.

"You idiot! Kiko!" he said giving his friend a strange look.

Matt signed, if he was going to do it then he better do it now. He grimaced at the pain that was to come. "Mello...sit down. I have to tell you something...something important."

Mello obeyed, his gaze hardened on the gamer, "What is it?"

"Well..." Matt gulped, '_Here goes nothing' _he thought.

"Mello, I like a girl too...for a while actually."

"Who?" the blond questioned, generally confused by the red head's mood.

"H-her n-name is..."

Mello gaze hardened. His eyes grew of fury as Matt stuttered the name out...

...K-kiko"

* * *

_Uh oh... What's gonna happen! Reveiw or I'll send my Legal drug boys after you XD just kidding you'll get hugs as always!!_


	10. Blood and Tears

_**This chapter has been edited. Any mistakes that were once in it are now fixed. Sentences have been added and removed for the story's sake.**_

**_You are the bomb my faithful reveiwers!_**

**puddingcup:** Don't worry it will also have a bit of a storyline. I don't rush into the lemon. XD Sorry matt! Yaaa therapy! I'll bring Near along! XD

**the reason you miss me: **LoL I'm like your friend! Love the legal drug boyz! Lol! That would be funny but If he did do that Mello might kill him o.O L or B would be awsome costumes! Haha! Yes that was very hard to write! I didn't want it to come off cheesy. Nice! lol Thanks!

**Aveira: **He is! That is exactly what I thought when I first saw him! "He is sooooo not Mello!" lol Good times! Thanks! Kiko will learn to open up more and more! Haha poor Near! Lol There is an all of the above option ;) Yaaaa Halloween!!

**SuperCuteTomomi: **THANKS! Lol cute name! I will update as fast as I can! Whoo hoo Near!

**Dark McCloudy:** Whoo hoo Thank you! I'm always happy to see I am pleasing my readers! Matt ummmm well he doesn't die :D!

**Mooncry: **I know huh! Great timing Matt! Way to go!! I feel really bad for him. Near will come in a bit later ;D!

**emina:** Drama is what keeps a story going :D! Yaa for Mello! That was such a cute scene to write! Yes poor them! I will!

**gothic-chao: **Read and find out XD Lol I know -hugs Matt-

_And now for the disclaimer with...Naruto! (If you don't know where he's from then you got problems!)_  
Naruto: I'm Naruto Believe it!  
Me: We know who you are!  
Naruto: Well geeze don't be such a spaz about it hehehe!  
Me: Whatever may I ask a question?  
Naruto: Sure!  
Me: Are you gay?  
Naruto: -falls to the ground- NO I'M NOT GAY!  
Me: Ohhhh anyway do the disclaimer :)  
Naruto: Katelyn doesn't own anything. Why do you ask?  
Me: No reason...:)

* * *

_"Mello, I like a girl too...for a while actually."_

_"Who?" the blond questioned, generally confused by the red head's mood._

_"H-her n-name is..."_

_Mello gaze hardened. His eyes grew of fury as Matt stuttered the name out..._

_...K-kiko"_

If looks could kill Matt would be dead ten times over. Mello's face had turned from confused to a seething fury, dangerous and deadly, waiting to kill, "W-what did you say!?" Mello stood up, anger boiled in his chest like none he felt before.

Matt shivered under Mello's intense glare. His insides went rigid with unintentional feared for his skin which would be soon untouched and be covered in bruises and scratches from the blonde's nails, digging into his skin. He expected this much. The blond was never one to successfully control his emotions. But why did he still fear the impossible to stop?

"M-Mello..." he started before a blow to his face interrupted him. A sliver of blood tricked out of the corner of his mouth where Mello's fist had connected brutally with his jaw. The air in the atmosphere seemed to be still and lifeless except for the panting and rugged breathing that filled the empty spaces with noise.

"How can you! You know I like her, Matt! Damn it! Why!?" The raging blonde's hands were shaking as they clung to Matt's now bruised shoulders. The corners of his mind were where he pushed his sensible self; where he pushed his humane, passionate self when this terror consumed him.

If Mello could find the voice in his throat he'd be screaming at the top of lungs, slamming the walls with his yells and screeches. But his voice seemed locked away as if his anger pushed it aside like some useless weapon. Words couldn't describe what punches could do.

Words couldn't describe the hatred and rage Mello was feeling. The abnormal fire that burned in his stomach would burn the entire Whammy house if it could escape Mello's flesh. It could and would cause rampage with just a flick of a flame and the licking sensation on the skin.

For some reason Matt felt anger, horrifying, outlandish anger. He had never felt so furious. His entire body boiled for revenge, vowing to retune with a vengeance with the stab of a sword. Matt didn't know why or how, but suddenly his knuckles collided with Mello's nose, causing Mello to stumble a few steps back and blood to pour down like a waterfall.

"Mello!" Matt yelled his blood racing through his hurt knuckles. Who knew Mello's face was so hard, but then again he had never punched the blond before. He never even felt the need to hurt him before, punch his face in, make him bleed, wither in pain.

So much for being able to handle emotions.

"I can't help it, Mello! God, I can't fucking help it!!" Matt's voice rumbled through the room, setting a dark ominous tone, followed by silence.

It was strange how the air had an awkward feel during their first real argument. Nothing could calm the storm that had set and boomed through their space, ripping apart everything in its path. Both boys heart thundered along with the storm, encouraging it to go on.

Mello's blue eyes were wide with alarm. Never, in their entire friendship had Matt yelled at him. He always did whatever Mello told him, listened to what he had to say, and was always by his side. Now he had done three things Mello thought Matt would never do.

He _yelled_ at him, _hurt_ him, but most of all **_betrayed him._**

Mello's face scrunched up with rage as he stood up and charged at Matt.

In a matter of seconds he was on top of his best friends punching his slim body. Matt clawed at his face causing him to drip tears of blood. They collided with Matt's now bleeding face and their blood mixed together. That how they used to be always together, mixed yellow and red but now...

"Shut up! I thought I could trust you!" tears threatened to fall from Mello's eyes. One minute he was up in the clouds floating away with his feelings for Kiko. Now, Matt's revolting secret ripped his wings off and he came crashing down to Earth.

He got off Matt's bloody body and stepped back. Matt propped himself on his elbows groaning slightly from the pain.

"F-Fuck you." Matt said as he winced at the pain in his side.

Mello didn't want to hurt Matt, he was still his friend even if he betrayed him, but these feeling swirled in his body like a massive hurricane. He knew if Matt didn't get away Mello would surely hurt him worse, much worse.

"G-Get out!" Mello's voice was slurred with grief and pain. He hoped, prayed, wished Matt wouldn't put up too much of a fight.

The red head complied and grabbed his gameboy and left, pushing past Mello slightly.

Tears that had welled up in Mello's eyes fell. One after another till he broke down to the floor. His rosary hangs limply from his neck.

"Fuck god, fuck Matt, fuck the world!" he ripped it off his neck and threw it at the wall.

Why!? Of all times did he have to loose his temper! He felt all the anger, rage, the boiling sensation to tear Matt apart subside, but an ever greater fleet took control over him.

Regret.

Mello could stare at the closed door and hope that it was just a dream gone wrong and he would wake up and see Matt lying in the be across, snoring away in a distant land. But even Mello knew that no such thing would occur.

He pushed Matt away.

* * *

Kiko signed as she rested her hand for a minute. She had been drawing for hours ever since Mello had stopped her in the halls. She felt the muscles in her hand ease away the tension as her fingers drooped onto to the pillow that she laid on.

She found a bit of inspiration in the boy, like a muse of sorts. But there were plenty of muses in the Whammy house. From the albino boy playing with his dice tower to the red head who always seemed to have a gameboy in his hand and now the curious blond boy.

Her entire body ached slightly from the sleepless nights to the small meals she made for herself, silently begging for her to take a break. She rolled her eyes and gave in to her sore body.

For some bizarre reason, lately she had been so tired. It was strange; she thought her body had gotten used to her sleepless lifestyle.

Kiko lied on her back and stared up at the ceiling. Her eyes drooped a bit but with a ruthless effort, she repudiates the urge to let them fall. Sleeping meant dreaming, and dreams lead to nightmares.

Her body seemed to not want to follow her wishes as a yawn escaped Kiko's pale lips.

_'No...I can't...sleep...not his face...his eyes...'_

Her red eyes slowly closed and she unwillingly fell into slumber.

_She was 12 again._

_She was younger, more carefree. _

_She and her little sister, Bella, were sitting in her room reading stories together._

_Suddenly flame surrounded her and she was pulled away from the image to another..._

_Bella stared, her green eyes wide with fight_

_"Help me Big Sis!"_

_Tears fell from where, who knows..._

_A gunshot..._

_"BELLA!"_

_Red eyes and a wicked laugh took over..._

"no...No...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! BELLA!!"

* * *

Because Mello kicked him out of his room Matt was forced to sleep in the halls. He signed as his head was back against the wall.

It was rather uncomfortable but he rather be here than in his and _Mello's _room. Just thinking about the blond made his blood boil. The stupid, ignorant blond can pout and scream all he likes but Matt refused to give up Kiko because of him. He liked her, maybe even....

Love...Was he in love?

Suddenly a muffled scream hit his ears like a ton of bricks. It came from down the hall, twenty or so yards away.

"What th-" he got up and rushed to the source of the scream.

When he was outside the door that separated him from the source he quickly realized that it was Kiko's voice.

When he heard muffled words and cries he panicked and proceeded to pick the lock of her door. Once he heard a click he pushed it open only to be startled by what he saw.

Kiko lay sprawled out in her bed, shaking and sweating violently. She was biting her lip muttering the words "No" and "Bella" over and over. Blood poured from her bitten lip. Her hands held her as she cried.

Matt was horrified and went over and shook her, "Kiko! Kiko wake up!"

He was relived when he saw her blood red eyes open. She was panting as she frantically looked around.

When her eyes caught Matt they softened. Before he knew it her arms were tightly wrapped around him as she trembled from her nightmare.

Matt blushed but held her back, securely wrapping his arms around her.

"Its okay." he said over and over, trying to calm her down.

She shivered in fear. _'Bella I'm sorry..._'

What the two young teens didn't know that there were a pair of blue eyes watching them.

Mello closed his door. He had seen enough.

A tear threatened to fall, but with his pride at stake, he didn't let it escape it's boundaries.

He was now alone...completely, utterly alone...

* * *

_Awwwww! I feel bad! So sad! I was listening to 'Within Temptation' so that's why it's kinda sad. I love that artist man! By the way go watch this ultra sad video on youtube: /watch?v4ftYmWF87M8&featurerelated It's SOOOOOOOOOO Sad! I love it though! Anyway sorry for my babbeling! Reveiw and get hugs from me and the hyperactive ninja!!_

_Naruto: Believe it!_

_XD_


	11. Partnered Up

**__****This chapter has been edited. Any mistakes that were once in it are now fixed. Sentences have been added and removed for the story's sake.**

**_You all deserve invisible hugs!!_**

**puddingcup: **Haha! Matt you are self-obsessed!! Lol! Run Matsuda!! By the way is Matsuda like a distant uncle in our strange family or is he the weird dude who lives with us!? :D Love you Matsu!!

**Mooncry:** Yes. Poor Mello... and I thought you were all gonna hate him for hurting Matt!

**Dark McCloudy: **Ya know I will! Hmmmm I think that was a typo. It was! -bangs head on desk- I'm so stupid! I meant BLUE eyes, people! I feel horrible! o.O My bad! Of course his eyes are blue! They make him smexy! I'm glad you do! It's hard to find a Whammy story with no yaoi! Though that might change...Still Undecided!

**emina (now** **emi2yam2): **Haha! Ya Naruto your gay...with Gaara! Naruto: NO! Me: Just joking! Probably Sausgay! We all know the loveable redhead is 100 Straight! Gaara: ... Me: Stop being mean Near! -Whacks him on the head- Near: Ow! Me: OMFG COOKIE!! Thanks! I know! This story is really angesty.

**SuperCuteTomomi: **Just wait till you see more! It's so sad! -sniff- I know poor them! Fighting over a girl XD! Nightmares are bad! Go Near!

**Aveira:** Haha he won't! He will have his time! Yes I will. Lol Matt is adorable, but so is Mello. I hate to be you guys! Having to pick over them! Near: Your the one writing it. Me: o.O Yes that was really sad to write. I was listening to screamo music so maybe that's why it came out the way it did o.O Go Near! Thanks!!

**the reason you miss me: **Mello is gonna turn emo! Watch and be amazed! Lol I did read it! It's tight, man! I've been noticing alot of stories are mentioing me...maybe I'm just being weird! Lol Can't Wait till you update it!

**gothic-chao: **Yes but that will change soon ;)!

And now the disclaimer with...Pikachu! (I'm on crack!! From pokemon you dimwits!)  
Pikachu: Pika?  
Me: Hahaha Pikachu!  
Pikachu: Pika-pi!!  
Near: Why is Pikachu here?  
Me: Cause of this video! Haha "Dance Pikachu, DANCE!" lol  
Near: Who says that?  
Me: YOU!! Haha "Near, Get your hand out of your pants!" XD  
Pikachu: Pickachu!! XD  
Near : ...Katelyn does not own anything.  
Me: Hey that's Pikachu's job!  
Pikachu: Pi! PIKA!!  
Near: It's a rat Katelyn.

(Video mentioned above: /watch?vS6rAUM3WIOU&featurerelated)

* * *

1

2

3

4, dice after dice, Near continued to stack. The little cubes began to pile and form a tower that launched itself into the sky, looking over Near's white head, feeling more power. Near was unaware of his rather prideful tower. His thoughts were mumbling at him, bumping around in his skull like a game of bumper cars. Near felt as though he would be thrown off.

Lost in his thoughts, his mind, which had allotted more knowledge then the average human being, was thinking over the previous weeks. The observations he made, the calculations, speculations, all of it came down to a simple interior motive that he couldn't unlock. He was confused for the first time in his life.

This motive hid from him in a maze of thoughts and pictures, teasing him with showing Near a glimpse of itself before disappearing completely into the dust that it laid after it.

But Near, though befuddled by the smog that gave him the disadvantage of not being able to think clearly, knew why his thoughts were puzzled and mystified by the sudden abrupt change.

The girl, the red-eyed odd child, clouded Near's head and awoken new emotions that he had long ago locked away, locking them far in his head so they could never escape. Somehow though, one did.

_Love..._

Near had never felt it, given it, or received it. He knew nothing of love. His parents didn't love him. In their eyes he was it, the freak, _the bastard child._

So how it was that girl... how was it that she held the key to his emotions.

He felt like she broke in and released the unnecessary feelings deep within. Emotions got in the way of thinking. People often relied on them for decisions. Not him.

H refused to let emotions get in the way of reason. Emotions and Reason, two opposites. Each attempting to claim people for their war. Near was on Reason's side but had Kiko pulled him over the enemy lines? Was he truly weak enough to give in to these strange new sensations?

_No..._

He would not. He was meant to be used as a tool. He was meant to solve crime in the world protect people, let them use him. 'Tools...isn't that what we all are?'

As Near stacked his last dice and twirled his white hair a new thought entered his mind. 'But...is that what I want to be?'

Did he want to be a tool? Did he want to solve crime, have people use him as L? Did he really want to go through life without..._love?_ It was a foreign concept to him. Was he Near, the emotionless albino who was always number one able to love another person.? Another soul...

He twirled his hair so hard that it snapped off and laid in his pale hand. As he stared at the lock of broken hair in his hand his mind saw a clearing, he finally knew the truth...

_'Even if I can't love, I'll see what she truly is.'_

* * *

_'What is this...'_

Kiko had long ago stopped shaking and her grip was loosening on the redhead. His touch did not burn like other would. Comfort was what she need, what she desperately want to cling to like a crying child lost in a dark dream.

Those nightmares wouldn't leave her just as the gamer wouldn't. The sun was peeking out over the east and spread its light throughout her room. Sleep, Dreams, _Nightmares._ She didn't need them. So why did they insist on staying with her only to haunt Kiko in the dead of night with memories of her family and..._him._

If Matt hadn't been down the hall to wake her she'd probably wake the orphanage and there would be questions and stares. L would have to explain what truly happened even if he promised to keep it under wraps.

That would be troublesome and Kiko rather not deal with that. They might also find out about her...scars and they would most likely tell L about those. He would be so disappointed.

She truly owed the redhead. But the urge to get away was steadily growing, steadily rising, reappearing on the surface of her scars as a distant memory awakened the fiery that kept her away from people/

_"I've left my mark on you forever." he said, his blood eyes gleaming through the dark as he smiled a twisted grin._

Maybe_ he_ was wrong. Even if his sign was imbedded in her skin he didn't leave a permanent scar on her heart. Her heart would heal, even if it took years, it would heal.

Wouldn't it?

_Matt P.O.V._

My face was hot, hot as a billion burning embers in a field of fire. Her shaking had stopped a while ago and yet I still clung on to her frail form.

The sun was obviously peeking over the horizon, annoying thing. There was no clock in her dark room but I suspected it to be around 5 a.m.

Her black sweatshirt must have been hot in the searing room but she didn't complain. I n fact I've never seen her with out some overly sized sweater on. Except that one time I caught a glimpse of her arm and those...cuts.

Thinking about her scars made me hug her close and I felt her flinch. I knew it was time. She had had enough comfort. I felt her pull away a bit, trying not to go so fast that it would offend me, and for the first time since she woke up saw her red eyes.

My eyebrows furrowed at the look in her eyes. It was a mixture of emotions like a complex soup a chef would make in a five-star restaurant, not that I've ever been to one. They held sorrow, fear, anxiety, but also longing and what appeared to be gratefulness.

She pulled away completely, letting her dark hair fall over her blood eyes. She gave me a small sheepish smile as she stuttered out, "U-umm..."

You could tell right away she was not used to physical contact nor did she like it. She looked more shocked than confused, that she had actually let, no wanted to feel comforted by another person.

I gave her a minute smile, showing her I understood. She was thankful to me, but wanted to stop. I knew as well she didn't want anyone knowing about her nightmares. A first glance at her and you could tell she was an insomniac. Though her bangs were thick around her eyes, you could still se the dark circles under her red eyes. You had to be stupid or blind if you didn't notice.

She gracefully got off her untidy bed and pulled the curtains to her window, blocking out the sun's harsh rays.

I immediately got up realizing that the door was ajar. If Mello had seen us he probably would have barged in and thrown a temper tantrum. 'Or worse...' I thought grimly, stretching my sore muscles.

But Mello hadn't done those things so he must have not seen myself and Kiko. We were safe for now. I got up and headed for the opened door, "I got to take a shower before school starts...see you around?" I didn't ask her about what she had dreamed of. When she was ready she would tell me.

She nodded, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her pierced ear. I headed off to the boy's showers.

_'What an interesting night...'_

* * *

Kiko was currently sitting in one of the worst classes ever: English.

English used to be a slight bit interesting but the teacher disliked the fact that she knew quite allot about books and the English language and continued to pick on her, or in a lighter term, outsmart her.

But she spent years reading grammar books as well as famous novels that a collage student would read. She knew the books he taught and it was irritating to her that she wasn't learning anything. But she had to ploy through it, ignore the teacher's glares when her eyes would be pulled to the window, and the gesture the kids made at her.

Kiko brought books with her from the library and usually just read all period long. Today's book was "The Road" by Cormac McCarthy. She was fascinated by the way the author wrote such gruesome scenes. Kiko was so engrossed in the book that she didn't even notice the teacher, who was very much like a grasshopper, was standing right next to her.

"Kiko! Pay attention!" Kiko snapped out of the book's trance and glanced up at the furious teacher. Snickers were uttered throughout the classroom as she looked innocently up at him.

"Pay attention! Do you even know what we're doing!?" her reply was a small shake to the head.

He huffed, "We're picking books and partners for our book reports that's worth a quarter of your grade!"

She shrugged, turning her attention back to her book. Suddenly a hand snatched the book from her, "Stop reading now! Please pick a card!" the teacher yelled furiously. He did not faze however as she stared blankly at the teacher.

Her pale hand slip into the bag of cards and she silently pulled one out. He snatched it from her immediately and said, "You got...Romeo and Juliet." with a evil grin he handed the white card back to her.

She groaned, _'Why that book_!' she thought bitterly. She hated romance novels, they disgusted her. It was true, Romeo and Juliet was more of a tragedy but still. They were just stupid teenagers who rushed in to fast and got sunk to deep. If they had been honest then well it wouldn't have ended so tragic.

They were idiots, stupid blubbering idiots who rushed into love and death. They refused to see the light and think clearly of what their actions would cause them. They had all the happiness in the world and with a touch of their finger they buried their lives.

The other side of the room was now picking partners. Kiko prayed that by some miracle she could work alone but knowing her teacher he would want to make sure she was in the most uncomfortable situation.

She felt pairs of eyes on her. She turned her head slightly and looked through her dark hair. A pair of blue and a pair of green eyes were transfixed on her. Mello snapped his bar of chocolate and gave her a slight smirk. Matt however nodded to her as a form of encouragement.

Kiko did not know why they were staring so intensely at her, so she quickly snapped her head to the front and continued listening to the names that were being called by various students. One by one they were paired up. She was starting to feel a glimmer of hope that her name would not be called at all.

That hope however was destroyed when a faint voice called her name. The teacher was rather shocked but nonetheless said," Okay Kiko and Near, you two are partners."

The bell rang and the students shuffled out of the classroom. Kiko swiftly left, making sure to grab her book from her evil English teacher's, whose name escaped her, desk on her way out.

Only Near was left as he padded his way out. A harsh voice stopped him in his tracks, "Near, be careful with that girl, you understand. I don't want you to fail." the teacher said as a warning.

Near ignored the teacher's warning and continued on his way, but a slight annoyance towards the older man formed at the back of his head for some reason. It plucked at him, pinched his skin, telling him to turn around and return the teacher's gesture with a smartass remark.

But he refused to get involved.

Emotions were a curse that he didn't want.

* * *

A few hours later school was over. Near was walking through the empty halls while everyone else was outside, jumping through the fall leaves that danced as they fell from the oak trees.

He was heading towards Kiko's room to start on the book report that was due the following week. They had to make a poster for Romeo and Juliet and include the major conflicts, character bios, summary, and at least five similes and metaphors from the book.

In order to get this all done by next week they had to start today or they would be behind. He reached her door finally and was about to knock when he heard a strange muffling. He quietly slipped in and realized that strange muffling was Kiko and wasn't muffling at all. It was singing...

Her soft voice sang as the words dripped out of her mouth like enchantment...

_The sun is rising  
The screams have gone  
Too many have fallen  
Few still stand tall  
Is this the ending  
Of what we've begun?  
Will we remember  
What we've done wrong?_

Then her voice broke out, becoming louder and more violent...

_When we start killing  
It's all coming down right now  
From the night that we've created  
I wanna be awakened somehow  
(I wanna be awakened right now)_

_When we start killing  
It all will be falling down  
From the hell that we're in  
All we are is fading away  
When we start killing  
When we start killing!_

Near was a bit shocked as Kiko jumped from the bed and sang the last few lines. The music that pounded through her ears could be heard even by the albino. Kiko twirled around and stopped in her tracks when she saw Near.

"What are you doing?" even though it was soft and low her voice produced venom as she quickly pulled her headphones out. Her red eyes glared daggers at the boy as he closed the door behind him.

Near stood there shocked for a few seconds but quickly regained his composure, "We need to work on our project." he replied his fingers headed towards his hair to grab a piece and twirl it.

_'Oh..._' she thought, _'...the project'_, the stupid project on the world's worst book. She nearly gagged at the thought of "Romeo and Juliet". Romance was fake, not real. The only reason she went along with doing the book was because it ended like all love stories do: _Death. _

In real life love wasn't real, just as those fantasy books she read to her sister such a long time ago weren't. It was all make believe, a sick pretend game invented by a so-called god. But that wasn't important. She wanted to finish this project as quickly as possible.

She was slightly thankful she had gotten Near. So far he told no one about her and that earned him a bit of her trust. Trust...who knew she could ever do such an action ever again.

She headed towards her closet and pulled out a poster board that she had stolen from the supply closet, "Then let's get started..."

* * *

_Did you like it? "The Road" is really a book. I love it! It has a sinister feel and it's scary cause it could very well happen! You all should read it. It's a bit difficult but you all can do it! I acctually like "Romeo and Juliet" I felt though that Kiko wouldn't. She seems like the type to hate romance novels. Lol and that was a project I had to do!! By myself!! It sucked but I got an A! XD_

_The song by the way is "The Howling" by Within Temptation! Reveiw and Pikachu will shock Lightbulb for you XD_

_Pikachu: Pika!_

_Light: AGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!_


	12. When one quits another begins

**__****This chapter has been edited. Any mistakes that were once in it are now fixed. Sentences have been added and removed for the story's sake.**

**_Thank you those who reviewed..._**

**Amy122: **Thank you! If you lost intrest then it's my fault! I should make it more intresting! I will try harder!!

**Dark McCloudy: **Omg! That's alot!! SORRY! I'm horrible at checking for mistakes!! But thank you for pointing them out! I need a hard reveiw so I can get my ass in gear! XD Yes there will be more KikoxNear!

**Mooncry: **Thank you! I was going for that! Lol it is huh!! XD

**Haniel Hatake: **THANK YOU!!

**saki217: **Pika power all the way!! Lol thank you. It's hard to keep up with life and writing, the only reason I've bbeen updating my stories so quick is because I've been sick XD!

**the reason you miss me: **Yes you'll more about his past as the story progresses. Haha it is huh! Need to add more Mello! The Beyond fic might take a while to update. Hahaha Pikachu pawns all pokemon! Yaaa! Can't wait!! Yes 10,000, I am a music freak and proud of it XD! Lol Ya lightbulb be quiet XD!

**emi2yam2: **Thanks! That does suck! I hate acting; I prefer to be the one creating the image instead of being the image. Lol I feel bad for ya! For some reason I can perfectly imagine Near in a dress and it's really hot! o.O That's probably cause I have a sick imagination though. YAAA! PIE! Lol Yes, Go Pikachu!

**Zexion'.Queen: **Lol It's all good. No I wouldn't mind. Actually if you have a Devinart account then that would be awesome! Lol Mooncry you get your wish after all XD!

**puddingcup: **Lol thanks! Yes, you have but thanks anyway! You'll probably love it, it's a really good song! Matsuda you can be the guy who pays rent to live with us lol. Poor Matsu!

The disclaimer with.......................................Shigure! (Thanks for the idea puddingcup! From Fruits Basket!)  
Shigure: Highschool girls, Highschool girls! Where are the pretty highschool girls!?  
Matt: PERVERT! Why is he here?  
Me: Everybody loves Shigure! XD!  
Shigure: It's true! Everyone loves the dog :D!  
Matt: .........Not me, pervert.  
Shigure: Katelyn doesn't own anything hahahaha!  
Me: We get it.

* * *

_She headed towards her closet and pulled out a poster board that she had stolen from the supply closet, "Then let's get started..."_

The next few hours Kiko and Near worked in silence, neither looking up from their tasks. It was not an uncomfortable silence where tensions and heat would fill the air, but an agreed silence where each knew not to speak, not to utter a sound.

They had divided the project in half, each getting an equal share. Kiko gauntly did the summary of the horrid book "Romeo and Juliet" and decorated the poster with her dark taste while Near did the character bio's and the examples of similes and metaphors.

As the evening snaked by Kiko's stomach growled in anger. She hadn't eaten in a while, since yesterday morning to be exact. If she ate too much her frail body wouldn't be able to handle it and force it back up, but not eating for this long caused her stomach to protest and seethe in frustration.

She figured she should at least eat something light, something like bread and jam...

She flinched as the thought of the sweet substance brought back horrible memories. Memories of jam, the color of blood...his eyes, her eyes.

_"Your eyes are mine..."_

She stood up suddenly, trying to shake such thoughts out of her head. "What is it?" asked Near, bewildered by her sudden movements. She kept shaking her head, as if saying no to some answer she had asked herself. What question? What was it she had asked?

Near didn't know why he asked these things to himself, but the desire to know out willed the bitter will to remain callous of the situation. It was as if two forces fought to be whether or not neutral on the subject, neutral on the freighting look that bloomed in her face so suddenly.

Naturally one side would have to win like all direct and rash wars. One side would steal from the other effectively and end up winning whatever prize awaited it.

But what was the prize that Near had offered?

This was a question he could not answer.

Kiko almost forgot the albino boy was sitting in by her side. His eyes were blank, giving up no sign of what thoughts were engaged in his mind. She turned her eyes away from him and dropped to the floor. A plain, yet, sour sentiment coursed through her mind, digging at her head, trying to get the red out of her eyes.

If she revealed her thoughts she would show her feelings, her _weakness._

She couldn't possibly even explain her situation to him. His basic, clear attitude about things only improved the advocate to keep her mouth tight and shut like glue sticking to brittle pieces of paper together; it was something that could not be torn apart.

Near studied the girl, watching the every movement she made down to tip of her finger, examining her the way she acted, figuring out what ran through her mind behind those black bangs and sharp eyes.

.In order for him to find the meaning of these new feelings he had to get close to her, but that was the exact problem. Near had absolutely no clue on how people became closer, more intimate with each other to the point of friendship. Comfort perhaps? Or was some other thing that drawled souls together and kept them locked in a twine of friendship?

Were they honest with each other? Did they tell each other their darkest secrets, revealing their own flaws and painful failures. Would they talk for hours on end about the series of events that made them who they were? No, she didn't seem the type to open up to him. She was closed off from everyone. Was there...another way...?

An idea brought a rush to his head, _'Would that work?'_ he thought, questioning the idea that could easily backfire if approached wrong.

He decided to go for it; he had to try. How else would he make progress, "Have you stopped?" he asked as she returned his glance with a confused look.

"Stopped what?" she asked. Her voice was only higher than a whisper, quite the contrast to her earlier powerful voice as she sung those words, words of hate, words of murder.

Near signed, who knew it was going to be this hard to change himself, "Your...habits."

She blinked her red eyes in surprise. Not by the fact that he would ask that, but by the fact that he bravely did so. She felt angry rip through her chest. He didn't understand...no one did.

She tore her eyes away from his, "What's it to you?" she subconsciously grabbed the end of her black jacket and pulled at it. Why did he even care?

This same question ran through Near's mind as well. What was it...her eyes...her sorrow...no...it was her, just her. The kind of person she was. It intrigued him greatly. How she was able to hide such rampaging emotions so well. It was astounding.

Kiko bit her lip in frustration. No, she hadn't but she wanted to, oh how she wanted to. To know she was alive, to see her blood trickle down her arm. The only thing that held her back was her desire to work besides L.

Her broken mirror haunted her as it lay forgotten in her dresser drawer. It pleaded, 'Please run me across your skin!' every time she passed it. But would he, _Near, _understand this.

Would he understand her drive to rid herself of her past scars by adding new ones in a hopeless exercise? The way a blade would feel when added pressure against someone's skin? Most likely not, this is why she ignored him.

Near dared to ask again, "Have you?" This time instead of ignoring him she turned around. Her eyes were wide, frightened, scared of being ask such a thing that no one has dared done.

"Why do you want to know?" She didn't know what enraged her. Possibly stress? All the stress, all the emotions building up inside her. All the tears, memories, everything........threatened to explode.

Lines of red showed as her sweater's sleeves fell down a bit. It showed the lines of red that danced across her skin, scars of the past, present, but hopefully not the future. Near had memorized every cut last time he saw them when he saved her from the halls, and knew there were no new cuts.

She still aggressively held on to his collar, her blood-red eyes glimmered with wrath, "Well?" she said wanting an answer. She did get one but it was the total opposite of what she was expecting...

"Because...I wanted to know if you hurt yourself so I could...help you." he obviously didn't know how to put his thoughts into words but Kiko understood it all. He...wanted to help her.

But obviously so he could figure her out...right?

This was entirely new to the red-eyed girl. She had hardly ever received any form aid in her entire 13 years of existence. Her mom offered to help but learned that her daughter could handle things on her own. This was true. Kiko had always been a bit mature for her age. She could handle ALMOST every form of situation that was thrown at her.

L had of course helped her during that...atrocious time. But really that was the only assistance she had truly received. Now this white-haired boy wanted to help her...truly eccentric.

But isn't this what she needed, no_ wanted? _This is what L planned as well. For her to heal, Was this the right path? She would have to let events unfold in order to find out for sure.

With caution she stepped towards the albino, holding out her pale hand to him. Near looked at her perplexed by her actions.

"W-will you h-help me?" she had to hide her face in shame. Words flew through her head: Disgrace. Nothing. Retched. These felt like they fit her perfectly until she felt a warmth grasp her hand.

"I will." he reassured her clinging on to her hand. Though stunned she smiled softly and nodded her head. Now she knew how to heal.

And she would.

* * *

Obviously, Matt couldn't sleep in the halls again without getting caught. Rodger swiftly caught him, but instead of forcing him to go back to his and Mello's room, he assigned him another room.

Rodger most likely understood what a pain Mello was to live with, but he still didn't know the deeper meanings of why Matt had made his bed in the chilly hallways. He didn't know that Matt couldn't stand to be near Mello right now.

Sure, the blond had pissed him off before, but usually Matt would shrug it off within a few hours. Not this. No, he couldn't shake this off. He was sick to death of Mello's outbursts but most of all Mello couldn't even accept Matt's feelings for Kiko.

Instead he had to beat the red-head to a bloody pulp. Enough was enough! Matt was done with Mello and his torments.

Matt headed to his old room to pick up his games and other crap. He hoped Mello would not be in there and that he would be able to make it out alive. These hopes however were crushed when he saw the blond laying on his bed.

Mello stared blankly up at the ceiling snapping a chocolate bar into his mouth. Even though he knew his former best friend was in the room he never turned his head to acknowledge the gamer. Actually he didn't know what to do if he did.

How could he ever show the red head how truly sorry he was. He would do anything to gain Matt's trust, friendship, love back... to show the red head that he...understood.

But he didn't know how to and that is why Mello did nothing as Matt gathered his things and left. As Matt left the room his green eyes darted cautiously towards Mello, full of wonder as to why the blond didn't attack him.

As soon as Matt closed the door behind him -with much trouble too because of his full hands- Mello leaped from his bed and pulled at his blond hair in frustration, "Damn it!"

Why! Why couldn't he just...was he afraid? Afraid that Matt would still reject him. Was he so weak that he couldn't even admit his weaknesses to his only friend?

The answer to that was yes, and that is why Mello did what he did next...he broke down.

It was lying abandoned in the bottom of his drawer. He barely even remembers why he had it in the first place. His mother told him to protect himself with it when the time came; he did the exact opposite.

The pocket knife sliced his skin several times causing blood to drip down him arm in thin lines. He was always second-best at everything and Matt had always been there to bring him up when he was down. Now, he's pushed him away and didn't even try to get him back. 'I'm fucked up!' he thought bitterly as he slashed the blade across his arm causing more blood to slick out.

Mello let the knife drop to the floor as he sank down to his knees. Tears spilled from his eyes and dripped just as the blood was doing. He lost everything: his parents, his childhood, and now Matt.

"God, Fuck I'm so weak!" he cried out in frustration grabbing his head, letting his blood mix with his tears.

Weak, that was all he was. Too weak to beat Near, too weak to tell Kiko he liked her, and too weak to...to...to tell Matt the truth. He never told Matt why he was at Whammy's, never. The red-head would ask after a horrifying nightmare left his screaming in pain. Mello never told him though.

Why was this? Why couldn't he tell Matt, his one true friend, well now ex-best friend, what those nightmares about? Why couldn't he tell him about that one horrible night...

_Flashback_

_"Mihael hide!" his mother frantically said pushing him into the closet._

_"But mom, what's happ-" his mouth was quickly covered as his mother closed the door._

_His father was downstairs and there was loud bangs, vibrating off the the walls._

_Muffled yells, then screeches. His mother's voice..._

_Mihael peeked through the door only to see his mother holding down the bedroom door._

_"Mom?" he didn't know what was happening. He was too little to understand._

_The door burst open and through it a scruffy large man came through holding a gun._

_"Mom?" he cried watching the scene unfold before him._

_End of Flashback_

"Damn it all!" he cried wiping his falling tears from his face. He had no one and that was that. Nothing could change that fact, it was law. Law that he, Mello or Mihael Keehl, would be alone forever in this hellish place.

Unless...Kiko...

She didn't reject him. Maybe, just maybe... he can find an angel in this worthless hell...

But would he really?

* * *

_Holy Crap!!_

_Mello: You made me Emo!! -throws bricks-_

_Me: Agggg sorry! It had to happen though! If you want to know why it came out so...sinister then watch this on youtube!! The link is: /watch?vpxu3-2gZnmI&featurerelated! Lol I was listening to this while writing!! Lol GO B.B.!!_


	13. Strawberry Gashes

**__****This chapter has been edited. Any mistakes that were once in it are now fixed. Sentences have been added and removed for the story's sake.**

**_You all get invisible candy for reviewing_!**

**puddingcup: **Yes I know but sadly things do not get better. Awww cuteness!

**Mooncry: **Haha It seems people are changing their votes :D. He might.

**emi2yam2:** Haha Mello you are a terrible actor XD! I know huh! :) You think it's him huh. -grins- Thanks! OMG L-plushie!!!!!

**SUPERCUTETOMOMI:** Thank you, I actually thought i did a rather sloppy job so it's nice to here you liked it.

**gothic-chao: **Yes, at this point he's not.

**the reason you miss me: **Lol well I did! It seems everyone does. I know I was wondering if it was too sudden. Lol  
A and B, Nice!

_And Now the disclaimer with...............................................Ed! (From Fullmetal Alchemist duh!!!)_  
Ed: .....Why am I here?  
Me: Cause you rock! By the way do you realize that you are soooooooooooooooooooo short!  
Ed: -goes into crazy mode- WHAT DID YOU SAY YOU BASTARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -security guards hold Ed back-  
Me: I said I love ya! XD  
Ed: Grrrrrrrrr Katelyn doesn't own anything!

* * *

Days passed and it grew colder and colder. The weather had caught up with the month and a frigid rain hammered on the orphanage's windows with a pitter-patter sound. Matt grew accustomed to his new room within a week, even as the storm raged out side causing mild yelps from the boy.

Matt never liked storms; they always scared the wits out of him. The blazing lighting that danced across the sky as if it were it's a ballroom. The crackling thunder that sounded like a furious man who had found out his wife was cheating on him or something along those lines.

To distract him from the throbbing storm outside Matt played his video games constantly after school. Soon he had managed to beat every game twice which was saying alot for the boy had endless amounts of games stacked in the corners of his room.

Even if the beeping sounds and flashing lights distracted him they, for once in his life, did not relieve him of his unvarying boredom. It felt as though something was missing inside his four walls. Something.......a smell too. Chocolate?

No, the blond would not cause him any nuisance here. Never again would he have to deal with Mello's torturous attitude that drained the life out of the red head. But there was something he needed, something to warm up the cold atmosphere in his room.

A thought buzzed through his head much like a bug. How could he be so stupid! It was so obvious that even the dumbest person in the world could figure it out. It was not something he needed, it was _someone._

Yes someone to give the room an affectionate appeal. And that someone could be Kiko!

As though all the energy had suddenly coursed through his bloodstream he rushed up, abandoning his dull video games and set off to find his companion. Well, he could call her a companion. It wasn't like she was his sworn enemy but they were defiantly closer than her and another casual kid.

Companions, which in other words meant friends. This thought caused a smile to brighten Matt's face. If only they could be more! But he knew he shouldn't push it. Something dramatic happened to the girl that left her full of scars and weary of people.

He had made it this far, if he continued to march down this path, if he continued to show her gestures of kindness and get her to peek out of the sinister void she had dug herself in then maybe, just maybe he could get her to love.

_Love,_ what a joyous thing. But it would be difficult he knew. Difficult to figure out what had made her so vulnerable.

His feet glided across the wooden panels on the floor as he headed towards Kiko's room. Oddly enough the halls were as deserted as a graveyard except for the occasional group of children that passed him without a word. He soon reached the familiar door and knocked on it.

A blush reddened his cheeks as she timidly opened the door to him. Every time he saw her it was as if a wave of purity mixed in with something much darker fell over him at the grace of her beauty. Her dark beauty and her haunting red eyes were like an illusion. You had to feel it to make sure it was real. The cackling of thunder brought his focus back on her again; the storm would not go away. He thought back to his previous thoughts and pondered them.

Of course if he were to suddenly touch her she might be frightened and slam the door in his face so he settled for a, "Hi!" Her face resembled that of a deer caught in headlights, 'Huh?' she thought to herself, 'What does he want?'

"Um I was wondering if you wanted to you know hang out." he flashed her a reassuring smile that would have girls melt at his feet. Again she stared at him with curious eyes. 'Well, this is a first.' she thought as she opened her oak door wider, inviting the gamer in.

She pulled her legs to her chest while she sat on the dark comforter of her bed. Matt took his seat on the floor across from her and began to start a conversation, "So what were you doing before I came here?" he asked with the same shining smile plastered on his face.

Instead of speaking she held out what seemed to be a notepad. Matt suddenly remembered the classroom and how she was drawing. 'So she's an artist...' yet another discovery! This made Matt boil up with joy inside.

His slender fingers grasped the pad as his green obsidian eyes studied the sketch. It was of a girl who was sitting cross-legged on the ground. There was a shadow cast upon her blocking half her doll-like face. She had her arms which were like toothpicks stretched out, reaching for the only source of light. There was a dark pool of black around her which Matt assumed to be blood. Looking closer he could see faint scratch marks upon the little girl's arm. It explained the blood puddle.

Befuddled, Matt handed Kiko her drawing back. He was at a loss for words. On one hand the drawing was well done and showed extreme talent, but on the other it disturbed him beyond belief that someone could draw something so menacing. He was curious about the story of the mysterious little girl, why did she have those marks? Lighting skipped along the sky causing Matt to jump.

"You're curious?" Matt glanced up at the red-eyed girl and nodded. She fidgeted with her sweater's sleeves and continued on, "She was hurt."

Kiko paused and continued, "On the outside she appears to be happy as a normal child would but on the inside......it's turmoil. She is surrounded by darkness, haunted by her parent's constant screams. You can take a guess of how they treat her." Matt nodded dumbfounded by the complexity of the little girl's story.

"She is deeply scarred and broken on the inside. She has never been showed love, never in her 5 years of life. Those marks on her wrists represent the marks on her poor heart. Her parents have clawed at her heart and torn it to shreds with each punch, with each scream. They are her strawberry gashes."

Matt couldn't help but let a inquisitive look pass through the features of his face. She answered him, "The title of the drawing and I was listening to a rather interesting song while sketching it called 'Strawberry Gashes'." With much grace and poise and she reached behind her and pulled out her Ipod. Grasping one of the headphones, she held it out to Matt.

Matt grabbed the bud and held it up to his ear, waiting to listen to the curious words. Kiko pressed played and let the words scream out of her battered headphones.

_Turn her over  
A candle is lit, I see through her  
Blow it out and save all her ashes for me_

_Curse me sold her  
The poison that runs it's course through her  
Pale white skin with strawberry gashes all over all over_

Matt's eyes enlarged when he realized that the words meant.....self-injury.

_Watch me fault her  
You're living like a disaster  
She said kill me faster  
with strawberry gashes all over_

_Called her over  
and asked her if she was improving  
She said feels fine it's wonderful wonderful here_

Kiko soft voice let out and sang along to the music. 'Her voice is much more wonderful than this singers.' Matt thought idly to himself

_Hex me told her  
I dreamt of a devil that knew her  
Pale white skin with strawberry gashes all over all over_

_Watch me fault her  
You're living like a disaster  
She said kill me faster  
with strawberry gashes all over all over_

Strawberry gashes........Cuts.........Scars..........Matt couldn't believe there were so many words for a person's injuries...

_I lay quiet  
waiting for her voice to say  
"Some things you lose and some things you just give away"_

_Scold me failed her  
If only I'd held on tighter to her  
Pale white skin that twisted and withered away from me away from me_

It was quite strange. There would be exaggeration with each word, yet it still flowed smoothly...

_Watch me lose her  
It's almost like losing myself  
Give her my soul  
and let them take somebody else get away from me_

_Watch me fault her  
You're living like a disaster  
She said kill me faster  
with strawberry gashes all over all over me_

As soon as the song had ended Matt handed back Kiko's headphone. "Wow..." was all that escaped his lips. He brought his hand to head as thoughts ran through his head, 'The song, the picture was she....... was she showing herself to me?' Matt looked up at the elegant girl, 'If that's true then she definitely had it worse than I thought....'

"This song is one of my favorites. I like how cut's and slashes are referred to strawberry gashes It's quite poetic, don't you think?" she asked him, her blazing eyes reminding him of the peculiar song he had just heard.

"It's....." words couldn't describe it. Matt didn't know how to state exactly the emotion he felt as he heard her soft voice sing those fascinating words, "..........mind-blowing." That was the one thing he felt, that and a flush of embarrassment that he was able to hear the dark angel sing yet again. Obviously Matt couldn't reveal this to her. A sharp crack of thunder lit up the room as the rolling thunder followed it.

It brought a smile to her lips, "Interesting choice of words." she complimented him in a settle way. 'Every time....' Matt thought staring up to the gifted girl in front of him, '....she smiles it's as if all the clouds separate revealing vivid sun.' A blush threatened to creep up to his cheeks and he turned away quickly, pretending to be interested in her dark room.

Her angelic voice brought his gaze back on her, "I need to take a shower but it will only take ten minutes. Your welcome to stay here if you like." her voice was so gentle as if she were speaking to a small child.

Matt's only reply though was a small nod for he didn't know what to say. As soon as she closed the door softly behind her Matt jumped up in rage. He was so close, _so close_ and he had to blow it by letting his love for her fog his uncanny mind.

Glumly he paced around the room, putting together conversation starters in his head for when she came back. He could not ask her about the weather, he _refused_, so he immediately threw that idea out. He could talk about music but look where that got him. His and her music choices were very much different so that idea was out too. Maybe video games but then again what girl was as obsessed with video games as he was. That grave idea though was the only one Matt had so he settled on that.

A loud boom roared outside as the cries of the wind swept past the window. Bravely, Matt stepped toward the window and watched the rain rush down to earth as if the clouds were weeping out tears of madness. '_This isn't helping...._' he thought with another yelp as lighting streaked the sky, _'I need to find something to do until she gets back_.' He thought about going through her drawings but it would be an invasion of privacy.

His feet padded against the carpet floor as he walked aimlessly around. His green eyes darted around the dark room and caught something strange. Her closet door was opened a tiny bit, allowing light to barely enter. The light landed on what appeared to be a black notebook that was mostly cover with a large jacket.

Bemused, he headed towards her closet. He opened the door letting the light flood the small space. It was indeed a notebook he discovered. He pulled the jacket off it and picked up the journal. _'Wait a minute..._' he thought to himself, _'if this is her journal then I can actually find out what's wrong with her!_' It seemed to be a brilliant idea as he tore open the small book.

If he knew what was wrong then he could some how fix it! Then maybe,_ just maybe_ she would begin to fall for him! Brilliant, though he felt slightly guilty about reading her private thoughts, but it was for a good cause. It wasn't like he would use it against her, that would be horrible no it would be down-right wrong.

He turned to the first page and realized her hand writing was very hard to read. How could an amazing drawer with such soft lovely hands write like this? The writing looked like a scruffy boy had done it. He couldn't complain though and begin to decipher the words, only to be shocked at what was truly there....

_June 25 _

_Dear Diary,_

_Hello, my name is Kaley Hotoku but you don't really care now do you._

_L gave this diary to me and told me to write everything I'm feeling, every thought, every tear._

_Like I'm really going to do that. I'm only writing in this to satisfy the detective, it's the least I can do since he saved me. _

_Let me tell you a few things about myself: I'm a bit short and skinny, I have dark brown hair, I have ......red eyes which I hate with utter disgust, and I am going to die today. Yes, this will be my first and last entry. _

_I can not take not being close to my baby sister or my mother, I feel alone, absolutely alone. I hope that.......wretched person who did this to me rots in a thousand hells. I wish I could see him in gruesome pain but I can't. I'm planning on jumping off the bridge I saw in the park a few days ago. I don't know he city, for L brought me here for my protection, so I don't know my way around very well._

_But I do know where that park is and where that bridge is and.....I'm going to do it._

_I'm going to jump off that bridge and hopefully to my death. Some say that when you fall to your death that you feel a sense of freedom, more then you have ever had in your life. Freedom....that's what I desire. _

_So I'm off, Farewell diary. L if you find this I'm deeply sorry. I guess I'm not as strong as you think I am.... anyone else reads this you probably don't have any idea about what happened to me. I'm sorry to say that you never will. L himself promised to tell not a soul so tough luck to you._

_I bid farewell, hopefully my nightmare will be over soon._

_With all due respect,_

_Kaley._

Matt stared wide-eyed at the journal for a long time. She was suicidal. It was horrible, it was sad, but it all made sense. It was known that she was still alive so she had not gone through with it. What stopped her? Matt turned the page of the book and found another entry. This one was smeared; letters had dripped down the page. It shows that the person who wrote this was in tears....

_June 26_

_Dear Diary,_

_I couldn't do it. I'm weak, so weak that I can't even end my life. This is how it went._

_I first had the task of getting outside without L suspecting me of anything. This went fairly easy, all I had to do was say I was going for a short walk and that I be back in 5 minutes. This of course only gave me the timeframe of 5 minutes to reach the park before L would send out Watari. _

_I ran as fast as I could, letting the wind flow through my hair as if I was underwater. Before I knew it, I had arrived at my death scene. The bridge was empty, unless you would count the few birds that rested along the edge. I could see people in the distance, but I doubted they would notice me at all._

_I stood on the edge and looked down at the 25 foot drop into blue nothingness. Is this what I've been reduced to, running away from my own life?_

_I guess those seconds that I had been standing on the ledge had really been minutes because soon I heard people rushing closer and closer. It seemed I had to make my decision now or else I be pulled back. Curious, I looked back and saw a small crowd formed._

_This was rather stupid of me. All those people, distractions. I wanted to be left alone, why couldn't everyone let me die in peace. As if a memory flashed before my eyes I saw a hint of red in the crowd._

_Red..._

_Red eyes..._

_I ran. I jumped off the ledge and ran as fast as I could, like lighting. Never again do I want to be reminded of him, never again. I felt utterly disgusting as I entered the hotel. I walked limply up to the room L, Watari, and I were occupying. Neither L nor Watari were there which gives me the feeling they had gone out looking for me. I must have been gone for at least an hour for L to go looking as well._

_God, I'm weak. I feel like a bunny rabbit running away from the big bad wolf. Why couldn't he just go away, even in thought? Why?!_

_So now I sit here, bleeding my arms out as you can tell because I've dripped on this journal. Rivers are now flowing freely down my arms. I guess I went a bit overboard but all this anger, all this frustrations, all this hate, sadness, grief, every known emotion feels like it's pent up inside of me, trying to break free. I'm crying for the first time since IT happened. _

_I hate crying, hate it. he was right I am weak, weak enough to let him.... hurt them. I had better clean myself up before L gets back. I bid you ado diary. If I feel like it I might write in you again but for now I'm done._

_With all due respect,_

_Kaley._

Matt almost forgot how to breathe. He dropped the book from his hands and let it thump down to the floor. There were no sounds in the room except for the cackling thunder that seemed to mock him outside.

She was suicidal. This much he got, but so many other questions raged through his head. How was he supposed to help her? What happened to her family? Who's this_ him_? But most importantly, what happened to her?

This was defiantly graver then anything Matt had imagined. She was lost in depression with no hope of getting out. Matt's confusion was interrupted as he heard the turn of the doorknob.

_'Oh shit....'_

* * *

_A few words on the date, This happened 2 years before the Kira inncident a.k.a. When Light first begins killing.. Mello and Near were 14 and 13 when L died but for the sake of the story I'm pretending they were 15 and 14. So they're ages our 13 and 12. Matt and Kiko's age our 13 as well. This will all make sense in the furture and Im really sorry for the trouble._

_it seems each chapter has a theme song :) the song is "Strawberry Gashes" by Jack Off Jill. I suggest you listen to it. If someone would please give me a hard reveiw. I need someone to point out my mistakes so I can do better. It woud help. The invisible muffins are waiting and as a bonus you can hug ed! Have a happy Halloween, the next chapter will be posted after the Halloween rush has ended._


	14. A sinister secret

**__****__****This chapter has been edited. Any mistakes that were once in it are now fixed. Sentences have been added and removed for the story's sake.**

**_Thank those who reviewed! You get invisible hugs!_**

**puddingcup: **It was. It's o.k. I have trouble giving hard reveiws too. Haha he might! Thanks!

**gothic-chao: **Damn and I thought I got everything too. Oh well :)

**Mooncry: **I'm sorry to say it doesn't get any better for her.

**Too Lazy To Log In...: **Haha I love your name! Logging in is too much of a hassle. Thanks!!! I will!

**xXWintersAngelxX: **I'm sorry but I had to do it! Wow I caused that much emotion o.O Yaaaa that's an acomplishment! Thanks!!!! Thanks for answering the questions!!!! It seems I'm causing much emotion with my chapters! Wow you read it all in one night! Your fast!

**the reason you miss me: **Yaa thanks for the hard reveiw!!! Spell-check huh. I'll try a beta-reader. I'm sorry didn't mean to make you depressed!

**ChaseCasel: **I do too! Tha song is the bomb!

**irule505: **They rock! Thanks!!! It doesn't matter if you reveiwed much. Your reveiwing now and that's what counts! I am bad at proof-reading. Commas are what get me the most! I will update at the speed of light!!!

_And now the disclaimer with.............................Viral!!!!! (From Gurren Lagann!)_  
Me: OMG VIRAL!!!!!!!!!!!!! -glomps Viral-  
Viral: What the hell!?  
Me: OmgIlovesinceIfirstsawyou.I'myourbiggestfanandyesI'maninsanefangirl! CAN I KISS YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????????????  
Viral: Ummm This human doesn't own anything. May I ask why you like me?  
Me: Cause your a shark and a kitty combined!!!!!!!!! XD  
Viral: .......I'm going to go save Earth now.

* * *

_Kiko's P.O.V._

I've left the red-headed boy alone in my room for a while now. I feel though that I can trust him, at least enough to not poke around in my things. I stepped out of the steamy shower and wrapped my frail body in a towel and caught a glimpse at myself in the foggy mirror.

My exposed arms and legs still held faint bruising and cuts. Thankfully everyone was too busy playing outside in the autumn winds to be in the bathrooms. I was safe for now. I'm a bit surprised that I still have my old bruising. If you looked closely you could see wear _he_ ran his blade over my skin. I pulled the towel out a little to expose my mark.

_His _mark.

_His _letter.

I felt disgusted running my finger along it. I quickly slipped on my clothes and headed back out towards my room. I've kept the red-head too long; he's probably anxious by now.

I stepped out of the bathroom and trotted towards my room. My gaze was at the windows of the hall. The leaves fell slowly from the large oak tree's outside, dancing in the wind as if it was it's last task. Could leaves feel; could they think?

I already new that answer though. If leaves could think then they could remember and if they remembered......then I would see it.

Memories are horrid things I say. If someone remembers something, anything, I would see it in my head as if it was my own memory. That's right, I Kiko have a special power of seeing the memories of all. Like _he_ could see their future, their death or so _he _says I can see there past. From happy memories to sad, dreadful memories. My horrid red eyes see it all.

When I was younger I could only see truly strong memories. For instance if a person is reminded of their husbands funeral by going to memorial I would live through that funeral. It's quite annoying actually to have someone's memories being poured into me. The most aggravating thing is that I remember every single thing.

That's why I'm number one in the Whammy house. I've gained all the knowledge from all the books I've read in my life and never once forgot any of it. Even if I skimmed a page I can tell you every single letter imprinted upon it. People call it photographic memory; I call it unnatural.

After that........deadly night I was able to pick up even the faintest of memories. These wretched dreams give me constant headaches and it's something that you can't turn off. I try my best to tune the vivid recollections out but in some cases the stronger reminiscences break though my wall. When I was young I thought of these strange occurrences as Deja Vu but I soon learned they were much more.

Who knows why I have this gift, or I should say curse. Maybe my long-lost father had this power and it was passed on to me. I never knew my father so I will never know for sure. My mother refused to speak of him, acting as though he was some wretched memory that she didn't want brought up.

Wretched memory, the humor.

So I'll never know my curse's strange origins and I will never tell of it. I doubt I shall be married and have children so I won't have to explain to my kids why they can see the past of countless people, so I won't have to worry about it. I haven't even told L, the one I've come to known as a replacement family figure. Like he would believe me anyway.

It doesn't matter though as long as I can make it appear like I'm perfectly fine on the inside, even though it's pure turmoil underneath my flesh, then I'll be fine.

I finally arrived at my room. I heard nothing on the inside and assumed the red head grew tired of waiting and left. To my surprise he was there, sitting on the floor attempting to hide something.

I knew what that something was though, it was my journal. That journal held my most sinister thoughts from the time when I was.......in chaos. Suicidal was what one would call some one in my position. I was suicidal for a long time but eventually figured out that no matter how hard I tried I couldn't do it.

I couldn't jump.

I couldn't cut deeper.

And I don't know why.

The point is that book held things even L didn't know about or so I think. He knew that for along time I would purposely cut my wrists, but he didn't know that how I longed to cut deeper. So deep that all the blood would pour out of me and I would finally be reunited with them, my family. L had thought I stopped the awful activity but the truth is I've just gotten better at hiding it from him.

Now this kid was reading my private thoughts, but what was I to do. I highly doubt he tell a soul of it's contents. In fact he most likely pretend he never read it at all. I wasn't going to yell or demand revenge. That wasn't me. Instead I'll quietly let it go. I'll let it slip undetected, but I know he will forever be haunted by the treacherous secret.

That I feel is punishment enough.

I watched as he shakily stood with a fake smile plastered on his face as if everything was handy-dandy. He quickly made an excuse about how he forgot to do his homework which was of course a lie. I believe even he knew how forged it sounded.

And I watched him leave, leave with my notebook hidden inside his jacket. I watched him close the door not knowing that my two red eyes caught every sin he did.

But I didn't care.

For some abstract reason, I felt as though I could trust him even though the edvidence was laid before me to not put my confidence in Matt. I still did......

* * *

Later that stormy day, I found myself walking absentmindedly through the halls that were lit with the occasional flash of lighting. I ignored the stares and whispers of the fools I passed. I soon came across a strange sound that would melt the average person's heart.

Crying.

Not the wailing annoying kind a person would make if their boyfriend or girlfriend just dumped them or they found out they got an F on a major test. No this was the kind of crying that was quiet and barely noticeable as if the person wanted to conceal their tears. The kind of crying a child would show if at his mother's funeral. The kind of crying I did.

This strange noise came from the room that stood to the left of me. I wondered for a brief moment if I should just ignore it and walk off, but my curiosity got the best of me. I tested the doorknob and found that it was unlocked. The door opened just wide enough for me to peer inside.

What my blood eyes caught shocked me. I saw blood running down the arms of the person I thought to be strong. A person who would have you pleading for mercy if you called him a funny name. This side of him showed it's just a tough act and he really, truly feels pain on the inside. Mello....

The blond had yet to notice my gaze and held his head low as if he was ashamed at the act he was committing. His silent tears fell, mixing in with the red liquid that poured down his arms.

I noticed pink lines that covered his arm signaling that this wasn't his first time doing this. I dared to open the door wider and this failed to escape the blonde's notice. His head turned violently toward me as I shut the door behind myself.

His blue orbs looked away from me as if ashamed that he was caught. I didn't feel disgusted or horrified by his cutting, just sorrow and understanding. Understanding that sometimes life was hell and there was no escaping it. Understanding the sick pleasure that came out of watching your arms drip with blood.

I knelt down beside the confused and hurt boy and wrapped my arms around my legs. True, this was an awkward position, but it was comfortable. I gently placed my hand on his shoulder, causing him to lift his eyes up upon me.

My vision suddenly went white and a flood of images seeped into my mind....

_"Mommy...." a little boy no more than six whispered. _

_He and I were in a closet; he couldn't see me, no one does._

_I peek out the door as the blond-haired child was and see ghastly things._

_The mother, I assume, is being beaten by a bulky man._

_The boy is crying, knowing he can't do anything or is too scared to try._

_The mother fights back, hitting the man with a lamp._

_The man falls on his back and grows more and more frustrated._

_He whips out his gun and points it at the woman._

_At this Mello grows completely still and is frozen with fear._

_The mother stands tall with blood dripping from her pale face._

_She utters her final words, "Miheal, I will love you forever..."_

_Mello rushes out of his hiding place, "Mother!"_

_A shot...._

_Blood is everywhere....._

"Kiko!"

I awake from the dreadful vision and see Mello above me. "Y-you suddenly fell back as if you were in p-pain..." He said trying to explain what I already know.

Those were his memories, his past, his sorrows. I never knew how much alike we really were. He lost someone right in front of him as I did. Though I don't know what that man did with Mello afterwards it must have not been pleasant.

This is what those cuts represent. He's alone. You had to be a fool to not realize that he and Matt have separated like a two halves of a Popsicle. But it's obvious that Mello terribly misses his one friend. His wounds are old and Matt had been the bandage that covered them. Matt ripped himself away from the blonde, thus opening Mello's old scars.

He had old wounds; I had fresh. I was probably one of the only people who knew what he was going through. I knew because I was living through it. Through pain and suffering, that is what connects us, trying to get rid of the pain, trying to feel alive by comminuting such acts that would have the average person look away in disgust. That is what connects our souls.

So as I sat up and gazed at the blond boy who had been damaged so much, I couldn't help but feel understanding. Cautiously, I wrapped my slim arms around the boy as a form of comfort. His touch was like fire even through my jacket but I withstood it.

I argued with myself whether or not if I should tell him. Tell him what I saw....

Tell him I saw his mother, I saw him, I saw what disturbs him.

Not yet though....in time, I will be ready, but for now all I can offer him is this hug that I feebly give.

In time I shall share my darkest secret with this boy...

* * *

_So you all know her power of seeing memories is not something I thought of out of the blue. I knew from chapter 1 that see had this extrodinary gift and I gave tiny hints of it. I just didn't want to go out and say "and Kiko can see memories!" in chapter 1. I decided that I would wait a bit. So how would you feel if you could see everyone's past? BTW most of you already know who HIM is but for those who don't just know that it won't be revealed for another ten chapters or so. :) I know i'm mean. Reveiw!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! _


	15. Halloween

___**This chapter has been edited. Any mistakes that were once in it are now fixed. Sentences have been added and removed for the story's sake.**_

_YAAAAA! Over 100 reveiws!!! I love you all!!! Lol Not much to say actually. My life has been good and such. This is again in Kiko's P.O.V. Why you ask? Cause I said so. Lol. If you all love me you'll check out my new B.B. story "Second Chances" . I know the chapters are really short on that one but they will get much longer. Because I'm getting so many reveiws :) they are now posted at the end of this chapter so you can get into the story right away._

And now the disclaimer with.....................................................................Orochimaru(AGGGGGGGGGGGG!)

Orochimaru: Hello. Thank you for havin me. -flickers tongue-  
Me: Who let the pedophile in!???!?!?  
Orochimaru: However do you mean? -evil grin-  
Me: That's it! -pulls out gun-  
Orochimaru: o.O  
Me: DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! -starts shooting-  
Orochimaru: Eeep! Katelyn doesn't own anything! -runs away-  
Me: Get back here!!!!

* * *

It has been about a week or so since I discovered the blonde and his shameful activities. Before my red eyes, Halloween had arrived at the doorstep of the orphanage. Everyone was in an excited mood, eager for the later parties and perhaps, if we're lucky, L's arrival. Though, I am the only who seriously doubts his coming.

L just has too many cases right now. When I was living with him including my own case, he had a total of fifteen other cases. Each case was extremely difficult and highly dangerous, but alway suiting L's unusaul taste. He let me snatch a peek at a few and I will say it requires a lot of brain power to do L's job.

I wish I could wish him a happy birthday at least for giving my a some-what nice birthday. I celebrated my 13th birthday while I was under his protection. L and Watari gave me a small cake and a few gifts which I was extremely grateful for. Guilt is swelling up inside me because I can not return the favor. But I should just push it aside.

The sun began disappearing over the hills and evening fell. Everyone was in a jittery mood. Whammy house holds two parties: One for the little kids and one for the older kids. I learned this information from Roger as he was explaining the customs of Whammy House to me. Apparently at the older kid's parties some of the staff dress up to scare the unexpecting teens. They play loud music and have "Scary" decorations.

The younger kid's party is less intense and involves lots of candy and games. Everyone dresses up in the best costumes they can come up with. Roger lets the ones who are old enough to go out to the city to hunt for the costume they desire. Everyone is excited, their minds in a haze, inpatient for the Halloween night. I'm not.

I used to take my little sister out Trick-or-Treating but obviously that tradition has come to an end. I plan on reading a dark novel, preferably a vampire story, eat some sweets, and listen to some Halloween music. Yup, sounds perfect to me.

So I walked through the decorated halls, heading toward the library to pick out my story that will entertain me for the night. Thankfully everyone is too busy fixing their costumes or applying their face makeup to be out wandering the halls. It is quite peaceful. Well, it was until I turned a corner and landed right into disaster.

I bumped my head into a rather bulky boy. I lifted my red eyes and realized very quickly that this was the same boy who attempted to....touch me. Faint bruising from when I had kicked his face a half-dozen time was still spread across his face. His nose immediately scrunched up when he realized who I was.

"Your that bitch!" he yelled stepping forward, his gang following closely behind. I said nothing for I had nothing to say. I swiftly turned in an attempt to escape his wrath. There was too many of them to get away with what I did last time. Though L taught me well in the form of capeoeira, I could not take on five hefty guys at once. I was not that good.

Besides that I do not like violence. I will only fight if I'm put in the position to defend myself. The only reason I had kicked that guy's face out till it was a bloody mess was because he.........touched me. I do not like being touched.

To avoid conflict, I swiftly turned around in an attempt to escape but the they had other plans.....

The leader grabbed my shoulders and with a growl he said, "Oh no. Your not going anywhere." Before I could protest or do any form of action, I was roughly pushed into a janitor's closet. His followers howled with laughter as each one stepped inside the small dim room.

He pushes me into a shelf of tools, ones that the janitor would use to fix anything that became broken in the house. As if I had some form of bad Karma, the tools came crashing down on me, each making sure to leave a bruise on my dead white skin. With a groan, I pushed the metal objects off of me and struggled to stand.

With another burst of laughter I was punched in the gut, causing me to fall to my knees and gasp for air. No, I refuse to stoop to their level and give him a few bone crunching kicks. Like I said I don't like fighting.

Of course, it is then that his buddies realize that they could get in serious trouble if they were caught. They began to protest, saying, "Hey man let's get out of here!" and other things like, "Dude come on! We're gonna get caught." However their leader gave me a twisted grin and refused to listen to his friend's pleas.

With that I was lifted up by my shoulders, only to be kicked yet again in my stomach. With a yelp I was thrown to the floor, hearing a crack as I landed. His friends voices only got louder. It was as if they wanted to be caught as they raised their deep voices louder, not that I wasn't hoping for it.

To tell you the truth I was praying for it. My lungs were out of oxygen and my breaths came in hoarse pants. If it came to it, I would not be able to fight back, especially against one who seemed to have the intention of killing me.

As if someone answered my pathetic prays, there was a loud banging on the door. The door suddenly slammed open and through it came a very furious blond.

Mello....

"What the fuck is going on!" he yelled, causing a few of the boys to step back. I raised my head a bit and saw that his anger turned into a ravage fury that would make many people run in fear. "So you bastards like gaining up on girls!" he said, balling his hands into tight fists. I was indeed glad that the blond had come to my rescue but the fact was that the boys were twice the size of him, but the boys were twice the size of him

One of them threw a punch at him, but he promptly dodged it and kicked the boy in the shin. While the four boys attempted to crush his slim body, their leader slammed me against the wall as if I were his only focus.

He grabbed my chin roughly, forcing me to look at his disgusting face. His smile turned wicked as he leaned down towards me. All I could think of was, "no...No...NO!" But before he had the chance to smother his lips to mine, my red eyes went out of focus and everything went white.....

_I was looking through his filthy eyes down at a girl who was no more than 10._

_She was crying, begging for him to stop._

_He punched the girl in the face causing her to bleed._

_He moved his hand down farther toward her panties._

_Was this what it was like from HIS view..._

_Was this what I looked like when he...._

_The girl was screaming now, but the boy put his hand over her mouth, cutting her shaken voice completely off._

_He then uttered in her ear, "Make sure you don't let mom and dad know..."_

I screamed. As loud as my fragile voice could get. As loud as that night....

I opened my eyes to find that I was crouched on the floor with my hands grabbing my head in pain. Their eyes were all on me as my body was shaking. Tears threatened to fall from my blazing eyes, but I fought them back. Everyone was stunned to silence. Mello, who had knocked out all the followers, yelled at kid who....who...

He......and his....sister....

He hurt her like _he_ hurt me....

Anger ripped through my chest and suddenly tears of pain became tars of hatred.

My voice exploded like an atomic bomb, "You...you.....How could you!" I had everyone's attention now, even the dazed ones on the floor.

"How could you do that to her! She was your sister! You sick Bastard!" I flung myself forward, jamming her foot with his chin causing him to fly backwards. He landed with a thud onto the ground. My breathing was ragged as I stepped forward with a look of vengeance in my eyes.

Mello had come forward and put his hands on my shoulders in an attempt to stop me. He gave me a look that said, "It's okay." The boy on the floor looked frightened beyond belief. Blood dripped from his mouth as he crawled away. His eye were wide as he staggered out, "H-How do you....know that?!"

I tried to advance towards him but Mello held me back. One side of me, which had been pushed away since my voice escaped my lips, was thanking Mello since I was unable to control myself. Though the other glared daggers at the blond making him cringe a bit.

My thoughts had gone haywire in my head. How could anyone do something like that?! Why would you even want to!? Did people feel no guilt! Did they enjoy torturing other souls! Why are people so evil.....Why did _he _target me....?

Like before I felt my heart stop and my vision went white.......even though I protested to stop..

_He dragged his knife along my flesh._

_His tongue lapped the blood up like a dog._

_His voice whispered in my ear, "I can't see your numbers."_

_With a twisted grin, he pushed his blood-covered lips to mine._

_I struggled to break free of the ropes, thinking, "no...No...NO!"_

_But I was too weak; I'm always too weak...._

Someone was shaking me, trying to get me to break out of my vision. It kept switching off from the present to the past. My mind swirled, trying to figure out what was real. Mello was shaking me and I couldn't figure out what he was saying. Then it switched back....

_His fingernails scraped my skin, causing me to scream._

_Hot, burning tears fell down my face._

_I wanted to escape, I wanted to die._

_I screamed at the top of my lungs before his gruesome hand covered my mouth._

_"You should be quiet before I give something that will REALLY make you scream."_

_His jagged smile burned holes through my skin as he moved downward. _

_Oh god...._

I had finally woken from my vision. Tears threatened fall and everyone was silent. Mello's hands were firmly on my shoulder as he tried to decipher what had happened. I knew then that I had screamed....

A loud knocking at the door broke the silence, "What the hell is going on!"

* * *

Wonder what's gonna happen huh! This is one of those chapters that has been sitting in my head for months! I hope you enjoyed it!

**Thank you all.**

**XxremembermexX: **Aw this is an intresting question. Basically my thought was I want to give her some sort of curse. I thought of her being able to see the future but that is so overused! So I decided hey if people can see the future why not the past! Lol This power I created myself, I didn't look in any books or shows , though it might be used somewhere.

**playboy-bunny ;P: **Haha love your name! Lol and yes you may and you are in fact correct! Whoo hoo for you! Here's an invisible cookie for guessing right!

**Mooncry: **Yes sad for them!

**saki217: **Haha Viral is the bomb!

**ChaseCasel: **I like writing everyone' past and making it all sad and such. Though maybe it's because I like really angesty stuff o.O! which is why she considers it a curse. Haha that is one of the endings I've planned! Lol Near gets a vote! Yaaa!

**irule505: **Thanks! It is sad! That's because I like making everyone really really sad! Muhahahaha! I'm a mean person! XDThat is what you call them and thank you!

**Winter's Angel: **I posted a poll! Lol but not all the endings are listed. I've got a total of 12 endings 5 of which will make you all cry! :) Lol I think they make a cute couple too!

**puddingcup:** Yaa Mello is a loveable aunt! You might feel bad for Kiko if you read on. Haha!Everyone is crying!!!! Was it confusing? o.O Mello is crying cause he feels completely alone and feels weak. Matt didn't cry but definetly felt horrible. Near hasn't cried ....yet. :)

**Draco MalfoyGirl 16: **Yaa new reveiwer!!! Lol Thanks and I promise I will write this to the very end!

**the reason you miss me:** Thanks! Your a beta-reader? Thanks and yes she is awesome! :) It will be about 25 or more chapters. Probably more.

**kia1270: **Thanks! I will! Sweetness!

**mary-sue hater**: I have to say you are my first real flame. I'm sorry you hate May-sue fics but that not what this is story is. I haven't made any other characters for this story except of course her family. In fact if you knew who the killer is... well let's just say Kiko is the only OCC. I know I have bad grammar. Actually though in the later chapters I'm getting better at spell-check. Feel free to flame me more. They only make me want to try harder. :)


	16. Frustration

_____**This chapter has been edited. Any mistakes that were once in it are now fixed. Sentences have been added and removed for the story's sake.**_

_Hello wonderful people of earth!!! The poll has now offically been closed!! I've figured out an ending! Muhahahahaha! No hints! I'm sorry my updates have been so slow!!! I've got two other stories and it's been quite difficult to keep up. I try! Lol._

_And now the disclaimer with................Ichigo!!!(BLEACH!!!)  
_Ichigo: What the hell...  
Me: You have a cussing problem.  
Ichigo: I do not!  
Me: Yes you do!!! Everytime you fight it's like a parade of cussing!!!  
Ichigo: Well, wouldn't you cuss to if your getting stabbed!!!!  
Me:.....No.  
Ichigo: Liar. Katelyn doesn't own anything.

_

* * *

_

_Well, this is just great. This is super, splendid, wonderful. I practically breathe sarcasm. This has to be one of the most uncomfortable situations of my life. Why you ask, because I'm sitting in Roger's office. He's looking at me with a serious tone in his orbs. He wants answers, and he wants them now._

_But I rather not give him his desired answers. I would like to keep my ability a secret, from him and from L. Hopefully, L doesn't think outside the box and assume that I have some unnatural gift, or curse. Roger wants to know every detail: what happened, why I broke down, and what the hell I was talking about._

_He wants to know._

_He wouldn't understand._

_No one does. The only person whoever knew of my curse was in fact my mother. And she took my secret with her to the grave. She knew that if anyone found out there would be two causes, two reactions to this news._

_Either they wouldn't believe me and send me to a psychiatric facility or they believe me, which I think is remotely impossible. If they believed me they would do all sorts of gruesome tests and experiments on my mind. No doubt it would leave me dead in the end. She was deadly afraid of this happening, so she made me swear never to tell a soul._

_Never. Not to anyone, even to Roger._

_And I plan on keeping my promise._

_How he found us though would leave anyone with all sorts of questions...._

_Flashback_

_"What the hell is going on!" _

_Everyone's head, except for mine, snapped in the direction of the booming voice. There, flustered stood Roger. He looked as though he was a volcano, about to burst at any second or a animal who has contracted rabies. He did not look happy._

_I felt his eyes land on me. I was on the floor bent down and on the verge of breaking down completely. Tears brimmed my eyes as I felt Roger move closer, "What happened?! Mello?" _

_Mello's voice broke out and he immediately began to tell what happened. Other voices broke too, intent on saving their skins from Roger's terror. I was not listening however._

_My mind hurt and I was slightly dizzy. I went through all the memories I had seen, his memories, my memories. This damn curse would never let me live peacefully. I've gone through every possible horrific thing a person could go through. I've experienced death, pain, suffering, and yet, I'm still here..._

_Why though? Why do I insist on living this fucked up life of mine? Is L worth this? Is it really worth going through all this pain, all this suffering just to stand by the world's greaest detective's side? Or maybe I'm just weak._

_Too weak to live on....._

_No, I'm not. If I show weakness then that means HE won. HE wanted me to feel anguish, HE wanted me to feel so horrid that I would end my own life. Well, I haven't. I don't plan on it._

_I will heal.....no matter what..._

_End Of Flashback_

_I guess you could say I had some sort epiphany. I will survive, no matter what. Not so much as I want to live, but the thought of giving in to him makes me want gag myself. I do need to tell someone though. I need to tell someone about my curse._

_But who...._

_Roger's voice broke my thoughts, "Are you listening Kiko?" I quickly realized that I had been staring out the window the entire time. The night sky was cloudy and had a doom-like feeling to it. It stared down at me, refusing to shine any light as if embarrassed that I have come to this point._

_Why can't I avoid trouble? Why must it hunt me down like I am prey, claw me to ribbons, and leave to survive only another twisted game of fate. Why does it like to send me in spins and circles, confused and befuddled, wondering what's going to happen to me._

_Fate is a sick maniac._

_I turned to him and noticed he held a much softer expression. Roger rubbed his head and said, "Kiko you need to tell me. I don't care what happened, Mello already explained that much. I can assure you those boys aren't going to bother you again nor is anyone else. But...."_

_He paused for a minute, allowing me to cross my legs in the cushion chair I was sitting in. Hs gaze became tense again, "But I need to know. Why would you make such an accusation about that boy? How do you know this?"_

_I allowed my rasp voice to speak, "He raped his sister." I stated simply, turning my attention toward the scenery outside._

_Roger wasn't satisfied though, "Yes, but I want to know how you know. Why do you think such things?" He was trying to pry information out of me by acting like he was some sort of grandparent, who was trying to help their grandchild. To some kids here he may be like family, but to me he is not my grandfather._

_"You wouldn't understand." my red eyes focused on him once more. I saw a slight flinch come from him. He tensed under my harsh stare. Before he could respond I interrupted him, "You wouldn't believe me; you'd think I'm crazy."_

_Crazy....such a loose term. How does one consider another human to be insane? How can anyone judge whether a person can live out his or her life or be trapped in a cell, being fed pudding by nurses who give you empathetic looks. Is that where I belong?_

_"Kiko, I won't think you crazy. Please tell me how you know." he pleaded desperately. I knew then I had won the battle. When someone gets on their hands and knees and begs to you, know that you have won. Though Roger didn't get down and kiss my feet, the look in his eyes said it all, the look of a weary man._

_"Let me speak to her."_

_I blinked. It couldn't be! I didn't realize that his computer was on. I gulped and wonder if it was who I thought it was..._

_"Alright L." Roger said, turning the computer toward me so I could stare at gothic old English L. "Please leave us, Roger." L said. He was not using a synthetic voice so his clear monotone voice came through the speakers. Obeying L, Roger silently left the room, leaving me alone with my idol._

_"L." I said, looking at the screen with unfazed eyes. Their was a small webcam on top of the screen. He could see me, or in better terms, read my face. I had to make sure I was as emotionless as possible. I didn't want him to know that I was screaming on the inside._

_"I shall get right to the point then..." always L, blunt as possible. "It seems Roger is quite worried about you and I wouldn't be lying if I said I was too." I could practically envision L's gunmetal eyes staring down on me._

_I fidgeted in my seat a bit and he quickly took notice, "You have something to say?" he was expecting me to answer. Sadly, I refuse to cooperate with him, "No, L, I have nothing to say."_

_A long silence followed and it was not pleasant at all. Finally, L spoke, "Very well. I shall talk to you soon." That was my queue to get up and leave._

_Guilt washed over me as I opened the door. Roger, who had been standing outside the whole time and no doubt listening to the entire conversation, stepped forward and closed the door behind me._

_I lied to L. L, the person who took me in when I was in the worst place in my life. And I lied to him. Lied..._

_I should try not to think of it though. Nausea would take over and the last thing I need is to end up puking into a toilet. Forgive me L..._

_

* * *

_

_Back in Roger's office..._

_"Well, L?" asked Roger as he took his seat at his desk._

_"I have come to a conclusion." L stated, surprising the older man."W-well what is it!?" Roger practically yelled. He was indeed curious about Kiko. L had told him almost nothing about the young red-eyed girl._

_All he knew was that her entire family was killed. If L had a conclusion then it might be related to her mysterious past. Roger most definitely would like to learn just a bit more about the girl. That way, if something similar to this happened again, he would know how to deal with it instead of calling the busy detective for help._

_"I believe she can see the memories of others." L stated._

_This was unquestionably not what Roger expected. No, that's an understatement. This information threw Roger completely off. "Y-you can't be serious L!" Roger said, thinking the detective had a bit too much sugar._

_"I am quite serious Roger." the ever so blunt detective said._

_"But that's impossible!" Roger rubbed his temples. This was indeed the strangest Halloween he had ever had._

_"Actually it's not impossible. He could see their death, so why can't Kiko see their past."_

_"Yes but he was insane L. You know this." Roger huffed out. He wondered how this at all related to him. "Quite the contrary, Roger. He was most certainly sane as Kiko is. Do you have a better explanation for her sudden outburst?"_

_"I-I....." Roger did not have a better explanation. The more he thought about it, the more it seemed plausible. "L, if that is true, then....what do I do? What do I do about Kiko?"_

_"Leave her be."_

_"Pardon?" Roger couldn't believe L was suggesting such a thing. Why would he leave a girl, who could possibly have a powerful gift, alone?_

_"Let her heal, Roger." L said._

_"But......o-okay L. I trust you. But, if this incident occurs again do not expect me to leave her be." Roger couldn't believe he was agreeing to such fanatical terms, but he had no choice._

_"Of course. I will speak to you soon Roger. Goodbye." The screen went blank and their conversation had ended._

_Roger signed in frustration, "How am I supposed to do nothing!" He knew though that whatever plan L had in mind it would work. For now, he would just have to wait..._

_Hopefully L's plan would succeed...._

_

* * *

_

_Kiko's P.O.V._

_The next day came quicker than I expected. Everyone was dead tired from the long night they had. I was dreary from all the events that had taken place, but mind still could wrap itself around all the things I had done and witnessed._

_So now what? Somehow, I'm supposed to repair my shattered life, fix it up like some broken toy, hoping it will work again and I can play with it for my own amusement. Or will other people come and steal my toy, destroy it, or even play with it themselves, ignoring all the pleading and tears._

_We're just toys aren't we? Mindless, stupid little toys._

_I can't be thinking this way....it's tearing me apart, ripping me from within. This isn't me, this pessimistic girl who seems to think the world is out to get her._

_When I did I lock away the old me in replace of a robot?_

_To figure out these anguished questions, I set off to find the albino who seemed so keen on helping me before._

_I found him in the playroom playing mindlessly with some robots. His cold eyes were fixated on his toys and he did not notice me until I sat beside him. "Hello Kiko." He said looking up at me._

_I took a deep and, knowing full well I was treading into unknown waters, said, "Well, let's get started...."_

_

* * *

_

_Yaaa! Near is in the next chapter!!! I got grounded from the computer (Along with everything else) so I'll try and sneak my way to my to it as much as possible! Cheer me on! Lol_

**_You guys rock!!!_**

_**Aveira:** Your not a bad reveiwer!!! You actually gave me quite a long reveiw!!! That's why i's called a curse! Thank you!! I had to include him! He's my favorite!! Ah, that I must keep a secret! Sorry! You'll find out though, just waaaaay later! Thanks! Writing her and Mello for some reason is the easiest. I have the worst trouble writing her and Near ad I don't know why. I hope they work things out too. Yaaa! Reveiw for that story! I want to know what you think!!!_

_**ChaseChasel: **Lol Who else could it be! Haha you'll have to fight for him!_

_**Draco MalfoyGirl 16: **Thank you! Next chapter I promise!_

_**Mooncry: **OMG!!!!!! I'm sorry! I new something was wrong! He is disturbed! That's why he didn't get a name! Lol I wonder if anyone noticed that. I do too._

_**puddingcup: **It will get better soon! Wow and I thought I put a lot of clues...._

_**the reason you miss me: **It's all good!!!!! Happy B-day!!!! Thanks!! Yes help would be appreciated! Your favorite? I'm flattered!!!_

_**xXMidnight-ShadowXx: **Yes she does! Thanks!! Go Mello XD!_


	17. First Thearpy Session

_____**This chapter has been edited. Any mistakes that were once in it are now fixed. Sentences have been added and removed for the story's sake.**_

_And now for the disclaimer with.............Yuki and Kyo!!!! (Fruits Basket!)_  
Kyo: Why is that damn rat here!?  
Yuki:Why are you making so much noise? Stupid cat.  
Me: Uh boys.....  
Kyo: Stupid! All show you! -dives at Yuki-  
Yuki: Hmph we'll see about that -raises fist-  
Me: BOYS! -presses magic button of doom!-  
Yuki and Kyo: -frozen- What the hell!  
Me: Now be good and do the disclaimer!  
Yuki: Katelyn-san doesn't own anything.  
Kyo: When I'm unfrozen I'm going to kill you!!!!  
Me: XD

* * *

_I took a deep and said, "Well, Let's get started...."_

The room felt as though it had shrank a substantial amount in size. The air was fought for, dominated, and eventually the sole divider between Kiko and near as their eyes interlocked, watching each other behind thick bangs and eyelashes.

She felt uneasy as to how they were going to go about with this, how this healing process was to be approached by the petite white haired boy. These meetings, these therapy sessions were perhaps the most atypical thing Near has ever attempted. Were they even therapy sessions where two people would sit and talk mindlessly for hours in vain endeavors to try and save the scraps of someone's mind?

At least that was how they were meant be. When you get down to the point, all it is is rehabilitation.

Remedy for her shattered soul; maybe it would work, maybe it wouldn't. But she knew she had to at least try to open up a little even if the listener was this strange albino genius. Besides, what if it does work...

What if she could heal her destructiveness towards herself? Would there be a chance, a new hope at a brand new life as if she had just gone down to the store and bought one on discount?

But would it be on discount? Would it even be free? Or would there be some absolute appaling price hanging down around its neck by a thread? Kiko didn't know what she could afford to lose, gain, or sacrifice in this twisted game of maybe.

What would happen?

Near rose from his spot on the ground. His hard black eyes bore into Kiko's, "We should probably go to my room then for privacy or would you like to talk in your room?" he asked turning towards her.

"W-we could begin in your room, I guess..." Kiko replied, letting the shiver that caressed her neck to slip down her arms and play with the tips of her fingers. Her voice had gone back to a low soft whisper, screening the severity she felt. She looked a bit edgy and slightly nauseous as they walked out of the room together. Near's sock-padded feet slid against the wood paneled floor.

Nervous, Kiko began to fumble with her jacket as they stepped up the stairs. Noticing the red eyed girl's panicky state, Near spoke, "You don't have to say anything you don't want to."

Surprised, Kiko whirled her head around to gaze at the smaller boy, "Huh?" she asked timidly.

"This is meant as a healing exercise." he said," When your ready to open up you may, but for now don't rush it. Say what's on your mind and anything else you want." he gave her a small reassuring nod. He sounded less like the distant boy she thought he was and more like psychiatrist.

"Ok...." she said, looking down at her ripped up shoes.

They arrived shortly to his room. Near turned the knob of his door and pushed it open and lead Kiko into his small space that was cramped with piles of toys. The last time she had been in his room was when she was groggy from pain and only half-awake. Now that her focus was clear she could visibly see the albino's room.

There were more toys than she had thought. Transformers were sprawled throughout the floor. Puzzle boxes were stacked neatly on his dresser. Stuff animals lurked from under the bed, watching her with their beady, glassy eyes, scaring her with their demented grins. Other sorts of toys were spread throughout the room, piling in the corners.

Near took his spot on the floor beside his bed. He sat in his usual position, a knee up to his chest with his arm hugging it tightly. Kiko was not sure where to sit until Near gestured towards the bed. She moved towards the bed still uneased, still worried, still wondering why she was there. Though she knew Near would never force anything out of her- he had said so in the halls- she couldn't help but gulp as she sat upon the soft bed.

"Lay back." Near startled her with such a unusual statement.

"W-What?" she asked, confused as to how it would even help. As if the albino could read her thoughts, he answered, "It will help you relax."

Trusting Near, Kiko laid back on the yielding bed. Her head hit the white fluffy pillow and she instantly felt her muscles relax. It seems this boy knew exactly what he was doing as if her had prepared for this sort of thing, knowing it would come in handy.

They began the healing process....

"Tell me what is on your mind?" Near asked, observing Kiko's every slight movement. She closed her blood eyes and thought for a minute before answering, "Pain."

"What kind of pain?" he asked.

She went into deep thought again. She never exactly knew what sort of pain she felt but Kiko did her best to answer," Intolerable pain.....much worse than breaking your arm or getting a cut. Mental pain......"

"Why do you have this sort of pain?" Near took note of every word she said and mentally filed it into separate piles.

She hesitated for a moment, "Memories........" This was the moment of truth, would she be able to tell him or would she freeze up and lock herself away....

"You mean your past?" he asked. Near did not expect her to be this open. If at all he expected her to fight back a bit. This was going quite smoothly. Well, was....

"Yes and no....... memories from others....." she bit her lip. Would he believe her or think she was a nut?

Near was silent. Memories.....from others? What did she mean? Was this girl insane? Had Whammy honestly slipped up on the tests and missed something when letting this girl enter an orphanage of geniuses?

No, Watari never made a mistake that much was sure. Ever since the mishap with the first generation, he made sure to take in only children who could withstand the pressures, the ones who were truly radiant, brilliant, the ones without any flaws.

Insanity would never enter the house again.

Watari wouldn't let it happen.

So....could this mean.....could she see......a person's past? Was she crazy? No, this girl was sane, broken but sane. A thousand thoughts raced through Near's head. How was this possible? No wonder the poor girl suffered so much, such a curse would bring the average person to insanity, but she seemed to still be intact though on the edge of breaking.

Near spoke, "You mean you can see everyone's thoughts?"

"No not thoughts, memories. I ....see it, see them when a person remembers something from the past. It didn't used to be so strong but since......since my family passed my senses have gotten allot stronger."

......

......

......

......

For the longest time neither said a word. Near soaked in this new piece of information. He barely grasped the capability of this power, no this lunatic-like curse. Anyone's memories....... how tragic. People will always dwell on horrific memories, sometimes happy, but usually sad. And she has to see everyone's sad, everyone's tragic events. It was such a shock that she could think clearly.

"What about your memories?" he asked.

"I live through them....every time I remember..." she looked grim as she talked.

"It's no wonder your an insomniac, when you dream you must feel like your living though it...." he realized the magnitude of the situation that instant. Whatever happened to her she lived through it consistently when she shut her eyes for sleep...

"I don't want to talk anymore." she said sitting up, "Sorry...." she began walking toward the door.

Near quickly responded, "No, it's quite alright. We've made progress today. Kiko?" he watched her turn to face him, "I'm sorry you go through such a thing" He couldn't help the pity towards the girl grow as he stared into her disbelieving eyes full of skepticism of whether or not he was making fun of her. It had become much more than just wanting to figure her out.

Near felt the need to help this girl more than ever.

"You believe me?" she said with doubt.

Near looked at her puzzled face, "Why wouldn't I?" At this a small smile graced her bitten lips as she nodded to him. Kiko closed the door behind her, leaving Near to his thoughts.

* * *

Matt was lying on his bed staring blankly at the notebook in his hand. Kiko's entries did not get any better. Words of darkness and sorrow filled each line in the journal leaving Matt in utter despair.

It had no mentions of what happened to her, but he knew it must have been atrocious. He did not know how to calm the girl's thoughts. Thoughts of suicide had subsided in the later entries, but were only replaced by self-infliction.

Somehow he had to save her from herself. Otherwise, she would fall into a hopeless life of ruins.

Matt knew he had to save the one his heart belonged too.

But how....

He had no experience with these kinds of dramatic thoughts. Who knew how long the girl had even felt them!

First things first, he had to return her notebook. A pool of guilt flooded in his stomach for reading her private life, one she had probably hidden from L himself. Matt had to sneak into her room somehow and put it back where he found it.

Matt got up from his bed and headed out to perform his task.

* * *

**Reveiws are to me like chocolate is to Mello XD!**

**irule505: **Yes I feel bad for writing her past so....sad!!!! REALLY! I keep getting flames for her so that means an awful lot!!! Yaaaaaa! She's on the borderline of emo and depressed. I like it when I cause people to nearly fall out of their chairs. XD I'm being as sneaky as possible. My punishment is almost over though. Thanks!! I would not be able to lie to L. It seems impossible. The story will gradually switch P.O.V.s but it will mainly focus on Kiko's P.O.V. I'm glad you like it in her veiw. Thanks!!! OMG I realize this!! I can't write crack!! Everytime I do it seems to be all wrong. I' so much better at writing depressing stories. I shall.

**Soup: **Suicidal ? I'm sorry if it annoys you. I'll try to tone that down. I did not. She is not perfect nor is does she have the attitude of a mary-sue. You are entitled to your opinions though. Boring? I'll slow it down then. It's just cause it's gonna be quite long that I feel the need to keep i at a fast pace. I'll try.

**the reason you miss me: **Thank you! Yes! Only 3! I'm getting better at this!! Yaaa favorite! XD BTW if you didn't read the author's note above the one-shot is posted!!!! I hope I did well enough to be entered!!!!

**Mail-Jeeves-69:** Yaaa new reveiwer!!! Thanks!!!!! LolI'm glad you like the disclaimers!! Yes I can't see her as a Mary-sue either. Lol I went a bit overboard with him There's just so much room towrite about him which is why he turned a bit too emotional!!! I'll tone him down a tad! I shall and you may in fact have an invisible muffin!! XD I noticed that mistake as soon as I posted it. It's supposed to be 1, 2, 3, 4, but something went wrong! Sorry!!!

**Mooncry: **I know! I definetly couldn't!

**puddingcup: **Haha I'm like that alot. Poor mommy lost his fanfiction!!!! Near: It was bound to get deleted anyway. Me: :(

**playboy-bunny: **I've gotten good at it as well. I have not been caught yet!!! Lol

**saki217: **Oops! It's supposed to be deep breath! Sorry! Yaaaaa! You believe in my powerful ninjaness!!!!!

**ChaseCasel: **Noooo! My OC!!! -catches Kiko- I kicked a hole through my sister's door! XD

_Keep the reviews coming and you all will get cookies!!!!!!!_


	18. Red paint

___**This chapter has been edited. Any mistakes that were once in it are now fixed. Sentences have been added and removed for the story's sake.**_

_Now for the disclaimer with..........................a rabid fangirl?_  
Rabid Fangirl: OMGI'MSOEXCITED!!!! IS L HERE!!!!!????  
Me: Ummm I'm afraid to answer that question.  
L: Did someone call?  
Rabid Fangirl: L!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -glomps L- OMGYOURTHEBEST!ILOVEYOUSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMUCH! May I have your shirt?  
Me: o.O  
Rabid Fangirl: -rips L's shirt off- Wheeeeee I got his shirt!  
L: -covers himself- I feel naked.  
Me: Uhh ya. You have a nice chest by the way.  
L: Thank you?  
Me: Oh my god....  
More rabid fangirls: L!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
L: -runs away-  
Me: Go L go! Uh since everyone is gone I'll just do this myself. I don't own anything, got it!

* * *

_Kiko's P.O.V._

A week has passed and I can undeniably say that little session was extremely awkward, but for some reason I feel better. Like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I'm floating up towards the sky. I guess talking does help allot more than I thought. Maybe I'll even tell him about....

But, I doubt that will happen any time soon. My scars are still fresh and I rather not reopen them. I fear the pain they'll bring, in due time, I shall heal so much that I can tell the albino, tell him about why I'm like this. Why I'm so.......depressed. It feels like a distant dream though and I'm chasing after it. It keeps getting farther away...

The cold, briskly air has settled in the house and the heaters are working their hardest to keep us from freezing to death. Since I always wear a sweatshirt, I don't even notice the cold. Maybe I have become permanently numb.

The England skies are coved in a blanket of grey clouds, each threatening to release their little white feathers on us. I love snow though. It feels so pure, untouched. I remember fond memories of my little sister running around in the snow. She would fall in the slush and laugh her little heart out.

But those are only dreams now.

The halls are fairly empty except for the occasional group of students who snicker at me as they walk past. There is a reason for their annoying laughter though.

Feeling aspired, I picked up tons of paint from the art room, so much that I can't see over the box. I have different colors, all which will create the image that is swirling in my head. It's quite beautiful actually in a dark way.

I have been stumbling my way through the light filled halls and have had a few close calls. I narrowly escaped walking into a teacher and managed to hold up my paints when I crashed into a wall. I feel like a blind driver whose about to hurtle to the floor.

Carefully I began to step down the stairs. With each step my anxiety rose. I'd much rather not miss a step and fall, possibly breaking my neck in the process. A shock went through me as I felt my foot barely miss the step. My breath heaved and I stumbled forward. The paints rattled in the box and I gave a small gasp.

Suddenly, a hand shot out and grabbed the back of my sweater. I was abruptly pulled backwards and narrowly escaped the plunge. My box landed with a thud on my lap, to my surprise not one of the bottles had spilled.

I jerked my head up to gander at my savior. Those familiar goggles made it obvious who it was.

"Close call eh. Need some help?" Matt's goofy grin gave me the shudders. How could someone have such a happy-go-lucky smile on their face, yet their eyes full of turmoil? Such a confusing boy, what did he have to hide? No, the more important question is why is he hiding his true feelings by masking them with others?

I don't hide my feelings; just lock them away with a key. Emotions are a painful thing. Sorrow, grief, fear, disastrous things that often lead to the destruction of man. I keep them under lock and key, stored in the far corners of my mind, but sometimes one rare jailbird manages to escape.

And that jailbird often causes many problems.

As I stood up, balancing my box with my skinny arms, Matt's gloved hands reached out and grabbed my heavy item. "I don't need any help thank you." I said letting some of my annoyance seep out.

I swiftly turned, only to nearly fall on my face yet again. I would have possibly fallen straight to the floor if it weren't for two lanky arms that planted themselves at my hips.

"You sure you don't want my help?' he asked sounding completely carefree. I yanked myself away from him, his hands felt as though they burned through my skin. My red eyes met his tinted yellow ones. For a moment neither of us moved or breathed on the stairway. Did I see a hint of remorse in his eyes just now.....

Shaking it off, I walked on, finally reaching the floor. I began my routine of stumbling. I only managed a few steps before I felt the box's weight disappear completely. For a millisecond, I thought I was clumsy enough to spill my paints, only to discover the red head carrying my art supplies.

"Now, what kind of gentlemen would I be if I let a lady carry such a heavy box." he said with a smile. Giving in to the gamer, I lead the way to my room, though he probably knew where it was anyway.

I heard his voice over the box, "What's this paint for anyway?" I was afraid he was going to ask that, but it was unavoidable. "A project." I answered, sounding as vague as possible. We turned a corner and he seemed to have no trouble at all. I felt a slight hint of envy that he could carry it so easily while I could not.

He wasn't satisfied though, "What kind of project?" I gave him a look that said 'Are you kidding me?'. The bottles of paints were sticking out of the box. Either he was completely oblivious to his surroundings or he just liked hearing me talked.

I'd very much rather not answer the red head, but his beaming smile is too inviting, "A painting." I said, gesturing to the exposed bottles. His eyes widen and he let out a chuckle at his foolishness. I made a silent breath of relief as my door came in view.

It's not that I don't like Matt; compared to the other children here he's actually quite nice, it's just that I want to get started on my painting as quickly as possible. I fear the image in my head will slip out and it will forever be lost in the sea of vanished memories.

I turned the knob and opened the door for the red head. He walked right in as if it were his own room. "Where do you want this box?" he turned toward me with his signature smile. I shrugged and pointed next to my canvas.

My canvas was blank, completely white except for the pencil marks of my sketch. A bit depressing actually. It needs all sorts of colors, as dark as they might be. It needs to be lively enough to jump off the stage and run around, scaring all contenders in its path. Matt obliged to my direction and placed the box of paints next to my soon-to-be painting.

I took a seat on the stool in front of my canvas and waved Matt off. But he didn't go. Nope, instead he sat right down next to me on the floor. I tilted my head towards him and gave him an odd look. He returned it with beam and said, "Can I watch since I helped?"

I tried my hardest to refuse those wide eyes of his. He looked like a kitten begging for attention. As if I betrayed my screaming mind I nodded to the gamer. I couldn't fathom why I let those goggled eyes get to me, but I chose to put it aside along with my other raging thoughts.

Time to get down to business.

I pulled out my headphones and ignored Matt's observing eyes. I scrolled over to a random song and let the music pour into my ears. The sound of "Happy Birthday" by Birthday Massacre rang through my ears. I dipped my paintbrush in the red paint and began...

_I think my friend said, "I hear footsteps."  
I wore my black and white dress to the  
Birthday massacre, birthday massacre, birthday_

I took a look at my painting, red paint dripped downwards, making it look as though my drawing were bleeding. Bleeding..... that's a good idea.

_I wore my black and white dress  
I think my friend said, "Stick it in the back of her head."  
I think my friend said, "Two of them are sisters."_

I covered my canvas in a array of dark colors. Black was most dominant, for it was the background but other colors had their place in my disturbed image.

_"I'm a murder tramp, birthday boy", I think I said  
"I'm gonna bash them in, bash them in", I think he said_

Why does this song always remind of those horrific memories. I slashed at my painting in frustration. Curse my luck at picking the wrong song at the most wrong time. I glanced at Matt and he was entranced by my artwork.

_Then we wished them all a happy birthday  
We kissed them all goodnight. Now he chases me to my room,  
Chases me to my room, chases me  
In my black and red dress_

I was wearing black and red that night.........I aggressively stroked my paintbrush along the lines of my sketch, fighting my heart which seemed to be beating faster and faster...

_I think my friend said, "Don't forget the video."  
I think my friend said, " Don't forget to smile."  
"You're a murder tramp, murder tramp", I think he said  
"You're a murder boy, birthday boy", I think I said_

I dropped my paintbrush and looked at my drawing. Red oozed through the lines and mixed with the dark background. I still had a ways to go. Thank god that song is over, I don't need to have a mental breakdown if front of Matt.

Speaking of Matt, the boy was now astonishingly close. His translucent eyes were fixated on my handiwork as if he had never seen a painting before. His breathed a 'Wow' before turning to me, his smile gone. Instead it was replaced with a serious tone, his real emotion.

I broke the mask that once covered his feelings and now he was presenting me his true emotions. He was stunned speechless.

A few dozen songs later my painting was complete. It dazzled with so many dark tones, like the night sky. Matt's eyes were wide with disbelief. I had painted a mauled girl holding the remains of a birthday cake. Though she was soaking with blood her face was absent of sullenness. A ominous smile was spread across her face.

"Wow that's......good." Matt finally said, lifting his goggles to get a better look at my finished project. His ocean blue eyes sparkled with admiration. They looked as if the sky had fallen in his orbs. Beautiful.....

"Oh crap, it's night!" he exclaimed. I looked towards the window and realized he was in fact right. Twilight had fallen upon the Orphanage. "You better go then." I said without even looking at him.

There was a small silence before he said, "A-all right then. I guess I'll go......" even though I was looking at them I could hear the dejection in his voice. I heard his shoes padded over to the door, but they stopped.

"Your painting really is beautiful." he said in voice I had not heard before. A soft, angelic voice that could mollify a war. I turned towards him and before I even knew what I was saying words escaped my mouth, "Y-you want it?" I asked.

He looked bemused before a smile, a real smile, appeared upon his face, "Sure, I mean, if your sure." he cocked his head and awaited my approval. If he had a tail he'd be wagging it a mile a minute.

"You may have it. I just painted it for fun." I answered plainly. He stepped forward and put his gloved hand on my shoulder. For once, it didn't burn. He kneeled down and gave me a some-what sweet look and said, "Thank you."

I only nodded in response and watched him carefully pick the painting up as if it was worth a million dollars and walked towards the door. Again, he said, "Thank you." and left.

'Why did I do that?' I thought aimlessly. Never had I given any of my artwork to someone. Why this boy? Why him? Was it because we both hide are feelings on the inside, only using different masks? What was it?

I pondered this for awhile before my eyes became droopy. I reached into my drawers and pulled out a bottle of meds I had received from the nurse. I lied to her of course about why I needed them. They would help me stay awake and that was all that mattered.

I don't want to dream.

* * *

_I'm so mad! I had to rewrite this chapter from scratch cause my sister deleted it! All except for the beginning author's note and the disclaimer!!!! This chapter sucked I know!!!! My memory only remembered so much! So yea, two days to rewrite this! Sorry!!!!!!! And the song that is mentioned is "Happy Birthday" by The Birthday Massacre. On a brighter note, I'm seeing Twilight this weekend with my two friends! They're my dates! Haha Just kidding! Hopefully it's good, I don't want another "Eragon" episode. For those who read that book know the movie was absoulutely dreadful. Have a happy thanksgiving!!!_

**You all rock!**

**puddingcup: **They're just jealous of my awesomeness!!!! Near: What awesomeness? Me: Shut up! I don't know, guess it's because mine was so popular. Beyond: We did rock! Me: :( Well, at least this story is really popular!!! XD

**Mooncry:** I need to get Matt in the game!!! Yes, she is quite strong I have to say. I probably go crazy and turn into a serial killer or something. :)

**ApatheticDiversion: **Thanks! Yaaa finally someone comments on my writing ability!!!! You made me leap for joy.....seriously. I plan all my stories out before hand. Otherwise I'll freak out in the middle of it cause I got writer's block. Lol I need to add more of him....XD!

**irule505: **I'm not grounded anymore! Freedom!!! Thanks! I thought it was short....Anyway, that was the plan. I'm trying to get her to open up. Lol Matt has major ass guilt!!!! People kep calling her a mary-sue which I don't get!!! She's comletely originial, she came out of my nightmare! You think that's all that happened......o.O But moving on, that gives me relief! I thought people would get mad if I switched P.O.V.s. Sometimes it's good to switch things around a bit. I like my chapters to "go with the flow" lol. Thanks!

**ChaseChasel: **I don't know I was bored. XD

**the reason you miss me: **Thanks for the hug. It's sad but I'll get over it. I guess darkness has is just my style. Yaaaaa! Only two! Sweet!! I hope you liked it!

**daisy-kun: **Thanks!

**SuperCuteTomomi: **Wow you love Near! Lol how come all these Near fangirls keep coming here! Lol sorry no Near but he'll be back soon!!!!

**Porcelain Heart**: Yaaaa! New reveiwer! Thank you so much! People keep telling me that Mello and Matt are too emotional so it's nice to know someone likes the way I've written them. I'm the same way, for some reason, I love depressing stories cause in the end, usually, it ends happy! Thank you! I try to pick good songs, write well, ect. I have talent -eyes goes in goggily mode- T-thank you!!!! Wow I get way to emotional with reveiws! XD BTW if your wondering what's up with your name it wouldn't let me add the Xs o.O Sorry!!!!

**Mail-Jeevas-69:** Dang, you wrote a long reveiw!!! I don't know how to spell his last name either so it's all good! Matt shall be toned! Lol yes he is, but Mello was always really emotional in the series so I think it fits well. Plus well....I like making him emo!!! Haha just joking! Oops! Oh well Grr or Gir he's still crazy!!! I love the little dude though. It seems lot's of people want Near to win. :) I have friends like that. They scare me sometimes o.o Ooooooh! XD I'm intrested!!!! Heck yes man a tribute would be the bomb!!! Why do people keep threatening to push her down wells!!!! But I disgress, here is your cookie, OMG I should join that group!!!! Haha thanks for the loooooooooong reveiw!!!!!

**Captain Bluebear: **Thank you! I wish more peple thought like you.

**Winter's Angel**: Thanks! I tried to make Near sound a bit poetic. I'm glad you think it's beautiful.


	19. Winter Night

_____**This chapter has been edited. Any mistakes that were once in it are now fixed. Sentences have been added and removed for the story's sake**_

_And now for the disclaimer with.....................................Ban and Genji! (from the GetBackers!)_  
Genji: Whoa look at the muffins! -attacks the muffins-  
Ban: Hey that's mine! -attacks the poor muffins-  
Me: Hey get off that tray you frickin' hobos!!!!  
Ban: -with 5 muffins in his mouth- We're not hobos!  
Genji: Yea we're the GetBackers!  
Me: You live in a car.  
Ban: It's our office.  
Me: -rolls eyes- Stop eating my muffins and do the disclaimer!  
Genji: Katelyn doesn't own anything!  
Ban: Now where's our money?  
Me: You don't get money for doing a disclaimer!

* * *

_Kiko's P.O.V._

Confusion......yet another emotion I need to lock away. Why do I dwell on those eyes, those blue-green, tormented eyes? It's as if Near's session never happened. That red head has me all worked up!

Questions flooded my mind and only continued to pile up like unused files in an office. I feel too overwhelmed, too plagued by these vast feelings that seemed to sprout overnight. But it was not over night.

It has been days since I generously gave my artwork to Matt for reasons I still don't know why. Maybe it was his honest kindness or perky attitude. Maybe it was because he helped me carry my project to my room instead of watching as I broke my neck. Or maybe.........just maybe.....it was the distress, the torture, the pain in his eyes that he masked away with his goggles.

The same distress I know was once present in my eyes before I locked it away. Before I became cold, cold as _ice. _

Speaking of ice, the first snowflakes had gently made their way to the ground. England looked as if someone had cover it in a thin sheet of white paper as the hills stretched on with the continuous white pattern. The cold air was brisk, but could be withstand with the beauty it brought.

The windows glittered with ice and when light dared to break through the skies, it hit the glass and it looked as if sparks danced throughout the room. Indeed it was a beautiful winter.

Though the bare trees gave off an eerie feel, they were decorated with colorful strigs of lights. The bounds of lights stretched toward the house and scaled around the entire structure. The adults had definitely gone wild with the decorations to say the least. It seems when the holiday season, or any holiday for that matter, decorations are enthusiastically put up as if to remind us of what is to come.

I, for one, think that the Christmas season has gone too commercial. With all the pressure of getting gifts or getting the perfect tree causes us to forget what Christmas was really all about: Family?

Something I will never have again. This would be my first Christmas without them...and what a black Christmas it shall be. Fond memories of our small family oriented Christmas's gathered in my mind. But with them came pain....

I pushed the memories away and continued to walk through the powdery fluff on the ground. I thought being outside in the frigid cold might help clear by tainted mind, but alas, I was wrong.

Hardly anyone was outside in the nighttime air. Most were likely enjoying their warm dinner. I'll eat later, when they're all gone. I have found that avoiding everyone as much as possible does keep the peace, so that is what I shall do. I'd rather not have Roger call L again because I run into trouble.

Twice was more than enough. L has a job to do and I need to stop interrupting it.

Walking around in the snow does have it's side affects. My body tingled with pain from the sharp coldness. Goosebumps had long ago formed on my arms. I'll probably end up with hyperthermia by the end of the night, but I don't care. I've become numb which is exactly what I wanted to achieve.

The wind began to pick up causing my hair to flow in front of my eyes. I let an invouluntary shiver pass through my spine as I tucked my hair behind my peirced ear. The snowflakes began to fall down harder than before. They melted as they hit my head. The water drenched my head and I was sure by now my cheeks were blue.

I heard a door slam behind me. Turning my frozen head, I blinked my eyes to try and see the figure stepping forward to me, but it was too dark to see who the shadow was. Following my instincts, I tried to step back a bit. My legs would not follow direction though and refused to move in the slush.

A nearby streetlamp lit up the stranger's face and I saw that he did not look very pleased. "What are you doing?! Do you want to freeze to death!?" Mello screamed at me. He did not look like the boy I'd discovered in pain on the ground. No, this must be his tempermental side.

I stared blankly at him and he returned my look with another glare, "Well?" he asked. What is he, my mother? I can handle myself and I'm certainly allowed to freeze to death if I want to. What was he trying to pull?

I turned away from his hard glare; snowflakes fell ever-so-lightly on my face. "What is it to you?" I asked in monotone. I wonder how someone could be so open, so sad, so true to their heart and the next moment they're cold as ice, hiding all their feelings on the inside. What is it with people here who like to hide from themselves?

I heard his feet step forward in the slush. He did not say anything, he _could not_ say anything. I believe I have stunned him into silence. He might be rethinking his thought process. Maybe he's confused and that's the reason he's out here. Maybe....

_Mello's P.O.V._

She had a point. What was I doing out here in the freezing snow? What had compelled me to search for her and lead me out here? Why did she fascinate me with her blood-red eyes and broken heart? Why did my heart.....

Well, I of course intend to find out. What is she doing out here anyway!? What point could she possibly have for attempting to get hyperthermia? Clearly she is not thinking straight. Then again, who is here at Whammy's?

"That doesn't matter, your going to freeze to death unless you don't get inside!" I tried to persuade her. I could see she was shivering even in the darkly lit night time air. All she was wearing was jeans, a sweatshirt, and some worn shoes that look like they've seen better days. She wasn't even wearing gloves for crying out loud!

Her fingertips had a bluish color to them as she stuffed her hands into her pockets. She turned her head slightly so that I could see her unfazed eyes. She obviously had the look that said 'I don't care'.

Though underneath that rebellious nature were the shivering shakes she tried to surpass. I could tell she was fighting it off it her deminutive strength, but to no avail it seemed as a sneeze escaped her lips and was quickly stifled by her numb hand.

"Does it really matter to you if I get sick or not?" she asked in the same jaded voice as before. She was ignoring her body's pleas for warmth. Somehow, she had pushed the cold completely away from her mind, though her frail skin still felt the bitter pain of the snow. She is just as stubborn as I am.

I paid no heed to her resentment as I pulled her arm and dragged her out of the glacial weather. She was as light as a feather which made it quite easy to tow her out of the snow. Her growls of protests were pushed aside, drowing out into the pure white snow.

Her feet seemed to dig themselves into the earth as a last desperaste flee for escape. Out of the corner of my eyes I watched the snow pile up around her ankles, clawing at her skin with its pungent flakes of crystal.

We reached the door after much haste and effort. Closing the door behind me and locking the heat in, I turned towards the chilled girl and was greeted with a shivering, but now rescused from the cold, form.

She looked dead white in the light. Her body shook violently and was relieved to finally be in a warm place. But her eyes were full of venom as she glared daggers at me. She didn't scare me though and I returned her scornful look with a smirk.

Her teeth chattered as she spoke, "W-why d-did you d-do that!" her voice only above a whisper but it was still threatening. In response to her death glare my smirk widened. It was clear she did not like be forced to bend at another's will. She had a strong spirit it seemed.

I shrugged, "It's better than watching you freeze to death out there." I let my smirk grow wider as her glare darkened. Her dark hair falls from behind her ears and over her silted eyes. I was memorized by how beautiful she looked even when she was seething with anger.

"It's n-none of your business.' she said and attempted to push past me. I stopped her before she had the chance and roughly grabbed her frozen-still arm

"It is my business." I said firmly, each word was indeed the truth. It was my business the moment I laid eyes on her. It was my business when she.....discovered me in that state. It was....... I had a right to know.

* * *

_Did you all enjoy? Hopefullly! Reveiw for the gigantic muffins! Just a side note that has nothing to do what-so-ever with this story. Since I'm taking French I decided wy not and went and watched some Death note episodes in French. Near's voice is HORRIBLE!!! He sounds like an old man!!! Mello's voice is sexy as always, Light sounds freaky lol, and L's voice is cool. I recomend you all go on youtube and see for your self!!!_

**Thank you my wonderful reveiwers who do not ignore the reveiw button!**

**kia1270: **I did and it was quite sad, but I liked it. I love dark, depressing stories.

**puddingcup:** Omg I be afraid if my account get deleted! Near: Wimp. Me: WHAT?!?!?!!? Near: You confuse me. Only a little while ago you were talking about getting arrested in France. Me: Uhh I.....XD Beyond: I stand by her decision (Whatever it is) 100%! Near: -rolls eyes- Me: Lol don't worry L! B took care of them fangirls! Beyond: :) Near: You don't want to know where they went. Me: Thanks!

**XxremembermexX: **Thanks! It was worth the money. Though that dude who plays Edward NEEDS to pluck those bushes on his face. If I ever meet him(Which will never happen) I'm gonna throw tweezers at him. Wow, it's snowing! Man, we just get bitter coldness and rain where I am!

**playboy-bunny: **Yes I do. I like alot of different types of music(Except Country). They are ok but they are definetly not my favorites. I'm glad you liked it!

**mello rox my sox:** Thanks! I like your logic ALOT! In fact you might have guessed the ending. Maybe, maybe not. Who knows. :) Thank you.

**Mooncry:** Yaaaa! I'm glad your keeping track cause I'm not! XD

**Mail-Jeevas-69: **They all look weird in that movie!!! It was good though. I feel your pain man! When I went camping all four of us were cramped with the bags and supplies. Since I'm the smallest I had to be squeezed in the middle. I couldn't breathe!!! The song name was in the story but it's called "Happy Birthday" by Birthday Massacre. You could be Matts twin XD! The fangirl I thought was hilarious. Your welcome. So Kiko scares you? o.O I used to be a cutter too till my friends found out, tied me up and forced me to give up. Lol I love them though. Anyway thanks for the long reveiw again!

**the reason you miss me: **YAAAAAY! Which is why I brought it up again! Lol he was. Thank you! I mean you like submit a disclaimer for me to do and I use it in my next chapter. PLEASE I'm totally out of ideas.

**ChaseCasel: **Lol not really I just thought it would be funny! I'm free now though! Whoo hoo! Yes it was good.

**Mary-Sue-Hater sub two: **I must say you that you really seem to hate my story. Though I agree my grammer is a bit bad(I've gotten better at proof-reading) I can not agree with all your points. But I will not argue, this is a story not some debate. I will say this though, you don't have to read this story. I mean you obviously hate it which tears my heart but again it's your choice. On another note if my story is so bad as you say then why do I have so many reveiws saying the exact opposite? :)

**PorcelainHeart**: You made the 150th reveiw!!! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! Lol Anyway, thank you so much! After having a nasty flame it's nice to hear someone enjoys my story. I'm glad you like the disclaimers. I'm squeezing out all the juice in my brain to think up another one! I think I'm best at imagery. I'm trying to get the story moving along, but to me it seems to be going so slow! Lol I'm very biased when it comes to the characters. I'm doing my best to not kick Mello and Matt out and let Near win. Haha Thank you! ^-^

**SuperCuteTomomi: **Thank you. Well, I'll definetly tell you he is adorable in the manga and anime! What episode/chapter are you on? I accept your pity graciously! I feel bad for choosing! :( I'm glad you trust me! Thanks! YUMMY SWEETS!!! Is there invisible cookies? :D


	20. Sick

_**This chapter has been edited. Any mistakes that were once in it are now fixed. Sentences have been added and removed for the story's sake.**_

_Now for the disclaimer with.......................a Mutant Hippo!!!!_  
Mutant Hippo: ?  
Me: Don't ask.  
Mutant Hippo: Rawr!!!!!!  
Me: I couldn't think of anything.  
Mutant Hippo: She own nothing.  
Me: I'll think up something better next time!

* * *

I hate that boy for being right. I can not stop shivering. I feel like a earthquake is rattling my body very violently. My body is a frozen landscape; I can still feel the snow flaking off my body or melting right on my skin, dripping down and leaving goose bumps in its path.

Even though I'm practically freezing to death, my body temperature says otherwise: 106 degrees. You could say Roger was furious when he found me. I was thoroughly ridiculed for my outlandish and idiotic behavior of standing in the snow. Roger confined me to a bed, though it wasn't as if I had much choice.

After Mello, who was acting very strange -he looked a bit distressed in his eyes- let me go, I walked right into Roger. Roger first looked a bit confused as to why I was dripping with snow, but he put it together in his head.

He realized that I must have been out in the snow for some time or, as he suddenly realized, more than a few hours.. Though he'll never know why I cam back in-Ha, more like forced in- a stern look enveloped his eyes as he grabbed my shivering elbow and began to drag me away from the closed door.

Roger immediately took me to the nurse and she checked my temperature. They were worried I might have had hyperthermia being that I was small and "Fragile" as they say, but it turned out to be just a really ghastly flu. I despise being sick.

Sickness over whelmed me like waves crashing down on a shore, sucking up the sand and little creatures that buried themselves deep within the sunlit grains. My throat was thick with mucus and my nose plugged up like someone had stuck a cord straight through my nostril.

My body was covered in mountains of sheets brought by the maids, and yet, I still feel numb, shivering like I was still out in the snow, shaking like the snowflakes were still resting in my hair.

Being frail does not help the body's immune system. When I was little and stuck sick in bed I began to draw in order to keep me entertained. I found books to be too tiresome to read when I was under the weather. Thus, a talent you could say formed.

But, I'm too wary to crawl out of bed and reach for it. My hands are trembling too much to sketch anyway. I did not have to worry about school; being top does wonders. Then again the teachers have grown a strong dislike for me because I, in fact, know more than them. Stupid memory ability that makes me retain all the information I've ever read.

So, I'm dizzy and nauseated in bed, bored to death. I refuse to fall asleep which only makes the boredom grow even larger. I hid the medication that would cause me to become drowsy under my bed. I need to be awake, _no more dreams..._

I wonder what it's like to just relax instead of being so tense all the time. It must be nice just to lay back without a care in the world. How peaceful it would be....

That is not my life though. I'm stuck in this trauma filled life wondering what's going to be thrown at me next. What other possibly horrifying thing could happen to me? Nothing, nothing could top that night.

And that gives me some comfort. The worse has passed.

I heard a soft knock at my door. Strange, why would anyone risk getting infected by little sick me? I croaked out a 'Come in' which turned into a coughing fit. I pulled the covers over my sweating head as the door opened. I didn't want whoever was at the door to see me in such a weak state.

"Roger sent me up to give you some soup." the soft monotonous voice said. As I lifted my sheets over my eyes, I caught the sight of a small albino boy. Near twirled his curly white hair and returned my questioning gaze with a blank stare. In his pale hands was a large bowl of steaming hot soup.

I gestured towards my nightstand and turned away from the pajama-cladded boy. Sadly, he did not leave without a fight, "Roger says I have to make sure you eat this." he alleged in a tone that said he was just as uncomfortable as I was.

I choked out in a whisper, "Why would he do that?" an involuntary shiver ran through my spine as I exposed my head from the covers. I was taken aback to find the boy had slyly walked over without even making a tiny little noise. The soup rested on my table and causes my mouth to grow wet in anticipation.

"Something about him not thinking you'd eat I believe." he answered. Damn Roger and his non-trusting attitude towards me. Though I did bring this upon myself by never going to dinner and sneaking food instead. I give him reason to worry about my health, both physical and mental.

I attempted to reach out to grab the bowl of sizzling soup, but failed miserably when I couldn't lift my arms to leave my blanket sanctuary. My body was too weak to even lift itself up. It desperately pleaded for rest, but I ignored the tempting comfort. What comfort could come out of sleeping?

Near noticed my failed effort and as carefully as possible, he helped me sit up. It was extremely awkward having the albino fix my pillows and lift my limp body up. He avoided my eyes as if he were slightly ashamed. Ashamed or uncomfortable? What's the difference?

I pulled the covers up to my neck as the cold air made it's way along my skin. My teeth chattered relentlessly as I made another endeavor at the delicious looking soup. Another failed attempt, how useless could I be. I nodded Near off as what I assumed to be him leaving. I was mistaken, however.

The albino grabbed the silver spoon from my bowl and stretched his hand out towards my lips. I looked at the soup-filled spoon dumbfounded. He was going to spoon-feed me like I was a baby. All my pride had really gone down the dumps, hasn't it.

I'm reduced to being spoon-fed. I'm truly weak.

But, my stomach didn't care. It growled relentlessly until I wrapped my mouth around the silver object. Until my awaiting stomach was satisfied I continued slurping the soup up. Satisfaction soon grew and I was able to stop. Well, at least I won't be grumbling in the middle of the night because of starvation.

Near picked up the bowl from the table and looked a bit off. I'd like to use the word "uncomfortable" but it would fit. It was a bit like he was nervous. I wonder why though. He was able care for me when I passed out and give me therapy sessions. What's changed.....?

As soon as the albino got up I realized something crucial.

Did he think I was crazy?

Crazy because I can see memories.....

"Near..." I said in an almost pleading tone. He turned to me, his gunmetal eyes stared at me blankly. I fumbled for the words, "You think I'm insane, don't you...."

His eyes suddenly turned to ones of confusion, "Never, why would you think that?" He padded towards me as his eyes demanded my answer. I bit my lip with uncertainly, "Well, since I told you......you seem like .......you're uncomfortable around me."

I really shouldn't be worrying about such things I've been stared at funny before, I should be used to it. What's one more person? But, looking into his eyes which became soft with grey, I realized that he may be my friend.

Friend.....

"I don't think that at all, Kiko. I just...." he paused, contemplating for a moment, "I have a lot on my mind right now." He gave me a reassuring smile. I nodded to him returning his gesture with a tiny smile of my own.

With that he got up and left. Now with food in my stomach I feel even drowsier.

Friend.........I could get used to that....

* * *

**Thanks you guys!**

**mello rox my sox: **Lol it is adorable. Maybe...... ^.^

**Mooncry**: Excellent.

**Pocky: **Thanks! Yes, but I'm getting better! ^.^ I have not. I remind you of someone? o.O

**SuperCuteTomomi: **Yes he's quite cute. Awwww sorry school gets in the way. Thanks! Yay cookies!

**puddingcup: **Me: GERMAN?!?! Wow that sounds hard! lol I'm an over acheiver too daddy! Lol I want to see that! Near: Why do you all insist on dressing up like us? Me: It's fun! I'd sing it! Lol. Near:........ Me: I have dance so I don't have to run! XD Near: Sorry Matt it's just as bad here. Me: XD Are you guys liking the story so far?

**the reason you miss me: **I had to bring him back! Lol Same with where I live. I never been to the snow so I had to improvise on what it would be like. Thanks! Hahaha I really wish that person leave me alone! Yup that's exactly it. Hurry cause I'm wiped clean of ideas!

**ChaseCasel:** Lol the French ruined Near. He's supposed to sound adorable! Lol :3

**Mary-Sue-Hater Sub two: **One thing you do not do is insult my readers! You soooooo do not go down that road! Go pick on someone else, I'm sick of your flames. And another thing, I was wondering their OPPINION when I posted the poll. In fact I have an endong [icked out that no one suspects at all. Seriously, go away! I am proud of my stories and no matter what you say you will not change that. I believe Kiko is not a mary-sue and we can both argue it on and on, but here's a better solution: STOP READING IT IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT!

**Michi likes Cake:** lol Thanks! Your close! My side-job will be writing screenplays for movies. Though being an author would be fun too. o.O I'm afraid to say that is not my uh story. Click on my author thingy to read my other fics if you like. Aw thanks! Thanks again! Lol I like my nickname.

**ApatheticDiversion: **Lol thanks! Skittle trees? Ah yes Mello has an intresting way of dealing with things. She does really bad. Thanks! Yay I'm in someone's favorites!

**saki217:** Me too. Burning sounds painful. Thank you. It was hard cause I've never beeen to the snow so I sorta had to wing it. Did it work well?

**Porcelain Heart: **I always smile when I read your reveiws! It's very helpful! I want to know which chapters you like and don't and if you like them all thn I must be doing good! Yes I feel bad for making her life soooo horrible. So the snow was realistic? Yes in a VERY special way lol. Actually it kinda sucks. I know from experience. COOKIES!!! Thanks!


	21. Different Veiws

___**This chapter has been edited. Any mistakes that were once in it are now fixed. Sentences have been added and removed for the story's sake.**_

_Now for the disclaimer with........Miraki! (From Desendents of Darkness)_  
Me: AGGGGGGGGGGGG!  
Miraki: Well, now this is intresting.  
Me: You! I -beep- hate you! You -beep-! You -beep- -beep- beep- beep-!  
Miraki: So cruel.  
Me: Cruel! You frickin' raped my Hisoka and killed him!  
Hisoka: My?  
Me: DIE!!!! -pulls out big fat machine gun-  
Miraki: Uh oh...  
-scene has been removed due to violence-  
Near: Since Katelyn is busy-  
Me: DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Near: -I'll be doing this for her. She owns nothing.  
Miraki: Aggggg!  
Me: You -beep- -beep- -beep-!

* * *

_Kiko's P.O.V._

Confusion.

Yes, that's one word to describe it.

Or you could say I'm falling into a pit of utter blackness and I'm practically drowning in a sea of puzzlement. Or it could be something much worse, something incoherent, something disastrous.

It was specious.

I've finally gotten better to the point where I can actually get up and move. After three days of coughing into my bed sheets and shivering like Frost the Snowman personally attacked me with a hug, I was able to go to school. Joy, walking through the halls that are filled with hyperactive children full of idiotic desires.

My head still aches from my slow recovery.

I haven't even had a chance to sort through all these 'emotions' that have somehow escaped the infinite corners of my mind. Rounding them up proved to be impossible, so they ended up appearing on the surface, soaking in all the gestures and remarks they made. I didn't even know it was possible for me to feel anything anymore. Not since that........night.

So, how is it that I feel a _connection_ with these boys. The albino, blond, and the redhead have fully forced themselves into my dead life. But, no, that's not the thing that has me surprised. Anyone can force themselves into another's life. HE did it with me, destroying everything I cherished.

They have actually got me feeling again. A miracle if you will. These feelings....it feels like I actually care about them. Even after I promised myself, swore a vow that would prove to be breakable that I stay away from people.

I was even worried that Near didn't, well, want to see me anymore. And I was relived to find out he still wants to be....friends.

I can't handle this. IO can't take this inferior wreckage that is piling up in the pit of my stomach. I'll push these absurd thoughts out of my head for later. I was near my first period class and needed to push all signs of emotion off my face. I must put the mask back on, _so no one will know._

I enter the classroom like a solider marching onto a battlefield. As if fate loved to smite on me, all three of my_ friends_ were seated in desks near mine. Right on queue as I entered the room every head turned to me, taking in the fact that I would not die from being horribly sick. Am I so distorted that they feel the need to stare? Or do they just love to make me uncomfortable.

Whatever the answer was I still walked to my seat. I felt overly drowsy from my horrid recovery. My eyes were glued to the floor which I was sure I had memorized by now.

Whispers danced through the air about my absence. They probably all though I died or something. I feel no pain when my entrance crushed their futile hopes.

My math teacher, whose name I have no need to know, raised an eyebrow at me, "Ah, miss Kiko. I wasn't expecting you back for another week or so. Feeling better?" He was actually the only teacher who was pleasant to me. Maybe that's why I like Math so much.

I nodded for my reply. My throat hurt to much to talk, an excuse I finally have for not talking. Our teacher went straight to business and began teaching about the wonders that is the slope-intercept formula.

My mind wandered off and trailed down my irrational thoughts once more. These weren't feelings of friendship I was feeling, it was something more.....

But what? My heart felt like it ached for each one individually. Why would my heart ache? Was I still sick or something? My stomach was bubbling inside of me like a swarm of butterflies had taken over my abdomen. But why?

I could not feel and that was final.

But I was certainly capable of feeling if these emotions prove anything.

Was I not permanently scarred as I thought......or was it because I was scarred but I'm healing? So, would a normal person feels this way? Would a normal person's heart ached every time she was close to anyone. What is a normal person anyway?!

I'm not normal, I've never have been and never been. I wish so much I was though. To be able to live through live with normal worries and normal pain, with love and understanding from those around you.

I had those things until they were stripped from me and left me crying in agony alone, hurt, in pain. Stolen by _him....._

I thought my heart was stolen too, but I guess I was wrong.

Maybe it _is_ just broken, shattered, destroyed....maybe even beyond repair.

* * *

_Mello's P.O.V._

There she is.

Sitting in front of my seat.

Looking emotionless as usual.

But, she wasn't emotionless that night. No, I got emotion out of her, even if it was anger. To see her face coated in something other than blankness.....it was beautiful.

My plan did not go as well as I thought it would. I didn't expect her to be outside of all places, practically frozen. I wasn't aiming for that emotion either. I would have liked to see joy or happiness. Still, it's better than nothing.

I watched her as she became lost in thought. She was completely unaware of my blue eyes that had drilled themselves into her skull. I wanted to make her happy, but how.

What did I know about this odd girl sitting in front of me, drifting off into space, and not even noticing that that I was in full panic behind her? What would be helpful towards her?

She liked music. That could be a start.

An idea flashed in my head and causes me to smirk in triumph. Yes, I _would_ make her smile.

* * *

_Matt's P.O.V._

Class is boring as usual. My gameboy does little to entertain me, seeing how I had beat the same game effortlessly twelve times.. But my eyes have found something interesting to stare at. Something or someone for that matter.

Her, Kiko.

Her name ranged in my head like church bells on a Sunday morning.

There was no point in denying it, I like her more than enough to admit maybe it was love. Funny though, me, Matt, the one who could careless about other people has actually found someone worth wild.

This was definitely different from my devotion to Mello. That _was _friendship, this is more.

I need to find out more about her and not through some book. I need to hear it from her, through her mouth. I wanted her crystal voice to explain everything to me. I wanted to know.

But, how could I make this silent girl talk? That's the question of the day isn't it. I'll do it though.

She'll soon trust me enough to tell me what happened to her.

* * *

_Near's P.O.V._

What has that girl done to me?

I find myself thinking about her constantly, even when I force all thoughts out of my head and absorb myself in my toys or puzzles. All I see is her.

And her question bothered me too.

Had I really seemed distracted that night? I knew my thoughts were out of control, but did it show in my face? For once, I find myself with questions I can not answer.

This can not continue.

I need to think. I need to be able to see things clearly. I could careless about the fact that I'm second in the house now. All I care about is being able to think. She has planted herself into every one of my thoughts.

And I can't get her out.

I need to push her aside like a broken toy, unable for more observation, and inadequate for future payment. She has given me these odd feeling, these horrid emotions.

But how will I get away from her when I have this desire to help her?

How will I get away from those fruitless red eyes?

* * *

_Sorry for the lateness!!!!! Schools, Christmas shopping, life, you know those old excuses! Sorry if this was boring to any of you. I had a major writer's block and this was all I could come up with. Next chapter will be intresting promise! Reveiw for the blue and purple rainbow cookie blasts!!! Muhahahahaha!_

**Merci for the reveiws!**

**Madeline Cullen: **THANK YOU!

**Mooncry: **I think Mello had three.....o.O. Anyway, thanks!

**mello rox my sox: **Thank you, that was literally a last-minute idea. My sister was yelling at me to get off and I had to type like the wind! I consider that an accomplishment :3. Aw, thanks!

**playboy-bunny: **Thanks a bunch! Oh crap that's a hard one! Uhhh I have phases where I'll change the guy I'm absoultly in love with from time to time. It used to be Near, then Beyond, then Matt, and now my current love is Mello. But if I could I would choose all of them! Lol What about you?

**ChaseCasel: **The French ruin everything. XD But they did Mello's voice pretty damn good in my opinion. He's sounds hot in any language :3. Yes, no one can change how cute he is!

**Porcelain Heart: **Hello! Ah yes, I banged my head against the desk for that. Guess proof-reading really fast doesn't work. I agree with you 100%. It's good to be praised and have a bit of criticism. Too much praise doesn't help and down-right mean flames(a.k.a. Mary-sue Hater) discourage the writer. There should be a happy medium between the two. Yay! I'm glad I coverted a Mello-fan for a split-second! Lol I was awwing when I wrote Near's little scene. It's so hard to choose! Thank you. I would let you in on it but I'm thinking you want to be surprised. Actually it was a very good reveiw! Thank you very much! IOt's ok. My life ain't that bad, I just like complaining alot! :3 When I feel the need to vent I'll know who to turn to. Feel the need to vent to me as well. Don't worry, it ain't odd. I usually will go up to random people and make friends like that so I'm used to it. lol Thanks again!

**Deadly Rose:** (Sorry bout' the name. For some reason it would allow the X's and the period.) I love you! No, not really, but you have become one of my favorite reveiwers! XD Not only have you beat Mary-sue at her own game but you've totally crushed all her points!!!! I love you! And here I thought that she might have been right. You have ultimently convinced me that this story IS good. There aren't enough muffins in the world to thank you with for your kindness. All I have to say is THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!

**puddingcup: **Me: Thanks! Near: At least you make it to school on time, Katelyn here is always late. Me: Not always.....ok yea. But it's alllll my mom's fault. She takes me to school and she takes forever in the bathroom. I'm to far to walk and too close for a bus to come get me so ya. Near: Excuses. Me; Shut up mommy. Near; -signs-

**CuteCountryGirl-14: **Thanks lol. that's my style for ya. Those songs are the best. Oooooooooh good idea!!!! lol Hard choice isn't it. Thanks!

**saki217: **Me too! I'll bring water ballons at anyone who thinks that fdude is hot! They'll kill it if they turn it into a movie. Think of the sequel!! They'll get some nerd to play near and a prostitute to play Mello. lol I thought it was his turn. Yay CUPCAKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	22. Fireworks

**__****This chapter has been edited. Any mistakes that were once in it are now fixed. Sentences have been added and removed for the story's sake.**

_And now for the disclaimer with...............Ryuk!(Come on, you know that one!)_  
Ryuk: Where are the apples you promised me?  
Me: You'll get them after the disclaimer.  
Ryuk: I'll go through withdraws if I don't get them now!  
Me: Just do the frickin' disclaimer!  
Ryuk: I feel the withdraws coming!  
Me: Gosh, fine! -throws apples at Ryuk-  
Ryuk: Yumm! Katelyn doesn't own anything. So delicious!  
Me: .....

* * *

_Kiko's P.O.V._

Thank goodness Christmas is finally over. I thought all the wretched fake happiness and gleeful lies would never end. Though, how would I know how everyone acted or faked as a better term?

I'd locked myself in my room during the entire holiday, stowing away from all their cheerfulness and laughs. Seeing everyone acting happy and cheery, well, it would sicken me. It's sick that they pretend, pretend their lives are perfect, that they're perfect. Idiots.

Or maybe I'm the idiot. The deluded, depressed idiot who thinks hiding from people is the ideal cure for staying the same, neutral self that I've become comfortable with.

Christmas would also bring on unnecessary memories that would just cause unintentional pain. Besides, it's not like anyone missed me. No one questioned my absence. They didn't even knock.

I'm glad; I wouldn't want to have to run into the freezing cold to escape their jolly wrath. I don't celebrate the insane holiday anyway, at least not anymore. Not since my ideas were crushed, rampaged and burned.

If you celebrate Christmas then doesn't that mean you believe in Jesus, which leads to God? In my blood eyes it does at least. There is no God.

What God let's children suffer, suffer abuse, cold, pain? What God let's the worst possible thing beat down on a little girl? What God forces someone to watch her sister be shot in front of her.....

No God. That is my answer.

It doesn't matter anyway. People are allowed to be foolish. They can frolic through life with their beliefs. As long as they don't touch me, as long as they don't get too close, I'm content with it. I hear them out on the lawns of Whammy's, eager for the fireworks.

It's New Year's eve and everyone is awaiting the arrival of a new year. They are quite noisy, playing in the damp grass, laughing away at the joyful thought of fire being exploded in the night air. Someone has the brilliant idea of giving the smaller children noise makers which only adds on to the loud screaming and laughter. Annoying.

I, however, am reading some books that I snuck out of the library. I wish they would all quiet down, I can barely read with that entire racket. The words seem to jumble together on the page, forming incomprehensible sentences that I will not even attempt to make out.

A knock at my door breaks my concentration. It seems they finally come up to see if I'm still alive. Should I answer it or just let them keep knocking. It's not Roger, I can clearly see him from my window, chasing the naughty kids away from the explosives.. Well, there's only three choices then.

I put my ear to the door first just in case, but I can't hear anything through the thick wood. Great, now I have to open it to find out. Cautiously, I opened the door, nervousness ate my stomach, and my question was answered immediately. It was none other then the redhead.

Matt, my supposed friend.

Along with his usual attire, he's wearing a scarf and jacket. He must have been outside along with the other children, having a blast as they say. He gives me a smile that tells me he's extremely happy to see me. His eyes though......they look uneasy.

Is it possible.......no. But, then again......... could he be shaken up? Why in the world ould he be nervous of me? I thought I didn't scare him? Or maybe it's just the dim light that makes me see what isn't there. For all I know he could be as blissful as his smile lets on.

"Why are you all alone in your room? It's New Year's eve!" he says jokily but carefully. I give him a blank stare and shrug. Shouldn't he realize by now that I simply dislike being around other people, especially those as agitated as the children outside. How many clues does this gamer need?

"Don't you wanna see the fireworks?" he asks, showing a more softer expression. He looks worried now. This boy is outright confusing How can he be one emotion one minute and the next feel something completely different?

How can one live under such conditions? Constantly feeling different feelings, constantly crying, laughing, or yelling. I don't see how. I can only feel those emotions that sometimes escape the jail cells in my head. And almost always I'm able to stop myself and block everything out. Push it aside like a empty soda bottle or a broken doll.

I'm cold.

But, he's the complete opposite.

I wonder if he'll be able to unlock my emotions.....

Matt breaks me out of my thoughts, "Do you...y-you want to come see them with me?" he asks fretfully. I rather not but I cannot refuse his silent, pleading goggled eyes. With a silent frustrated sigh I nod and head out the door with him.

He seems surprised for a minute, but recovers within a second. "Come on then!" he grabs my hand and pulls me away. I feel like I'm be towed like a broken car. His gloved hand makes me feel uncomfortable as it tingles the skin on my palm.

He let's go of my hand when we reached the backdoor which led to the lawns of Whammy's. And the crowds....

He gives me a reassuring smile and for a split-second I feel as though.....everything will be alright. That everything will be better. But, as quickly as that hope came it faded away when we walked outside together.

I wasn't looking, but I could feel the daggers I was getting. I guess no one missed me. We trudged through the slush to find a spot away from everyone else. At least he acknowledges the fact that I don't do well in crowds. I peered up to his face with curiosity and found what appeared to be anger.

He was glaring, but at who? I followed his glare and my eyes landed on a familiar blond. It was Mello. He returned Matt's defiant stare with a fierce look of his own. The tension in the air is evident. This unspoken battle only added to my uneasiness.

Finally their eyes tore away from each others and Matt pulled me along. I'm curious as to the cause of such anger. Why are they fighting? What is the cause of this rage between them?

Matt suddenly stopped in the snow and I realized we were quite a ways from everyone else. At least it was quieter here. He tangled his fingers in his unruly red hair. There was eeriness between us both.

He broke the silence with a chuckle and turned to face me. Perplexed, I said nothing.

"What's your new year's resolution?" he asked once he finished with his laughter. Well, that was out of the blue. What was my resolution anyway? Wait......oh, I know....

"To survive." I stated. Also to overcome my hazardous habits and my break out of my cold shell that I had molded around myself, but I wasn't going to tell him that. Then again, maybe it would help...

"Everyone wants to survive. of course. Anything else? "He smiled at me. A real smile. I couldn't lie to him, nor could I ignore him.

"To........feel again. To......be better." I bit my lip until I could taste the familiar metallic taste. He was silent, obviously stunned by my answer. Or he could be freaked out, either way he didn't respond for a while.

Feeling brave, I peeked at him through my dark bangs. He didn't seem creeped out, no, he seemed to be thinking. Then he nodded with understanding and looked up to the black sky.

"You can do it." the gamer said with confidence.

...

...

...

What? Did he....he believes in me. I don't know this emotion, but I feel like I'm being lifted into the sky and I'm floating amongst the stars. He spread his confidence into me. He believes in me...

"T-thank you..." I could barely say. It was a harsh whisper but he heard it. He looked at me and flashed a smile, a smile that I could now trust. Trust.....I guess we really are friends.

Right on queue, fireworks exploded in the sky. They were all sorts of colors: Red, Blue, green, Yellow. All mixed in a fiery explosion to celebrate the coming of a new day. Cheers erupted and laughter increased with each second. Everyone was dancing, hugging, but I was ignoring them all.

I had my focus on one person only, Matt.

My friend. Someone who.....could help me.

"What's the point of all these fireworks?" I asked him. He contemplated for a moment before giving his answer.

"Probably to celebrate all the wonderful things that has happened this year." he said with a smile. His face contorted swiftly and he turned away from me. I know why he held a pained expression though.

He felt guilty for saying that. Because the basic truth is nothing good has happened to me this year. The days leading up to the horrid night were good ones, but only faded memories. That night had absorbed all the happiness I once had like a sponge and squeezed it out over a drain. I watched my life drain away.

It's in the past though.

HE can't find me, nor hurt me ever again and HE certainly will not hurt my new friends.

This year will be different. HE won't be in it. My new friends will though. I can already feel that it will be a good year.

I tugged Matt's sleeve to gain his attention. Once his eyes met mine I gave him a small smile to tell him its okay. I'm okay.

And I will be okay.

* * *

_All how cute! Just so you know I'm a christian and don't believe what Kiko beieves about God. Don't hurt me -ducks can of soup- Geezes where is everyone getting those cans at!? Anyway update for the beloved muffins I baked with my heart!_

**Hugs for all of you!**

**Madeline Cullen: **Thanks! They were sorta last-minute so I'm extremly happy you like them! Ooooooooh B rocks! lol I want to give him all the jam in the world. If your looking for a good B story check out my other fic lol. It's not BxOC though but I think I'm doing well on it.

**Mooncry:** Thanks. lol It's going to be a loooong time before that happens.

**playboy-bunny: **Thankfully the holidays are over and I can get back on schedule. lol I can see Matt aa more of a best friend to her but who knows!

**puddingcup:** Snow sounds fun! XD Near: Idiot. Me: Stop being mean! Did you learn nothing over christmas! Near: I learned to never give you candycanes again. Me: o.o I got finals when we come back! Yikes!

**mello rox my sox: **Thanks! lol crippled sheep. It is sweet!

**wonton-chan: **Thanks! lol At least your reveiwing now! Aww thanks! Ooooh I like that song!

**delfinstar: **Thanks! I'm glad your enjoying it so much. And yay to the fact that you think I got their personalities right! XD That's a good idea! I meant that everyone was outside of the showers. Sorry if it was confusing!

**ChaseCasel: **It would be utterly horrible if they release it. Zac Effron sucks! Lol Your right there are alot of blonds out there.

**tomomi is to lazzy to log in:** Thanks!

**AishiteruOngaku: **Yay, new reveiwer! lol Thanks! I know what you mean.

**CuteCountryGirl-14: **thanks! I know huh! die Miraki! Grrrrr. he's reached the 'Light' level on my pure evilness scale lol. Hisoka is adorable! All those guys are hot! lol my current guys are Mello and Beyod. I like Ryuk too but just as a character. I'm not in to shinigami lol. Awwww how can she be mean to L! He looks like a panda! lol I'm glad it's making you love Near! No, he's a fuzzy sheep! Xd Thanks!

**XxremembermexX: **THANKS!

**PorcelainHeart:** Dang! Long reveiw! Okay let's get started! Writer's block is torture! Darn, grammer. lol I will improve! Yes, the holidays bring the craziness in. I feel guilty for not updating sooner though but yay kudos! ^.^ Well, I'm glad it was enjoyable at least. lol I got plans for all thre of them in later chapters. First comment on the format! Yea! lol And thank you. Yes, she has a VERY good reason lol. I feel bad for her actually. I'm glad you trust me! Yikes! If I went through what she did i probably kill myself already! No, she came to me in a dream or nightmare I should say. That is random but very good idea. I'll consider it. THANKS!!!!! OMG COOKIS AND MILKSHAKES! yay!

**irule505:** It's okay! Thanks! Guilty? o.O He might but I forget what I right! lol I got go over the whole story as a reveiw. I asked myself that same question. Don't be mad at yourself! It's not like I died or anything because of it lol. Thanks! lol She does suck. Ah yes, grammer could improve. Thanks. lolYes, she finally sees him as a friend! lol Thanks! Well, not everyone. The other kids are all mean to her. but they are bitches which is why I didn't even give them names! lol I wonder if anyone caught that. Thanks again and IT'S OKAY!

**AnimeManga4Life: **Yay new reveiwer! Aww I'm sorry you feel her pain!

**Winter's Angel: **Thanks! lol Mello huh. I do like a MattxNear pairing.....lol


	23. Second Thearpy Session

__

**__****This chapter has been edited. Any mistakes that were once in it are now fixed. Sentences have been added and removed for the story's sake.**

And now for the disclaimer with.........Barnie!  
Barnie: I love you, you love me, we're a big, happy family!  
Me: Do the disclaimer.  
Barnie: With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you!  
Me: -getting angry- Do the disclaimer.  
Barnie: Won't you sing it too!?  
ME: DO THE DISCLAIMER!  
Barnie: o.O Katelyn doesn't own anything! Do we get to hug now?  
Me: not on your life dinosaur. -pulls out machine gun-  
Barnie: o.O

* * *

"Well, Kiko, is there anything you like to talk about in particular?"

It was the end of the first week of January. Snowfall had slowed down but not ceased to exist. It was still brutally cold in the Whammy house even with the heater on and running. Children wore scarves and mittens throughout the day, in an attempt to keep warm.

On this particular day, Kiko had decided that a second session with Near would be appropriate, being that it was new year and all, which led her to the present time. Near stared at her with his blank eyes waiting for an answer to his question.

Kiko contemplated her answer for a moment, wondering whether or not it would offend the albino boy. She answered Near in an undertone, "I do have one thing I would like to ask you. It's a bit... strange in fact." she waited for Near to ad something, but the young boy did nothing but nod her on.

She continued, "Are you.... upset at all that I've knocked you down in the rankings? I mean I know it's a big deal and all here in this place...." she trailed off and looked away as if ashamed she brought such a topic up.

Near, however, was surprised. He didn't really expect her to bring up the topic of grades and ranks. He was suspecting, no, hoping she would want to discuss something a bit more personal.

None-the-less, he still had something to go by now. He should at least try and work with it, "I'm not upset, but may I ask why you bring such a topic up?" Near asked, twirling his white curls out of habit.

Kiko shrugged, crossing her legs on the bed and looked down like a child who was preparing for punishment. Near pondered for a moment why she always acted like she was in trouble when really she had done nothing wrong. This thought was stored in his mind's files when she looked up and began to speak, "I was just curious." her rasp voice made him think she hadn't drunken anything in a while.

Near had planned it all out and had a glass of water on his nightstand just in case. He picked up the cup of clear liquid and handed it to her. She took it vigilantly and sipped from it. A mumbled thank you was said before she placed it back on the table.

"Frankly, I don't care about being on top." her red eyes met his and a unseen emotion broke through her orbs, a hint of humor.

"Why do you not care?" he asked, puzzled by the sudden change in her mood. Why she found the situation humorous was beyond him. Kiko was confusing Near more and more by the second.

She answered the bewildered boy with a simple answer, "It's just useless to me." she was circling around his questions with even more confusing answers.

"Why is it useless?" he retorted.

"Cause I'm not after L's title." she said roughly, as if it were a bad thing.

In truth, Near had always thought of himself succeeding L. He never really pictured himself doing anything else. So, he was honestly curious about this girl's future plans or if she even had any at all. "What are you after then?" he asked.

She stared up at the white ceiling for a moment, watching the dim light that flew through Near's semi-curtained windows. After a moment of silence, she looked back down and answered, "To work beside L."

Well, that was an answer he had not imagined, "Do you mean like Watari?"

"No, not like Watari. More like..... a partner if you will. Someone who could help him look over case files and other stuff like that." The more Kiko thought about it, the more her hopes became real. She knew she was close, she knew it in her broken heart.

Or her broken heart that was becoming healed.

Near stared at her with uncertain eyes. He stood up from the chair he was sitting on and moved next to her on the bed. Near sat in his usual sitting pose but, for some reason, he seemed rather awkward in Kiko's eyes.

For several long minutes Near stared at the floor, deeply lost in thought. The exasperating silence was becoming a bit bothersome for the red-eyed girl. She was starting to think that maybe she should have kept it a secret.

When she was about to break the silence with an apology Near spoke, "I see." The silence came again only this time it was a little more comfortable.

Both stared at the white wall as if it were the most interesting thing in the room. Near couldn't think of what to ask her without making her run away. He waited through the silence for her to speak again. It was somewhat calm.

"Near, how did you get to Whammy's?" just as quickly as it appeared, the comfortable silence was shattered. The question ranged in Near's ears like storm out at sea. He did not know how to put his answer in a way that it wouldn't make her feel sorry for him. That was something he did not need.

"I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked that. I mean, you know nothing about my....." Kiko was indeed embarrassed. The question just escaped her lips before she realized it. She should have thought before she spoke, then she would have realized the rudeness of it.

"It's quite all right. Do you really want to know?" he turned to stare at her with his dark eyes. Their was an unspoken conversation between their eyes that the silence could not break.

Kiko shuddered inwardly. She rather not know now that he mentioned it. Who know what cold lie behind those black pupils. Who knows what kind of past he could have. His memories weren't showing up in her head, thankfully. If it was truly sad, truly distressing then she rather leave it be for now.

Besides, weren't they there to try and unearth her pas. To discuss it, and try and make sense of it. For comfort, for understanding, for healing. None of which might come from m the albino's life-story.

She shook her head and made a move to leave.

"We haven't made much progress today." Near said before she had the chance to walk towards the door. He felt a bit dishearted that his answer scared her off like that.

"I know, but I'm kinda tired. Next time....... ask me something about my family." she was of course lying about being tired. But the eeriness of his eyes scared her a little. She couldn't help but feel out of place then and there.

With that she left the room and closed the door behind her, leaving Near alone in his plain room. With Kiko in it she had beyond doubt stood out against the white walls. Her black hair, her black attire, and most certainly her blood eyes stood out against the boring walls.

Near spoke quietly to himself, "I'll ask you about your family...yes."

* * *

_Yes, short I know. Reveiw! All of you who dare to read this story! XD Oh, and guess what! My B-day is coming up on the 25! Yaaaaaaay! You will all get wonderful cookies if you reveiw....._

**Thanks for the reveiws and may I say DAMN! Alot of long ones! XD**

**mello rox my sox: **Thanks! Yes, Matt is a perve but we all love him anyway XD.

**xSweetNightmaresx: **Thanks! But, where would the tension be if they made up? Thanks again!

**master holykira:** Thank you.

**Mooncry: **Thank you. That would be very intresting if that happens.

**wonton-chan: **Thanks!

**puddingcup: **Me: o.O such long reveiws... Near: Maybe now you'll stop complaining. Me: Shut up! Anyway let's start with the first one. I get off early though! At 12 for each day! Whoo hoo! I had a nice christmas thank you. A smile is sometimes better than a kiss. Near: No. Me: Be quiet mommy! Gosh, now the long reveiw which I enjoyed reading lots! If only everyone sent me big fat reveiws! Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, and a big ol' THANKS! XD I did not know that about her! o.O We are alike.... I wasn't gonna post this either cause I liked it in my head, but then I was all whatever and posted it. And look what's happened! XD I've made people happy! Sweet! I would report it but then it might be out of retaliation. I'm mature! I will handle it maturly! Near: That's the opposite of what you are though. Me: -throws lampshade at Near- I thank you so much and give you hugs and kisses! Twin power!!!! Near: coughlamecough Me: ^.^'

**Winter's Angel: **hah That reminds me of that "Little Mermaid" song. It's too early for kissing.

**irule505: **lol I wouldn't want that! Tomate cans hurt! Very much! lol Even if I died I'd be writing this in heaven They probably have internet there. Matt is adorable! You forgot her name! o_O. I'm glad you were all smiley and happy! You'll be happy more then cause that's what she's gonna start doing! Happy new year!

**brokenseraphim:** Flames will not get me down! I have an invisible sheild and I call it "My wonderful reveiwers who LOVE THIS story!"

**CuteCountryGirl-14:** Thanks! Yay! Near is the sheep, L is the panda, and Mello can be.... the cheetah! Your cousin kinda coco but that's cool cause..... SO AM I! lol I drift off to dreamland 24 hours a day. I know they glared :( so sad. She likes WHO!!! He's a rapist, murderer and a loser! She needs to rethink her choices a bit. Hisoka a man!!!! And how does Hisoka looking like a girl(which he doesn't!) make Miraki any diferent? He still be a murderer/rapist/pedophile. lol Thank you!

**ApatheticDiversion: **Thanks!

**ChaseCasel: **lol Okay.

**SuperCuteTomomi: **Thanks! Matt is CUTE! And you get more cookies!

**PorcelainHeart: **Ity's all good. Lazy is my middle name XD. Thanks! i didn't relly plan it out that way but I'm glad it is. ^.^ Happy new year to you too! Matt is. He's absoultly adorable and I'm slightly jealous of Kiko. Matt loves her -sigh- and not me....lol just kidding are fun except when they set your shoes on fire! o.O Thank you so much! CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!

**Lita Takanshi:** Yay it's addicting! And yay new reveiwer! It is in fact. Thank you.

**DeadlyRose: **Another looooooooooong reveiw! XD Yaaaaaay! I do have to thank you many times because you say such nice things! Thanks! It's intensifying! Can you feel the heat?! XD A small smile is sometimes the best. I agree with her too. I pour my soul(and blood o_O) into this fic. I'd rather I don't get bashing for it. Thank you! I'm glad my writing is good to you. She insulted my English teacher sorta cause he always gives me A's on my essays. I believe all writers write for their own enjoyment. JK Rowling is the best! Harry Potter pawns all! -sweatdrops- Oops getting off topic. Anyway, even the writers here on fanfic write for their enjoyment. Why would they be on here if they don't? I never flame people because of this. If they are enjoying what they are doing then why be mean about it? That is freaky 0.0. But I love random facts so yay for the random fact! Near is slightly out of character but I just think it makes him look more adorable XD. She DEFINETLY not perfect. If she was then I don't think she would be cuting herself. Though she did quit....^-^' Discrimination is wrong! Meanies who make fun of people are very rude! I love the overly-long reveiw and I can't say thanks enough! THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**blue-candle:** Thanks for the reveiw! So, you like? Glad you like the disclaimers ^.^ they are thoughts that spawn at random moments.

**Keely Marin: **Yay! Thanks! Does everyone want her to be kissing someone?! Gosh, it's too soon! Maybe Mello will kiss


	24. Standing up

The disclaimer with.............................The PowerPuff Girls! (I'm out of ideas!)

Blossom: Where are we?

Me: Do me a favor and say I own nothing please.

Bubbles: Sure! This girl here owns-

Buttercup: Bubbles! She could be a evil person!

Me: Why you say such things about me D:

Blossom: Judging by your story you like to torture your characters.

Me:......

Bubbles: She owns nothing!

Buttercup: Bubbles!

Blossom: Let's go girls!

* * *

Kiko sighed as her current class dragged on and on. It was completely mind-numbing to her; she could hardly stand the dreariness of it, so instead she absorbed herself in the outside scenery as her headphones hummed the music through her ears. The uninterested teen could barely hear her teacher ramble on about the wonders of symbolism.

"Many authors use this literary device in many of their works. Some of the greatest novelists have used symbolism to discuss worldly problems through their works. When an entire story denotes to something else then we call it a..." the teacher droned on.

Kiko could never understand why teachers felt the need to repeat themselves. They had already gone over symbolism. In fact they had torn the word apart, reconstructed it, and squeezed it's meaning into the heart of their souls. If the red-eyed girl wished to, she could point every single example of symbolism in every book she ever read. The stack would be high.

The rest of the class had definition etched into their skulls. Yes, they had symbolism down.

Which was why half of the class was either drooling or dazing, lost in their own little worlds. Except for Kiko, of course, who instead was lost in the rhythmic drumming of her music.

_Two roads,__  
__Split off from here,_  
_And my life goes running in opposite directions._  
_Exaggerating the barrier between who I am, and who I want to be._

She chuckled at the irony of how the lyrics seemed to fit her life perfectly.

"Is there something funny about my lesson Ms. Kiko?" the teacher asked sternly, annoyed that his extensive speech had been interrupted. Like starved dogs who heard the sound of food being poured into their bowl, everyone in the classroom awoke from their daydreams and watched the teacher's anger unravel.

Kiko silently rolled her eyes. She wondered how was it that she always got caught by the teachers for making a slight noise. You would think they'd forget what she sounded like at all.

_Note to self:__  
__I miss you terribly._  
_This is what we call a tragedy._  
_Come back to me, come back to me, to me._

It wouldn't really be a note to self for her. More like a tattoo plastered and scarred into her chest. The place where her heart once was.

Moving back to reality, the teacher waited for an answer. His foot tapped impatiently on the hard floor and the lines on his face grew tense. Kiko contemplated on whether to just shrug and ignore his yelling; then again three pairs of eyes convinced her not to piss the teacher off even more.

"Nothing in particular." she answered dully. This didn't ease the tension in the room however. The lines grew on the old man's face as Kiko stared listlessly back at him.

'Well then, how about you give us an example of symbolism." The irate teacher smiled, thinking that he had indeed presented a justified punishment for her. After all, who would not listen to his "fascinating" speeches about the literary art.

"Huh?" she questioned. Obviously this guy had a superiority complex. That or he was just an atrocious person at heart. Either way Kiko was the centre of attention and she not liking one bit of it.

She felt herself sink into her seat as the staring eyes seemed to harden on her face. "Well, Kiko?" the smug teacher asked. A few snickers floated through the air as the ominous silence continued.

She averted her eyes to the rest of the class. A mass of faces watched her intently, each waiting for her answer. She closed her mouth as tight as she could, like locking the key to a door. She remained soundless while the teacher glare hardened.

As he opened his mouth to speak a voice shouted through the classroom, "Will you leave her alone damnit!"

The teacher jerked his head to the source of the noise. The class was dead quiet as they watched a fuming blond stand from his seat. Mello's sky blue eyes flamed with rage. His fist was clenched into tight balls and shook slightly.

"Mello! Sit down immediately!" the fuming teacher yelled.

"Why the fuck do you all pick on her!?" Mello raged on, ignoring the teachers' protests.

Kiko stared, wide-eyed. She was speechless but there was so much she wanted to say. Something along the lines of "Thank you..."

Mello and the livid old man stared at each other, each gaze was full of fury. Many of the student's mouths were hung open. They all knew Mello was extremely short-tempered and could very easily be set off, but this was just...

Peculiar.

Peculiar that Mello actually cared.

Who knew?

Finally, after several long seconds of gaping, Mello stormed out, leaving a room full of shocked individuals. The teacher went to his desk and dialled something on the phone. A few seconds later he spoke, "Roger? Yes, you wouldn't believe what young Mello just did..." the teacher babbled on, letting the class whisper excitedly over what had happened.

Matt stared at the door, disbelief in his eyes, 'He wasn't kidding...he really does.....like her' The goggled-eyed boy trailed his eyes over to Kiko. A small smile was implanted on her lips.

A smile....the same one she gave him.

A think veil of jealousy fell across his mind, then a veil of regret. Regret that he didn't act first.

While Matt hung his head in defeat, Kiko was still smiling. 'So now I have three friends who care about me.' a lot more than she could ever hope for. Healing, yes it was happening right now.

This was the present. It was happening in her heart.

And with that she too got up from her seat and walked out the door.

* * *

_Thanks for reading! Also, I like to give MAJOR props to my new beta! XD Go -'-Blood or Jam-'-! She's six hours ahead of me WOOT! You should definetly check out her stories, they rock! Anyway, reveiw for the gigantic muffins XD._

_**Thanks everyone!!!!**_

**xSweetNightmaresx:** Thank you! Hopefully you'll like who she ends up with XD. Or if she even ends up with anyone at all o.O.

**mello rox my sox: **lol You think so eh? Thank you!

**Mooncry: **Sorry about the not much progress. The story will start picking up next chapter, you'll see ^.^. That is a very intresting poem XD. I like it!!!

**The-FCI-Prez: **Thank you very much!

**-'-Blood or Jam-'-: **WOOT My beta! XD Thanks lots! lol I'm glad my chapters are filled with happiness. Everyone wants Near to win! Why is that I wonder? You may be right XD. Thanks!!! COOKIES! O.O YAAAAY!

**watergoddesskasey: **THANKS!

**puddingcup:** Hello my twin XD. OMG I have health now and we have to talk about sex o.O. Like we don't already know everything! I should make a comment about gay sex....lol. Near: You'll get in trouble. Me: That's the point! My english teacher yelled at me! Yay! Near: -slaps forhead- Me: Thanks!

**akatsukisAmaya:** Very hard ^.^.

**wonton-chan: **Yaaaaaaay! Thank you!

**vampiresweets:** Gosh, so many reveiws! Let's start with the first one.... Thanks! Near or Mello? That's intresting XD. You'll find out eventually what the pain is. Near is a fluffy sheep XD. Yay! Fellow christian! lol Barely any of my friends know what anime is! The ones that do are all atheists o.O. I'm glad your not alone XD. THANK YOU!

**AishiteruOngaku: **lol Thanks!

**Kiptracx: **lol The funny thing is that you reveiwed as soon as I got the beta XD. Thank you very much.

**sadiegrl: **Matt huh? Thanks!


	25. Piano Music

_And now for the disclaimer with...........my imaginary friend!!!!_

Koko the Loco: ZOMG I'M HERE!!!!!

Me: YES! NOW HELP US OUT KOKO!

Koko the Loco: KATELYN-CHAN OWNZ NOTHIING!!!

Me: YES! NOW LET'S GO AND TAKE OVER THE WORLD!

Koko the Loco: ALL RIGHT!

* * *

_And with that she too got up from her seat and walked out the door._

I walked down the halls abesnt mindly focused on my one goal.

Mello.

I had to find the blond boy, what I would do after that was still a unclear to me. All I knew, no...I felt like I had to see him. He stood up for me and I wanted to know...

...why?

Hopefully, I would come up with something better_...hopefully. _

The classes were still in session so the halls were absent of life. It's quiet, full of serenity. If only it were always like this, if only the world were this...peaceful.

My feet seemed to have minds of their own as they dragged my body along as they skidded down the stairs, turned rapidly at corners, they seemed to know where they were going.

If only I had that same pleasure.

Where could that rash boy be? If I were Mello where would I go if I just verbally abused the teacher?

I'm drawing a blank, not good.

Maybe he's hiding out in his room? Or perhaps he's in the kitchen fetching some of his chocolate stash, though why he likes the sugary substance so much is beyond me.

Candy is revolting.

I headed down to his room first, making sure to avoid all the staff who I know would turn me in to Roger. I lightly knocked on the door before peeping inside. Nothing. It was vacant.

If this were a video game I'd have a big neon sign over my head that would read "Game Over, Try Again?"

Naturally, I try again.

Like a fox prowling, I snuck my way to the kitchen. Maybe with a bit of luck he would be scavenging the cabinets for anything that had chocolate attached to the name.

My hands gripped the door handles and with a push I opened the wooden doors to find.......zilch.

Game Over, Try Again?

This was beginning to become annoying. I was growing to eager now to find the blond. It was like some sort of mystery game where I had to find the culprit. But Mello was no culprit.

Mello was...something else entirely.

Maybe that's why I _had_ to search for him, I wanted to figure him out; figure out how he can be so sad, so depressed. Full of blood and tears one minute and the next loud and angry. How can someone jump personalities like that?

How can someone jump from soul to soul?

Almost on the verge of giving up, I trailed the halls in one last futile attempt to find the missing blond. I dragged myself to every door and looked inside. Every room appeared empty. The ones that were not empty were of course the classrooms and I was not dumb enough to check those out.

Where could he be...

Where would he go...

Suddenly, a soft, enchanting melody of music filled my ears; a soft piano piece hummed from one of the rooms at the end of the passageway. Such music that cried out in sorrow, sadness, beautiful music.

As if I was floating along the strings of music that poured out of the room, I followed the beautiful sound and then, I found myself standing outside the music room where the soft harmony was being played.

I daringly opened the door to take a peek at who was playing the white, ivory piano in the middle of the classroom.

A head of bright blond hair caused my eyes to widen in shock. A large neon sign went above my head and read "Winner!"

I had finally found him...

Mello....

I let my fingers roll across the keys as I played the soft music. The piano hummed softly and eagerly let out the noise I allowed it to sing. But while my fingers were carelessly playing my mind was lost in thought.

Never, I mean_ never _in my life have ever stood up for someone. Not even Matt who's the closest person to me.

_Was_ the closest person to me.

That girl has really gotten to me, heck I'm even willing to even sacrifice my own life for her! Either she has some sort of magical ability to have boys do her every whim or she's just plain lucky.

Or cute.

Hmm, let's go with that.

And her eyes, they had a way of etching themselves into my heart. The redness of them, the hidden emotions behind them, and tears that hide themselves beneath her lids.

Those damn eyes get to me every time. When that idiotic teacher was yelling at her for no reason, her eyes...they...she looked lost.

Of course, I had to help her, I'm a slave to those crimson pupils. I never want to see her sad, ever again. And I will do everything in my power to prevent any harm to come her way, even if that means taking a good old lecture from Roger, who was probably looking for me right about now.

As I picked up a high note I heard the door creak open. Not wanting to break the tempo I continued on; Roger could wait for me to finish my song.

My curiosity heightened when the old man didn't speak. Maybe he's just fascinated with the fact that someone like me can play so softly.

You wouldn't expect good music from someone like me, would you?

I heard the soft patter of footsteps come closer to me, and as quick as it came, it stopped, as if the source was contemplating something. Roger's shoes don't make quiet footsteps like those His are rouse, full of force and pride.

I jabbed my head around, soft blond strands blew in my face in the process, and found her...

...Kiko.

What the heck was she doing here?! She wasn't supposed to follow me?! Then again if she had been following me I would have noticed so.....

Did she come look for me?

A lump in my throat formed as I watched her shift uncomfortably against my cold stare. She looked like she had been running, her hair was messy and her clothes were wrinkled. Pink tinted her cheeks as she turned her eyes to the floor.

"I-I-I..." she stuttered. It was quit cute actually, "I was just wondering are you-I mean.....um..." She needs a little help on her speaking skills. Judging by her fighting stance she hates speaking to an audience, even an audience of one.

The red-eyed girl looked up and surprisingly her cheeks were coated with red.

As red as her eyes.

A new emotion unfolded, determination. She spoke with a much stronger tone this time, "I wanted to thank you, Mello."

It was my turn to blush. I turned my head back towards the direction of the piano keys and continued to play. "It was nothing." I mumbled out, embarrassment seeping to the corners of my face.

I heard her footsteps again and before I knew it she had sat down next to me on the bench. Her red-eyes bore into me as I music poured out of the piano yet again.

I didn't dare look up and meet those blood orbs. I was supposed to be tough, not that broken crying Mello she had stumbled upon so many weeks ago.

That wasn't me. I'm not weak.

"Why did you do it?" she asked, her question shocking me. I stumbled along the keys causing a screeching sound to be emitted. She winced, regretting she asked immediately.

How could someone so smart be so dull at the same time! I would think the answer would be obvious as clear daylight in the sky. Maybe she was blind, unable to see the sun's rays.

"I would think it would be evident.' I spat out. Why was I be so cruel? Did I treat everyone I love this way? Is this why Matt left? I continued on, "He was calling you out and you didn't even stand up for yourself!" I turned to her and saw that her eyes were cast downwards following my slim fingertips.

"I didn't have a reason to speak up." she whispered, her fingers stroked the hem of her jacket.

"Well, you should of. If you let people walk all over you, you'll never get anywhere in life." I played a harder note this time,. The song matched the atmosphere of the room.

"You think so?" she said. something was hidden in her voice, something I couldn't figure out.

The next few minutes were silent except for the humming that came from the music. Even her breathing was silent, in and out, in and out, she looked so passive. Too serene.

Then she broke the silence, "Mello, can I ask you something?" her red eyes landed on me when I looked up. They were full of interest.

"What?" I said, my tone was spiteful. I mentally kicked myself wondering why I was being so rude.

"Umm...how did you come to be at Whammy's?" I jammed my fingers against the keys, yet again, causing a screeching noise to interrupt her.

"That's a little private don't you think?" I spat. Is this how I treat all those I love? With such rude, hateful behaviour? She didn't do anything. She was honestly curious, so why did I feel the need to glare her down?

"Oh...sorry..." She trailed off, her eyes lost for a moment before she spoke again, "Did they not want you?"

I coughed loudly and turned my shocked eyes towards hers. Doesn't she know when to quit?! "No, they did not dump me off here!" I yelled, the stun in my voice seeping out of my mouth, escaping from my lips.

Her eyes widened a bit before softening to an understanding, "I see. Sorry for my bluntness." Her fingers reached up and slid across the keys let a purring noise play. Her eyes seemed to haze over as if she was thinking hard on something.

Then all of a sudden her face turned pained and she squeezed her eyes shut. "Kiko?" I asked, wondering what on earth is going through that girl's head.

"Did you see?" she said suddenly. See what? What was she talking about...

...wait, she didn't mean...

Her eyes confirmed the my accusation when she looked at me. Sadness practically poured out of them. But something else trickled out...understanding?

"Yeah..." I croaked, "I saw my mom..." I couldn't finish, but she seemed to know. I was too weak to even save my mother, what kind of bastard am I?

I just sat there...crying, snivelling like a baby. I know I could have done something, at least hit that bastard or something...but I didn't and she's gone because of me.

My father wouldn't of wanted me to just sit around; he fought so why didn't I? Coward.... that's all I am.

"You're not weak just because you hid." she whispered. Wait, how did she know tha- "I know _exactly_ how you feel..." There was something eerie about the way she stated that.

"What do you mean?" I said, not bothering to mask my emotions anymore. My eyes glistened with tears at the thought of that wretched night. That was the night Mihael Keehl died and Mello was born.

Kiko paused, her eyes inquired me. With a rasp tone she said, "I...watched my family die..." she broke off and slammed her eyes shut. She seemed to be fighting something, memories perhaps?

Who would want to remember something like _that?_

"Were you hiding?" I know it was rude to ask such a vulgar question but I wanted to know....was she like me?

"N-no,_ he_ forced me to watc-" she couldn't continue. Her beautiful face contorted in pain as she clenched it tightly. Her knuckles turned white as they tightened against her scalp.

Not knowing what to do, I put my hand against her back in a comforting gesture, but that only made her flinch away. She stood up and moved over to the other side of the room. Her back slid against the wall as she moved to sit down.

Within an instant her face was neutral again. I stared her, confused and regretting asking such a distasteful question. I turned my face away in regression.

"Is that why you cut yourself?" My head snapped quickly back towards her. Her frail hand trailed over her crossed leg. Her eyes were blood-like as they flashed with a cat's oddity.

Subconsciously, my fingers left the piano and traced the white lines that speckled my arms. "I-I....." I was at a loss for words. What could I say to such an accusation....

The dark-haired girl stood up abruptly and headed over to me. "It's okay. It makes you feel alive doesn't it?" I looked at her bewildered, not understanding what the hell she was implying.

She shoved her jacket sleeve up and showed me what she meant. Her arms were covered in white little scratches. Some newer than others. I couldn't find a place where there wasn't a mark.

"Does it make you feel alive?" she asked. I looked at her, horrified that such a thing left her lips. But the scary thing was that it did make me feel alive, human even....

But still...

I shook my head briskly and said, "K-Kiko! Don't do that! It's bad and..." my eyes trailed over to hers, "Please don't..." Something in her eyes sparkled with life. Something bright....

"Don't worry I quit a while back." She said as she rolled up her sleeve.

For a moment no one spoke, our eyes locked in a silent battle though I didn't know what about. She's so confusing, yet intriguing...and she's just like me....

A shout broke the silence, "Mello! Where are you young man?!"

* * *

_You like? There's so much more behind that girl :). I'M EVIL XD. lol In case you were wondering I deleted the intermission chapter cause I didn't need to ask you guys questions anymore XD. So if you couldn't reveiw, that was the problem. BUT I EXPECT REVEIWS FOR THIS CHAPTER! XD Please with sugar on top. There are cookies involved in this exchange XD. _

**_Thanks for the reveiws!!!_**

**vampiresweets:** Aw thanks! That is the best compliment ever!

**playboy-bunny: **Thanks for the reveiw! Who cares about spelling XD.

**Winters Angel:** You'll have to find out :).

**CuteCountryGirl-14:** Thanks for the reveiw! lol Yes, Mello doesn't care what people think. Me too! But that's because I ALWAYS talk XD.

**irule505: **Thanks for both reveiws! It's fun making Near get surprised :3. And yes, KILL THE DINOSAUR! In a strange sense, yes she is. BUT WAIT TILL YOU FIND OUT MORE OF HER PAST! XD. I'm sorry! I forgot to put the song name D:. It's "Note To Self" by From First to Last. AWESOME SONG! The powerpuff girls own all XD.


	26. Working

_And now the disclaimer with............................my sister!!!_

Emma: What am I doing here?

Me: I've offically drained the bucket of ideas. XD

Emma: Your stupid.

Me: Yes I am! Now, do the disclaimer.

Emma: My sister doesn't own anything. She never has and never will.

Me: Hey! In the future I will!

Emma: That job is a long ways ahead.

Me: XD Enjoy the new chapter everyone!

* * *

January had slipped by without any notice. The first few days of February were cold ones as winter tried to throw out all the coldness it had left. But as soon as the clouds were out of snow the sun broke through and shined down on the orphanage.

Kiko and Mello were currently working languidly on their punishments. It was only natural that Roger found them both. And when he did he released a wave of wrath.

Mello was punished more severely than Kiko, for he had to clean the bathrooms everyday for 3 weeks. Kiko, however, got away with only having to mop the floors for a week.

Favouritism perhaps?

What could they do, Roger's word was law in Whammy's.

So Kiko mopped the narrow hallways, leaving every floorboard polished. She signed at the dullness of the task. She hadn't mopped in what seemed like ages and even then the floors were as huge as the ones at Whammy's.

She was somewhat thankful that her apartment was small; small apartments equals smaller chores.

But Whammy's was not small. It was huge, as big as a castle it seemed and holding up to 200 orphans, it was not clean either.

Kiko grumbled as she moved down the hall. Her bare feet smacked the glossy floorboards as she moved on. Her headphones, as always, were present in her ears blasting music that would surely leave her deaf.

She dumped the mop in the bucket of soapy water and wiped the floors with its gray rags. Unknowing to her, bubbles oozed out of the container and onto the smooth floor.

The dark haired girl stepped forward onto the slippery substance. As if time slowed down Kiko gasped as she felt herself slip. The composed girl fell backwards onto the hardwood floor and landed hard on her back.

Her red eyes were squeezed shut in pain. Her back throbbed with ache as she lay still on the ground. She opened her ruby eyes with glistened with tears of pain. Biting back a groan she pulled herself into a seated position.

She looked down the hall and saw that it remained empty. _Good_, she thought relieved, _No one saw that little mishap_.

"Are you okay?!" grunting, Kiko turned her head to the source of the voice.

Standing behind her was the light-hearted redhead. A look of concern painted his features as he bent over Kiko, his sea foam eyes searching for any bruises.

Kiko signed in annoyance. She removed her headphones from her ears and gave Matt one long look. Her bruised pride did another turn when he reached out his hand to help her up.

"I'm fine." she mumbled, letting herself be picked up by the anxious redhead. She winced once she was on her two feet. A jolting pain shook through her back as she attempted to pick up the mop and continue her work.

Matt exhaled and said, "You know you should see the nurse if it hurts that much." He sounded like an over-concerned parent to Kiko. It didn't hurt _that_ much....

Besides the pain was like nicotine to her; a drug....an obsession....

She shook herself out of those thoughts.

_'I've changed'_, she tried to convince herself, _'I'm not like that anymore...'_

"Why are you mopping anyway?" Matt asked as he glanced from the mop to the bucket of soapy water. Kiko made another attempt to pick up the cleaning tool, this time succeeding. Though the pain did not wane.

"I got in trouble." she stated simply, ignoring the fact that her extreme bluntness was beyond rude. She mentally scolded herself as she watched Matt's expression turn from happy-go-lucky to a something slightly disappointing.

"Why are you in trouble?" the redhead said. Without a second's warning he took the mop from her hand. To Kiko's confusion, he began cleaning the floor for her. His messy hair swayed as he stroked the floor gently, completely unaware of Kiko's very confused eyes.

"You were kinda there when I walked out of class...." Not wanting to protest, she watched Matt clean the floors.

Matt contemplated for a moment before smacking his head, "You got in trouble for that?!" His random outburst startled the red-eyed girl causing the girl to take a rather large step-back from the frenzied gamer.

To his response she nodded, her eyes focused on the floor. She stood there, fingering the sleeves of her jacket, waiting for Matt to burst out again. When he didn't respond as she anticipated she looked up and noticed his distant state.

He stood there, anger rippled his face It was quiet for a brief moment before Matt interrupted the silence, "That was Mello's fault you know."

In truth, it was Mello's fault. If he hadn't stormed out then Kiko wouldn't have followed him thus leading to her current predicament. Then again it was HER choice, not Mello's so isn't it really her blunder, her error? Kiko's thought over these puzzling questions before she made her choice.

It's no one's fault.

It was out of their hands to choose, it was instinct. No one can ignore his or her instinct.

She voiced her opinion to Matt causing the red head to look bewildered at her. "Of course it's his fault! If he didn't storm out like a fucking prissy then you wouldn't have gone after him."

Kiko felt another emotion unleash; anger bubbled in her chest. '_He shouldn't assume things....'_ she though bitterly. She was thankful for the blond, not angry at all. '_He was brave for standing up like that.......for doing that......' _

"Why are you two even fighting?" she asked, venom dripped from her throat as each word hit Matt like a knife.

"Just.....it's private...." he said, stopping his movements to look at her with pleading eyes. Eyes that said 'Don't ask, please'. Her anger vanished as she stared at Matt's importunate form.

Still it didn't lessen her curiosity. When she first saw the two they looked like nothing could separate them. Like butter on toast or peanut butter and jelly. Now...... they loathed each other. When they were in the same room it was like a battlefield.....

What could drive two friends to despise each other so much?

In other parts of the house a certain pissed off blond worked heatedly on the bathrooms mirrors. He grumbled as attempted to clean the painfully smudged mirrors. "Damn fucking bathrooms...." Mello mumbled, rubbing the mirror dry.

Mello bit his lip as he felt his hand cramp up from the tension. When Mello felt the metallic liquid sink into his tongue he stopped his chore. The blond boy threw his rag down in irritation.

"Damn Roger and his sick punishments!" The stubborn blond sat down on the tiled floor like an upset child. His blue eyes trailed up to the ceiling and he soon lost focus as his mind wandered off.

_'In an eerie way she's just like me.....' _Mello thought over the previous week's conversation that held his focus like glue, _'And..... she even....'_. Subconsciously, Mello traced his scars; the little white lines that decorated his pale arms.

White lines on a canvas......

The blood was their paint, their masterpiece....

He silently prayed that it was a habit she'd quit. It wasn't right; it was something that could kill her......

Mello closed his eyes and let a hellish thought take over his mind, _'What if she cuts too deep? What if she-' _

"Mello?" Mello's thoughts were interrupted swiftly. Surprised, he leaped upwards and turned at his heel to face the intruder. The intruder however was not someone he expected; someone he hadn't thought of in a _long_ time.

"Near." Mello spat, making the name sound like a sin on his lips.

"Mello." Near retorted, his finger slipped up and curled around a piece of his white hair. His slouched position only made Mello want to slap him; the boy should fear Mello! Instead, Near acted like they were old friends or something.

"What the hell do you want?!" Mello yelled, angry lines stretched across his forehead. His temper was always at a dangerous level with his rival around.

His _hated _rival.

_'Damn emotionless bastard.'_ Mello thought as he picked up the rag to resume his punishment.

"Nothing I just needed to use the bathroom." Near answered without any feeling what-so-ever in his voice. He slipped by Mello's raging form and headed into a stall.

'He better not make any fucking smartass comment.' Mello wiped the mirror too roughly, causing streaks to form on the stainless glass that he had worked so ardently on. Cussing harshly, Mello made a feeble attempt to remove the streaks, but alas, his anger made his hand shake with fury and only caused more streaks to form.

"Damn it all!" Mello threw his towel at the mirror, quickly giving up on his appointed chore.

"You know if you tried to calm yourself then maybe you would have better luck." Mello heard Near's soft monotonous voice over his own ravenous breathing.

"Shut up! I was doing just fine till you came in and distracted me!" Mello's eyes narrowed as Near stepped up to wash his hands. The albino's gunmetal eyes held no emotion; emptiness swallowed his eyes.

"May I ask what you did to be punished like this?" Near asked.

Mello gritted his teeth, "That's none of your business." he stated coldly.

The albino shrugged, ignoring Mello's threatening presence. He continued on, "Congrats on the ranks." Mello snapped his head up and turned his confused eyes towards Near. The albino held no sarcasm in his features. Then again, he _never_ held any feeling in his features.

"What are you talking about?" Mello asked, curiosity evoked his senses. His steel cold eyes were seething with impatience.

"We're tied for now." Near's hand was barely touching the door handle. He awaited Mello's approval to leave. But Mello didn't allow him to leave. Instead he stepped closer to Near in a hostile matter.

He grinned darkly, "Yes, but Kiko is first." He felt like he had just won a contest; a victory against Near.

But his victory was soon ripped from him, "Yes, but she won't be staying here for long. If you and I maintain the rankings we could be tied for first."

At first an overwhelming feeling of shock took over Mello's form. He stood there frozen; stunned into silence. Then like a predator to its prey he lashed out against Near, gripping the boy by the collar causing the albino to lift some-what off the ground.

His cold eyes burned with wrath. His nails dug into Near's pale skin as he gripped the shirt's collar tighter. "What the fuck are you talking about?!" he screamed his grip only grew more tense as he waited Near's answer.

Near's face began to turn blue as his lungs begged for oxygen, "M-mell-" he choked, unable to gasp for any air. The lack of air to his brain was beginning to settle in; his mind grew fuzzy as he gripped Mello's hands, pleading for the blond to let go.

Suddenly aware of the fact that he was choking Near, Mello loosened his grip but maintained his hold. "What the hell are you talking about Near?" he repeated his question viciously.

Near inhaled air, quickly filling his lungs. He had never been more thankful for oxygen. As soon as his mind stopped swaying and the dizziness stopped he answered Mello's question, "She's leaving next summer."

Mello's eyes widened. He let go of Near completely, letting the boy fall with a thud on the ground. His eyes focused on the floor in disbelief as he stepped back, shaking.

"W-why?" he refused to let out any emotion, for he feared of sounding weak in front of the person he loathed most.

Near knew he had said too much. He didn't want Kiko to distrust him, but how was he going to get out of this mess? He decided to go with a little white-lie, "I don't know Mello."

He slipped out of the room quietly to avoid Mello's further interrogation. He was unaware however that Mello was in no way going to question him on.

He left the Mello in a confused, distant state.

* * *

_Sorry for the long update XD. Everyone have a happy valentines? Reveiw for the awesome muffins! And check out my newest fic that I'm doing with my lovely beta XD. It's called Sinful Blood and it's something worth clicking on if you know what I mean ;D._

**_Thanks for the reveiws!!!_**

**watergoddesskasey:** Thanks!

**wonton-chan:** That was my fault ^.^' Thanks a bunch!!!!

**Kiptracx: **Thanks! I think that might have been a mistake on my part o.O. Yaaay! lol I'm glad it helped! It looks to be that way doesn't it? But expect the unexpected!!!

**xXImmortalsxDiceXx: **Thank you! She does? Well, she's a figment of my sick, twisted imagination XD. She has no more powers but the abiltiy to see people's past. lol you might find her past to be very depressing. Thanks! I don't really know how to draw her -sweatdrop- Everytime I try I always end up throwing it out cause it's not good T.T.

**xSweetNightmaresx: **Thank you! I'm trying to teach myself how to play but it's so complicated! My fingers want to go one way and my mind the other. Thanks. Yes, Roger came down on them hard.

**puddingcup:** Thanks! Near: Your insane. Me: Quiet! Your just mad cause you got choked XD. Near: .........

**Winter's Angel**: That........was.....beautiful! I wish I though tof that! -bangs head on desk- SERIOUSLY! Now I have a big ol' smile on my face cause I'm imaginaing it XD. I do! Yaoi is the bomb!!!! XD.

**akatsukisAmaya:** I shall join you! -sharpens knife-

**RainbowTurkeyOfDoom: **Awwww thanks! I had you in tears?!!? o.O I believe that is a good thing so.....YAY! I'm glad you like it. I aim to please as they say :D.

**PorcelainHeart: **Yay! You've returned! Laziness is apart of life. I'm glad you like it! Hopefully the story will contiue at this awesome pace ^.^. Every other chapter is good :D. Yes, that's the best part about writing a fanffic after all. Sweetness!!!! Bye for now!

**mello rox my sox: **lol It could only be him. But wait till you find out the rest!

**Mooncry:** It's all good! Who knew the loveable blond had a taste for music XD.

**irule505:** I still have one XD. UNICORN!!!! Darn! And I thought I got away without any one?! T.T She did huh! Yes, everyone has a sad story. Thanks a bunch!

**ApatheticDiversion:** I know! It's adorable! lol I don't know what were you saying? XD

**Lita Takanashi: **Yay I'm a winner!!! Isn't that a good thing? XD

**SuperCuteTomomi: **It's all good! I'm glad. Actually, it's really easy to choose or maybe that's because I've already made the choice XD. COOKIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANKS!


	27. Calm

_And now for the disclaimer with.................my new live audience!  
Audience: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!  
Me: Woot! I'm liking this!  
Somewhere in the audience: Booooooooo!  
Me: Huh? o.O  
Mello: You suck!  
Near: Calm yourself Mello.  
Mello: I will not calm myself! She turned me emo!  
Me: That's what I do! You guys are going to just have so many emotions for the ending ^.^  
Matt: .......I'm scared.  
Near: ........  
Mello: .....Shit.  
Me: Okay! Audience!  
Audience: Katelyn owns nothing!_

* * *

It was near the end of February when the snow began to drip away and in winter's place came the new spring and all its flowers and sunshine; birds chirped, children shrieked in delight at the feeling of the grass between their toes, and there was a happy aroma throughout the air.

Kiko hummed softly as she strolled through the house, she had begun feeling better and better to the point where she could actually smile to herself every now and then.

She finished off her punishment without any complaints, this left many free hours once classes were over. She enjoyed the quietness the house brought when it was empty of all children. Her red eyes would gaze over to the windows to watch the younger children play tag or hide-and-seek.

She smiled contently and continued her stroll. Her headphones hung out of her jacket, unused and sad that their master has ignored them.

Never had she felt so much at peace. Maybe it was the spring aroma that danced throughout the halls...maybe it was the fact that everyone had stopped bugging her and she was finally able to keep to herself without any problems. Or maybe...

Just maybe...

...it was because of her new friends. Her new friends that had helped her so much. Helped her heal, helped her get over what had happened without any questions as to _what _had happened.

Maybe it was because she felt hope to a new future.

But as these maybes flew over her head she saw a glimpse of white coming her way down the hall. Someone in fact. Someone who had caused her to smile grow a bit wider and quickened her pace.

Once Near caught sight of her he returned her grin with a small gesture that could be mistaken for a beam. There was a long pause as they stood in front of each other, gazing as if the world would never end.

Finally Near broke the silence, "Hello Kiko."

"Hello Near." and the silence returned. If someone were to walk by they would most likely think the two teens were statues, frozen in time and space.

"How are yo-" they both began to say. They looked at the odd comical relief that hung in the air; awkward was an understatement for their current situation.

Of course that's just what they need to break the silence. Kiko looked at near and chuckled softly, causing her companion to stare at her, stunned to stillness.

"Sorry," she began, rubbing her head out of slight embarrassment, "I'm just feeling a little.....happy today." Again Near stared at her, calculating whether or not she was inexplicitly fully awake.

Of course she was though, Near knew, she knew, they all knew. _'This means.....'_ Near thought to himself, _'...that's she's begun growing.' _A miracle in itself to the white-haired boy.

"I'm glad." he bluntly said, not knowing what else to say.

Another long, dragged silence went by. Kiko was beginning to feel like a test subject as Near's dark eyes stared at her relentlessly, full of calculations and theories. Like a walking computer only smarter.

This caused Kiko to surpass another chuckle. Confused, Near tilted his head as if to say 'May I ask why you are laughing?' Kiko quickly silenced her laughter, with her hand gracefully covering her joyful lips as if embarrassed for the sudden outburst.

"Umm..........anyways...." Kiko stared ruefully at Near, lost in her own train of thought. She thought hard until she grasped what she wanted to say with an iron fist, "May I ask you something that's, well, a bit personal? I mean we're not supposed to talk about or anything, but.....I'm curious...."

"What is your question?" Near's fingers moved up to twirl his snow-like hair. He seemed to never blink as he watched Kiko intently like she was some sort of puzzle he had yet to figure out.

"Well, where are you from? What's your home country?" The question was so random, so out-of-the-blue that Near's eyes widened in response to it. In truth, you actually aren't allowed to talk about where you came from or really anything about your life before Whammy's. You are to hide your name, accent, and mix into the pool of students that reside at the orphanage.

That's how it's always been.

Well, how it always _was._

"J' suis français." Near stated fluently in French. There was a ghost of a smile hinting at the corners of his mouth.

In her mind, Kiko searched through her memory, remembering all the old, torn up French books she had read. "Tu es d'où?" she asked.

"Je suis de Paris." Near enjoyed the feeling of speaking his formal tongue. French words flowed from the mouth, like a rushing waterfall. It was much nicer to speak it than English, "Et toi?"

"Je suis de Los Angeles." Her red eyes glimmered at the thought of her old home. The shabby apartment her mother worked so hard to keep her and her sister in, the noisy streets and busily people; the old library where she would spend hours in with her sister, reading her stories out of the dusty books. They never went to school and yet, they were highly intelligent. The city of angels was a city she held onto to; her memories would scream out to her, showing her the images she had only scene once or twice among the streets.

It's her home. No,_ was_ her home.

Kiko felt homeless now. Though she had friends at Whammy's, it would never feel the same like her hometown. Winchester was far too quiet for her taste.

"Did you like it there?" Near asked, switching back to English.

In a small whisper the red-eyed girl replied, "Yes, very much so." Sadness dripped though her voice. A sadness that can never be healed, a sadness that would always remain.

* * *

_Mello's POV_

What do I do? What the fuck am I supposed to do?! I can't tell her! I can't! But...I'll regret it if I don't! I have to tell her before she leaves, I have to! Before she's gone forever...

But how? I gripped my blond hair in frustration. I felt like throwing up at the thought of the red-eyed girl, gone forever, never to see her again. Forever...

I moved my hands down to the sheets of my bed and tore at them. If sheets were to talk then they probably be screaming at be right now. I felt tormented like those times when Near would always beat me at those damn tests.

Only worse.

This was a lot worse.

She was due to leave at the end of March according to Roger's calendar. I had less than a month,_ a fucking month,_ to tell her the truth.

It all seems hopeless.

I can't give up though! I have to tell her that I l...l...lo...love her! Who knew that I, Mello could ever love anyone but myself? Fuck, who knew I could love anyone at all.

Who knew...?

* * *

_Finally an update! Okay my excuse this time is -pulls excuse out of gigantic hat- I was lost in the rainforest for several weeks with alligators chewing on my feet and- what the heck who wrote this!?  
__Mello: Who do you think?  
Me: Get back in my story!  
Near: That is inplausible.  
Me: Go away! Anyway, I like to thank all my revewiers for having to suffer the looooooooooong update! It will never happen again! Cross my heart and hope to die!  
Matt: I don't like your ending for this story. Change it!  
Me: -sticks tongue out- Deal with it!_

_**Thank you so much you lovely reveiwers!**_

**watergoddesskasey: **Thanks!

**xXImmortalsxDiceXx:** Thanks! You want to hear it eh, well, that will come in due time. Just wait till you see what's gonna happen! XD

**xSweetNightmaresx:** Yes, poor Mello. I believe I enjoy torturing him XD. Poor Near-chan! I feel motivated :D. I shall learn......at a VERY slow pace. Yay for your reveiw! lol I'm glad I was able to update on your birthdya! Yeah, ten points for me! lol Happy be-lated Birthday!

**Daniella Katton:** YES!!! Yes, yes and yes! Go wild with it! :D

**Mooncry:** Yes, so sad T.T If only she did, then maybe things would get better. But knowing me and my sick obsession with writing sadness, it's not going to happen :3.

**Winter's Angel: **T.T I'm sorry I made your day worse! Now I feel guilty! If I could I would fly all the way over to whereever you are and give you a big hug! Hugs are nice. But I have no money T.T I'm sorry that you had a bad birthday! I present you a hundred billion invisible cupcakes, though I don'rt think they'll help much. And don't worry! I would never end it so dull! As for your other reveiw I don't think I can stick it in T.T. It's brilliant though! Seriously! But alas, my darn plot. T.T

**mello rox my sox:** XD It had to happen sometime.

**playboy-bunny: **Yes, poor little blond chocolholic. Well, it's the way the story goes. If I saw Near in the girl's bathroom...I'd probably squeel and give him a hug XD.

**puddingcup**: Yea daddy! You get Near! Near: Unless you become sick and twisted and kill us all off. Me: That's a good idea!!! Near: ...... Me: Thanks!

**irule505:** Actually, I am becoming that desperate -sweatdrop- . Yes, Matt is a gentlemen :D. He does!!!!! Next thing you know he's gonna kill someone :). Imaginary friends rule! Thanks for the reveiw!

**ApatheticDiversion:** He's also too fragile XD. lol The next few chapters won't be very fluffy ^.^

**Midnight's Eyes:** Yaaaay! I'm glad you love it! I aim to please :D. I've heard that song before. Now that I think about it, she reminds me of that song too o.O. Thanks!

**saki217:** He's not going to stop anytime soon ^.^. I'm glad you've returned! lol Thanks for the reveiw!

**Chibi Orochi-kun:** YEP!

**DarkFireNyx**: THANKS! Is it just me or do you enjoy writing in caps? XD

**Tentenrules4ever:** Thank you very much!

**Cazalove: **Thank you!


	28. Love

And now for the disclaimer with...........(again)my live audience!

_Me: Ah yes, I brought my lovely audience back.  
Audience: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!  
Me: Plus my old disclaimers are in my audience XRD.  
Old disclaimers: .........  
Me: Aw, come on! Aren't you guys a little bit happy?  
Gaara: If you don't send me home I'll kill you.  
Me: Yay! I consider that a compliment! Now, who wants to do the disclaimer?  
Audience: -cricket sounds-  
Me: . Fine. Whoever does it gets a free.....taco!  
Gir: TACOS! Katelyn owns nothing!  
Me: congrats! -throws taco at Gir-_

* * *

I never realized until now that I had two weeks until I would begin working with L. Such a short time away that it almost seems like a vivacious dream. A lucid dream that was nearing an end.

2 weeks huh?

How was I going to break it to them? How was I going to tell them I was going to leave soon? Would they even care.....

No! Of course they would. We're....friends after all. Mello, Near, and Matt......friends.

Funny how someone can change so much over a period of months. When the right people come into your life, you change. You blossom into something new, something that is not broken, but restored.

Your restored.

They restored me.

How could I ever repay them? And now, after all of this, I'm going to leave them. Hopefully, it won't be forever. Hopefully they'll understand. Right now though, I need to focus on how to tell them.

I'll just have to put it as bluntly as possible. Get it off my chest and pray they don't get too upset. Especially Mello; that boy let's his emotions run him. One day it's going to get him in a load of serious trouble.

But who to start with? I wish I can tell them all at the same time but as it stands, they each can't stand being near the other. As far as I know, Mello and Matt have turned into enemies. There's also the factor that Mello hates Near for whatever reason.

This is turning out to be quite difficult.

I grazed the wood panels under me as I watched the sun disappear over the horizonm. Who knew sitting on a roof could be so relaxing. Although getting up here proved to be quite difficult; almost falling twice was not a pleasent experience.

But sitting here now, watching he orange lines mix into the night sky, you could say it was worth the effort. I've never felt more free in my life. I feel as though if I jumped off this roof right now, I would be able to fly away into the stars. Free from everything, free from all the pain, the suffering.....

Because of them.

I have to tell them.

In an instant I'm crawling my way down the panels as fast as I can. I feel my muscles give a jolt everytime I come close to slipping. I felt the tension in my body release once my foot met the front of my window. I slip inside my room without a second glance and head out the door towards my destination.

Hopefully, he'll understand.

* * *

_Mello's P.O.V._

Where the hell is she!? I've been all over this house from top to bottom and she's nowhere in sight! I feel like a damn girl hunting for the man of her dreams.

But it's more than that, so much more. She deserves to know that after all she's been through that she has someone in her life. Kiko's lost everything in her life. I want to at least try and give her something, not to replace those in her heart, but to mend them.

But how to say it though without scaring her.......that's the real problem.

And finding her too, it's like trying to find a fucking ghost! Everytime i try to find her I never seem to be able to catch the red-eyed girl, but when I'm not looking for her she'll pop up out of the blue. Irony is a cruel, cruel thing.

But then again so is life.

Where could she be?! I'm all out of places to look, from the kitchen to the attic, even the girl's bathroom! I do pity those girls who had quite a fright when I barged in there. They should really learn to craft themselves up with layers of makeup in their own rooms instead of doing it in the bathrooms.

Then they wouldn't have to be afraid of fratic boys charging in there.

I throw in the towel. She'll appear sooner or later and when she does I'll be ready. I refuse to show any signs of falter in front of the dark girl. I'll be valient in my attempt to snatch her heart.

I proceeded to head straight down the salient hallway, vagualy aware of anything that I was passing by. I knew every inch of this place. My feethave rendered themselves a routine of walking around this place. You had to be extremly dull, which was impossible considering that only the brightest orphans occupied this place, to manage to lose yourself in the dozens of hallways Whammy's contains.

Because of the fact that I was unconsious of my surroundings I ended up running into the one person who I most definetly did not want to encounter: Matt.

One small part of me desperetly wishes for things to turn back to the way they were; for the clocks to be rewound and for things to settle in their correct place. But my iggnorance and pride takes up a much larger portion. That part feels the need to punch Matt in the face whenever I catch a glimpse of the redhead.

God, how I wish that part would shut up. Why can't things return to the way they were? Why can't things be normal?!

Ha, my life, normal. Those two words seem to polar opposites, not alike in any way or form. No one in this damn place can even come close to being "normal". No, we're just a bunch of freaks, fighting our way to be top dog.

Matt's eyes hardened as we stood feet away from eachother. It was like a warzone, full of bombs and fire and soilders waiting for the command to shoot the target down. Whose to say I even want to win this battle?

I wish I could just admit defeat.

Preparing for a cocky comment to escape my lips, Matt stood there, gripping his handheld game to the point where the device is in danger of be crushed to death. Through the tinted glass of his goggles I could see the anger gushing through his eyes. He loathes me.

My best friend who used to follow me around like a puppy to his master _loathes_ me. Since when did Matt start caring about this, about everything we do. Since when did Matt ever hate someone?

Then again the same question could be asked about him liking Kiko. Since when did he ever notice anyone butme and the stupid little characters in his game?

I stood there, not staring, but analyzing the changed person in front of me. I was probably scowling or whatever hateful mask the prideful side of me put up, but inside I felt anguish for my long-lost friend. Anguish that I was the cause of this damn fight.

Stupid, fucking me always causes problems.

Breaking the lock of our eyes, Matt walked on, pushing past me in a odious way. I stood there, shocked by the sudden confrontation. I had completely forgotten my previous goal of finding Kiko. Instead I walked limply to my room, lost in my darkened thoughts of my former bestfriend.

I pushed open the door to my room and slammed it behind me. The wood on the door rattled with aged pain. I slumped over to my bed and fell onto it, asorbing the comfort of my soft sheets.

Damn. That's all I have to say about this mess. Damn it all.

I felt my spirits wane as the urge to scream grew steadily more and more in the pit of my throat. My hands balled up into tight fists and I felt the hint of water in the corners of my eyes. As hard as I protested it did not stop the tears that managed to drip down my face. I'm so damn weak!

Then that when I heard it, a soft, settle knock at the door. Surprised, I leaped off the bed and stared stupidly at the door, waiting to see if I had only imagined it.

Then I heard it again! It grew more prominant this time as if the person's determination rose with each pounding noise. I snatched the doorknb hastily and opened it to see if it was who I assumed it was.

The girl of my dreams was standing outside my room with a written expression on her face that told so many different stories. My breath caught in my lungs as she stepped beside me into my room and her hair tickled my neck like it was just wanting to shock me into an oblivion.

I closed my door and turned to her. She sat on my bed in an indian style, her eyes glued to the floor, and her hands fumbling with the threads of her sweatshirt.

Why was she nervous? Did she still not trust me?

Nervously, I sat on the floor across from, staring intently into her bangs, searching for those ruby eyes. The time was now; I had to tell her. Pushing all my fear aside I stood up and raised her chin to me.

Shock peeled her eyes and revealed to me her inner thoughts. There was something she wanted to tell me, something grave and surreptitious that had caused her to lose her focus. Could it be.....

No, I was just getting my hopes up. Still, staring into those deep luscious eyes, I couldn't help but wonder that maybe, just maybe, she might like me more than what I assumed before. Maybe.....she liked me the way I liked her.

There was only one way to find out, one way to be sure.....

"Kiko..." I breathed. She looked at me strangly as if she couldn't understand what I was doing. That was understandable; she looked as if she's never even experienced love. I closed my eyes and prepared myself for my next sentence. Here I go.....

"Kiko....I-I.....l-l-love you!" I stuttered. My eyes were squeezed shut. I was not ready to see her reaction, no, not yet.

I felt her move beneath my fingertips. I snapped my eyes open and realized she was heading towards the door. Her feet slid silently away, unable to gain any balence.

My face felt hot with embarrassment and only grew darker as I reached for her hand again. My eyes brimmed with tears at the thought of her rejection. It was like my heart was chewed up by a vicious dog as she turned her head to me and I peered into her red eyes. She lloked scared, desperate, like a child running away from a monster.

"K-kiko wait!" She didn't believe me. I could sense that vibe coming off of her as she struggled against my hand. She honestly thought I was tricking her. How the hell was I supposed to prove it to her that I really, truely loved her.

There's only one option I have. _Please God let it work!_

I slammed my lips to hers, uncoordinated, inept, and yet, so beautiful. Her lips were like delicate rose petals slipping away from a flower bud. She was stunned to the point where she went rigid.

Hopefully, it was stunned in a good way.

* * *

_There! You all finally got your kiss! But what will the reaction be? :) Reveiw for the lovely muffins AND hugs!_

**_Sankoo for my wonderful reveiws!_**

**Mooncry: **I wouldn't say that XD. -Drags Kiko out of story- _Kiko:_ o.o _Me:_ Answer the question! _Kiko:_ Umm.... _Me:_ XD She likes them....alot! ;D _Kiko:_ ....

**xXImmortalsxDiceXx**: Thanks! It's inevitable.

**RandomAnimePerson-XD.:** Thanks! XD Yes, Near is a little brainiac. How about strawberries? :D

**mello rox my sox:** I'm afraid my dear that it must happen T_T. Mello won't kidnap her XD. I got her under lock and key.

**PorcelainHeart**: Thanks! I'm glad you liked it! Emo Mello is so much fun to write XD. Yay cake! -gets high off sugar- THAT IS GOOOOOOOOD CAKE! XD

**irule505**: I'm sorry for the shortness. Happyful....I like it! XD I am very mean :). I love being cruel to the characters.

**watergoddesskasey:** Thanks!

**xSweetNightmaresx:** It would be awesome, and also a little bit crazy. Henh, yes, they love to pause don't they! It's my favorite part about writing this story :D. He's actually my faveorite character. I shall learn....at a slow pace XD. Thanks for the wonderful reveiw!

**Cazalove:** Thanks! lol Strange how one girl can completly change a whole story line.

**Lita Takanashi:** Yes, it's very useful. I always did too! Yep, it was mentioned in the phone call between her and L in an earlier chapter. She's going to be an assistant for him....kinda like a mini-Watari.

**puddingcup: **Me: I know right! Near: You shouldn't have revealed where I was from. Me: Relax, mommy! And sweet! I got german backup XD. Near: ...... Me: Don't worry daddy you'll have a "big" role in the next chapter ;D. Near: Be afraid Matt.

**Winter's Angel**: Your very much welcome for the hugs and cupcakes :3 -hugs-. HOLY CRAP as in yay or nay? lol I totally was laughing when I wrote that. Mello stuttering, what are the odds?! Make sure you breathe! I wouldn't want you to die of suffocation by reading this! O_O

**wonton-chan:** Thanks! :D

**saki217:** Sorry for the sudden end! Now, the real question is will she return his love XD. Sadly, yes T_T.

**XxEyelinerHeartsxX:** Thanks! Who doesn't love them?! Oh, and I love your pen-name XD.

**Me:** Thanks! What?! My french-speaking skills have failed me -__-. But I applaud you for finding that mistake -claps-

**Tayu**: Thanks a bunch!


	29. Fire

_**Sorry guys it took so long! I've had alot of dance performances, friend stuff, church stuff, etc. This is the longest chapter I've ever written XD You guessed it, it's the climax! I bet none of you were expecting this :3. Enjoy.**_

_And now for the disclaimer with my lovely live audience!  
Me: Are you ready for this!?  
Audience: Yes!  
Me: How about you disclaimers!?  
Disclaimers: No!  
Me: How mean!  
Sauske: Let us go, you crazy psychopath!  
Me: Even though i have the same hair as you emo-boy I hate you! -pulls lever-  
Sauske: Aggggggggggggg! -falls through floor and into torture room-  
Me: :) Now, who wants to do the disclaimer?  
Audience: O.O  
Kurogane: Fine, I will.  
Fai: Yaaaaaaaaaaaay! Kuro-pu!  
Kurogane: Shut up you stupid mage. Katelyn owns nothing.  
Me: Great now let's get on with the show!_

* * *

_Kiko's P.O.V._

I felt a strong wave of nerves swell up inside the core of me as I raised my pale hand and knocked on Mello's door; for a moment, I grew rigid in fear, fear that he just might explode with rage, that he'll be so angry at me because I have to leave this place. He'll never forgive me…

But then again, I'll never know unless I try; so here I stand right now, waiting with the stress, tension, and an edge that won't ever leave until I get this vast weight off my shoulders. Even if it ends with tears or pain, if it ends with his beautiful blue eyes showing hurt or sorrow, at least he'll know.

I took a breath as he opened the door solemnly with a hopeful expression covering the curve of his cheeks. I felt the high hopes he had as the blond boy invited me in. I could feel my heart jab at the thought of me _burning _those high hopes to the ground.

I moved to a spot on his bed and sat down on the smooth sheet while the strain grew in my mind; the fighting in my mind grew steadily crazier with fear that stuck onto my fingers. How in the world was I going to phrase this without making it some harsh, crude statement that I'm used to?

Full of eagerness and uncertainty, he sat across from me with his blazing, clear eyes studying me for any signs of me speaking. It felt as though my mouth was barred shut and locked with chains that could not be broken. I had no voice.

Suddenly, I felt my chin being raised and I was forced to look into his raging eyes. Fear, among other emotions filled those blue orbs up, the emotions in his eyes swirled like a hurricane, ripping through his soul without any compassion.

"Kiko," he breathed. The confusion on my face was evident. I had not braced myself for this, this strange interaction between us. What was he doing?

Then he said it. He said the most absurd thing in history, "Kiko...I-I...l-l-love you!"

...

...

...

That's not possible. I…I can't be loved!...It's not...it's not real! How can I be loved when I disoriented in the mind?! I'm not wonderful or great, hell I'm not even nice! I'm disgusting, I'm not even_ pure_! _He_ made sure of that; yes, _he_ made sure to transform me into this revolting, awful, excuse of a person that I've become! _He_ knew that when _he_ did all those things...I...can't be loved...

I slipped out of his grip faster than my mind could ever comprehend. I rushed to the door, my only escape route. I can't stay in this room, it's...too hot; hot with this unusual, a twisted, tainted passion. I _have_ to escape.

"K-Kiko wait!" I heard him say, but I refused to come to a halt. The pressure was too great; I felt him grab my hand in a vain attempt to stop me. His hand felt clammy and desperate, desperate for...me...

No...not again...

He spun me around and in a flash of frantic shock his lips were upon mine. My crimson blood red eyes widened almost instantly from fear, shock, but most of all anguish. The pain from the memories came rushing back to me, running through me head like a waterfall with a powerful, unbeatable and unstoppable force.

_Flashback_

_"Kiko~..."_

_No..._

_"Ah, my darling, why struggle when there is no hope?"_

_No!_

_His lips, his slimy lips that were full of _my_ blood, slammed into my face; tears streamed down my face like rivers cascading down a rocky mountain and a shock of pain jolted through my body as he bit my lip._

_"S…stop!" I could barely say. Make it stop, make this pain, sorrow, rage end! Just end it!_

_"Kiko, you mine." and with a crazed grin he continued...._

_End of Flashback_

"NO!" I screamed. I pushed myself away from him as hard as my weak, fragile arms could push.

There was a crack that silenced out our breathing as I fell backwards and fell full force into his mirror and I bit my lip in pain, forcing the tears that threatened to make their way down my face away. I felt blood prickle its way to the surface and looked up at Mello. His face was mixture of hurt and regret as he spoke, "...Kiko?"

My back throbbed as I stood up feebly and, with every ounce of strength I had left, I ran out of the room.

Not again...why? Why is it that when I try to heal, when I try to save myself from this dark pit that I've been plunging myself in that all I do is make things worse for those around me. Why can't I stop this dark cloud that's formed around me, this darkness that _he _caused.

Why the hell does this always happen to me?!

For the first time in a long time I feel the need to wrap my arms around my mother and cry into her shoulder like I always did when I was a child. But I have no mother, no sister, I've never even had a father, I'm just a lowly orphan.

I'm just an orphan, an orphan who feels completely alone and out of place in a world that's filled with people. I feel unaided, neglected, and I can never get things right. Not only that, but now I've hurt the one person whose closest to me. Mello...why?

Water now decorated my pale cheeks as the tears poured from my eyes like never before. I ran until I felt the burning sensation in my legs that wanted me to just give up and fall down to the ground. I ran until I collided with someone who I had not seen through my blurry vision.

"Kiko?" I looked up and realized I had ran straight into the all familiar redhead, Matt. Matt's eyes that were covered by his tinted goggles were full of concern and fear. I stepped as far away from him as I could, embarrassed that he had to see me in such a dishevelled state. I wiped my damp face with the sleeve of my torn jacket and tried to make my way past him to only be rejected by his arms that had grabbed my shoulders.

"Kiko, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" his velvet voice almost earned my trust, but I still felt uneasy and completely naked as the tears dripped down from my eyes. I couldn't find the right words to say anyway. How could I say what happened?

But I had to try seeing as how he refused to loosen his grip on my shoulders. All I could say though was, "Mello..." before his eyes hardened with an almost inexplicable fury and I watched as the redhead ran off into the direction I had just came from with such a speed that it would be impossible to catch up with him if I wanted to.

A fear gripped my stomach as his flaming redhead disappeared out of sight. Wiping the tears away from my face, I fell down to the floor onto my knees; why do I have this unbearable feeling growing in my chest?

What's Matt going to do?

* * *

_Matt's P.O.V._

That's the last fucking straw! I don't care what Mello did to push her into crying like that, all I know is that he's going to pay for making the beautiful, ruby-eyed girl cry like that.

My heart was still tearing apart at the image of Kiko rushing into my arms full of tears and tenderness. Her broken face was enough to make any man fall to the floor with an excruciating torment; never have I cared for anyone like I care for Kiko, excluding Mello, even after what he has done, I still in some sick way care about him, so I suppose I care about them both in a way…but I'm positive that might change _very _soon.

But now that blond cares for no one but himself and his stupid, godforsaken pride. He has to be the most egotistical bastard in the entire world.

I picked up the speed as I turned into a familiar hallway. I was nearing Mello's room, and I was suddenly taken aback by a sudden wrath that urged me to beaten the life out of Mello. Memories of the happy times we once had and the horrid times that soon came after our had ended.

About a year ago was when the Mello I knew died, this 'new' Mello, this rank obsessed, arrogant bastard is not the one I knew. This new Mello uses things up till they've dried and throws them out like garbage.

He's lost all sense of right and wrong.

He's lost his heart.

Shaking those thoughts out of my head, I burst through his door to find him laying on his bed with a sorrowful expression. His eyes turned to me and for a second I saw a pained emotion flash through his eyes, but that's impossible, because Mello doesn't feel pain.

He just causes it.

"What did you do to her?" I whispered coldly as my sweating hands balled up into fists. I could feel my nails begin to dig deep into the skin of my palm, but instead of the bitter pain of it, all I felt was numbness. My eyes were slit to the point where it looked as if I was about to kill him. Maybe I will...

He adverted his eyes away from me and onto the blank ceiling his eyes had been so glued to a moment angered sear and slashed in my mind, making the room seem almost hazy with red. Is this what Mello saw when he was having temper tantrum? Is this what Mello felt when he was beyond the point of no return?

"Answer me damnit!" his constant silence was really make my nerves jolt with hatred, and it pissed me off. I began to moves towards him, but he still sat like a statue, unresponsive to the point where I thought he was acting like he was deaf or something.

On an unedifying impulse, I grabbed the hem of his shirt, forcing his eyes to return to my own ones. Then I saw it again, that broken, sorrow-filled expression that seemed to swirl around his eyes like a storm.

He honestly felt guilty.

He felt guilty...for what he had done...

_What did he do?!_

"What did you do to her?!" I repeated, but now it had tuned into a desperate cry as I searched Mello's glazed orbs for any clues. Mello ducked his head away from me, letting his blond hair shadow his face.

That was enough proof for me, he had done something utterly awful to her.

I looked around at his dark room until I finally saw it, the glass. It was scattered beside his mirror, but his mirror was not one whole, a simple, visible crack ran down the middle with speckles of blood that made the room seem like a murder scene in its reflection. That's when it clicked together like on of Near's puzzles.

He didn't...he actually...hurt her....

My fist flew into his face and slammed against his cold cheek. After the shock wore off he looked up at me with shocked eyes and I returned his stare with an evil glint of my own and brought my fist up to punch the daylight out of him, but he was smarter this time and managed to break away from my hold on him.

He stumbled onto the floor and rubbed the blood that trickled down his chin away. He was utterly unprepared and my second punch came crashing down into his chest. I heard him gasp for air and his arms wrapped around his chest desperately, in such a matter that it almost made me think if this was really Mello.

I stood over him, feeling the power of finally having control over him. I felt such an exhilarating sensation as I kicked him hard in the ribs, making him double over on the floor. But that feeling died as soon as I realized what I had just done.

I had become just like him...

I had hurt my best friend...former best friend...

And as fast as I ran in there I ran out, away from him, away, away from the image of the blood on the mirror.

And away from the tears I saw that formed at the edge of his eyes...

* * *

_Mello's P.O.V._

Damnit all. Damn everything to hell. But most of all, I damn myself to the very core of the fire that burns eternal in hell.

Why? Why the fuck did I do that to her? I should have known that she would have reacted that way, her torn eyes could tell me that much…and why did I have to not only scare her, but let fall back into the mirror like that?! Why didn't I help her up instead of watch her run away?

Why...

I deserved every punch Matt landed on me. I deserved all the hatred that he shredded off. I deserved all the pain and guilt I felt now. The fucking torn and battered feeling of losing her, I…deserve it....

Why the fuck did I even kiss her?!

Why did I do that to her, knowing that she's been through so much? I might not be sure of what _exactly_ happened to make her so reluctant and shy, but I should have calculated the effects the kiss might have had on her! I should have realized how broken she really was...

I should have been a true friend, to her…and to Matt, instead of ruining it by doing something so stupid. Matt...he deserved to deliver each punch I received. I've hurt him so much...

And I now can never take it back, any of it! I can never heal those wounds I've inflicted on him! I can never say how sorry I am.! I can never repent for my sins...

Wiping the blood away from my mouth, I attempted to stand. The pain doubled as I stood, shaking with anguish and guilt. Tears now streamed down my face, mixing with the blood that dampened my mouth. It felt as though an unbearable weight was pressed against my shoulders, a weight I could not escape from, not matter how I tried.

Before I knew it I was pressing myself against my window, lifting it up off its hinges. The cool night air hit my exposed skin, causing goose bumps to form on my bruised skin. I swallowed the last of my tears and climbed out into the night air.

I had to get away...I had to...

Away from here...

I jumped down from my window, biting back the pain that jolted through my legs as my feet hit the ground; ignoring the insufferable ache of my ribs, I ran across the lawns of Whammy's, pushing away the throbbing feeling that developed in my head.

I shoved it all away as I climbed over the fence and ran into the city.

My legs tore their way across the sidewalk, scaring everyone away from my path. I ignored the strange stares and glances I got from the idiotic people that I passed. My hair covered my tear-streaked face and became tangled as the wind made it blow over.

I ran until I caught sight of an abandoned building. It was old and dainty and looked as if it would fall down at any second.

The perfect place for me.

* * *

_Kiko's P.O.V._

The unbearable feeling that has been growing in my chest just become more and more fearful as each minute passes with no sign of the redhead. I hope he hadn't done anything contemptible that would cause any form of regret later.

I hope he doesn't hurt him...

"Kiko? What are doing on the ground?" I snapped my head up and saw that Near was standing before me. His eyes held the same emptiness as always, but this time, with a little confusion mixed in too.

I found my voice that had been torn up by my harsh crying and said, "I'm...waiting for Matt to return."

"In the middle of the hall?" his puzzlement showed me that he wanted a better answer than the one I gave him, otherwise an interrogation would be unleashed.

"Matt went to go speak with Mello." I bit my lip, knowing that was probably not the case.

"Are they finally going to settle their petty argument?" He asked, twirling a piece of his hair with the edge of his finger.

"I hope..." I pushed back the tears that were threatening to, once again, spill from my bloody coloured eyes.

Near frowned, "But that still doesn't answer the question of why you are sitting in the middle of the hall, or why you are crying."

I gaped. I made a feeble attempt at trying to hide the shock that exploded in my body.

"I...I'm not crying..."

"Yes you are."

"...No I'm not..."

"Why are you trying to hide the truth?" Out of the corner of my eye I watched the albino next to me. His coal-metal eyes stared furiously at me, never letting on any emotion as he tried to figure out the reason for my tears.

"I'm not hiding anything."

"Who made you upset?"

"No one."

"Why are you bleeding?"

"..." I bit my lip. Near was too smart for his own good, I couldn't hide anything from this white-haired boy even if I was the worlds number one liar; I...had to change my game...

"Why do you care?" I asked, watching his face turn from stone into sheer confusion in a second. He contemplated for a moment, most likely trying to think over all the answers he could say and the reactions they would bring.

"It's because..." I waited. His eyes were filled with a curious emotion, it was as if he were baffled, "...it's because I..."

...

...

...

We have too many of these lingering silences. We stared at each other, searching each other's eyes for nothing in particular, comfort maybe, intrigued by each other's qualities. It was almost scary the way we sat there, silent, not even our breathing could be heard. It was almost, just barely...

Peaceful.

But as life continues peace is always shattered.

It in a brink of a second a flash of red came into view. Matt was rushing through the halls like a lunatic it almost seemed and when he came into sight I saw something drip from his hand.

Something red.

Blood.

* * *

_Near's P.O.V_

What was I going to say? No, the more important question is _why_ I don't know what I was going to say. It was as if I was going to say...no, that's absurd. I couldn't possibly....

I am no robot, but I certainly don't show my feeling on the outside. It's completely and utterly illogical to assume that I've...actually fallen for Kiko; no, it's just...it's probably just the flu.

But does sickness causes these knots and flips in my stomach that occurs every time I see the red-eyed girl? Having the nature of never being sick does not help in finding out these answers. Though it does help the statistics of whether or not I really am sick. If it's not sickness…then what is it?

This is why I avoid emotions, they are much too complicated for me. That and they just cause problems for others and the person feeling them.

They are useless, they cause nothing but confusion and pain.

I was interrupted out of my thoughts when Matt came running down the halls in a petrified state. His eyes were wide, bleary, as if he had been crying, however as he slowed down and approached us there were no tears present on his face.

However there was blood. Red liquid were smeared under his eyes, perhaps, he scrubbed the tears away from his face too hard? But upon closer inspection the blood was coming from his hand. It was beginning to dry and crack so it couldn't be from an open wound.

Was he coming from Mello's room? That would be make sense, he most likely cracked from the tension he and Mello have shared for the past few months. But was Matt really capable of going so far as too physically hurt Mello? Probably.

"Matt...why are you bleeding?" Kiko nervously asked. She didn't bother hiding how frightened she was at the sight of Matt's bloody hands.

Matt looked away, shamed, embarrassed and we all knew why when he spoke, "It's not my blood."

In that instant, in that second, time seemed to freeze. Between Matt's unmoving form and my own stationary position, there was no form of energy, not even the negative kind; for a minute the only thing that fell was Kiko's tears and suddenly, time began to move as Kiko ran past Matt and into the direction of Mello's room.

We dumbly followed her on instinct rather than will. She seemed like a blur so far away, rushing through the hells in fear, doubt, as scared as a lost child in a crowd and when we had finally caught up with her she was already standing in the middle of Mello's room. There was a very big, a very crucial problem, however.

Mello was not there.

The only memento that signaled where he could have gone was the open wind.

Kiko stared in disbelief at the outside world as the wind blew her hair back, her tears became dry, her breathing stopped, and her whole body when rigid.

And in an instantaneous moment she was climbing out the window, off to where Mello might have gone.

"K-Kiko!? What are you doing?" Matt asked, nearing her and making a move to pull her back inside. I stood as a bystander and watched her return his help with a cold, hard glare; this scene was far too…cliché

"I'm going after him." She said with such determination that I never thought she had in her, it was almost like she had cracked also.

"But you can't go out into the streets alone." I spoke up, letting her understand the danger of this situation; she was a weak, fragile girl who wanted to venture into the dangerous city alone at night…it's not wise for _anyone _like her to do that, especially in her current, vulnerable state.

"Then you can come with me.' She continued to climb down, not even bothering to look at Matt's frantic face.

"Come on, Near." He said tiredly. Matt went out the window in the same fashion as Kiko, desperate to catch up with her.

By the time I was climbing out they were already on the ground, urging me to hurry. Kiko wanted me to rush so she could catch Mello, and Matt wanted me to rush so Kiko would run off and leave us behind as she trampled about in the city.

Soon, we were running across the green lawns of Whammy's. It felt alien to me being outside when I barely even step foot outside my room, plus I was not used to bitter, cold winds that blew right through my clothes and onto my skin. It prickled and bothered me to be cold, almost annoyingly so. It did not help that I was running across a wet lawn in socks. By the time we reached the meta gate my feet were soaked to the bone.

But there was no time to groan or moan. In Kiko's mind this was vital, this was serious, this could be a life-death situation for Mello in her mind, and for some reason, I wish to respect her wishes, I want to put her needs before my own.

What is this called?

"Near, your going up first," Matt said to me, holding out his hand and expecting me to let him give me leverage.

"Why?"

"Because your the smallest of us! Now come on!" I sighed and let Kiko and Matt push me up and over the gates. I landed roughly onto my knees, causing my pants to become dirty with the grim off of the sidewalk.

Whoever said the great outdoors were fun, was indeed, very wrong.

Kiko went next, landing gracefully beside me. She reached out her hand to help me off the ground and I graciously complied. Once Matt was with us outside the gate Kiko was off like a predator searching for prey.

For some wretched reason, I have a very bad feeling about all of this.

Mello, what have you gotten yourself into?

_

* * *

_

_Several Hours Later_

_Kiko's P.O.V._

It's been hours now since we've left Whammy's and there was still no sign of Mello. My mind kept reeling back to that scene with Mello, and I keep wondering whether or not I could of done something different. Whether or not I could have reacted differently.

If I could have stopped that sudden impulse, that sudden revolt that reciprocated my entire body. That reaction to every touch, every sensation, every time I have that sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach. What if I could have block out those horrific memories? Would I have liked it?

My immediate thought is no, but then again, I'm trusting my mind. What does my heart say?

What does my heart feel?

My heart...feels like stone, walled of after months of tormenting myself with thoughts of that night. Cold and broken, with no love except the relinquishing memory of my dead family.

Is it possible that it's really melted? Have the three Whammy's boys really soften my heart?

If that's true, then what do I do now?

What do I do when I reach Mello, and how do I fix this chaotic mess?

This is all my fault! If I hadn't...pushed back that way and didn't run off then maybe Matt wouldn't have gone after Mello. Mello wouldn't have ran away and none of us would be out here in the freezing streets looking for the blond. If I had just been tougher...

_"Your so weak Kiko..."_

_Tears fall from my face._

_"Your so breakable~"_

Memories swim in my head like fish caught in a raging storm, like a switch I can't turn off, they just won't go away. It's even harder to try and block out the tears that swell up when a cruel mind twist hurtles past my eyes, blocking out my entire vision.

The memory will disappear as quick as it came and I'll be back in the sketchy reality again. I'll be back to walking my tired legs down the sidewalks, searching for even a glimpse of blond hair, but to only be disappointed with no life at all.

At this rate we'll never find him. What then? What are we to do without the ambitious, striving blond? What are we to do in the absence of Mello? Do we go back to living out petty lives, forgetting he even made a point, a mark in them? Do we live on without the blond?

If we don't find the blond, then I might as well kill myself.

I won't be able to stand the tormenting guilt that will thrash upon me if we go back empty handed.

"Kiko?" I tune out my thoughts and turn to see Matt walking beside me. He must have slowed down in order to pull me back up out of my drowning thoughts. I didn't say anything, I just watched his face turn from a shallow pink to a bright red.

"Kiko...I'm sorry...I shouldn't have...this is all my fault..." He snapped his head away, appalled by his own actions. I'm shocked to say the least. I didn't think it was Matt's fault at for this entire problem.

It's all me.

"Matt, it's not your fault." I voiced my thoughts, hoping to bring some reason into his head.

He shook his head and almost laughed, "My fault? Kiko, if I hadn't punched him, if I had beaten the crap out of him, we wouldn't be here. If I had just...swallowed my pride, we wouldn't we in this charade." I flinched as he said each word. What was he saying? What was he trying to tell me?

"What in the world are you saying Matt? You were angry, it's okay to lose your-"

"-That's not what I'm saying, Kiko." He stopped me short of my sentence and looked me square in the eye. For some reason, he had grown an unknown determination in his eyes as if set on an unknown goal.

What goal was he sent on achieving?

"Kiko...I...Mello and I have been fighting along time...do you know why?" He looked as though he were facing some uncertain enemy, waiting for the next move to be made. Why is he so nervous around me? What have I done to cause his anxiety. Befuddled, I shook my head and watched as his entire body filled with even more pressure.

He turned his head away as if he was continuing his search for Mello, but in reality, he attempted to hide his creeping blush. I waited patiently for his answer and walked along side him. Near was still ahead of us by a few yards or so. I wonder if he's listening...

After a minute or so, Matt finally looked back to me. He sucked in his breath and spoke, "Kiko...we were fighting over...you." I blinked at him, letting my confusion wash down my face. His entire face had gone as red as his flaming hair and his teeth gnawed at his bottom lip.

Over me?

What was he talking about?

"I don't understand, Matt" I awaited his reply, eager to learn what this new information meant.

"Kiko, you know Mello...loves you right?" He changed the question quickly. As perplexed as I was, I still nodded. "Well, he's not alone in that…" He hat bitten his lip to the point where I could see the metallic liquid seep into his mouth.

Alone?

Does he mean…

"I love you too."

...

...

...

"What?!" I turned around and faced him completely, my face was hot, my head swirled in pain, and the streetlights seemed to flicker on and off in my vision. How can he...feel that way too?! What have I done to make both these both like me so much?! Not only that but...

I'm the reason they're fighting. It really is _all_ my fault. If I never came they would still be best friends, living together and having fun. Now that I'm here they fight constantly as if they're on opposite sides of a war. And I'm the reason for their war. I'm the reason why Matt snapped and beat Mello.

It's my fault.

All my fault.

I felt burning tears swell up in my eyes. I immediately wiped them away and tried to hide away from Matt's questioning waves. He wanted to the answer. Yes or no. Which is it?

For some strange reason, every time I try to think about it I see Mello's torn, broken face pleading for me to stay. Stay where I am, in uncertainty. I look at Matt and see a carefree soul, pure and untainted by the world it seemed; I see his childlike smile and cannot help but smile myself. But do I see him as...more than a friend?

I see the answer in my head as clear as daylight, and yet, I can't put it into words. "Matt, I...I'm flattered, but..." I turn away and bit my lip, am I really ready to break another heart? "I love you too, but not in the way your hoping for..."

I let a tear fall from my face. I'm tired of fighting, fighting all this pain only to lose more of my self to it's burning sensations. I'm tired of seeing my friends faces slowly transform into agony and rejection. I'm tired of causing it. But most of all...

I'm tired of life, as depressing as that sounds, but I am, I'm tired of everything about it and everything that happens in it.

If this is what my life shall consist of then I just want to end it now. Maybe then I can save a few lives from myself, since all I do is ruin everything.

Matt's face is turned away and I know he's hurt, I know he's redundant, but I can't change how I feel.

I honestly can't love Matt in that way.

I can't love anyone in that way.

"Matt, I'm so sor-"

He cuts me off with a laugh and he turns back and in disbelief I see a smile on him face, "Don't worry about, Kiko, let's just find Mello, okay?" His goofy smile has returned in the most unusual of circumstances. I give a silent thanks to Matt for not breaking down in front of me, for if he did I would shatter with him.

With that happy-go-lucky smile, I know Matt will find true love someday.

It's just bound to happen for him.

But not for me; I didn't deserve it.

"Matt, Kiko, do you smell that?" We turn our attention back at Near, whose face is scrunched up as if he's smelled something rotten. I sniff the air as well and sure enough, I cough out hard, almost wheezing and choking. Matt does the same thing as he swears under his breath; we all looked at each other and knew the answer to our piercing question.

Smoke.

Something was on fire.

In a mad dash, I ran to see what it was and where it was coming from and then I saw smoke filling up the sky from a few streets down. A dreadful feeling grumbled in my stomach as we ran past the people who were watching in awe. Matt, Near and I slipped through the crowd until we were up to where the firemen were.

I watched the flames take over the small, rickety building. They swallowed it up like a lion swallowing a huge chuck of meat. The flames roared into the sky, sending small sparks to the ground below and I looked over to see what Matt's and Near's expressions are and find them oddly disturbing. Near has his usual blank stare with a bit of bewildered wonderment, but Matt's was one of sheer terror.

"Alright, we just got word that's there's no one inside, so please, step back people." I hear one of the firemen say. I can't help but not believe him as I see Matt's flushed face turn into a pale, ghostly white.

I follow his eyes to one of the windows, my heart thumped with stress, wondering what it was that Matt saw. When I catch what he was looking at my heart stopped.

Through the smoke I see a glimpse yellow. Blond hair.

Mello was in the flames...Mello was...in danger...

Ignoring all the warnings, all the cautions, resenting every word my mind is screaming at me, I rush through the firemen towards the building. I hear Matt yelling from behind me, but I acted deaf as I avoid the firemen's arms as they try to grab me.

"Get back here, girl!" I ignore their crude comments as outsmart them easily, especially since there were only three of them. I'll assume that they thought that this would be an easy fire, but they've failed to realize whose at stake here.

Mello. No one would stop me from my goal of rescuing him; I will bring him back to Whammy's, even if I get burned in the process.

I hear one Matt's last deafening screams and suddenly I'm in the engulfed house. The tearing flames singed my hair and clothes, not giving a care whether or not it's fiery blaze sizzles my skin. I searched desperately, trying to make out the stair through the thick smoke as fast as I could, rushing through the building, my lungs unable to breathe, and my eyes watery from the painful smell of burning wood.

I'm unable to feel my way around, see my way through the flames, or even hear Mello's breathing or pain-filled screams. Panicked, I begin crawling through the flames, my hands reach out and gently touch the orange flare that covered the entire staircase.

Wincing from the intense heat, I rushed up the flight of stairs to the floor where I had seen Mello's marred body, lying unconscious on the hard, burnt floor. As I make it to the top I look around, my red eyes searching through the smoky air, waiting to catch a glimpse of blond hair, but as soon as they did, I could do nothing but gasp at the sight I saw.

Mello was sprawled out on the floor, nearly dead and in immense pain. His eyes were shut, hiding his beautiful blue eyes, and his hair was singed from the flames that danced near his face. None of those things, however, were what caused my tears to stream heavily down my face.

A ghastly, gruesome burn went down the side of face, covering his entire upper-left side. It burned through his black shirt right into his shoulder, leaving it's mark with torn skin. His angelic face was now ruined by such a scar, a horrible, painful mark; a burn that was caused by my stupidity. This was all my fault…

God Mello, I'm so sorry. So sorry that you'll never know how much guilt I feel as I stare at your scorched body.

Why couldn't it had been me instead of you? I would gladly replace you in this situation.

But I'll never have the chance, no matter how much I want to.

I dashed through the flames as quick as I could to grab Mello's injured frame. He's much more heavier than my scrawny form, but either way I still drag him out of that wretched room that I had forced him to go to with my uncaring, frightened attitude. Why did I have to treat him like a monster in such a delicate situation? Why am I so stupid?!

When I reach the stairs with Mello on my shoulder I am greeted with unpleasant sight. The stairs had collapsed right in the middle and a large gap replaced where the piece of wood used to be, gulping, I looked at Mello's face for some encouragement; in this kind of situation, I knew he would come up with something. If it were I on his shoulder he would have jumped to save me.

I have to throw him across, it's the only way to save both of us.

Gathering all the strength I had left, praying that I had more willpower than my image showed, I pushed across the gap. He just barely made it across as he landed with a thud on the tattered stairs. It was now my turn to jump, but my body filled with an inexplicable fear. I felt the same fear that I felt when I was looking down at the water on the day I was at the bridge, the day I had planned to commit suicide.

If only I had just jumped, then none of this would have happened to Mello.

I slammed my eyes shut and jumped. I felt the smoke blanket my face as I jumped in midair toward my unsettling goal. Relief sang in my head as I landed clumsily by Mello's side.

I took no time as I grabbed his form and dragged the both of us out of the fire. The door fell under my kick and as tears of release poured down my face and Matt and Near came rushing to my aid as did the firemen, who looked astonished that I came out alive. One of the other firemen that had ran after me into the flames came out through the window. He ran straight to me and grabbed Mello from my shoulder.

Matt and Near stopped short as soon as they saw the damage Mello was in. The fireman laid Mello onto the ground and began talked furiously through their radios, asking for help to come immediately.

Matt fell to his knees beside Mello, eyes widened, breath stopped, and repeating Mello's name over and over again. Near stood, and for once, his mask broke and fell hard and fast towards the ground. Alarm and fear came clasping over his face and I knew he was thinking the same thing I was.

Mello was supposed to be invincible, unbroken, nothing was supposed to be able to harm him. We all believed that Mello could withstand anything, but now, as we look down as his beaten form, we can't help but feel the pain of fault.

We were wrong, so very wrong.

"Mello, you can't die!" Matt said through his wet tears. His voice choked and blocked as he slammed his hands to his face.

"Matt..." All of our eyes widened as we watched Mello open his unharmed eyes. He was squinting as everything came into focus. A grunt of agony shook his form as the burn marks began to set in their troubling pain.

"Mello..." was all I could whisper.

"His pulse is extremely weak." One of the firemen said to the medic that came rushing to the scene.

"Kiko..." he said at last before he shut his eyes again and his head tilted towards the side. Is he...he can't be...

"We're losing him!" The emergency team brought out a stretcher, but it looked to be too late.

I watched them carry Mello off, but the tears became too much, the dread, the guilt, it was too deafening and I screamed, "MELLO!"

* * *

_Yay! That was fun!!!  
Near: ....  
Matt: o.O  
Mello: O.O......I'm dead?  
Me" Perhaps. :D I'm cruel indeed. So what were your thoughts guys? Loved it? Hate it? Do any of you want to burn me alive?!?!!?!? O.O  
Mello: I do.  
Me: Tehe Reveiw and you shall get something very good indeed :D_

**_Over 20 reveiws!?!?!? Thanks guys!!!!_**

**Mooncry:** lol :D Yup!

**xXImmortalsxDiceXx:** Yes, the torn feelings are just dreadful!

**Matti.J:** It was indeed :3.

**irule505:** I know, it's so depressing T_T Old Disclaimers:Your the one who tortured us! Me: ^.^' Anyways, I believe she did alot more than that XD

**RainbowTurkeyOfDoom:** Umm.......o.o. Are you okay?

**Mello-Mellon**: Hehe Matthew XD. Thanks! YES! Someone like me who equaly hates cake -glomps-. PLUSHIES!!!!!!!

**xSweetNightmaresx:** Poor everyone. Did you like her reaction? Uh..........if you don't like Mello suffering then HOW DID YOU DEAL WITH THIS CHAPTER?! XD

**XxEyelinerHeartsxX:** Thanks!

**Cazalove:** lol I agree, Mello belongs to Matt ^.^ But that's not how the story is going to roll!!!!!!!!!!! Don't cry T_T I cry when people cry.

**Captain BlueCanary:** Thanks! He got a little more than a foot in the stomach XD

**grimmjow rox my sox:** Your thinking to far ahead XD. Thanks!

**playboy-bunny:** It's amusing to write him like that XD. It is at first. The main thing is to keep the characters in-character (though I've broken that rule alot XD) and to make the story intresting. You get the hang of it after a while though.

**ChaseCasel**: Cause.....I said so :3. It looks like Matt will never get that chance XD

**puddingcup**: Yay hugs!_ Near_:....... _Mello:_ T_T _Me_: Daddy was a jerk! _Mello_: You killed me.... _Me_: Yes, and what fun it was! _Near:_ Mello, your not dead. _Me_: Yet....XD_ Mello_ O.O _Me_: Sankoo for the reveiw!

**Alma Estranha**: O.O It is....YAY! Worship? THANKS! I'm glad you like it to the point of worshipping me XD

**saki217:** You should be an annoucer for a movie XD.

**PorcelainHeart**: Thank you very much :D. EASTER TREATS! -catchs the chocolaty goodness- Yum yum!

**Lita Takanashi:** Indeed it does.

**Winter's Angel**: Thank you! I thought those sentences weren't very good so ICONOHJOYPLZ: that you like it XD. Gummy bears rulez!

**Kiptracx:** It was rushed on purpose for Kiko's POV :3. I bash Mello because I love him XD. Thanks!

**Me:** Thank you! Yes, they did lol. Right when you reveiwed I sent it to my beta XD Funny eh?

**XxXEmi_-_AkaneXxX**: Yay new reveiwer! XD I did?! Strange, yet cool! You shall find out soon! Thank you!

**watergoddesskasey:** Yay!

**EleganBlack:** Muhahahaha that's why I burned Mello for kissing Kiko! Tehe....just kidding....really.


	30. Hospital

_**Now, the ultimate answer will be answered: Will Mello live? XD Now for the Disclaimer!**  
_

_Me: Are you all ready to see more angst!?  
Audience: -crying- Mello! Why?!?! Nooooooooo! Don't die!  
Mello: See they love me.  
Me: That's the reason why I burned you.....muhahahaha.  
Mello: O.O Are you serious?  
Me: No, but it's funny to think about! Now, whose up for the disclaimer!?  
Audience: -still crying-  
__Me: -.- Anyone?!  
Lelouch: I'll do it since they're all fools.  
Me: -aside- Look whose talking -.-  
Lelouch: Katelyn owns nothing because I.....OWN EVERYTHING -goes off into maniacal laughter-  
Me: -sweatdrop-_

* * *

_Matt's P.O.V_

Pain, guilt and torment; these emotions clouded over Kiko's pale, damp face that was still flushed from all the tears and screaming she's done. Her red eyes look lost as she stares down at the tiled floors like a soulless human, a broken life.

The hospital was buzzing with excitement earlier as they rushed Mello into the emergency room and held us back. Kiko was determined not to let Mello leave her sight, but the nurses and doctors had another say in this. We were soundless as they forced us battered teens to sit out side the surgery room, waiting for a sign, any sign, that Mello would be alright.

They called Roger up after we explained to them what orphanage we were from. To say he was not pleased was a bit of an understatement. He came in full of hot anger and rage, steam was practically coming out of his ears. A long lecture of how irresponsible we were, and how stupid our actions are awaited us.

"I never expected any one of you to do anything of this magnitude! You are Whammy's brightest students! You should know better than this! I will most certainly inform L and he will deal with you! On top of that, Mello is in serious condition!-" and it went on and on as we all stared into space, lost in our own jumbled thoughts.

Roger eventually calmed down and spoke to the nurses about Mello's condition. From what I heard it's none too good. I never seen Roger look so tired, so aged, before as he listened to the nurse go on about the extent of Mello's injuries.

It was....strange.

This whole experience was strange, no, bizarre.

Who would have thought that Mello, outlandish, short-tempered, tougher-than-a-bullet, unstoppable Mello would be staring death in the face before our very eyes.

Who knew that I would be the cause of all of this.

Why couldn't I just hold my temper against him! Why did I have to.....punch him so hard. Why did I say those things that were obviously not true when really I just want my friend back in my arms. I want to see his beaming face again as he score a goal at football, and his blazing eyes as he reads the latest test scores. I want to read the satisfaction he gives off as he tears open a candy bar and to be able to be there for him when no one else is.

Why couldn't I have been his friend when he needed it most.

Why couldn't I see that Kiko could never love me for she.......cares Mello. I can read it in her eyes as she sits next to me, doom implanted on her features and dread gripping her shaken form.

She loves Mello.

No one can deny that...

Except maybe her.

As we Roger's mumbles and grumbles to the nurse in the background we wait for any news detailing Mello's condition, well, Near and I do. Kiko looks lost in her only world, drifting away from us as the clock above our heads ticks with each passing second. Her tears have long ago stopped, but it seems that she's only become worse off.

After a full examination, the doctors found no severe burns on her body. Her clothes were badly singed and a few cuts danced on her cheek from when she was dragging Mello's limp body out of there, but that was it.

Yet, she looks in pain like she was the one who was in the burning house, suffocating from the lack of oxygen and the flaring smoke. She looks as if she's in the surgery room, clinging onto the last hours of her life.

She looks numb, completely, utterly numb.

Near and I have tried talking to her, reassuring her that everything would be alright, Mello would be alright. All our attempts have ended in vain, however, as she refuses to even acknowledge our presence.

It's becoming worse and worse.

This stress, this unbearable waiting game, is driving my mind into a crazy haze. I feel as though all the air is being drained out of lungs and my heart is zipping straight out of chest, screaming at Kiko, "Look at me!"

But she doesn't. I'm a shadow to her, forever walking in awe, admiration, but with heartbroken love. A love that shall never be returned to me no matter how hard I try.

Mello loves her. She loves Mello. It's a perfect match.

"Matt, where are you going?!" Roger asks me as I begin to make my way out of the hospital and into the cool night air. I stop before the revolving doors and look back to see Roger's crinkled face, flabbergasted**(1), **expecting an answer.

"I'm....just going to get fresh air..." Even I was surprised to fid that my voice was so broken, so crushed, that you could barely mistake me for a child. Roger softened his expression and nodded me to continue my route. If there was one good thing to say about Roger then it would that he knew when to back off on certain situations

Then again. roger despises children and, if he had the chance, would probably have nothing to do with them what-so-ever. I suppose there only reason he's working at Whammy's is because Watari asked him to. No one, except perhaps L, could refuse Watari's kind, redeeming, grandfather-like smile.

As I stepped out into the chilly night sky, I began to feel the air return to my lungs and my goggles were no longer so foggy with over-whelming tears. I didn't fully understand the reason fro my unshed tears. Was I flooded with this guilt, this build-up of self-hate towards what I done? Or could it be that I knew the chance of Mello leaving this unscarred and becoming his old self again was close to zero.

There is no turning back once the actions are set in place. There is no undoing the puzzle once it's been completed, even if you turn the puzzle upside down, all you would cause it madness and more destruction to the already fragile pieces.

The world is a puzzle and it's completed.

Mello will never be the same...

"Hey, kid, you alright?" My thoughts are interrupted by a crude voice from the side of me. I turn my head to find a guy, possibly in his late teens, smoking a fag**(2)** with a heavy expression on his face.

I realize suddenly that I'm studying him a bit too closely when he speaks up, yet again, "Hey, are you okay or something? You look like you've jump been hit in the head with a brick."

I quickly look back down to the ground, ignoring my lungs that desperately want to cough out the insufferable smoke, "I'm fine." I mumble out.

"What's your name kid?" I ignore the rude comment of being called "kid" and answered the strange man, "Matt."

He puffs out a cloud of smoke that floats above his head, completely unaffected of the rotten smell the smoke gives off as if he were immune to the grey fog. I would be a bit unease thinking about the fact that I was inhaling cancer practically, but seeing his face dissolve of any tension with each intake makes me wonder if it's really all that bad.

"You want one?" He asks, holding out a stick to me in a appealing gesture. Although my mind is yelling at me not, bickering under the insanity of taking the cancer stick, I feel my hand move to grip a fag and hear him click the lighter under the stick. I guess everyone throws out logic when their best friend is dying.

Especially when it's your fault.

Within minutes I'm feeling the nicotine rush through my veins, making every square inch of me addicted to it's toxin fiery. I hear the guy chuckle besides me as I relax under the sense of feeling safe as if all my worries were just lifted off my shoulders and I would never have to face them again.

But I knew that was a lie.

As soon as I walked back into the hospital, Mello would be waiting.

And Kiko....

"Here kid, have the rest of the pack. I got more at home anyway." The strange man handed me the rest of his fags and trotted off uncaringly, as if he had just given money to the poor.

He paused and looked back, a smile present on his gleaming face, "By the way, I'm Toby." And with that Toby walked away from the hospital and onto the streets of Winchester, forever leaving his mark in the form of drugs in the palm of my hand.

I looked down at my hand and stared at the pack of cigarettes that held five more sticks, sticks that would blacken my lungs with tar and smoke. Sticks that would probably kill me when they had the chance. What would Roger say if he found me with these? What would L say if he discovered I was smoking? What would Kiko say....

"Fuck it all." I said to myself, stuffing the pack into my pants pocket.

I've thought way too much on all these things that don't really matter. Love, hate, success, failure, we're all going to die anyway. Why not live a little for once? It's all I can do to ease this guilt that has befallen on me from Kiko and Mello.

I'm just not going to care anymore.

I'll live carefree till the smoke consumes by last breath.

* * *

_Near's P.O.V_

How ironic is this dilemma, Mello, whose doggedness made him seem almost invincible to anyone's attacks, would be brought down by such a deceiving notion. His defiant attitude towards the world crumbled like a weak tower under love's tremendous ground.

Only this imposing emotion could cause the exuberant blond to become so inconsolable, so distracted that he wouldn't even care that he entered a building with weak wire fixation and a despondent structure. He's supposed to be highly intelligent, brilliant even to L's standard -being that he's second-smartest in an orphanage of 200 geniuses.

Who knew that someone as smart as Mello could fall victim to this powerful emotion's rancour hands. Who knew that the moment the quiet, shy, red-eyed girl would cause such an impact the moment she entered Whammy's house.

Who knew that all our lives would suddenly flip upside down like an earthquake that can obscure even the most serene of cities. I calculate that this was L's intention, to pull the three of us, Mello, Matt and I, together through a chain of events that could only be spurred by Kiko's entrance.

L is always calculating, always thinking. he never stops. I wonder if that's the reason why he didn't predict such a menacing predicament as this.

As Roger informed Watari the ominous difficulty that has ravaged Mello's life, I listened carefully to pick up on any hints that this was intentional, "No, Watari, they say he's in critical condition. Yes, I've got the rest of them here with me. No, I am to punish the- what?! Of course they are to be punished! They snuck out of the institute!"

It seems Watari is on our side. Then again, he always did have a soft spot for children.

"Fine, fine, you deal with them when you get here. Yes, yes, what does L think of all this?" There was a long pause and in a split-second Roger's eyes turned from a questioning glare to a torrent contrition, "I see."

That answers my assumption then: L did not plan any of this, surprisingly.

"Alright then. Goodnight." He clicked his phone off and slid the electronic device back into his pocket. He rubbed his face solemnly with his hand, possibly questioning his career choice and turned back to Kiko and I, "L shall deal with you lot when he comes to Whammy's in two weeks." We both said nothing and continued to stare at the room Mello was currently in, waiting, watching, hoping that everything would be alright.

"Where in the bloody blazes is Matt?" Roger said more to himself than to us. Right on queue, Matt came strolling in, hiding the distraught look that moments ago masked his face. There was something conspicuous about Matt's presence, however. His smell was........putrid.

I recoiled a bit away from the redhead once I realized what that smell was. It appears that matt has taken on smoking to liberate himself from this pounding stress. I slightly wonder who in the right mind would give a minor a way to kill themselves, but realize that it is, in fact, society.

People are plain stupid.

But what does that make Matt, seeing as how he accepted the cigarettes freely. I decided to question Matt later on his intelligence once the doctor who had been treating Mello came strolling out the doors.

Kiko's eyes immediately snapped up, awakening from the reality she had entangled herself in and eagerly awaited the doctor's verdict. It was a bit sad seeing her in such a receding state, closing herself away again, even after all those months of trying to heal her.

Is that perhaps the reason my stomach turns into tight knots as I watch her cave in to the oppression life has thrown at her, or is it something more? There is no possible way that it's........what Mello fell for, what caused Mello's downfall.

There is no love, just a series of hormones in a person's body to cause a person to think he or she's feeling when really it's just a delusion to the hard, sad truth. there is no love and that is final.

I learned that lesson the hard way.

"How is he?" Roger quickly asked the doctor, whose abiding smile leaked of lies. The doctor looked at his clipboard as if he needed reassurance on what he was going to say, proving his stupidity was far greater than that of Matt's, seeing how he was just in Mello's room.

"Well, he's alive and stable. He has a rather large third-degree burn on his left shoulder and goes up to the upper-left side on his face. I'm afraid they are permanent and he will have scars for the rest of his life. We have to wait to give him the painkillers for his burns until the anaesthetic we gave him wears off. I'm going to prescribe some healing ointment that will lessen the affects of his burns and protect them from retaining any infections and painkillers to relieve the pain on his back and face. Do you have any questions?" The doctor said with hardly a break in between each word.

As Roger quickly asked him some relevant questions, the three of us stood there, wordlessly, in shock of what we had heard. The stress that had been building up, the anxious feelings of asking ourselves, 'Is he going to make?' all came crashing down on us in a large heap of relief and joy.

Mello, the indestructible Mello, was going to live.

"Can we see him?!" Matt interrupted, hope shined in his eyes, possibly from finally being able to see is life-long friend.

"W-well...." The doctor looked through Matt's goggles, unable to deny such a pitiful expression, "....he's just woken up, so he's a bit....moody..."

"Moody how so?" I asked, savouring the look on the doctor's face.

"Well...." He looked quite uneasy.

"FUCKING HELL!" The hallway we were in went temporarily silent as we watched a few frightened nurses, with fearful expressions, burst out of Mello's room expression, following a tray of sedatives.

"He's in quite a lot pain actually." The doctor said, embarrassed, as a few more trays flew out of the room, hitting the wall with a bang. The doctor's facial features tensed up at the prospect of heading back into Mello's room.

"We can handle it." Matt slurred, pushing past the doctor into Mello's room while ducking another flying tray. Kiko and I numbly followed, though I feared for my head as we heard a lamp being thrown at the wall in Mello's room.

Of course as we entered his room all present fear vanished and was replaced with a heavy burden and sorrowful pity.

Instead of the fierce, prevailing, dominant Mello, there was this new Mello who was sprawled out on the bed heaving in sweat and tears, with broken objects that surrounded traumatized form.

Instead of stunning, beautiful, angelic Mello, there was a scarred, hurt, almost broken Mello in his stead whose burn marks looked out of place on his smooth skin. It's fleshy appearance made it look like it stung, and it's red, gruesome flesh made Kiko behind me gag with terror.

Mello was alive, but he was scarred permanently.

Mello stared at us, first taken aback that we really there, then appalled that we have seen him in such a state. Here is Mello, burned, scarred Mello, with his face revealing all his masked emotions, almost completely, utter exposed to us and his eyes that are tearing up from the excruciating pain the burns are causing him.

At Whammy's you are taught to never reveal your true feelings. Mello just broke that rule.

"Matt, Near, Kiko...what are you doing here-" Mello was abruptly cut off when Matt rushed up to him and nearly dived at his chest, sobbing uncontrollably, and not caring who was watching. He gripped onto Mello, careful not to touch the burns, but as if his life depended on it.

Such desperation left Mello wide-eyed and speechless. It left us all speechless that their feud could only end with this horrific experience.

But there are more important things on hand than silly arguments and pride.

* * *

_Mello's P.O.V  
(5 minutes earlier....)_

All I see is blackness. all I feel is pain, this burning sensation that's licking at my body, teasing it, making me ache and cringe all over. I feel strange, loopy even, most likely I'm dead.

Death.....so this is what it feels like.

I always assumed there was a God and a Heaven and Hell. I suppose I was wrong though.

I was wrong about alot things.

I was wrong about Matt.....Kiko.....fuck, probably even Near at this point.

I was wrong about everything.

"Mello? Can you open your eyes?" I hear a faint voice, almost faraway, sounding slurred to my ringing ears. I follow the command and let my slits slowly open to the blinding light. It felt penetrating like I was under some sort of microscope. I blinked a few times to get used to the stinging, glaring light when it happened.

The hot, searing, tearing pain doubled over and I felt as though I was on fire.

"Now Mello, you might feel a bit of pain seeing that the anaesthetic we gave you is wearing off." I could care less about the damn nurse's pointless words. I gripped the sheets on the bed I was lying on and bit my lip to prevent the screaming.

She continued to blab on however, ignoring the fucking fact that I practically crying throbbing that my back was and face was causing me, "We have to wait to give you some painkillers, so hang in there, okay?" She trotted off away as if she had just delivered the news to a child.

Fuck her.

But a lingering question haunted my thoughts, the question of why did I hurt so much. I was in a burning building and-

Oh god.....

Don't tell.......please don't tell me....

"Nurse, can...I see a mirror...." I grumbled weakly before she could completely leave the room, trying my best to look innocent and irritable at the same time in order to get what I wanted, what I needed: answers.

The nurse looked at me, a bit stunned at first that I was speaking, then a bit remorseful, which was not a good thing at all. "Well....okay sweetie...." She headed into a cabinet and searched through it's contents till she found a small mirror that lurked under the stacks of paper. My blurry vision did me no good as I tried to see her expression from faraway as she whispered to the other nurses around them.

The other two looked at her then at me and then shrugged. What the fuck did that mean? What were they contemplating about? Just give me the goddamn mirror! I need to see with my own fucking eyes if it's true, if my suspicions are true.

For once I wish I was wrong, so very wrong.

Please let me be wrong.

"Here you go, sweetie. We haven't had a chance to bandage your wounds yet. She nervously handed me the mirror, shaking, afraid of the reaction I would give. She eyed me carefully before stepping back, giving me some space and possibly keeping out of reach in case I lose my temper, but staying just close enough for if I cry she could hold me.

I must keep calm. No explosions. No temper. No fights. No tears. I'm alive, I should be thankful for that. In truth, I've totally fucked up everything in my life, Kiko, Matt, I've probably fucked things up with Roger too and might not be able to beat Near now, but I'm alive.

Stay calm. Breathe in, breathe out.

I held up the mirror to my face and peered into my reflection.

...

...

....Holy fucking Shit! Fucking God!

My face is.....I'm fucking hideous. A ghastly scar is cut across my once perfect skin, covering my eye and reaches down to my shoulder. It's disgusting, pink and fleshy, I could scare a child easily if I had the chance. I look like a fucking freak. I'm.....ruined. God...what will Kiko say if she sees me.....forget trying to apologize to her, she probably won't even look at me now.

Fuck, why am I so stupid. Why did I break into that fucking house that was practically prone to fires. Fuck why didn't I.......stay, stay at Whammy's and be tougher....

I'm weak, so weak....

"FUCKING HELL!"

The pain, the torment, the angst, all came crashing down on me as I threw a few nearby trays out into the hallway. The nurses flew, fearing my rage, my uncontrollable temper, my fucking stupidity.

It almost felt as if the furious, uncontrollable me was trying to take over me, locking down on my muscles and bidding them to do whatever he sees necessary. Out of control is the least to describe this fire that takes over me, just as though I was really being burned.

I feel my hands grasp nearby trays and throw them to their unfortunate demise. They wail as they hit the hall and wisp past the nurse who try to save their own skin. It's unstoppable like I'm running into a wall constantly, never breaking free, always trapped in this delusion; I wish, long to be free of this anger.

It's pushed everyone one away from me, everyone I love.

And it's all because of that night, that tormenting nightmare. If I had been strong enough I wouldn't have this rampant fixture on life, people, the ones I cherish.

And she knows all about it, Kiko....she saw it....

And I pushed her away too, just by the grasp of my fingers and the tough of my lips.

I don't know how many items I throw before I finally break down, pulling my muddled hair, fighting the salty water that likes to make it's entrance at the worst of times, trying to find closure in myself, but that's not possible.

But then I heard a noise, a gasp, and felt a presence in the room. I looked up and saw a picture so bright, so unbelievably unreal, that in the mist of trying to gaze out of the mist that covered my eyes, a lone droplet swam down my face and over my ruggedly wound.

Matt was stunned, Near, for once, was not his placid form, and Kiko, God, she looked as if she had been standing in the road and a truck just barely missed her skinny body, flicking the ends of her jacket and pushing her back. I felt utterly exposed to their gaping eyes that seem to be bullets as they took in the disgusting image that laid before them, me.

I found my voice, "Matt, Near, Kiko...what are you doing here-" But was cut off by the most, gratifying of things. Leaving behind all traces of our feud, Matt ran up to me and almost knocked me backwards as he dug his redhead deep into my aching chest, sobbing uncontrollably it seemed.

I don't.....believe it.

He's actually....we're actually....we're brothers again. Through all this pain, this distressing situation, this miscellaneous adventure that no child should ever go through, our squabbles, our quarrels, our fight ended in a puff of smoke as if it never even existed in the first place.

I felt tears fall from my face again, but this time they were not those of sadness.

I finally have someone back into my life, someone that I'll seize and never let go of.

Matt...

I can live with being shunned of Kiko...maybe; I'll live with being scarred permanently; I have my best friend back, "Matt..." I cry and wrap my arms around him tightly, never letting go...

* * *

**1.** That's my new favourite word!!!! XD  
**2.** In England they call cigarettes fags, so don't message me saying your offended. I'm just trying to make it authentic. Also, kiddies don't smoke. IT'S BAD!!!!

_Dang, I wanted it to be longer, but it would of ended up being like 20,000 words or something XD. So about 2 chapters to go! What shall happen :). Yes, I saved Mello and I was pulling your leg about killing him XD. I'm evil._

_Mello: You can say that again._

_Me: -pulls trap door rope-_

_Mello: O.O -falls-_

_Me: Anyway! I'm planning on going back and fixing all the errors to the early chapters too from before I had an awesome beta XD. But that will be after the story is done. Also the rating is going to change because of the content of the next chapter. It's going to be M-rated. Do not be alram kiddies, it's not going to be THAT graphic. Those who read Second Chances know how graphic I can get XD. And for all you perves out there get those nasty thoughts out of your head too cause it's not going to be ONE OF THOSE chapters XD. So REVEIW and get the exclusively rare mocha fudge muffin XD. _

_And one last SUPER BIG NOTE: I have two new one-shots up called Coffee Shops and Pocky. Anyone who is becoming more and more depressed from this fic should go check those out cause their humor-filled and are your medicine :)._

**_You all are awesome!_**

**wonton-chan:** Well, you'll just see what happens XD. Who knows, maybe they'll both come in ;D.

**Mooncry:** I know he is XD.

**xXImmortalsxDiceXx:** Don't go insane!.....yet XD. Yes, it's between the two, who shall win MUHAHAHAHA!

**Mello-Mellon:** Why thank you. I do believe they can save him -pulls out machine-plushie shooter- XD

**XxEyelinerHeartsxX:** Aw, I'm sorry for almost making you cry. :( Or crying actually. I guess I'm too cruel.

**kaitlynmagic:** Aww but if I were burned alive how would I continue this fic?

**puddingcup:** I don't like cake XD but I saved him anyway -.-_ Mello_: You sadistic son of a- _Me:_ Language. _Mello_: -grumbles- _Me_: Cat's do sneeze! It's hilarious! _Near_: Off topic. _Me_: Be quiet before I burn you alive to XD. Thanks!

**Alma Estranha:** Hahaha but I am me and knowing me what I write might not be exactly happy :). You shall see soon. Naw, he was just trapped in a burning building ;D.

**Lita Takanashi:** Heck yes it does XD. I pulled him back with some rope ;D. Thanks!

**grimmjow rox my sox:** Your wish has been granted :D. You shall see ;D.

**Me:** Violent much O.O! I fear for my life -hides behind couch- Yay tacos!!!!

**irule505:** Yes, it's what he deserves XD. It doesn't end that quickly ;D.

**Winter's Angel:** Thanks! OMG NOOOO! -hides- Why does everyone want to burn me alive!?

**breakingXtheXhabit**: Yay for you! -claps- Thanks!

**Random-Kitty-Yuffie:** I positvely love your name XD. MUFFINS! You found my weakness XD. No Zero! That's my muffin o.O.

**Kristie94:** Thanks! XD Tears are a good thing :3.

**syleena:** That is the best compliment in the world! But actually I'm going to write screenplays for movies and direct them XD. Don't worry they won't die.....yet :).

**Coolkat and RoooKie:** Straight up. I hate cliffhangers with a passion, but when it comes to writing I just can't resist XD. Thank you very much :D.

**5FIVE5:** Yes, poor angsty Mello XD. Thanks! Yes, but you see that's all memory. She doesn't really learn anything else besides what she's already read XD. I won't be XD.

**Kiptracx:** Yes, long indeed. My fingers still hurt from it -.-. Dang :( I'll make iot perfect next time o.O. Thanks. Hahaha You caught me! I was laughing while I read this cause I know I was gonna reveal it in this chapter hehe. Plus I pretty much had the way I wanted to write it all in my head but chose to wait to reveal it TILL THE VERY END XD. I hope I don't disappoint either -sweatdrop- ^.^

**KOKOKOKO**: Thanks!


	31. A Past Revealed

_I was looking back at the earlier chapters and my gosh! They are horrible :O I don't know how you all stuck around through that! So I did the editing early. Now, everything is perfect...or at least a little bit XD. If any of you could, would you go and look at any of the edited chapters and tell (in an anonymous if you like) whether or not the editing helped. I appreciate it! _

_And now for the Disclaimer with...........a surprise guest!  
_Me: Audience give it up for.........Hello Kitty!!!!  
Audience: Yaaaaaay?  
Mello: What the fuck?  
Hello Kitty: ^.^  
Me: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!  
Hello Kitty: Meow~  
Me: she said I own nothing!  
Mello: -mumbles- Idiot...

* * *

_Kiko's P.O.V  
1 week later...._

The wind whistles its breezes in a soothing tone that is a melody base for the birds that are chirping wildly in the air, happily enjoying the fact that it's a bright, sunny day and that the sun is smiling heart-warmingly down upon them. Everything seems vividly alive outside in the luscious, green lawns that lazy children occupy as they slumber.

After long weeks of rash disturbance and uproar, Whammy's has finally calmed down. Roger has finally let the topic, which many children were extremely excited and interested about, rest in peace. Everything seems to have fallen back into place, back to normal.

So, why is it I can't let it dissolve, let it fade away? Why do those awful images still haunt my head of seeing his… tormented face in agony, in pain, all because I was so foolish, so stupid?

Why can't I let go?

Everyone was full of excitement and interest when word caught up of what had happened to Mello. The morning was rabid with energy the morning Mello returned with Matt glued to his side-because Matt simply refused to leave him-and no one could pry their gaping eyes off Mello's fresh new scar that tore across his face.

To say they were shocked beyond belief couldn't even begin to describe the faces they made at the sight of Mello injured. As I watched from between the rails at the top of the staircase, I could just tell that Mello was aggravated.

He was annoyed by the searing stares, insecure about his new wound, confused and frustrated by what I had done to him, and many more emotions that swirled across his face as he pushed his way through the stunned children.

Roger eventually got the children settled and after his anger dissolved into worry, he finally let the situation go. Even the rumors and silent whispers among the children vanished and the whole thing seem to be just an old story to be thrown away in the trash with all the rest of the useless junk.

As soon as Mello was safely in his room he refused to come out for any circumstance, even for classes. Only Matt was allowed entrance into Mello's room, but that was obvious seeing how they had made up.

Poor Roger tried for hours to get Mello to come out. He even tried picking at the lock, but soon gave up on that method as soon as he realized Mello himself developed the device.

Mello's scarred face disappeared from everyone's mind for a cheerful week and they continued their lives without a care, as if he didn't even exist. But Mello did exist, he was still alive in that room, he was still breathing.

As long as he's breathing I will never get that image of him crying, tearing the hospital room apart, distressed and in pain out of my pulsing skull. I want to go up there; I want to say sorry for what I caused him, but I'm too scared. I'm too afraid that I'll just cause things to be worse.

I'm not good for anything, anything at all.

As I stare out into the outside from my place at the windowsill, which I'm frankly relieved that it's vacant from everyone, I mildly wonder what it would be like if I hadn't come here in the first place. Would everything just automatically be completely different? Would everyone be happier?

What if I had just died on that wretched night; would everything be better?

I can't help but feel that things would change, things would be different. Though, I can't change what's already happened and I most certainly can't fix what's already been damaged. It's far too late.

Sitting on a windowsill in an abandoned hallway does wonders when you're contemplating your own existence. The music blaring in my ears can only distract me from seeing the bigger picture that's lying before my eyes. The picture that I try to cower away from; the picture that frightens me.

_She had the eyes of an angel  
With a heart like a traitor_

The bloody picture that seems to curse my every waking thought ever since I pulled Mello out of the tickling flames; that damn picture I can't escape from, but it speaks the truth.

_And a gun with a trigger  
In her hand pointed at her_

I'm afraid of the truth more so than I'm afraid of everything else. It's deafening, screaming, it won't leave me alone no matter how fast I run or whatever music I play to try and block it out. Whatever I do it won't _leave._

_We always knew you'd go up in flames  
We always knew you'd go out with a bang_

What if I had just died. What if HE just killed me. Why didn't HE just kill me? Why did he leave me to suffer and make everyone else's lives worse.

_We're going nowhere fast  
We're going nowhere fast_

I should have died. I should have just let go. Now, look what I've done. Now look at what I've caused. HE said I would only cause others pain…

_We're going nowhere fast  
We're going nowhere fast_

He was right...

Before I even realize it, tears escape from my eyes and race down my cheek. Furious at myself for dropping my guard down, I wipe them away with my tattered sleeve and quickly change the song before another round of tears spills out of my eyes.

But my lingering thoughts speak some truth to me beneath their pitiful lies, I am the reason for this entire mess, but why am I sitting here moping? Why can't I get up and something, anything?! Why do I feel like I'm still being held back by my insecurities and nightmares?

There's something bubbling in my chest wanting to get out, clawing at my heart, gnawing at my chest, begging for escape. It's like I'm suffocating from within and there's no way to stop it. I want to scream but no noise emits from my throat. What on earth is happening to me?

It's like… I want to tell someone, no, like I must before I could even think of trying to solve this situation. I need to tell someone about... that night. It's the only way I can truly recover isn't it? From all the stories and books I've read about… _it_... they only recover once they finally let free all the horrific details of what happened to them.

But am I strong enough to tell someone? Or am I too weak....

_"Kiko, you're so delicate....so weak....."_

I balled my fists up with a new determination set in mind. I was going to tell someone, which would be… Near, I was going to tell Near. He's the only person who I've been fully able to tell everything to… he's the only one who I think would be able to help...

He can help me… he's my friend.

I leapt off the windowsill and headed off down the hallway, almost sliding across the slippery floors. I was rushing so fast that the windows with scenes of the light-hearted sky blurred past me in all the frenzy. I turned a sharp corner and headed down the stairs and towards where I believed Near would be: the playroom.

But what if he turns me away, saying _it is_ my fault about what happened to Mello? What if Near's angry with me because of the Mello situation and won't even glance at me? What if the only person I can tell everything to turns me away....

I stop midway if my run across the halls, staring heavily at the flight of stairs that lay before me. What if he hates me? Is that even possible… would he ever hate me? I can't help but feel a bit nauseous as everything around me seems to blur and melt, changing before my eyes. The music in my ears seems louder than ever...

_Left alone with only reflections of the memory  
To face the ugly girl  
That's smothering me  
Sitting closer than my pain  
He knew each tear before it came  
_  
What if he hates me...

_Soon he will perforate the fabric of the peaceful by-and-by_

Why am I thinking these things?

_Sorrow lasts through this night  
I'll take this piece of you  
And hold for all eternity  
For just one second, I felt whole  
As you flew right through me_

Near could never....

_And we kiss each other one more time  
And sing this lie that's halfway mine  
This sword is slicing through the question  
So I won't be fooled by his angel light_

No he wouldn't.

_Sorrow lasts through this night  
I'll take this piece of you_

I have to tell him.

_And hold for all eternity  
For just one second, I felt whole_

I skip down the stairs with barely an inch of balance and manage to get to the floor safely.

_As you flew right through me  
And up into the stars_

Avoiding a group of snickering, giggling girls, I take a turn and rush through the crowds of kids that are coming in for dinner… and there he is, sitting there surrounded by a train track, twirling his white hair with a bored expression on his face. The last notes of the song die out into echoes and melt away.

_Joy will come_

"Near?" He turns his head at the sound of my voice. A tint of wonder flashed through his ominous eyes as he stared at me. Of course, he had all the reason to stare; I had not spoken since… that night.

I couldn't speak it was like I… was drowning and I had to hold in whatever air I had left or else… I'd die. Even when we discovered Mello was at least alive, no voice, no sound, and not even a murmur could break through the new wall that seemed to surround myself almost like I was a caged bird…

Trying to break free…

And I could almost feel the freedom on the tips of my fingers.

"Near, I have something to tell you." I sat down beside him; my voice still sounding triumphant as if it would never fail. I could feel that weight, that horrendous weight being lifted from my chest and thrown away.

He cocked his head at me, "Are you ready to tell me?" It was as if he read my mind; his eyes peered through my soul it seemed. My cheeks reddened at the thought of it. Was I truly ready? Could I even come close to telling him about… that night…

Another voice interrupted my thoughts, whispering at me from the corners of my mind, _"You'll never be ready...."_

"Yes, Near I'm-"

"Kiko?" My voice was cut off by someone in the doorway. I whipped my head around but eased my stress when I saw it was only Matt. He stood there looking exhausted and sleepy. His goggles hung limply from his neck, looking abandoned by the fact they were not able to cover Matt's sea-foam eyes.

"I haven't seen you in ages." He closed the door and sat cross-legged beside myself and Near, glancing between us in the process. A blush crept up to my ears; I couldn't speak with the redhead here. I only thought it would be Near, not Matt too.

_"Aren't you strong enough?"_

Yes....but...

_"Then tell them; let the cage be lifted."_

...

For some reason I trusted my quiet thoughts almost as if the voice belonged to my....mother.

"Matt, Kiko was just about to-"

"No, he can stay." I felt Near's startled eyes land on me, but I was staring timidly at the floor. Matt, perplexed by the way we were acting, kept following our actions with his eyes confused, most likely wondering what we were talking about.

I raised my head and matched their stares with my own bloody-filled gape, "I trust Matt too, Near," I glanced back at Matt, "I was just about to tell Near about… my past." Matt's astonished look only made me a bit more nervous.

I bit my lip," Well… it happened one evening…"

_Flashback_

_"Mom, I'm going up to bed." I informed my mother. I shook my dark bangs out my face and watched my mother's lips curve up into a small smile. She holds my little sister in her arms, cradling her with such tender care, and nods at me happily._

_"Have a nice sleep, Kaley." She plays with the toes of my sister's feet and I can't help but smile as I watch them from the stairs. My sister giggles uncontrollably and rolls across the couch. She shrieks in delight as my mother blows on her stomach._

_My family is small, but we have so much love that it seems uncontainable. My mother works almost all the time, and yet, she still has all the energy in the world and the shining sun in our lives, fighting the way out of any trouble we land in._

_Due to the fact that I don't go to school, I have to be very careful when I go out during the daytime. The reason I don't go to school is because I have to watch over my sister and try to get some extra pocket money to help buy groceries. Sometimes I idly wonder why it is we're so poor; I act resentful at the thought of it, but no one's life is perfect._

_Besides, I can learn all I need to from books, hundreds and hundreds of books all holding new information, new knowledge, and everything I could ever hope for. My mother says the reason I remember all I do is because I'm so brilliant, but that's not true._

_I just… I can't explain it, but I just remember everything I see…_

_It's weird._

_Anyway, it doesn't matter. I try and teach what I learn to my baby sister, but for some reason she doesn't get it as fast as I do. Maybe it's because she's younger than I am… I don't know. My mother, however, says it's something inherited from my father._

_That would make sense I suppose, seeing how Bella and I have different fathers. My father, well, I never knew my father and Bella's father died when my mother was pregnant with her. A car accident we were told, but I suspect there was some drinking involved._

_The giggles fade off as I reach the end of the stairs and head towards my bedroom. Bella's crib is a mess, toys are splattered everywhere around it, and it looks as if she tore it open in a bid of trying to escape. I'll deal with it later; I feel as though I would pass out on the spot._

_I almost trip over a pile of books that I borrowed from the library and land safely on my bed. Today as usual was draining. I spent most of it cleaning the house and the rest trying to earn a bit of money by doing chores for neighbors all while keeping a close eyes on Bella to make sure she doesn't destroy anything._

_Tearing things apart seems to be her newest hobby._

_I hear the house creak and whine over the fact that it's been some time since anyone has properly taken care of it. I wonder vaguely if it shall cave in on my head from time to time. It's cheap though, and that's all that matters._

_I feel my thoughts drift away as my eyelids become heavier; thoughts that seemed so clear seconds ago are fading dimly away. Before I know it, I pull the covers over my body and doze off into a slumber, letting everything that seemed important skid off from my mind._

_Suddenly, I'm at the park with Bella. She's clapping her hands eagerly, gaining my attention, "Big sista wanna play?" _

_She laughs and runs off away from me to what looks like... a unicorn? She flees onto its back and rides away all while I'm trying desperately to catch up. She laughs at my feeble attempt and chirps, "Big sista needs to fly!" She draws out the word fly and let's it hand in the air._

_All of a sudden I'm flying off with my sister, laughing wildly and letting everything around me go._

_Then there's a scream._

_I'm jerked awake by a heart-pounding scream. What was that? Was that in my dreams or was it…_

_A crashing noise down below from the kitchen answers my assumptions. I quickly jump out of my bed and race out of my room towards the sound, though tripping with every step. Drowsiness still covers my eyes and my body has yet to become fully awake._

_"Sista! Sista!' I hear my sister cry behind me. I jerk my head around before I manage to glide down the stairs and see my sister standing there with a frightened expression on her face. She clutches on to one of her stuff animals, holding onto it with dear life._

_"Bella, what are you doing out of bed?!" I whisper, fearing whoever was down there might hear._

_"I was in mommy's room. Mommy let me sleep in her big bed. Wat that big noise down there sista?" Her eyes are wide with terror, "Where mommy?" Tears sprinkle the edges of her eyes as she nearly chokes her toy to death._

_"You mean she's not in her room?!" I feel a growing horror growing in my chest, burning across my body, making me feel numb._

_She shakes her head slowly as a tear drips down her face. I go over to her and kneel down, wiping the tear away from her cheek with the tip of my finger, "I'm going to see what the noise down there was, okay? Mommy probably just dropped a pan or something." I fake a smile for my sister's sake and instantly a cheerful expression lightens her features._

_"Mommy dropped a pan!" She giggles quietly and beams up at me as I stand slowly up._

_"Yes, now go to our room and get in my bed and you can sleep with me tonight." She shoots her arms up in a triumphant gesture and skips off with her bunny dangling from her hand. My smile slowly disappears as I look down the stairs and see shadows moving around in the kitchen._

_Mom was just being clumsy; nothing's wrong..._

_There's absolutely nothing amiss..._

_Why do I fear that I might be wrong?_

_I crouch down and slowly go down the stairs. My pajamas cause a soft rustling noise with each step I take, making me stop after each movement to hold my breath. My body is rigid and my hands are shaking with terror, frightened by the shadow which does not look like my mother at all. _

_I pause as I watch the shadow disappear from my view, possibly going into the backyard or at least I hope. My feet pull me towards the entrance of the kitchen and with a sharp intake of air, I poke my head in._

_Oh, how I wish I hadn't._

_Lying on the floor motionless, drenched in red liquid that looks frightfully like blood is my mother. My knees wobble until they fall painfully down to the floor. My eyes couldn't be any wider as if not believing the scene before me._

_My mother can't be…_

_"MOM?!" I crawl over to her like a puppy crawling painfully slow to a predator. Her body is cold, colder than it should ever be. Her eyes are wide, atrociously open as if she saw a monster. Blood was pouring from a large gash on her neck, a waterfall spilling out all its insides._

_I block the wound to the best of my abilities but I know… it's too late. "Mom…" I bend my head down, letting the blood get in my hair and onto my tear-stained cheeks. My heart jabs painfully, wrenching in every direction, crying out, asking 'where is my mother?'_

_My heart breaks at the sight of my mother's cold, bleeding body like a glass made of heart falling to the floor, breaking and spreading its pieces in every direction. My mother was the sun in my life, the star that shined its way through every painful situation we ever faced. She was always there to brighten my day..._

_Now, my days turn to the terrifying night; its ruthless intentions snatching away at every bright spot till my mother's dim body turns icy cold. A synthetic night that chokes the air out of me and drowns me in my own tears._

_I feel utterly lost._

_Then I hear another scream, my sister's voice screaming, "Sista!"_

_Oh god, no...._

_In an instant I feel the life back in me like a wave crashing down hard and forceful, killing me in everyway. My pulse beating a thousand times a minute as I run up the stairs. The shadow left; the shadow left; THE SHADOW LEFT!_

_It's not in the house…_

_My reassurance is thin and breakable; I run up to my room and it's shattered into infinitesimal forms._

_The shadow, no the man, was holding my sister with a gun pointed straight at her head, "Nice of you to join us." He smiles at me cruelly, blood painted his face and a knife stuck out of his jean pocket; a bloody knife..._

_But the thing that scares me the most is the fact that he has my eyes…blood-red eyes…_

_They stare at me, gawking at me, studying me, intently peering at my every move from my fighting fingers to my quivering lips that long to scream. I feel knifes poking at me from those eyes; they were knives, scratching at my surface, breaking me down, tormenting me with the thought that those same eyes cruelly watched my mother's demise without any care._

_I looked down to my sister's trembling form. Her face, streaked with newly shed tears, was contorted with pain as the stranger cocked his gun hardly into the side of her head. Her bright green eyes shined with worry and distrust, knowing full well that her big sister could not help._

_"Big sister?" she cried, struggling against the man's tight grip on her frail, little arms._

_"Let her go!" I demanded, but my voice shook and broke out at the end and formed it into a desperate plea, begging, pleading for my sister's life to be spared._

_"I think not. She's just useless and her time is up anyway." He grinned and in a flash of yells, tears, and blood, there was a loud, booming bang._

_My sister's face, her beautiful, cheerful face, was gone in an instant. I could only watch as he dropped her bloody form to the ground as if she were trash. He cracked his neck and looked at me through his black bangs, "Now, what to do with you..."_

_I didn't wait for him to finish; I ran out of there, trembling with sobs, shaking with this new fear that I have never felt before, and I ran down the stairs longing to get out of this blood-stained house that smelled of death._

_However, my feet stumbled as I flew down the stairs and before I knew it, I was falling straight down towards the ground. I yelped as I landed with a loud thud on the ground. My arm hurt from where I had landed on it funny, possibly it was fractured, and my head swirled as it tried to organize where all the pain was coming from._

_My heart, my body, my head, all of it ached so much, but it was all from different kinds of pain._

_My heart painfully jabbed at the thought of my loving family being viciously stolen from me, my body throbbed from the fall down the stairs, and my mind was in a frenzy, trying it's best from going mad all because I had seen my mother's dead, bloody form on the ground and my sister's brains being shot out._

_My stomach did a double turn and churned at the thought. I had an over-whelming feeling of nausea growing in the pit of my stomach and before I could stop the urge I threw up all my stomach's contents. Wiping my mouth and feeling rather disgusted, I tried to get up, but my legs screamed at me to stop, trying with all their might to fall back down onto the floor._

_"Your not going anywhere," I felt a hand cover my mouth, preventing me from screaming. I squeezed my eyes shut as I felt his mouth against my ear, "Your not going anywhere for a long time." I tensed as I felt a needle go through my neck, but then everything turned pitch black, dark and cold, I passed out._

_---_

_My head feels abnormally foggy and distorted. My eyes stay shut as if they were commanded by some outside force. My body feels like it's on fire, burning everywhere from head and toe, but my heart.....my heart feels as if someone's crushing it with their very hand._

_I… can't move; my hands are chained to something and my legs hurt so much. I want to escape from this petrifying nightmare with all my might, but I'm so weak and exhausted, almost as if all the energy has been drained out of me._

_What is this? Why am I trapped in my own mind? What happened.....?_

_Then images of my mother and sister came pouring into my mind, blocking out any other thought that dared to pry into my skull. Realization hit like a shower of thorns prickling every nerve of the body, leaving scars everywhere, but none hurt more that my eyes, which though squeezed shut still, flooded with tears that longed to be shed._

_I'm completely alone, isolated; I've lost my family, the only ones who ever cared about me..._

_"It's time to wake up, darling."_

_I suddenly felt all the strength in my eyelids return to me. They opened up, allowing my eyes to dart cautiously across the room, taking in image after image, trying to sort out where I was exactly. Once I realized where I was exactly, new questions bubbled and rose to the surface, waiting to be answered, but were most likely going to be very disappointed._

_I was in my room, my shabby, unkempt, familiar room, lying on my bed, tied to the bedposts, and looking at the dull ceiling._

_This could not be good, not good at all._

_I could hear a voice in m head, screaming, "YOU'RE IN DANGER! GET OUT!" But I couldn't move even if I wanted to. The pain still seemed blinding and it coursed throughout my body as if it were in my blood._

_I was in danger, but I couldn't get out._

_Was I going to die?_

_"Your eyes are mine," I jerked my head to the direction the voice came from. Standing beside my bed with a cruel, sinister grin was the red-eyed man, looking hungrily at me as if I was some sort of food and he was a starving man._

_"What do you want with me?!" I choked, tears clogged my throat._

_I suddenly felt pressure besides my strapped legs and saw that he was cradling me, "My dear, I don't want anything but to hear you scream."_

_Before I could protest I felt his mouth hot against mine. I have never kissed anyone, hell I've never seen death before this night. His mouth bit mine harshly and I could do nothing but attempt to escape._

_"Kaley..." He whispered against my lips._

_No...the ropes wouldn't budge..._

_"Ah, my darling, why struggle when there is no hope?"_

_No!_

_His lips, his slimy lips that were full of _my_ blood, slammed into my face; tears streamed down my face like rivers cascading down a rocky mountain and a shock of pain jolted through my body as he bit my lip._

_"S…stop!" I could barely say. Make it stop; make this pain, sorrow, rage end! Just end it! My family is dead; I have no life left, why torture me more?_

_"Kaley, you mine." and with a crazed grin he continued…_

_His lips slammed down to mine with more force. I felt his teeth gnaw at my bruised lip, causing me to scream with shock and pain. I nearly choked when his tongue forced its way through my agape mouth, invading every inch of my breathless jaws._

_His fingernails scraped my skin, causing me to scream._

_Hot, burning tears fell down my face._

_I wanted to escape, I wanted to die._

_I screamed at the top of my lungs before his gruesome hand covered my mouth._

_"You should be quiet before I give something that will REALLY make you scream."_

_His jagged smile burned holes through my skin as he moved downward. _

_Oh god...._

_I felt him move just past the hem of my pajama pants and he pulled out a sharp, shining piece of metal from his pocket. He produced it in front of my face a log, gleaming blade that I could see my red, crying face in._

_He dragged his knife along my flesh. I screamed through his hand, nearly suffocating in the process. It felt like my skin was burning everywhere the knife touched. I could feel the blood run smoothly along my skin, running down to the sheets of my bed, staining them with red..._

_His tongue lapped the blood up like a dog. I felt revolted and squeezed my eyes shut, wishing this to be just an awful nightmare and that I would wake up and see my mother's beautiful shining face, glowing down at me and saying it was time for breakfast._

_But this was neither a dream nor a nightmare; this was real..._

_His voice whispered in my ear, "I can't see your numbers," His fingers dangled above my hair as if reaching out towards some invisible force. I shuddered as he brought his blood-stained hand down and began petting the top of my head, "I would suspect that too seeing how your..."_

_He didn't finish, but instead dragged his knife down to my arm and began making little slits along it. He was the painter and I was the canvas; he drew more and more lines on my exposed arms, neck, and even my legs till I felt drenched in my own blood._

_With a twisted grin, he pushed his blood-covered lips to mine._

_I struggled to break free of the ropes, thinking, 'no...No...NO!' Pain flashed hard against my wrists as I struggled with every bit of strength I had left._

_But I was too weak; I'm always too weak...._

_I couldn't even save my sister....when she was shot down like some animal. A new batch of tears fell, not from the pain, but from my own sorrow and guilt._

_"You know you love this..." he sneered as he brought his lips to mine. _

_I gave up all hope, there was no way of escaping this...whatever he was planning on doing to me would be done. I would probably die by the end of this night, but at least I'll be reunited with them..._

_His vicious hands grabbed the crook of my neck, air left my body, and I felt light-headed and woozy, "It's time to get on with the show then, shall we..."_

_I didn't know what he meant by getting on with the show, but I suddenly felt the air rush back into my head as his hands left my neck and worked their way down to the hem of my pants. However, he stopped and looked as if a flash annoyance crossed his face._

_"I've forgot something rather important," With a smirk, he lift up my shirt a few inches. I felt tense; he was going to stab me wasn't he? I was going to die right ten and there. I sucked in what would be my last breath of air and prepared myself for the pain._

_But I didn't feel pain....I felt his cool lips touch my skin. My eyes widened as I internally shivered and watched him grin up at my surprise. I could feel the blood from my lips pour into my mouth as I stared wide-eyed at him, calculating what he was doing._

_"You're studying me, just like her. I suppose that's normal seeing how she is your flesh and blood," He snickered at some joke that lingered in his mind, "I need to leave my mark on you so the game may begin officially. You can imagine that I've left my mark on many other victims before, one being your mother, but this will really just tick him off..."_

_I gasped as his knife dug into my flesh. Blood oozed out as he drew something onto my skin, going deep in the process, but not to deep to where I would feel his knife tickle my insides. When he took it out I felt my fingers dig themselves straight into my hands from the pain and my teeth chew my bloody lips horrendously._

_"There, now he will know who he's dealing with and who you truly are," His sadistic smile made my gulp in worry that this was not the end of it, "And what's even better is that you'll be sent __there__ and I'll be able to find you again when I need you for the last move." I didn't understand a word of what he way saying. All I knew was that he came for me and me alone._

_So...their deaths were my fault; I'm the reason for their demise..._

_Guilt, torment, pain, frustration, all these feelings came out as I cried heavily, not even caring that he chuckled at my own hurt._

_"But now it's time to make sure you won't be able to be strong enough for anything ever again." I blinked down at him and felt a new terror build up inside me as his knife traveled down to the hem of my pajamas. For the third time that night I sucked in my breath, fearing the worse._

_And for the first time that night I felt absolute hopelessness as he dragged the hem down with the tip of his knife._

_Oh god....I was going to-_

_"This should be fun, shouldn't it?" His grin was catastrophic._

_Oh god...._

_I felt as though time stopped as he pulled down my last article of clothing that protected me, my purity, from his, his wickedness. He exposed me with his dark, glaring eyes that only laughed more and more as I begged for him to stop, not to go there, anything but that..._

_I've read books I know what this is....I know what's happening to me......god..._

_I screamed louder, harder, more pain-filled than I ever had before as I felt his knife play with the untouched skin at my entrance. Blood prickled on the surface and then fell down in little dots. The room seemed suddenly hotter than it was before; my sweat fell down my face and mixed with my salty tears._

_"Aww, Kaley don't cry....." He brought his knife up to my face and played with my tears, child-like, as if this was some humorous experiment to him. He is a monster, a demon, someone who sucks the light out of everything around him, "I'll make it all better." A brutal smile covered his face, which had smears of blood all over, tainting his skin with a dark, bloody red._

_I bit back a scream as he slit my face on each cheek, I held my breath as his knife traveled straight down my chest, cutting my shirt along with, I did not let tears fall as his knife returned to my entrance and went inside just barely._

_But as I heard a zipper being slowly pulled down I did scream, I did cry, I struggled with all my might, but only received a harsh slap in the face and a sticky hand cutting off my yells._

_Then I felt deafening pain, torture a new pain that I never felt as he shoved himself inside me. I arched my neck till my head slammed against the headboard, his hand traveling with me in the process. My body felt like it was ripped open in half, stretched to its limits, bleeding out everywhere now._

_The pain couldn't be described, it was something else entirely, alien even. As he pulled out and shoved harder, deeper in, my whole body shook rapidly, taking in all this trauma was not something it was prepared to do. Tears, sweat, and blood now ran down ran down my face continuously, never stopping or breaking its pattern._

_The pain was so much that I accidentally-or purposely; the pain was so much I couldn't think straight-bit down on his hand, maybe even causing some permanent marks. He cursed thoroughly as he thrusted harder in to me and got his knife and held it to my neck, "That hurt, you little brat," Even though his tone was harsh, and cruel, a wicked smile was spread across his face._

_"I wonder," He slammed harder into me, "if, like me, you can see numbers, or perhaps," He grabbed my bruising lips and used them as leverage, "if you see something else entirely..."_

_How did he...._

_But I could no longer think as the pain inside of me grew more and more dreadfully stronger, eating up my insides, killing me slowly from within._

_Numbness swallowed me up as he continued to plunge into me, over and over again._

_It seemed never-ending; the pain would never cease...._

_I felt… dirty…_

_Eventually, I felt him release inside of my, blood splurting out along with the semen. His face flashed from pleasure to pride to coldness. He pulled himself out of me and zipped up his pants as if nothing happened. I felt a bitter coldness come over me as the tense atmosphere hit me like a thousand broken pieces of glass, prickling every inch of my exposed skin._

_My voice was shallow, I could barely even sob now. My eyes ran out of tears and a thick darkness fell over them, the pain putting my eyes into a forced slumber. Before I was completely out of it I heard his cold voice whisper in my ear as he pulled up my panties… his horrifying voice that will haunt my dreams to come..._

_"Till we meet again…" _

_And I was out cold._

_End of Flashback_

_Third P.O.V_

Kiko paused her story, watching as their faces contorted from pain to a fierce anger. It was quite startling to see Matt, who seemed like a happy-go-lucky kid, and Near, who was almost always completely stoic, be filled with such a rage.

She was expecting something else entirely, possibly disgust, shock, maybe a little anger, but not this.

It was... somehow... soothing to her.

She silently wished the anger was not directed at her weakness.

"So," She continued, fumbling with the sleeves of her black hoodie," S-so...someone eventually came..."

_Flashback_

_"Hello? Hello!? Is anybody in here?" A noise stirred in the darkness, leading me out of this intense blackness, where all I felt was sharp pain, and to a dim light that could only be my room._

_"Oh my god...." My eyes popped open and at first I was confused, wondering where I was and what this intense pain I was feeling was._

_But then all the memories came flooding back in a painful blast and I felt as though I was reliving it over and over, pain after pain, and his red eyes beaming down at me._

_I screamed, screamed till I couldn't breathe, think, or do anything but feel the horrendous pain course through me and the blood and semen drool out, staining my panties. Hands covered me, biting my wounds. I heard voices screaming for help, asking for backup, an ambulance, anything._

_Then darkness fell again._

_---_

_"Kaley? Honey, can you hear me?" It was all a dream, all of it. That was my mother's voice, comforting me out of my nightmare, bringing back to reality and her caring arms. Her smile would brighten my day as soon as I opened my eyes..._

_However, when I cracked my eyes open I was not greeted by my mother's beautiful smile, but instead a rather young looking nurse with a sharp face and bond hair, pulled back into a tight bun._

_Her heavy lipstick and dark shadow made her look as if she were brand new, never before seeing someone like… me, "Oh good, your awak-" she did a double-take as she saw my red, blood red- just like his- eyes, as most people did when they first saw me._

_"Let me call the doctor, okay sweetie?" Her eyes never left mine as she exited the room. _

_The pain had numbed into a tingling feeling that covered my entire body. I was wrapped in white bandages all over, every inch of my skin seemed covered like a mummy being wrapped up for his tomb._

_Just wrap me up and stow me away._

_How can I live now? How can I live with out… them?_

_"Ah, you're awake Kaley." A chubby looking doctor trotted in the room with a clipboard stuck in front of his nose. His eyes studied me from behind his large black glasses, piercing me, making feel naked all over again._

_I-I was....._

_"Now, you're probably feeling a tingling sensation throughout your body. Well, that's because we gave you a shot in which-" He blabbed on, oblivious to the fact that I really didn't care._

_I was alone, I was unsure, I was practically dead..._

_And the tears came back, silently, but did get noticed by the doctor who patted my shoulder in an attempt to stop my crying. "Sweetie, I'm terribly sorry about your loss..."_

_He trailed off, looking awkwardly, trying to think of a way to comfort me, "You'll be happy to know, however, that someone has come in to talk to you about something wonderful!" His attempt failed. I glared coolly at him and he stopped smiling._

_His thick hand left my shoulder and went up to his head, rubbing it in confusion at what he did wrong, "I'll send him in then, seeing that you're awake and everything." He quickly retreated in a rush as if I scared him with my red eyes._

_My eyes went back to ceiling to stare dully at the fluorescent lights. My mind wandered away from the tedious pain that surrounded my body and onto more tragic thoughts that have been waiting to reappear._

_I'll never see my sister's bright green eyes again or my mother's uplifting smile. I'll never be able to enjoy are pleasant family moments or trying to teach my sister something new out of one of the books I'd read. I'll never be able to wrap my arms around my mother when I feel scared or cry into her shoulder when I'm upset. I'll never see them again..._

_They say you should be happy you're alive._

_I see nothing happy about it, just a future of loneliness and depression._

_I could care less about what that man has to say to me; I just want to be buried along with my family, joining them forever, never being separated again..._

_But I won't, will I?_

_Weakness is all I'm capable of._

_"Hello Kaley, how are you?" I looked up to find an old man with a comforting smile on his face. His glasses made him look like a happy grandfather, but his suit made him look like a gentlemen. His accent was not missed even if I wasn't full paying attention. He was quite strange; yet, I felt calm and ease around him._

_I shrugged to answer his question. Like hell I was going to answer his question truthfully._

_"My name is Watari and I run an orphanage," An orphanage, of course. He was only interested in taking me away, "The man I work for is a detective and he like to ask you a few questions... personally." _

_I looked at him, confused. Why was he telling me this? Why didn't the man just come here himself? Unless he was positively lazy, I see no point to this._

_"Where is he?" I croaked, feeling frustrated at the fact that my voice sounded so dry and cracked. Watari, noticing my displeasure, got a plastic cup from a water cooler and filled it up to its edge. He handed me the cup and I took it gingerly, drinking in large heavy doses as he spoke._

"_I'm afraid it's dangerous for him to come out in public. We would like it if you would stay with us for a few months while we find you a suitable home, perhaps even my orphanage."_

_After I was done drinking the cup's contents I gave him another confused look. Dangerous to be out in public? What was he, some kind of famous detective or something? But the idea of staying with this kind, old gentlemen seemed more appealing than staying is some alien foster home._

_"I'll consider it, but I have one question," I said, staring at the man hard, hoping he might crack._

_"Yes, what is it?"_

_"Who is the detective?"_

_He laughed gently, "That will be answered when you're out of this hospital."_

_I could only no my head and let my thoughts linger on these questions. They were much better than thinking about the real truth. in fact they even masked by depressing, dangerous thoughts on the topic of death; yet, it still hung in the air over my head, waiting to be given an answer._

_And his face... left a permanent mark on my memory... forever..._

_End of Flashback_

"A few weeks later, once my more major wounds healed Watari took me to L and the rest, well, you know the rest." She looked at the top of them, expecting them to say something, but neither did.

So they sat there for a few minute, neither making a sound.

Finally, Near spoke, "I'm sorry..."

Kiko looked up at him, startled by this sudden input, "It's not like it was your fault or anything. It's just what happe-"

"But still, Kiko" Near looked at her, an emotion she couldn't recognize shining in his eyes. She stared, puzzled, trying to sort all this out in her head. Near, along with Matt, stared at her, full of sympathy and regret.

"I-I... just needed to let it off my chest… I mean the full story. Not even L knows the ghastly details," She rubbed the back of her head, unsure of how to wipe their sad faces away.

"Kiko, you're not weak," This time it was Matt who spoke. He stared at her with determination and force.

"Matt-I… well…" she didn't know how to respond to that. She was confused as ever, wondering why they aren't thoroughly disgusted with her… she wasn't… pure…

"Kiko," He grabbed her hand, ignoring when she tried to struggle away, "You aren't weak at all. I mean I've never had to watch my family die before my eyes. They just... passed away in a car accident." Matt looked away, releasing her hand in the process.

"He's right, Kiko. You asked about how I came to be at Whammy's and I can certainly tell you your story is graver than mine." Near looked as if the piece of hair he was twirling might snap off between his fingers.

"Judging by your expression, that's not true at all," Near did not expect her to fight back with their claims, but he knew of a way to make her understand.

"I never watched my mother die from her illness..." Near said, watching her face become washed with regret, "When she died, my father blamed me entirely, calling me a demon. He refused to even look at me. When I was six, he'd had enough and dumped me on some orphanage's doorstep."

Kiko bit her lip in shame and Matt look very uncomfortable, "Soon, they realized I was not average at all and that's when Watari became involved."

"But, Near, you're stronger than I-"

"No, I'm not, Kiko," The sternness in his voice threatened them not to argue back, "I closed myself off from people, while you... learned to be open again through such a short period of time. If anything you helped me," He lifted his head and smiled softly at her, "Thank you."

She gaped at him, stunned by not only his words but the fact that he seemed so calm and sure of himself. His small smile that graced the edges of lips was even more a shocker; never before had he smiled so... freely.

Matt, who seemed immune to Near's sudden outbreak, could only nod along with Near's every word. They both gave Kiko's looks that said, "Don't argue." She didn't.

"Tell me, Kiko, what do you think of Mello?" Near completely changed the subject and even Matt gawked, dumb-founded by what he was doing now.

"Well..." She really hadn't given much thought to the topic, "I feel guilty about what happened and want to apologize."

"Why do you feel guilty?"

Again, she was struck with a question that she didn't know how to answer, "I-it was my faul-"

"No, Kiko, it wasn't." Matt interrupted her before she could speak another word.

Near continued, "Kiko, what did you feel when Mello expressed his feelings towards you?"

"I-I..." She thought for a moment, contemplating her answer, "I was confused."

"Confused about what?" Near pursued.

"About… why he would feel that way towards me…" She bit her lip, feeling more guilt build up as she thought of that dreadful encounter.

"Kiko, what do you feel towards Mello?"

"W-what?" A blush threatened to creep up on her cheeks.

"What do you feel towards him?"

"…I-I…" She blushed dark scarlet. She thought over Near's bold question and wondered what were her feelings. All the things they've gone through… they were friends, right? But what ear sounded like he was implying and what Mello's confession meant was… maybe…

They were something more?

No, it couldn't be true....

"Answer this then. Why did you go after him into the fire?"

Kiko stared at him as though the answer was obvious, "Because I wanted to save him, protect him, I wouldn't be able to live if he were..." She trailed off, staring at Near with wide eyes.

"You wouldn't be able to live without him then?" A small smirk appeared on his face as if he had just uncovered a hidden truth in her.

"Near… I can't possibly-"

"Would you do anything for him?"

She brought her eyes down to the floor as if ashamed of her answer, "Yes... but-"

"Do you accept him as who he is?"

"Yes, but Near-"

"Do you feel happy around him, uplifted because you're just near him?"

"Yes, a little… but-"

"Do you find him somewhat handsome?"

Matt chuckled under his breath at the redness of Kiko's face, though couldn't understand what exactly Near was intending. Kiko may have liked Mello, yes, but shouldn't it be her job to figure this out? Near gave Matt a look that immediately answered his question: Near felt… responsible for Kiko? but why was this... unless...

Matt's eyes extended once he realized Near's hidden reason for this questionnaire.

"Kiko, do you like Mello?

There was a pause. Kiko shook her head, confused by these sudden answers, grasping them made her feel more and more hot, but why? Is this how a person is supposed to feel when there in-?

Her mother's voice came to her from a distant memory and all the pieces of this complicated puzzle were put together, _"Love is something no one can understand sweetheart. Love makes you feel uplifted, it makes you feel wonderful. You feel as though you can fly throughout the world and never fall back down to the ground. You want to cherish that person for every single thing he is. It's unlimited, infinite, and never-ending. You'll love that person till the very end. Sweetie," She grasped her daughter's chin and lifted it so their eyes met. "Love makes you feel eccentric and free. Never put a chain on it if you feel it. Embrace it with open arms… and you'll never regret it."_

Love is… _wonderful._

Love is… _infinite._

Her mother wanted her to embrace it…

Love is… _happiness…_

"Yes..."

Near let another small grin peak at the corners of his lips, "Then perhaps you should go up there and tell him yourself... before he does anything too rash."

"But how-"

Matt spoke this time, "Just do what you feel is right." She looked into Matt's eyes which shimmered with trust that all Kiko could do was believe him and do what her heart told her to do.

"Okay." She got up, looked at the two of them, and headed out the door in a rush. Matt and Near watched her black locks wisp in the air as she left the door in a quick jog. The two boys sat there in silence, taking in all the information they had received in such a short time. Dinner was close to being over and the halls began to fill with children whose bellies were stuffed to their extent.

"Near, the man she spoke of…"

"I know..."

The silence was broken down as more and more children wandered out into the halls, chattering happily and freely, unaware of Matt and Near as they passed the open playroom.

"Do you think L knows?"

"Of course he does. They wouldn't have taken her so quick otherwise. Usually Whammy's kids take at least a month to discover after they are orphaned… L knew."

Matt balled his hand into a fist, "I swear if I ever see him again-"

"You won't have to worry about that, L already caught him in L.A."

Matt looked at Near, "That quick huh?" The flash of anger began to die out, "But still… Do you think L told her?"

"No," Near let his hands fall to the floor, "If she did know, then she would have used his name and realize her connection to this place is far greater than she ever imagined."

Matt fumbled with the goggles that hung around his neck, "Near... why did you do that?"

Near didn't look up at Matt, "Do what?"

"Let her go like that when you obviously... have feelings for her..."

Near continued to let his eyes gaze at the floor as though unable to look up at Matt, "Because she would be much happier with Mello."

"How do you-"

"I know, Matt. He likes her far more than I ever could. He loves her…"

"And you just let her go like that?!"

Near finally lifted his head, revealing that his eyes sparkled with a sad happiness that Matt couldn't even contemplate, "She deserves better and besides…"

Near let his meager smile falter, "They are both alike in so many ways that even you should realize that they are inseparable."

Matt nodded, his face scrunched up with confusion. But as he stared at Near's face, he relaxed a little till he even had a smile of his own.

"You're right."

* * *

_One chapter to go! So how do you all feel after that chapter? Any thoughts?  
Mello: Your sick.  
Near: Lunatic.  
Matt: Witch.  
Me: :P Not you! Who knew even in summer my updates would be slow O.O Oh well.....one chapter to go!_

_**Reveiws make the world go round!**_

**puddingcup**: Cake is yucky :P. Hahahaha I know the feeling of disgusting cats. mine drool on me -.-

**xXImmortalsxDiceXx**: Caps rock! XD Thanks! Uhhhhh don't go crazy....you'll be like lightbulb XD.

**Mooncry**: Awwww I hope it's not because your sad!

**XxEyelinerHeartsxX**: Your welcome XD Thanks!

**wonton-chan:** Thanks! OMG I'M HYPER TOO!

**grimmjow rox my sox:** Awww don't cry! Thanks! Yes, Mello will always be beautiful.

**RainbowTurkeyOfDoom**: I love your compliments! XD Thanks!

**Random-Kitty-Yuffie:** OMG those are the best words ever!!!! XDVery awesome :D. -begins crying- Oh my gosh I can't believe lulu died!!!!- sobbing- So sad......WAIT if you haven't seen the last episode I just ruined it for you O.O

**Me**: NOOOOOO! Taco!!!!! Okie! -eats cookie- I love you like a sister too XD. Thanks! No your not selfish XD. I'm the same way ^.^

**monosymetric-indoxyl**: Thanks! I praise HIM too XD.

**Mia-Gabriella**: I love him to bits too! Your too sweet :). Thank you!

**Qiedia**: Thanks! She is special indeed XD. Mello is stinkin' cool with his scar XD.

**5FIVE5**: Thanks!

**Winter's Angel:** Yaaay! Being burned alive sounds too painful XD. No, they are just friends sadly :(. BECAUSE I RULE! MUAHAHAHAHAHA! Thank you! And noooo not another two months for it is summer!!!! And I stay up all night typing XD. No, a sequel :).

**irule505**: Thanks! -hugs- There you goooo! I did get graphic :). I knows....:( I missed a few erors T_T Gah! Don't kill me!!!!

**saki217**: That is true! Kiko is not dooooomed XD. But I haven't watched that anime :O.

**Kiptracx:** I did....I just suck at it -.-. This was longer! Hahahaha! This is the second-to-last chapter :). Matt bashing is fun XD. Sticking a cancer stick in his mouth just makes it a whole lot funnier. Yes, this muffin rules!

**ChaseCasel**: XD Thanks!. Yes it has :D!

**xXfluffyXx013:** Thanks! That was one of the reasons why I went back and edited the chapters XD.


	32. The Truth

_SO SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATE! I've been busy with swimming, doing stuff with friends, dance practices, video team, SPIRT WEST COAST :D, a few pool parties, shopping, harrassing people at starbucks, throwing toilet paper and vandalizing people's yards at 3am, staying up all night drinking monsters, and throwing popcorn at the movies :) (WOOT HARRY POTTER!) BUT I've always kept my awaiting reviewers on my mind so here is the final chapter of BT!!! I think you'll enjoy it :)..._

_And now for the disclaimer with.............Harry Potter! -in honor of the brand new movie :D-"_  
Harry Potter: Where am I?  
Me: In a magic place...  
Harry Potter: Is this a trap from Voldemort -pulls out wand-  
Me: PUT THAT THING AWAY BOY! Voldy has nothing to do with this!  
Harry Potter: ....Voldy?  
Me: Yep :D  
Harry Potter: o.O  
Me: Just do the disclaimer!  
Harry Potter: Uh..okay I guess. She owns nothing..  
Me: YEP! XD

* * *

_Kiko's P.O.V_

It felt as if I was floating through the halls, drifting on the air's current, letting it draw me to where I must go. The walls around me seem to be just part of an elaborate illusion my mind cooks up and the children that run past me with silly smiles plastered on their faces were just figments of my own imagination.

Was I dreaming?

I have been filled with all the air in the world, sucking it all in and breathing it out in the form of rasp gasps. I was delirious with the thought of what I was doing, where I was going, what was happening this very second.

All the things that had happened to me, all the things that pulled me down in chains, the brick walls that blocked me out of the world were demolished in a heartbeat. Even when the world was tormenting, full of wars, hate, and lust; even when people die, children suffer, and people are lost, there was good in it too.

Good that thrives in the strangest of places, the strangest of situations. It lives off of people who longed to help those who were lost and hurt, broken down with the things the world thrusted at them.

This pureness would survive even in the bleakest of hours, the darkest of nights. I used to believe that there was no chance of this wonderful happiness to ever hold out a hand and touch my soul.

I've never been happier to be proven wrong.

A strange, alluring kindness found me when I was at the point of giving up on everything, including myself. This integrity managed to chop off the chain that cuffed my hands to the blood-stained floor, break the walls down that had formed a cell around my heart, and it clings to me, refusing to let go and watch me fall back down.

I can still feel the tears of relief that came when this happiness spread it wings over my head. I told them everything, every single thing that happened, all the horrifying details that once haunted my mind, and I've never felt freer than this moment.

Exquisite emotions replaced the ones that were burning my life away. The jail cells have been torn down, and now, now that I'm renewed, now that the scars, which were unbearable to the point of near death, are healed, not gone but healed, and I feel as those this everlasting high will never disparate from me.

Near...has done it. He...and Matt...they have managed to do the impossible.

They..._saved _me.

They showed me a love that I...never thought I would have again. They rescued me when all hope was gone, when the flames were up and burning, when I was _dying_.

I was dead.

And they helped me into a cocoon, led me into an irreversible healing process where I wouldn't be able to run away like I wanted to desperately do. The scars vanished into smoke and were swapped with feelings. The pain was taken away and in its place stood love.

I was reborn.

And now, I'm walking freely like a prisoner that was just let out of his cell after so many years of neglect and starvation. I was starved of anything human. The letter that was carved into my side was a stamp that marked what I would ever be...what I would never be able to do...

That marking means nothing to me now. It's just an awful, far-off memory that will never fully go away, but I won't have to live with its painstakingly caustic, vicious force any longer. It's shoved out of my soul; it doesn't control me any longer.

I've ridden myself of HIS control over me, but only because they refused to give up on me...

They all helped me...

The lights that shine above my head are blurred by my jumbled mind. Thoughts are accelerating, demons are pushed out, and my life seems to be restored. Tears of release are threatening to gently spill down softly. For once, I let them do as they wish.

I follow my memory as it leads me to the direction of Mello's room. Nervousness creeps up and attacks me from behind as I think about what Mello's reaction could be. Would he be frustrated, angry even? Would he furious with me because I am the reason for the scar that graces his delicate face?

Or would he be overjoyed that he obtained his heart's desire? Would he hug me with rejoice and laugh all pain he recently wept in? I long for him to laugh carefree like how I used to hear from the lush grass below my window.

I can't help but fear for the worse, but this newfound bravery urges me to go on with each step, encourages me to reach his door, and let my words explain. Courage fills me up till it pours out of my mouth into a coherent voice that takes control.

I...could do it. I would be able to admit to him my true feelings, apologize for what I've done, and, maybe even, withstand the tangible silence that will follow our breathing. I'll be able to wait for his reply without breaking under his blue gaze. I could fight back the disastrous things that would try with all their might and ruin this sacred confession.

I won't give up on this; I have to make things right before they tumble down into a worse situation.

Before my red eyes, I arrive out side Mello's locked door. I try at the doorknob, but -without much surprise- it's locked under the grip of my fingers. I heard from a hushed conversation between two girls that Mello had designed the lock so that no one but Matt could enter his realm.

Is there a way around this dilemma?

I look around the hallway to see if an idea would pop into my head. My eyes trail along the walls, hitting each doorknob, giving me the idea of climbing out the window and to his room. Clever as it was, I was all but eager to climb out a window on the second floor.

Frustrated as the options grew thinner and thinner, I began pacing as if it would clear the fog in my mind that erupted with words of love. This hazy mist that once was full of anger and sorrow seemed to transform into one someone with a schoolgirl crush would have.

I felt a blush creep up my neck at the thought of liking Mello that way. It was true what Near said, so true that it scared me half to death; I am infatuated with the blonde boy. It's like someone forced a lovesick, besotted drug into my veins and now, now that it's fully coursed from my heart to my head, I'm addicted to its crazed fury.

Yet, despite being fearful of this sudden realization, this shock of being madly enamored with Mello's caring soul and exhilarating spirit, I embraced it fully without even questioning its secret motives or if it even existed. Denying this powerful emotion is an impossible feat that could never be stopped.

Perhaps that is why I feel like I'm hovering in mid-air by the suspension of my own real feelings that have been let out from months of imprisonment. I feel like a newborn child, renewed and full of an undying, never ending love that has to be directed at someone. This restless nature has consumed my soul and for the first time in what felt like forever, I am happy.

My eyes drift up to the ceiling, wondering if there was a way I would ever tell Mello these new feelings that have erupted in the pit of my heart. An air shaft came into view and with its casual entrance came a radiant idea that explodes in the form of a brilliant smile.

Why didn't I think of it before?! The airshaft goes into all the rooms, obviously. An easy access to anyone's locked room, including the ambitious blonde who thought entrance to his room was unattainable.

I look for a way to reach the airshaft that taunts me from feet above my head. As the schemes poured into my head, I sort out a way of reaching the key to telling Mello everything that I held secret. I run down the hall to the janitor's closet I had been trapped in before with those rough, horrid boys.

The worn door came into view and without wasting a second, I rip the door open. My eyes quickly adjust to the sudden darkness and spot a tatty, damaged ladder that had been used for years. The steps look unsafe and insecure. The ladder itself gave off the aura that it would break in any second.

However, even when the ladder proved to be hazardous, I snatch it up like a newfound treasure and carry it as fast as my legs could push towards the airshaft I had seen before. The ladder clings to my back like a desperate child. I feel the nails and bolts that screwed it together clawing my back. The very top step bangs my head with each step I took as I near the airshaft.

Out of breath and annoyed with the ruthless journey, I slam the ladder down, unfolding it in the process. The ladder sputters in agony as I climb up the rickety steps, moaning in distaste once I reach the top.

With careful precision, I manage to unbolt the screws that closed off the airshaft from the hallway with the tip of my uncut nail. It opens willingly and to my relief, it was wide enough for my scrawny body to crawl through. I ease my body through the metal entrance and began making my way towards Mello's air vent.

The space is slim and my body is scrunched up against the smooth steel that engulfs me. I inch my way slowly, pausing every other second to breathe in the claustrophobic vent. Once my fingers graze the rim of the airshaft's exit, a wave of nausea falls over me.

This is it; this is real. I was going to go through with this.

There's no turning back.

I push against the screen, but all I receive is a vain remark as it tremors quietly. I claw the edges of where it protrudes out of the bottom, but it merely causes my fingers to turn numb with pain. I turn to my last resort. With an agonizing punch, the vent's screen falls under my fist.

Whether it was pure bad luck or someone invisible force enjoys laughing at my accidents, the screen manages to land perfectly on the blonde's head. At first he looks shocked more than anything -of course, anyone would if some random object decided to use your head as a landing pad- but as the shock wore off and the pain settled in, his expression turns ruthless.

"What the fuc-" He looks up to the air vent, which was now as open and visible as his room was to me, and ironically but stupidly, my head is sticking out so my eyes could watch the screen fall to its demise. This lead him to peer at me, gaping, wondering why in the world was I hanging out of his air vent and for me to gaze at him, feeling utterly clueless and idiotic.

Comically, I gave him an uneasy smile, hoping this would calm the rage that had set in the room. His anger envelops the room till it sucks it whole, leaving no air behind, causing me to feel hot with anxiety and worry. His fury refuses to compose itself, however, and let his beautiful eyes turn poisonous.

"May I ask why you are hanging out of my air vent?" It is as if invisible steam is evaporating our of his ear and mouth as he spoke each word, cruelly and spitefully, indicating my worst fears to be true.

He hadn't forgiven me.

"Oh...I e-enjoy the view f-from here..." My scared smile shook in its fright and unravels a bit as his glare hardens. For once, I wish to be alone and away from his eyes that I once thought so kind and caring. How can I wipe that sinister mask that had taken over his face?

Silently, but keeping his irritated mask glued to his face, he grabs the chair from his desk and sticks it below the entrance of which I occupy. I stare at it dumbfounded; it was quite a ways down...

"Are you going to jump down or just stay up there looking like an idiot?" I wince as his words hit me like a knife, scratching open old wounds that make me feel tearful. In truth, I rather stay up here looking like an idiot than down there when he could continue to cut me open and break me down.

How am I going to tell him when he looks so_ hateful_?

I slip out of the vent slowly, for the fear of falling and breaking my neck lingers in the back of my mind. With much effort, I manage to slide out of the shaft's grip on my minute form. I let my body fall slowly out of the vent's gaping entrance. My fingers are left keeping my dangling body in the air.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the chair waiting for my landing from a few feet below. It seems to grin at me, snickering as I struggle with keeping my grip tight on the edge of the vent.

"Are you getting down form there or not?!" His yell not only surprised me, but shocked me to the point of losing my grasp on the vent and thus, causing me to fall. As if by fate or the same cruel force that loved to torment me, I fall right on top of Mello.

The fall, to say, was not ideal, but I am a bit glad that Mello broke it. Of course, a jabbing pain shook up from my legs to my head, biting at my head in the form of a raging ache. Mello is in a worse predicament judging by the groan he emits. My body is sprawled directly on top of his, covering his head as well.

A blush crept up to my cheeks and I stutter words of regret and apology as I remove myself from his shaking form. I edge away from Mello as he begins to pull himself together. He detaches his red, boiling face from the floor and turns to me with a vile, odious, seething look.

"What. Do. You. Want?" He brings out each word a detestable tone. He stands up from his spot, towering over me with all its grimace and wrath. I suddenly feel the need to crawl under a rock and die.

Look what I've done to him...

The scar makes him look even more menacing as he glowers at my quivering form. It ruins his angelic skin like a chip in a beautiful sculpture. It screams at me, just like how he screamed in that hospital room, and only made my guilt increase tenfold. He looks as if pain, agony, and regret consume him.

It is all he is now...

I have to change it...somehow...

"M-Mello..." I begin slowly, praying for strength, courage, and all that I would need to get these incredibly heavy words out in the open, "...I-I came to say...I'm sorry..." I feel tears burn my eyes, "You d-don't know how horrible I feel...I-I caused all this...i-its my fault that you're...you're..." I look away from his scar and shocked face.

"Mello, its m-my fault that you were in that building when that fire s-started. I pushed you away w-when you needed me...If it weren't for me, you'd probably be...h-happy right now..." I continue on even when I feel the tears slide down my cheeks, "G-god Mello, I-I'm sorry...I'm sorry for e-everything..." A sob escapes my throat. I bury my head into my knees to hide my crying and the shame that came with it.

While I try to control my silent sobs and the tears that seem to race down my face, Mello stands there. Through my dark bangs, I can see a befuddled expression clouding his face. It is as if a mixture of confusion and woe seem to have suddenly pour into his face all at once. If there was a time to confess to him, it would be now...before he rejects me...

"B-but Mello..." I sniff, wiping my face with my torn sleeve, "I've realized s-something...."

He, still not saying anything, looks up from the floor of which his eyes were nailed to. A look of expectancy and fear race across his features, but I have no idea why. Why fear the sniveling girl on the ground? Why fear me when I'm so much weaker...

I suck in my breath and spoke quickly, but strongly, "Near helped me realize that I have....feelings for you..." His eyes release a strange wave of absolute alarm, but in this shock laid something more, something deep, something growling and waiting to attack.

"Near helped me realize that I...Mello.....I....love you..."

A hushed silence falls quickly over the room as a blanket of infamy fell over my mind, rushing away what little hope I have and replacing it with an ignition to fear, trying to start, trying so hard to keep moving, but failing at every pathetic chance it gets. I advert my eyes away from his stunned face as he takes in this abrupt news that seems to come from out of the blue.

I let my eyes wander to floor, but I'm not really looking at it. I am looking through the floor; I am looking through everything I could, seeing things for what they were, what they are...knowing that the chance of Mello gracing me with his forgiveness is becoming smaller and smaller as our breathing mixes into one beat.

I know what Matt and Near said was partially true; I really hadn't meant for Mello to be become scarred -the word irritates my tongue, my head, and my mind when I think of his flawless skin being marred in such a way, but it was I who made him upset; it was I who started this determinable fury that would swallow us all.

It was I who screamed when his lips fluttered on mine.

It's all because of me...

"Kiko?" I lift my eyes as his voice rings out through the air. A softer, kinder expression has come forth, eliminating all callous malice towards me. His eyes are of sorrow and apologetic words, wanting to be spoken but he just couldn't seem to connect his voice to his azure eyes. He steps closer me and bent down until we were at eyes level.

His eyes appear to be full of much more torment than I thought.

"Kiko, I...of course I accept your apology..." He trails off, looking as something sudden had just confronted his mind, "And I'm sorry too. I...I'm sorry I was rude and horrible to you before, but I thought...you were going to come in here to tell me off..."

My eyes become wide at this, "Tell you off? What are you talking about?" I ask him, feeling relieved that we still on speaking terms, confused by his words of apology and lament, but most of all, nervous that he hasn't addressed the issue of my....confession...

"I mean, I thought you were going to come in here and yell at me for...well, kissing you." He turns away as a blush swept across his cheeks and scar, ignorant still that I could care less if he blushed or not.

"Mello, I wouldn't yell at you for something like that." The guilt that I had thought subsided resurfaced in a fresh new batch, freshly baked and ready to cause more torment to my throbbing head.

"Well...that's what I thought you would do," Annoyance licks his tone, "But anyway, about what you said...about how Near helped you learn your true feelings..."

Here it comes; the moment of truth. It all comes down to the next words that flow out of his mouth. The nervousness swells painfully in my stomach, but that could be the butterflies everyone always says that come at the worst of times. This is it...

"Kiko..." He took his hot hand in mine and for once, I don't flinch or pull away, "I appreciate it and I'm grateful that you're not angry with me, but don't you think this love is really guilt in disguise. Especially if Near helped get it out of you. I think you're just trying to appease over what happened..."

Instead of the happiness I had hoped for, a pain echoes in my heart at his words. He...doesn't believe me, but it almost makes sense the way he puts it, maybe I am just trying to get rid of the guilt that rumbles in the pit of my healed heart. But is guilt really supposed to feel like this? Is guilt supposed to feel like your flying and you'll never fall down?

Almost like you have wings and are soaring through the sky, touching the clouds with your finger tips, breaking through all the things you've fought so hard against. I'm still breaking through obstacles that are blocking my parade across the sky, but I've managed to come this far.

Breaking through everything and everyone...

Is guilt really supposed to feel like a million butterflies flying through your stomach? I feel the need to doubt it, but he is right in every aspect. Near did pry it out of me and I do feel extremely guilty over what went down that horrid night, so maybe what Mello says is true...and this love is fake.

But how will these beautiful yet cheerless feelings go away if they are not returned by the blond? He said he loved me with a kiss to prove his words. Maybe he was faking too, maybe all the love in the world is fake and plastic, just like a broken china doll or one of Near's stupid toys.

So, there is no love after all.

"Maybe your right..." I finally whisper, looking into his eyes, watching as they turn form a calm attitude to a gloomy state. I've told him what he wants to hear; why does he still look depressed and broken...

"But Kiko..." He says, his voice sounding a little lighter, "We can still be friends right?" A hopeful expression is all that remains in his desperate looking form, a horrifically sad gaze but hopeful for the chance of staying connected to me as if our friendship would bound us together.

If he wants to remain connected...why did he reject me?

"Of course we are still friends, Mello."

* * *

_Third Person  
~Kiko's last day~_

The air in Whammy's has an unusual buzz as everyone bustles and rustles around. Children are lined up on the stairs, eyes wide and gaping, peering down as they watched four figures wait at the bottom. They are waiting for the inevitable.

Kiko's eyes dance on each of her friend's faces, trying to memorize every painstaking detail that makes them shine in her blood eyes. From their diverse eyes to their enlivening smiles, their faces are forever stuck in her abstract memory.

She tries hard not to feel disappointed over her meeting with Mello and the confession she spilt her heart into, but each time her eyes would graze the frightful scar that obstructed his beauty, she couldn't help but feel heart-rending by the fact that she had failed in her mission.

But perhaps it's for the best.

She is newly healed, fresh, reawakened in mind, body, and soul; maybe Mello is right and that her guilt puffed up in one last feeble attempt to devour her heart. Her love, or fake love as it was, would only cause more strain on her mind; worry and fear; love and passion, things she did not need right now. She would somehow lock up this strange attraction she felt for the blond; she would lock it up tight.

Let it go.

She hadn't told Matt and Near what had occurred, but judging by their sneaky eyes that would flicker from her to Mello, they knew every little detail. Near seemed calm about the whole thing as if he didn't know what to feel about the situation at hand that he had created in avertedly, but Matt, vibrant, aloof Matt was frustrated with the two of them.

Behind his tinted goggles, Kiko could see the annoyance that would flash in his eyes every time she and Mello would exchange a word or two. He is silently telling Kiko to not cower in fear, but to be bold and stand for her feelings...

She cannot do that.

Matt is quietly, desperately pleading with Mello, screaming at him, wondering what is wrong with his chocolate-loving friend; why would Mello who was so madly in love with Kiko give her up on the simple notion that perhaps it was pity, perhaps Kiko just felt like being nice to him. Mello's pride had taken control, handling the reigns of Mello's emotions, forcing the blond to fall to its command. Matt wants Mello to just shut his pride up for once; tell it to leave and never return...

Mello cannot do that.

And so, they are stuck forever in a void they cannot, _would not_ break.

The four of them sit there, waiting for L to arrive at the door and take one of their own away. Though Kiko's heart races with the prospect of working besides L, aiding him in any way possible, her heart aches to remain with Mello, Near, and Matt. Leaving them is like leaving this newfound world behind.

It is hard, but she has to do it.

Her leaving would restore the order in Whammy's that was lost from her arrival. It would bring balance to the boys who have finally stopped warring against each other for reasons she still knew not of. They would learn to work together, succeed L together, be L together; Kiko knew that if she left, the boys would finally learn to cooperate. And, of course, she wanted to give Roger peace of mind.

Well, Roger would most likely never have any peace of mind, but it was worth a shot.

And as the clock ticks away, the minute hand growing closer and closer to marking a full hour, she fears leaving for the first time. Parting ways with the ambitious, wild house was like saying good bye to her old self, which felt harder than it seemed to the hushed, raven-haired pre-adolescent. Kiko entered abused, tried, and closed off but now, she's exiting healed, open, and forgiven, forgiving herself over what had happen, whether it was her fault or not.

She was cleansed of that night, renewed from head to toe, filled with a vigorous spirit that wouldn't let her fall to the ground no matter what the circumstance. Though Mello does not return the feelings, though her family is dead and nothing could change it, though she isn't..._pure, _Kiko feels she could finally live without hiding, cowering behind a wall that she built to protect herself.

She is free.

"Kiko, L is here." The four of them look up to see Roger hovering above them, a soft, careful smile curved his lips.

In a dream-like state, Kiko slowly rose from her spot, ignoring the low whispers that hang in the air. She glances at the three boys, meeting their glazed eyes doing so. Tears are not flooding their eyes, but a dismal, heart wrecking emotion flickered in their orbs, making it almost worse than tears.

Matt had pulled down his goggles, revealing his bright eyes and in them; Kiko sees sorrow over her leaving. Near has let his dark eyes augment from the floor and in them Kiko sees a strange calmness that blocks out the gloom that lurks beneath it. Mello had not taken his eyes off of her since they first began waiting for L and in his eyes she sees a mysterious longing like never she has seen before.

It is a hard good bye to say.

Each took turns in giving her long, quenching hugs, even Near who Kiko took to surprise. The four of them stand there, awkward and not knowing what to do now in the last few seconds they would have with each other for a long, long time.

"You'll visit, right?" Mello asks, avoiding her eyes out of fear. Kiko looks taken aback by the absurdity of the question as if the question was as clear as the roaring hot sun that shines outside.

"Of course I will." She says, her voice breaking near the end of her sentence. She pulls the three of them into one last, bone-crunching hug, mixing into one long last friendship between them, or at least she hopes.

Finally, wiping the tears away from her eyes, she grabs on of the boxes that hold her things and heads towards the oak door that she had first walked through so many months ago. Roger grabs her other box and hold the door open for her, letting the sheeted wind breeze onto her face.

With one last small wave from her hand and a sudden smile of her lips, she walks out of Whammy's and heads towards the black Mercedes that awaits her. Watari holds the car door ajar as he waits for her to waddle towards the car. As she steps up to the car he opens it wide, letting her crawl into the backseat besides the strange detective that occupies the opposing seat.

"Hello Kiko." L nods to her as he slurps up his gummy worms.

"Hello L....did you solve the-" Before she had the chance to finish her sentence the insomniac smiles softly, making her a bit confused.

"Who do you think you are speaking to, Kiko?" His eyes hold a small, curious humor in them.

A ghost of a smile swept her face, "I suppose a great detective." She relaxes a little as the car begins moving down the rode. Watari kept the window that blocked the backseat from the front partly open, listening to their light, witty conversation.

"Did you learn anything at Whammy's?" He looks at her with wide, unblinking eyes, waiting for an answer he had expected for; that he had planned would float out of her mouth.

"I...." Kiko pauses lost in a distant thought of the three boys that had touched her so much, "I've learned how to break through anything I suppose..."

"Excellent." And with that their conversation ends, leaving the both of them to stare out of opposite windows. Kiko let the outside sights occupy her eyes, but her mind is full of happiness of the words she had just spoken...

_I've learned how to break through..._

And she knows deep in her heart that she has.

* * *

_The End..._

_Or so you thought..._

Her words brought a quiet smile to my face. She had turned out better than I expected. Now, she would be able to fully access her skills that are hidden in her mind. Now, she won't have to deal with her past tremors; now she's healed.

My black eyes stare at me in the window's reflection, the gummy worms in my mouth melt against my tongue, and I hear her soft breathing as she's calm and serene. Even when these things are so peaceful, so still, I know they will not last...

He's escaped...

Beyond Birthday...

The one who Kiko fears most, the one who dared to challenge me, the one who _failed_, and the one who marked Kiko as his forever...

He will make a reappearance very soon.

* * *

_Buhahahahaha who liked the ending?!  
Audience: -stunned-  
Me: Yeah....again sorry for the late update, but I didn't like the way it turned out the first time I wrote it so I figured out a better way to end it, but I got too busy to write the new ending, which led to the incredibly long wait that I'm so sorry for :O. And of course you read it :D. So finally my first fic on F.F. is done -sweatdrop- Whose ready for a sequel!? Don't expect it for a while though lol. School is starting and I have lots of things I need to do before Summer's end....BUT keep on the look out my dear children :D_

_Now, because I'm going to uberly busy with dance and video stuff, I have deceied to send out a special sneak peek of the sequel that I have written out to those who reviewed. Now, for the ones who don't have accounts please give me an email adress or something so I may send it to you :). And if you have read the story, but have not reviewed but want the sneak peek: REVIEW THIS CHAPTER XD I'm going to wait a month for people to review. Then you shall get the sneak peek and then a few weeks later: the sequel! XD_

_Tell me what you think and I'll reply via PM. Thanks in advance :D_

_I love you all and goodnight -dies-_

_...**RANDOM NOTE**: Hahahahahahaha she ends up with no one! XD  
_

**_I love all my awesome reviewers!_**

**Mooncry:** But I love BB :O. Because Near always secretly wished to be a matchmaker :). OPh yes, he took that surprise well XD.

**Usagi323:** THANK YOU ;D But he'll shun her hahahahahahahahaha! And yes you are very right :D

**wonton-chan:** Thanks!

**XxEyelinerHeartsxX:** But he escapes :) Ah yes, love is a tragic thing...

**xSweetNightmaresx:** Yay your alive! I thought you died or something o.O Thank you very much! I consider that an accomplishment :D coughSEQUELcough It's going great! I've been super busy though which is why my update is very, very late -sweatdrop-

**5FIVE5:** Almost? Yaaaaaaay! Thank you :)

**xXImmortalsxDiceXx**: Haha I had almost forgotten that her name was Kaley XD Thanks! No worries! It's impossible to be that evil and insane -.-

**Oujo ha Rippa:** Why dearie you shall always be my beta XD

**Kiptracx**: Darn :O. Of course it's long XD. Yeah....I tend to love to torture my characters XD. SEQUEL :D so not the last chappie yet XD. I do love overused sign-offs :D

**puddingcup**: Lucky duck -.- Thank you verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry much :D. Was I right? Did it make you cry!?

**RainbowTurkeyOfDoom**: Wow.....I like that compliment XD Don't hate B!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Random-Kitty-Yuffie**: I cried when I watched it 's always time :D KITTY! XD

**irule505**: Awww well thank you for not killing me XD. Thank you :). Because I can XD. BUHAHAHAHAHA You think that's her entire past! Oh are you in for a surprise :). Darn :O I hate mistakes that sneak up on me .. PEACE! XD

**Mello-Mellon**: Thanks! I'm glad you envy it o.o OF COURSE I'LL WRITE MORE XD Check me out on Fictionpress since you like my writing so much XD. Thank you :D

**Winter's Angel:** Henh....sorry my updates are so slow :D. Yaaaaay -glomps back- Why thank you very much ^.^

**grimmjow rox my sox**: Thanks! She hasn't ended up with him yet :D

**Kristie94**: Ah yes, poor Kiko...XD Thank you!

**Yorukifon**: I'm guessing you liked it XD. AND MELLO REFUSED HER LOVE...OR FAKE LOVE BUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Pay?! :O

**Me:** Henh...not really. Thanks! Awwww rolemodel!? That's so sweet :). Sprry for the extremely late update -been busy- but do I still get that taco? Even whenI was late updating and totally did not let Kiko and Mello get together :D

**Amaya-Ai or Me as you say**: Well that's good then XD. Thanks so much and I know you've been waiting long for this chapter! Thanks for being patient with my hectic schedule!

**saki217**: Mello is the best I suppose...he is very sexy in that ;eather :). Thanks! WHAT'S UP WITH ALL THE TACOS :O And yes never :D

**Qiedia:** Thanks! XD Don't hate on B! D: He's awesomeness. Thaks again and you bet I will :)

**Ominous Blue**: Thank you :D Who do YOU think it is :)

**Mia-Gabriella:** Yaaaay! XD Not the full story :D But that's why we love him! It was!

**xXfluffyXx013**: Henh...I tend to update slow these days. You'll just have to watch it and see :D. Thanks! lol He's not a notebook user I'll tell you that. B was just born with the eyes XD Awwwwwwwwwwwww your too sweet but your very much welcome :D AND THANK YOU!


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